I was disowned by my father 7 years ago for impregnated a lady that has 1 kid already,and now there is a problem in the family the bank want to sell our house along with some other valuable properties and now they contacted me to bail them out.
My wife insisted i must not help them pls what should i do in this situation.

Tell your wife to shut up. Help your family out. This is like the story of the prodigal son. Your family made mistakes in the past and they have realised it. Forgive them and move on.

your family hasn't contacted you in SEVEN YEARS? hmm they must beg for forgiveness, imagine!

@Poster,
Your family will always be your family.nothing changes that. Help them out. For you to be in a position to help them is for a reason.
Two wrongs don't make a right.

No contact from my father for 7yrs but mum used to visit us

Your family will always be your family, they have a mistake.

Forgive them and help them out, don't mind your wife.

@poster
what has happen in these 7yrs?
have you ever been in their position and ask them for help and they refused to help you?
have you been cast out of christmases, celebration, parties etc with them?
do the grandchildren ever met their grandparent?

as much as family will always be family, if they have treated you like a stranger for all these yrs then they should keep on doing it.
we are only talking about a HOUSE here, they can go on and rent for some few yrs and smell the coffee.

even if the come and beg for forgiveness, the matter wouldnt change because the only reason they would beg now is because they are in some trouble and NOT because they realize that they made a mistake.
also it is safe to say that if i was in your wifes shoes, i would have every right to be mad as hell towards them and not wanting to help.

To hell is human,to forgive is divine,just forgive and help them,everything in life happens for a reason.
Thank God you have the means to help,talk to your wife,let her see reasons,they are still your family,no matter what.

who knows,you are who you are today 'cos of what happened.

All the best

Don't come down to their level, be magnanimous, help them out - if not for that; at least for your mum's sake who still visited you anyway.

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
what has happen in these 7yrs?
have you ever been in their position and ask them for help and they refused to help you?
have you been cast out of christmases, celebration, parties etc with them?
do the grandchildren ever met their grandparent?

as much as family will always be family, if they have treated you like a stranger for all these yrs then they should keep on doing it.
we are only talking about a HOUSE here, they can go on and rent for some few yrs and smell the coffee.

even if the come and beg for forgiveness, the matter wouldnt change because the only reason they would beg now is because they are in some trouble and NOT because they realize that they made a mistake.
also it is safe to say that if i was in your wifes shoes, i would have every right to be mad as hell towards them and not wanting to help.

Thanks for keepin it real. though im a softie, i might give in to beggin

platinumnk:

Thanks for keepin it real. though im a softie, i might give in to beggin

i understand the people talking about forgiveness but the problem is that forgiving someone that hasnt learn his lesson is pointless and they could do it again the minute you bail them out.
unless they repent and show real sign of changes, there is no need to forgive them and better forget them for good.

the people who are hurt in this mess are the children who couldnt meet their family, their grandparents, probably not even their cousins, aunt or whatever.

what kind of human being does that?! . . . . . . .  just because their son chose to be with someone they didnt approve of?!

the only person they should beg to his the wife and she should be the one with the last decision.

if they need your help, be there for them and y'all can deal with the other stuff afterwards.
Good luck

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
what has happen in these 7yrs?
have you ever been in their position and ask them for help and they refused to help you?
have you been cast out of christmases, celebration, parties etc with them?
do the grandchildren ever met their grandparent?

as much as family will always be family, if they have treated you like a stranger for all these yrs then they should keep on doing it.
we are only talking about a HOUSE here, they can go on and rent for some few yrs and smell the coffee.

even if the come and beg for forgiveness, the matter wouldnt change because the only reason they would beg now is because they are in some trouble and NOT because they realize that they made a mistake.
also it is safe to say that if i was in your wifes shoes, i would have every right to be mad as hell towards them and not wanting to help.

The first 2yrs was like hell,i nearly beg for food,no job,no family,nobody to help, i asked my father to help me call his friend just to ask him if their is any vacancy in their company but he refused to help me,i even forgot his look

mechangeid:

No contact from my father for 7yrs[b] but mum used to visit us[/b]

for the sake of your mother, do something, but talk it through with your wife

@poster

How can people help you through the internet?

Like seriously?

mechangeid:

The first 2yrs was like hell,i nearly beg for food,no job,no family,nobody to help, i asked my father to help me call his friend just to ask him if their is any vacancy in their company but he refused to help me,i even forgot his look

that bolded part would have made me forget about them for good. the fact that you had a small family to take care of and nobody was there for you is pure EVIL . . . . . .  its only when you are down that you know who your real friend/family are. the ones who were by your side THEN are the one you should listen to now.

nana:

[b]Tell your wife to shut up. [/b]Help your family out. This is like the story of the prodigal son. Your family made mistakes in the past and they have realised it. Forgive them and move on.

she has every right to complain and no doubt if you were in the womans shoes from the start you would complained too. they only disowned him because the pregnancy as if its was the end of the world.

@ post

yes, what they did to you was very hard. i bet they regret it. but you cant pay evil with evil. forgive them and help them out if you can. and like !amebo no1 said do it for the sake for your mom, who didnt also disown you. try to reason with your wife and make her understand

MRbrownJAY:

that bolded part would have made me forget about them for good. the fact that you had a small family to take care of and nobody was there for you is pure EVIL . . . . . .  its only when you are down that you know who your real friend/family are. the ones who were by your side THEN are the one you should listen to now.

stop playing the devil's advocate, mum was there for them, for her sake, let him do something

!amebo no1:

stop playing the devil's advocate, mum was there for them, for her sake, let him do something

even better, when they all end up in the street, he should invite the mum to come and stay with him and his disgraced family.

MRbrownJAY:

even better, when they all end up in the street, he should invite the mum to come and stay with him and his disgraced family.

listen family is family, blood is blood, his mum would not wanna leave her husband, in as much as my immediate family comes first, the extended still has a place in our heart, except u, for the sake of his mother let him give them their home back, in this way he is putting coals of fire on their head

If God was this strict with forgiveness, you and i know that we wouldnt be alive today to post all this shit

the stone the builders rejected has become the head stone, let him help , i always say this never mistreat any member of your family, cos you dont know who's going to be the saviour tomorrow

Are u a christian?

It payback time its up to you to do that in what currency you want.
but for me, as far as mumsy was coming around, then I will help out for her sake. cos its her cause that will hang most.

I don't really care about what they did to me atleast am still alive but the problem now is my wife,she is threating to leave if i help them,there is WAR in my home at the moment,she wants me to choose her or my family.she is not herself again even the kids are asking what is wrong.Its possible to help them without telling her but i need to councel some of our fixed deposit so there is no way i can do it alone

its only an insecure woman that will give her husband an ultimatum to choose between her and his family/friends e.t.c

!amebo no1:

its only an insecure woman that will give her husband an ultimatum to choose between her and his family/friends e.t.c

She is just hurt, cos of being the reason why the family disown the husband, so dont let us condemn her so fast, but she need to chill now and let it go.

Fhemmmy:

She is just hurt, cos of being the reason why the family disown the husband, so dont let us condemn her so fast, but she need to chill now and let it go.

You be winch Was just about to type that, but was scared and looking for someone's back to hide and extra protection before responding to Sister Amebo as per you know say her case na case of who will bell the cat I don't want my keyboard to melt or my screen to explode

Your wifey should forgive them, but she should delay it and make them sweat It would not add or remove anything from her body but she should just do it jare.


What if you did not become successful, and instead became destitutefor the past 7 years and then reapproach them for help, would they not still be saying she is the cause. And what was her crime, she had a child for someone else before she met you, hmmn.


If you don't want to lose your wife, after all you have been through, it will take you a long time to convince her to help them now, but keep on begging her and try and reiterate the fact that you are only doing it for your Mum who did not abandon you. Or if you have access to a seperate account, try and not make a show of it and help your Mum on the side. At least whatever you give her would help her keep the roof over their head.

Busy_body:

Your wifey should forgive them, but she should delay it and make them sweat It would not add or remove anything from her body but she should just do it jare.


What if you did not become successful, and instead became destitutefor the past 7 years and then reapproach them for help, would they not still be saying she is the cause. And what was her crime, she had a child for someone else before she met you, hmmn.


If you don't want to lose your wife, after all you have been through, it will take you a long time to convince her to help them now, but keep on begging her and try and reiterate the fact that you are only doing it for your Mum who did not abandon you. Or if you have access to a seperate account, try and not make a show of it and help your Mum on the side. At least whatever you give her would help her keep the roof over their head.

That is a great advice and well said.
Hope all will work out well for them

Busy_body:

Your wifey should forgive them, but she should delay it and make them sweat It would not add or remove anything from her body but she should just do it jare.


What if you did not become successful, and instead became destitutefor the past 7 years and then reapproach them for help, would they not still be saying she is the cause. And what was her crime, she had a child for someone else before she met you, hmmn.


If you don't want to lose your wife, after all you have been through, it will take you a long time to convince her to help them now, but keep on begging her and try and reiterate the fact that you are only doing it for your Mum who did not abandon you. Or if you have access to a seperate account, try and not make a show of it and help your Mum on the side. At least whatever you give her would help her keep the roof over their head.

Thanks for the good advice, i'm doing it the hard way,i have aggreed not to help my parent but she must get her 14yrs old daughter out of the house before end of this month.

mechangeid:

Thanks for the good advice, i'm doing it the hard way,i have aggreed not to help my parent but she must get her 14yrs old daughter out of the house before end of this month.

now thats it, she will eventually give in, if you can help the daughter of another man and give her a home, why wont you help your mother, come ooo, [s]_{hope its not this hard heart of hers your dad saw that made him disown you}[/s] ,never the less your dad needs to be taught a lesson, for abandoning his own flesh and blood for 7 yrs, infact both of them fit sef, two heartless people

by the way, what has she said about it

Michengeid

Err, why are you putting an ultimatum on her to get her teenage daughter out out the matrimonial home Isn't that the child that is the bone of contention that caused the katakata between you and your family? Weren't you the one that raised her for the past seven years so technically you are the Father? If the reason you are asking her to dispose of her flesh and blood is related to this issue, don't you think you are giving your family a chance to have one over your wife and have her believe they have won?

!amebo no1:

. . . [s]_{hope its not this hard heart of hers your dad saw that made him disown you}[/s] ,by the way, what has she said about it

Come one Amebo, cut the lady some slacks, how many percentage of parents, Naija ones at that, are not a few cents short of a full dollar

I don't know what to do,she is weeping since yesterday and threating to leave with our 3 kids and her daughter,she is in her room at the moment i don't know what she is doing going to 2hrs now.I really like her daughter and now she think i hate her,i'm in serious problem,i need to calm down and find another way to get money to help my parent

But when all this is over,hmmmmm!!! i will make her to sufferrrrrr