Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 2,367,170 members, 5,261,128 topics. Date: Wednesday, 13 November 2019 at 01:23 AM

Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? - Family - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? (1798 Views)

How Can I Ask A Friend To Leave My House In A Good Way? / Is It Proper/Healthy For A Man To Suck His Wife's Bosom Milk? / "My Husband Smells My Panties Anytime I Come Back From A Journey" — Wife (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (Reply) (Go Down)

Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Orabamxy52(f): 9:52pm On Dec 04, 2016
Hello Family!

I dated a man (let's call him Mr X) last year before he went to Australia on a course. He is 34 while I'm 30, working here in Nigeria.

The relationship went sour few months after he Went overseas when I eventually opened up about my failed marriage to another man 6 years ago while I was still schooling in Netherlands. That's a part of me I never tell anyone who didn't know me back then because I don't want to relieve the pain, depression and trauma I went through.

Anyways, Mr X ended our relationship because he was shocked I kept such an info from him for that long a time. He told a friend he fears I'll hide some more info if we get married. Even after I barred it all out, he believed he couldn't trust me. The broken relationship left me depressed yet again as my worst fear came to fruition. I cried and wished I'd done differently but then, it was all over. So yeah, I had to move on and I've been faring quite well.
Sometime this year, Mr X contacted me when he came home on vacation and we agreed to meet. According to him, it was just a-keeping-in-touch meeting.

Well, he went back overseas and we've kept in touch occasionally. Chit chat like old friends with no mushy emotions springing up. Couple of times, it seems we both quash our feelings on purpose.

For some months now, I've been thinking and toying with the idea of asking him if we can come back together. I don't see him bringing it up maybe cause of his manly ego or pride Or he's not sure I want him back or infact, he's just being nice to me and want us to remain just friends... Truth is I still like him a lot and I think he does too (I hope I don't sound childish here.

Dear women, has anyone here ever asked their ex for a come back? Did it work? How far did the second chance rlshp go? Is it worth it?

Dear men, if your ex with a similar experience like mine asked for a come back, will you take her back? Will you still respect her? Do you think there's a chance Mr X could want me back but doesn't want to be the one to voice it out?

. I also don't want to appear desperate or clingy. I basically want to know my chances and not loose my self worth/respect in the process. Maybe his response will bring some closure to my troubled soul and give me the courage to move on without looking back.

1 Like

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by ojun50(m): 10:07pm On Dec 04, 2016
If u knw it will nt lead to marriage i will advice u move on nd search for a better man

1 Like

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by ayoolar011(m): 10:12pm On Dec 04, 2016
It all depends on the Guy, some will accept while others won't. I will say giving a try won't be a bad idea

1 Like

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Onijagidijagan(m): 10:15pm On Dec 04, 2016
Ladies will never forget their ex especially if they find it hard to get somone better than their ex.

Your bf has moved on, if u asked him, he wilk turn you down.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by bennyrazz: 10:16pm On Dec 04, 2016
is your ex the only man on planet earth? @op
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Nobody: 10:22pm On Dec 04, 2016
Nope, fall back and move on, I know it's easier said than done dear, but if he wanted to be with you, he would be. He even made it a point to establish that it's a keeping-in-touch meeting when you met up, couldn't be any clearer than that.

How long had you been dating for if you don't mind me asking? Also, is it the fact that you kept the fact that you had previously ever been married or the fact that you hadn't gone into details about exactly what had happened that upset him and caused him to break up with you? Asking so I'm more informed for my conclusion.

kiss kiss

3 Likes

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by somadinho10: 10:23pm On Dec 04, 2016
You came to the wrong place grin

2 Likes

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Oluwapresley(m): 10:28pm On Dec 04, 2016
Orabamxy52:
Hello Family!

I dated a man (let's call him Mr X) last year before he went to Australia on a course. He is 34 while I'm 30, working here in Nigeria.

The relationship went sour few months after he Went overseas when I eventually opened up about my failed marriage to another man 6 years ago while I was still schooling in Netherlands. That's a part of me I never tell anyone who didn't know me back then because I don't want to relieve the pain, depression and trauma I went through.

Anyways, Mr X ended our relationship because he was shocked I kept such an info from him for that long a time. He told a friend he fears I'll hide some more info if we get married. Even after I barred it all out, he believed he couldn't trust me. The broken relationship left me depressed yet again as my worst fear came to fruition. I cried and wished I'd done differently but then, it was all over. So yeah, I had to move on and I've been faring quite well.
Sometime this year, Mr X contacted me when he came home on vacation and we agreed to meet. According to him, it was just a-keeping-in-touch meeting.

Well, he went back overseas and we've kept in touch occasionally. Chit chat like old friends with no mushy emotions springing up. Couple of times, it seems we both quash our feelings on purpose.

For some months now, I've been thinking and toying with the idea of asking him if we can come back together. I don't see him bringing it up maybe cause of his manly ego or pride Or he's not sure I want him back or infact, he's just being nice to me and want us to remain just friends... Truth is I still like him a lot and I think he does too (I hope I don't sound childish here.

Dear women, has anyone here ever asked their ex for a come back? Did it work? How far did the second chance rlshp go? Is it worth it?

Dear men, if your ex with a similar experience like mine asked for a come back, will you take her back? Will you still respect her? Do you think there's a chance Mr X could want me back but doesn't want to be the one to voice it out?

. I also don't want to appear desperate or clingy. I basically want to know my chances and not loose my self worth/respect in the process. Maybe his response will bring some closure to my troubled soul and give me the courage to move on without looking back.

I don't know if I'm old enough or experienced enough to advise in this kinda sensitive issue; I'm 23. but if I'm to say something, it would be, why not just do what ur heart says? I mean, from the write up, ur heart wants a come back and it wants a come back so bad its willing to initiate it. the only problem or what's inhibiting u from initiating this is u don't know if its right. in things of the heart or whatever has to do with love, emotions and all of that, its sometimes wise to use ur head and tale calculated risks and some other times, fvck it, just flow.. whatever happens, u gave love a chance.. although, I've never really been a fan of come backs.. I feel its not always as strong as the first time when everything was perfect before a flaw came up and consequently resulted in the break up. but there are always exceptions and my opinion is very subjective.. all in all, if my situation was based on ur write up, I won't mind a come back and yea, there is absolutely nothing wrong in initiating it or asking for the come back. just like u said, u wanna know if there is still a chance and if there isn't, u move on... knowing fully well u gave love a chance..

3 Likes

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by marshalcarter: 10:40pm On Dec 04, 2016
give it a trial
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by marshalcarter: 10:44pm On Dec 04, 2016
somadinho10:
You came to the wrong place grin
lwkmd....wtf is dis meeeehn... lolzzzz
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Orabamxy52(f): 10:46pm On Dec 04, 2016
How long had you been dating for if you don't mind me asking? Also, is it the fact that you kept the fact that you had previously ever been married or the fact that you hadn't gone into details about exactly what had happened that upset him and caused him to break up with you? Asking so I'm more informed for my conclusion.

kiss kiss
[/quote]

1) Dated for about 11 months.
2) The fact that I hadn't gone into details about exactly what had happened that upset him

Thanks for your feedback
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Orabamxy52(f): 10:51pm On Dec 04, 2016
Onijagidijagan:
Ladies will never forget their ex especially if they find it hard to get somone better than their ex.

Your bf has moved on, if u asked him, he wilk turn you down.

It's not about not finding a better person. I've met a number of great guys before and after Mr X. Let's just say I want to put a nail on this coffin once and for all, yeah?
Thanks anyway

2 Likes

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Yoshy: 10:52pm On Dec 04, 2016
Op, i can tell you that the guy likes you but not love. At his age if he is reluctant to make the move, especially since you guys knew each other b4 it's a bad sign. I advice you to subtly ask him and don't look back or still be friendly to him if he didn't show any interest.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Orabamxy52(f): 10:53pm On Dec 04, 2016
Oluwapresley,
Quite insightful. smiley
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Yoshy: 10:54pm On Dec 04, 2016
somadinho10:
You came to the wrong place grin
ogbeni!
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Nobody: 11:00pm On Dec 04, 2016
Orabamxy52:


1) Dated for about 11 months.
2) The fact that I hadn't gone into details about exactly what had happened that upset him

Thanks for your feedback
I mean, I don't know the details on what happened between you and your ex-husband but you opened up and allowed yourself to be quite vulnerable around this new guy and he left you at a time you probably needed his support the most, do you really want to be with someone like that?

1 Like

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by rex444(m): 12:12am On Dec 05, 2016
Mine ended up in marriage
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by misspicy(f): 12:45am On Dec 05, 2016
sometime this year, Mr X contacted me when he came home on vacation and we agreed to meet. According to him, it was just a-keeping-in-touch meeting.
Well, he went back overseas and we've kept in touch occasionally. Chit chat like old friends with no mushy emotions springing up. Couple of times, it seems we both quash our feelings on purpose.

I can bet my December salary that you guys got down grin

Sweetheart kill that liking a lot ASAP, let me give a prediction with percent of how he's gonna react if you told him.

1)His gonna go with the flow(free access to the punna cheesy)
2)Reject you and keep far from you (it will hurt you more honey)
3)He might feel the same way, if he did he will ask you back, stop giving excuses for a man he is not a dunce he sure knows what he wants.
4)move on honey, there are better men out there, a man who can't handle your mistake is not worth it, this one sounds like a time waster already

3 Likes

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Nobody: 1:11am On Dec 05, 2016
Orabamxy52:


It's not about not finding a better person. I've met a number of great guys before and after Mr X. Let's just say I want to put a nail on this coffin once and for all, yeah?
Thanks anyway

I hate the feeling of people on this thread ignoring the obvious, Like it doesn't matter. I would be angry as well, if i dated you for 11 months, and You were lying to me all this whole time.

11 Months is almost 1 Year.

I think you should consider the guys you have met after Mr X. Reason is because you are 30 and you have no time. Don't listen to the people telling you to follow your heart. Please Use your head while you still have one.

Abi u want to become Linda Ikeji undecided
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Orabamxy52(f): 4:44am On Dec 05, 2016
1bkaye:

I mean, I don't know the details on what happened between you and your ex-husband but you opened up and allowed yourself to be quite vulnerable around this new guy and he left you at a time you probably needed his support the most, do you really want to be with someone like that?

Oh well.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Orabamxy52(f): 4:47am On Dec 05, 2016
misspicy:

I can bet my December salary that you guys got down grin

Sweetheart kill that liking a lot ASAP, let me give a prediction with percent of how he's gonna react if you told him.

1)His gonna go with the flow(free access to the punna cheesy)
2)Reject you and keep far from you (it will hurt you more honey)
3)He might feel the same way, if he did he will ask you back, stop giving excuses for a man he is not a dunce he sure knows what he wants.
4)move on honey, there are better men out there, a man who can't handle your mistake is not worth it, this one sounds like a time waster already

Sweetheart, this lady in question isn't 16. My life doesn't revolve around your first paragraph. you should pay in all your salary into my account.

1 Like

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Aquariann: 6:23am On Dec 05, 2016
1bkaye:

I mean, I don't know the details on what happened between you and your ex-husband but you opened up and allowed yourself to be quite vulnerable around this new guy and he left you at a time you probably needed his support the most, do you really want to be with someone like that ?


Were you serious when you made this comment?

Put yourself in his position. You met this guy and dated him for 11 months . Great guy you think/conclude. Then one day he tells you he was once married but the union ended six years ago.

It's not like it just ended few months before he met you. But six years ago. Which means he [probably] must have been in other relationship(s) before meeting you.

So it's not about her needing "his support the most now", it's about her insincerity for 11 months. The guy's fears/reasons for ending the relationship is justified.

Speaking as a man, my advice to ladies is "Come as you are". No pretending or secrets, you'll be surprised that guy would still stand or be with you. That's why ladies written off by the society, often times end up with great partners

5 Likes

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Aquariann: 6:56am On Dec 05, 2016
Op, from your initial post and comments so far, I'm of the opinion the guy still loves you but is just scared. Do you blame him?

I can tell he thinks/knows that (beside the secret you kept from him) you're a great person, reason why he still wanted to keep in touch, to a point of asking for a meet up again. Some other persons might never want to see your face again. Like you mentioned, you both seem to quash your feelings on purpose. But again, trust is like a glass, once cracked, the mark would always be there. Dude is just worried.

Trust me, he has gone past your not telling him. He's probably at a stage where he is wondering what must have happened in your old marriage, what his folks might say about you being married before, can or do you truly love him since you were married to another before, can he learn to trust you again etc...

But then again, I might be wrong. So my advice is, take the bull by the horn. You mentioned you aren't a sixteen years old, I take it to mean you know what you want. It's best you get over the issue once and for all so you know if you guys have a chance, or you're going to start looking elsewhere.

In one of your good moments together, tell him you are sorry for the past, you truly do love and want him back. And that you're willing to make it work including answering the many questions in his head. I wish you all the best

1 Like

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by mirob(f): 6:57am On Dec 05, 2016
Give it a trial, just suggest it, the worst that could happen is that he will say no, it's not the end of life. At least you will be relived that you tried. Good luck.

1 Like

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by misspicy(f): 7:41am On Dec 05, 2016
Orabamxy52:


Sweetheart, this lady in question isn't 16. My life doesn't revolve around your first paragraph. you should pay in all your salary into my account.
Ha shocked emabinu ma, I was just joking, how much be the salary sef, that's like chicken change to you grin


If you ask me though, I will advice you stop beating yourself about this and move on, I think it's better to be friends with someone before a relationship, that way you would be free to tell them awkward things.
And don't listen to people blaming you for not telling him for 11months,it ain't your fault too, at least you did before he put a ring on it, you needed to see what he wants from you, to me men like that can't handle the truth, and it's not only about you not telling him on time, he would have still bounced if you had told him on your first date
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by thorpido(m): 8:06am On Dec 05, 2016
misspicy:

Ha shocked emabinu ma, I was just joking, how much be the salary sef, that's like chicken change to you grin


If you ask me though, I will advice you stop beating yourself about this and move on, I think it's better to be friends with someone before a relationship, that way you would be free to tell them awkward things.

And don't listen to people blaming you for not telling him for 11months,it ain't your fault too, at least you did before he put a ring on it, you needed to see what he wants from you, to me men like that can't handle the truth, and it's not only about you not telling him on time, he would
have still bounced if you had told him on your first date
It was still better to tell him from the start.Info like a previous marriage and having had a child are not things you keep away.Anyone that asks for a relationship should know this from the beginning.

Orabamxy52,move on.If this guy wanted you,he would have mentioned it when lasrt you met.He even said,'just-to-keep-in-touch' and that is weighty.
Please tell any guy you want to date that you had a previous marriage latest on the second date.Let him make up his mind what he wants early.

4 Likes

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by misspicy(f): 8:13am On Dec 05, 2016
thorpido:
It was still better to tell him from the start.Info like a previous marriage and having had a child are not things you keep away.Anyone that asks for a relationship should know this from the beginning.
It's not enough for him to break up with her, worst thing that a man who likes a lady should do is make her earn your trust again, shikena!

Alot of situations like this occurred with ladies, and they stay put, as long as he meets their criteria for a life partner.
In this particular story all I see is a man who can't handle the truth of her once been married not the number of years she took to say it
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by elektra(f): 8:26am On Dec 05, 2016
misspicy:

It's not enough for him to break up with her, worst thing that a man who likes a lady should do is make her earn your trust again, shikena!

Alot of situations like this occurred with ladies, and they stay put, as long as he meets their criteria for a life partner.
In this particular story all I see is a man who can't handle the truth of her once been married not the number of years she took to say it

I'm sorry but we can't decide deal breakers for other people. If he says what she did was enough for a break up, then it is enough.

3 Likes

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by thorpido(m): 8:28am On Dec 05, 2016
misspicy:

It's not enough for him to break up with her, worst thing that a man who likes a lady should do is make her earn your trust again, shikena!

Alot of situations like this occurred with ladies, and they stay put, as long as he meets their criteria for a life partner.
In this particular story all I see is a man who can't handle the truth of her once been married not the number of years she took to say it
I hear you.How do you keep that kind of info for 11months...not 11days?You read her say he said he's not sure what other things she might hide.
How do you make a man earn that trust again?
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by remebombom: 8:32am On Dec 05, 2016
Op a man is never too proud to ask for a come back if he really wants it. Secondly, if he doesn't and u ask him, might come back but he put in his best to make the relationship work out(talking from experience). I think what U shld do is just give him green light, I didn't say b desperate O, if he wants a come back, ur green light is enough motivation.

1 Like

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Orabamxy52(f): 9:16am On Dec 05, 2016
sad oh my. This isn't getting any easier. A part of me keeps replaying the breakup incident, his actions, decision and analyze it like 1bkaye pointed out. Then SMH that I ever had anything to do with him
Another part keeps justifying his actions and blame myself till eternity. It's quite a difficult call.
I've read books, articles and listened to podcasts on moving on after a bad relationship.. It really ain't easy in reality.
Oh my, I'm whinning again. cry
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Nobody: 9:16am On Dec 05, 2016
Dont ask him directly. He doesn't seem like the type that can take a woman's proposal so he might see this your comeback somehow. Like someone said, apologize well again and give him all the green light but never say, 'can we come back together again?'
Allow him to ask that n you will not regret it. While you are giving the green light n hoping, try not to close your heart to other guys till he has really come back. Dont stay on the fence for years o waiting for a move from him.

3 Likes

(1) (2) (Reply)

See The Photo A Couple Posted On Facebook That Has Gone Viral / My Baby Girl Bed Wet / Training Up A Child

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2019 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 187
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.