Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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| Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by Ayindesegun10(m): 6:17pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Good day to everyone, especially Nigerian Americans. They need it most. Happy elections. Don’t think I’m crazy for greeting you happy elections, in Nigeria we greet people about everything. You have to get used to this now because you are coming back home. So, Eku election. I very much understand that you will soon be sent packing from there, so I have taken it upon myself to prepare you for the transition. You have just a little time left there, utilize that time to learn more about Nigeria that you are coming back to. In Nigeria, we don’t have light. Buy power bank while coming. Don’t say I didn’t tell you. Buy power Bank from there because the ones here are just like your marriages, they don’t last. Buy a quality one from the abroad when coming. Also, make sure you charge your phone full before coming here. You should also save money for generator. Buy rechargeable lamps and plenty torchlight too. Also, save enough money for subscription. There is no free WiFi here. For those of you that will be settling in Lokoja, Jidenna Co, I’ll advice you to buy a glo line. Their network is strong. Save enough money for emergency transport. You will be deported to Nigeria and by the time you get to the airport, you will need to board a keke from the airport to the badagry refugee centre, from where your ancestors had been shipped to America before. Fuel don cost, transport don increase. Do you eat moi moi? Learn it. In Nigeria you cannot sit down and order pizza anytime you want. The only order you can make is when you yell to the moi moi seller across the road to bring hot moi moi for you. Learn proper home training. In Nigeria the only time the police will arrest your parents for hitting you is after you are dead already. And they will later settle the case as “a family affair”. If you think you can come here to speak ‘innit’ for your parents, it’s the neighbours that will help them beat you. Are you a graduate? Doesn’t matter. There is no job. Your American accent will not give you a job, except your father knows someone who knows another person that knows a politician, you won’t have a job. You hear? Dear American Lover Boy, Nnewi girl will not go Dutch with you. As a matter of fact, no Naija girl will go Dutch with you. You have to prove your masculinity by paying for the date. No one is splitting the bills with you when you take a girl on a date. When you bruise with a stranger in the market, Please Check If Your Penis Is Still Intact. Learn the Nigerian names of common products. No one will sell “sausage rolls” for you. If you can’t call it the Nigerian name- “Gala”, no one would have time for you. Noodles is “Indomie”. Pasta is “spaghetti”. All seasoning is “Maggi”. Dear American girl, you cannot dress anyhow you like. Your neighbours will eye you. The random old woman in the market will hiss at you. The random lady in the bus will preach to you. The area boys will jeer you. You might want to report “harassment” to the police, they will arrest you for indecent dressing. Dear lovers, in Nigeria we don’t show public display of affection. You cannot be kissing your boyfriend under the rain. The old woman passing by will invoke thunder to strike the both of you. These are some of the basic tips to help you adapt after you have been deported to Nigeria come January 2017 3 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by swagifted(m): 6:42pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Funny stuff... May the god of front page guide you 2 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by richard58: 7:02pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Nice one  |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by Tunmmyzhe: 7:06pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
lol. This op dey mad. let Nigeria-America see this!!! na hammer den go take nac u for head!! I beg add more to that joke 1 Like |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by georgementday(m): 7:24pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Excellento |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by mosalab(m): 8:36pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Good one op.... Hope they'll take note |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by josh123(m): 9:50pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
funny |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by Ayindesegun10(m): 7:18am On Nov 16, 2016 |
Lalasticlala How far, help me to the promised land or atleast trending list. CC: druxy demmiviere debbychris joxam dhara18 come over here. |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by NevetsIbot(m): 10:53pm On Nov 17, 2016 |
mo ti rerin yo. Lwkmd
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| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by JoXam(m): 4:14pm On Nov 18, 2016 |
Lol...in addition they shld also buy water guide there is no pipe borne wata for here na konga borne wata we get |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by AlamienDagash(m): 8:42pm On Nov 20, 2016 |
| nd in addition beta save some money dat u go stat bizness with. cuz even if u have tripple degree, dere iz no guaranty of job/work |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by DebbyChris(f): 11:45pm On Nov 23, 2016 |
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| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by jonahstickkzz(m): 8:22am On Dec 05, 2016 |
U got me laughing ma heart owt |
| Re: Hilarious Letter To Nigerians In America. by Nebes: 6:03am On May 24, 2017 |
Didn't plan to laugh but I did finally. |
(1) (Reply)
Death And A Young Guy / Smart Akpos. / >:(
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