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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? (2450 Views)
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Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by lionlee216(m): 10:39am On Dec 05, 2016 |
Well in life shit happens! It has happened and it has happened!. In life, we do crazy things for love and there's no extent I cant go because of love but I cant steal or kill for love lol. If I am you, during our chats, I will just ask this question " Can we still comeback and give love another chance? I am willing to answer any questions bothering your mind/head" thats all. Like someone sd on this thread, u will have peace of mind that you gave love another chance. Like what happened btw I and an ex, she deleted me on fbk, bbm everywhere. She claimed I lied to her that I am not married but she refused to listen. My mind just reached out to contact her for the last time and I decided if she didnt pick up or respond, that will be the last of us. I called , she picked but I didnt hear what she sd and I sent a text to her which she responded " what took you so long and you know how much I missed you ". So what I am trying to say if that even if you can day such on fone cos of distance, a text message wouldn't hurt. Believe me, once you do that, your mind will be at ease and you wil know exactly where u r heading to Sorry for my epistle |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Nobody: 10:57am On Dec 05, 2016 |
Aquariann:I don't think she hid the fact that she had been married once before (details like this should be disclosed to a new partner right away in my opinion), so it's not that he didn't know. (Am I correct Orabamxy52?) OP didn't delve into details on what had happened, why the marriage failed etc which is what it seems he had the issue with (which I personally believe does not need to be disclosed right away and can be saved for a later date depending on how comfortable she is and how invested they both were in the relationship so 11 months doesn't sound bad to me). Aquariann:Sorry, it's probably just me but are you highlighting this point as an issue? What has it got to do with anything? Aquariann:Lol I agree that transparency is very important in a relationship but it can take time and she opened up eventually. I will say that certain things need to be told in the earlier stages i.e. Divorce (the fact that they've been divorced and necessarily the 'gory' details, children, criminal activities/charges, health status, debt etc |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Aquariann: 12:22pm On Dec 05, 2016 |
1bkaye: Here, lemme help you. Though I'm curious you didn't see it. In the Op's own words Orabamxy52: When you finally go back and read it again, mention me Sorry, it's probably just me but are you highlighting this point as an issue? What has it got to do with anything? This was an attempt to highlight the divorce happened six years ago, she had long moved on by even dating someone else before Mr.X. Learn to read before commenting while also paying attention to details. Glad you modified your earlier comment |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Aquariann: 12:56pm On Dec 05, 2016 |
1bkaye: My bad.. |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Nobody: 1:10pm On Dec 05, 2016 |
Aquariann:Upon first reading her post I wasn't sure if this line in particular 'opened up about my failed marriage to another man 6 years ago' meant that she was literally just telling him that she'd been married before or that he'd already been privy to her previous marital status and just didn't know what happened and it was now 11 months later she'd opened up about the details because it's one thing to tell him that you'd been married and another to tell him what happened, which is why I asked the following: 1bkaye: And she responded with: Orabamxy52: Which is why I didn't think she'd hidden it per se, just the details. To be fair I should've specifically asked if he knew that she had been married before at all, Orabamxy52, mind clearing this up? Did he actually know you'd been married previously? Aquariann:Which earlier comment did I modify? |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Nobody: 1:20pm On Dec 05, 2016 |
Aquariann:Lol nah not really. I read, I wasn't entirely sure, I thus asked for clarification I'm good lol |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Aquariann: 1:25pm On Dec 05, 2016 |
1bkaye: My apologies for that comment. Came out wrongly... I understand you now. Funny I'm a bit confused now. First post, she said it was because she had hid it from him. Next she said it's because she didn't give details. |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Nobody: 1:30pm On Dec 05, 2016 |
Aquariann:Lol it's cool Yeah it's a bit confusing, I want her to come here and clear up the ambiguities in her posts so people have a clearer picture 1 Like |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Coefficient(m): 5:41pm On Dec 05, 2016 |
Orabamxy52: I'd advice you ask him straight up what he wants! You're both adults, not teenagers. Ask him point blank what he wants. If it's ordinary friendship, please shut the door on such association. You still nurse feelings towards him and being friends alone will always leave you gasping, hoping and shutting out other men. Getting back together with an ex doesn't always turn out fine but it will do you a lot of good if you clearly define your objectives upfront. Have no expectations when you ask him and don't be beggarly about it. 1 Like |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by sisisioge: 6:05pm On Dec 05, 2016 |
Orabamxy52: Sweetheart, leave him alone if you can but if not... I totally understand how you feel, in fact I have an ex that runs back to me whenever his heart his broken and he's the first person I think of reclining to when I get lonely too. Wouldn't it be just common sense to fall back together? No, we didn't work for a reason! However, I am almost sure the undercurrent will remain there if either of you don't hit the nail on the butt. Just drop all the hints with him and hope he spares you the stress of belling the cat. If he doesn't still take him...just ask! I did with him and I'm thus cured of wanting to run back to him. I dropped plenty hints and he subtly told me there's a girl now. Whew, so exhilarating...my heart no longer skip when I come across his pics or anyone mentions his name. YOLO my sister...YOLO. |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by Orabamxy52(f): 6:32pm On Dec 05, 2016 |
1bkaye: So when we started, we talked about our exes and what led to the end of the rlshp. Initially, I told him I was formerly ENGAGED to someone but didn't go into much details as to what I know led to the separation. May I kindly point out here that my ex-husband never told me directly why he walked out and ceased all forms of communication. (we were in separate cities at that time, prepping to move in together as a couple). Everything I know till date are from 3rd parties. Even when I eventually went to his house after multiple interventions from many people, he literally banged his door at me. Anyways, I only put bits together and formed "my own story" plus hearsays from people as to what went wrong and struggled to move on and live. So all the times Mr X kept prodding on my "engagement", I didn't have much to tell him. I also avoided discussing it and didn't give straight answers. Reason 1- I wasn't sure where our rlshp was heading. He'd just moved abroad and will be away for about 4/5 years with holidays yearly tho Reason 2- I wasnt sure how he'll take the truth and didn't want to be judged wrongly for no fault of mine. Reason 3- I was buying time to understand our rlshp better Reason 4- I was hoping to open up on his next holiday to Nigeria because I felt it wouldn't be proper telling him the truth on whatsapp or Skype. I was waiting for a physical meeting which never happened. So one night on the phone, I guess Mr X caught me off guard and I told him there was a marriage and a proper separation had never been done. It was a big shocker to him and after 3 months of me explaining and saying sorry, he ended everything. During that 3 months, he advised I get a proper separation which I adhered to and was finally concluded long after he'd ended the rlshp. He even asked me how the proceedings went when we met up this year and yeah, I told him everything. Hope this clears the air. |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by sunvick(m): 7:15pm On Dec 05, 2016 |
@Orabamxy I will suggest you dont ask him yet, buh give him all the green and leading light there need to be for him to make the needed move. However, you should not restrict yourself from meeting other people also. A man knows what he wants. My guess is there is another woman in the picture and perhaps he is weighing his options by virtue of making comparisons. OR he is using you as a rebound companion should incase he has misunderstanding with the other chick. But if on the other hand you think you running out time for him to pop out the question, you could ask indirect question to help you discern his heart intentions. Men in most cases are not verbally expressive , they show more by their actions. His actions towards you should also give you insight/pointers to how he views you and the relationship. |
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Ask A Man For A Come Back? by bellong: 4:37am On Dec 06, 2016 |
Orabamxy52: There is nothing to analyse in the guy's decision, any sane person would have done the same. He that comes to equity must come with a clean hand. Someone is in relationship with you and was getting serious but you chose to keep such an information from him for a very long time. The bedrock of every relationship is trust, if that is broken, the relationship is a disaster waiting to happen. If you believe he was nice, fair, considerate and compassionate during the days of your relationship with him, then he deserved to be really angry and his decision justified. Marriage is not what anybody can emotionally blackmail another into. He was going to live with you for the rest of his life and men are logical beings not emotional. One of the lies ladies tell themselves is to hide information from a potential partner, you may get away with it in the beginning but the truth will come out eventually and by that time, things will be more damaged than if the truth had been let out long ago. Meanwhile, which state is the guy, I can ask him out on your behalf... |
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