The Four Horsemen

How can he tell who will split up? There are a number of indicators but at the core of Gottman’s research are ” The Four Horsemen.” These are the four things that indicate a marriage apocalypse is on its way:

Criticism – Complaints are fine. Criticism is more global — it attacks the person, not their behavior. They didn’t take out the garbage because they forgot, but because they’re a bad person.

Contempt – “…name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor. In whatever form, contempt – the worst of the four horsemen – is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with him or her.”

Defensiveness – “…defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. You’re saying, in effect, ‘The problem isn’t me, it’s you.’ Defensiveness just escalates the conflict, which is why it’s so deadly.”

Stonewalling – Tuning out. Disengaging. This doesn’t just remove the person from the conflict, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship.

Source http://www.philipadeleke.com/2016/11/these-4-things-kill-relationships.html?spref=tw&m=1

Abeg make we hear word

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Hadeehart101:
The Four Horsemen

How can he tell who will split up? There are a number of indicators but at the core of Gottman’s research are ” The Four Horsemen.” These are the four things that indicate a marriage apocalypse is on its way:

Criticism – Complaints are fine. Criticism is more global — it attacks the person, not their behavior. They didn’t take out the garbage because they forgot, but because they’re a bad person.

Contempt – “…name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor. In whatever form, contempt – the worst of the four horsemen – is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with him or her.”

Defensiveness – “…defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. You’re saying, in effect, ‘The problem isn’t me, it’s you.’ Defensiveness just escalates the conflict, which is why it’s so deadly.”

Stonewalling – Tuning out. Disengaging. This doesn’t just remove the person from the conflict, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship.

Source http://www.philipadeleke.com/2016/11/these-4-things-kill-relationships.html?spref=tw&m=1

Many Nigerian relationships are exposed to all four unfortunately...What a pity


This thread makes sense although it garnered almost no views. Stonewalling is used by manipulators, they hate to be manipulated but can do this and don't think it's a problem.


They criticize but get angry when they're criticized, they find it way to easy to spot the flaws in people, but want people to always see good in them, they don't take corrections easily but can correct you over and over...you overlook and ignore their flaws and weaknesses, but they slam yours in your face almost all the time. You love them much, they use preservation to protect their own heart and tell you sweet things from their lips. These kinds go on rambling guys or babes are fakes...what a pity



They're defensive and can scheme out the most cunning mechanism to wriggle themselves out of issues, they find faults at any opportunity and want their partners to take the blame. Love is overlooking, forgiving, doing away with the inconsistencies, love is patient, kind, gentle,doe not find fault, does not keep a record of wrongs...They don't listen