Foxie:
Married Men & Women, Please come in and advice me, I don't want to make mistakes. I've been dating him for 3 years now, though we have marriage in sight (looking at this year), though he doesn't seem ready...

There are some things I see in him that disturbs me and gives me great concerns:

1. He isn't as spiritual as I thought he was. I met him in the church and from stories he had shared with me, I felt great that I had met a man who has a connection with God, But I can't see any trace of that. He's just playing church.

2. His best friend isn't so responsible (he's a chronic womaniser, he physically abuses his gf, he smokes and as well drinks...) and I fear he's been influenced by this said best friend.

3. When I point out the things he's doing wrongly, he picks an offence and ignores me.
Take for instance, I complain how he does 'follow follow' with this his bestfriend. His friend controls him to hang out late into the night, take alcohol when he's decided he won't anymore. I don't know if I'm overreacting.

4. He doesn't read, even if he graduated with a good result. If you hand him any book that would grow him and increase his knowledge, he dumps the book. He isn't interested in reading any material or book to develop himself.

5. He doesn't plan: I get really frustrated at this, he rather wait for situations/things to come up before he acts or prepare, when such situations could have been well prepared for before time.

6. He's not sensitive to my needs ( or so I think). I'm always on the look out for him, making sure he's best at whatever he does, I'm always there for him, I add more value to his life than he does to me. Little romantic gestures here and there he doesn't do. And I get tired of showing a man how to make me feel loved and put smiles on my face, whereas he doesn't show me how to love him and make him happy...

Besides all of these, he's very patient with me, he has never lost his temper even at my worst, he never lets me go for the several times I wanted out of the relationship when we have issues, he loves his family, he's humble, respectful and disciplined.

Should I be going on with getting married with a man with the above attributes?

Please chip in your advice, I'd really appreciate. Thank you.

N.B: We're not se****** active, he agreed to wait for me...

Ten12:
You are just a control freak who wants to bend her man to suit her taste....blank truth..dear the problem might be you not him....solution: make his friend your friend also join de gang....and hey your buying books for him to read when he is facing life issues trying to figure out how to pay your bride price...

What I can deduce from your narration.
1) He isn't 'spiritual'.
2)His best friend is a chronic womaniser, physically abusive, smokes and drinks.
3)He is aware of (2).
3b)You're also aware of (2).
3c)He is aware that you're aware of (2).
4)His best friend influences him,
4b)So, he also keeps late nights and resumed drinking. Are you waiting for when he'll teach him how to beat you?
5)He doesn't plan. You wouldn't know the advantage of a financially proactive and frugal spouse till you're in.
6)He isn't enthusiastic about reading.
7)He isn't sensitive to your needs.
8 )He is incorrigible.

PaperLace:
What I could deduce from your narration.
1) He isn't 'spiritual'.
2)His best friend is a chronic womaniser, physically abusive, smokes and drinks.
3)He is aware of (2).
3b)You're also aware of (2).
3c)He is aware that you're aware of (2).
4)His best friend influences him so,
4b)He also keeps late nights.
5)He doesn't plan. You wouldn't know the advantage of a financially proactive and frugal spouse till you're in.
6)He isn't enthusiastic about reading.
7)He isn't sensitive to your needs.
8 )He is incorrigible.

He has his good sides (i.e) he is patient and calm.
'but his good sides in comparison to his bad is an improper fraction...aru!!!

Nne, this your guy isn't even good to be a sperm donor, let alone husband.

Summary: Women marry men hoping they'll change_but they don't
-Men marry women hoping they won't change_ but they do.

Better do the moonwalk outta his life...you're standing on landmines.
Bye.

DestinyCHILD1:


OP, pay attention to this advice... don't push yourself into a mess all in the name of marriage. Be sure of what you sign up for.

PaperLace:

She better do the Usain Bolt outta his life.
The fact that she has even stayed in such company for 3yrs says a lot about her and her principles. Well, it's never too late.

If she doesn't do the needed now, the next time she'll be creating a complain thread as a Mrs, I trust Nairalanders...they'll first ask her if she didn't notice the signs (of course she did).

Then they'll tell her to manage, pray for him, talk to him when he's in a good mood ,wear red pant and bra, f.uck him till he forgets his state of origin and be very submissive.

If symptoms persist after 2wks, repeat the dosage above.
Remember, divorce isn't an option.

greatnaija01:
TRUE LOVE IS NOT BLIND but LUST is BLIND and will always get you LOST

everything you see in this man that you itemized is just a tip of the ICEBERG after marriage you will see SUPERSTORY and it will be all your fault. IT IS CLEAR YOU ALSO AINT VERY SPIRITUAL ELSE THE VOICE OF GOD WONT BE SILENT ON YOUR CASE.
God can not watch you enter disaster and God will not lead you to nairaland before HE commands you to have SENSE.. Chai biko if a man's best friend is a womanizer then so is the man but you may be too slow to discern it.. Sister sister.... NA MARRIAGE GO TEAR YOUR EYE O.

Even if you do not have a spiritual authority over your life who can see into your life and correct you... UNLESS your church pastor is a blind rat..if you tell him these things he CAN NOT ask you to go ahead,.

About anger... madam biko i advise you on this... ANGER THAT IS EASILY EXPRESSED IS NOT DEEP but the one that "ignores" YOU is waiting till you are trapped to finish you.... your marriage wahala is doing NYSC.

ABOUT books... LOLS... did you not know the BIBLE says STUDY TO SHOW YOURSELF APPROVED? or are you so old that you will settle for anything in trouser and with a manhood? I pity you sha... because it looks like you are loving this man with your heart OPEN but your BRAIN CLOSED. Readers are leaders... The man is to be a leader to the woman and children.

If he is not PRAYERFUL then get ready to carry your kids to all manner of prayer meetings and programs forever cos he would not bother to start in marriage what he didnt start as a single

LOLS... you made me laugh by saying he is patient... even the devil is patient with you my sister... I KNOW YOU DO NOT READ. cos if you do.. YOU WOULD HAVE DUMPED that devil's plan in male clothing long ago... EVEN YOU ARE NOT A WIFE MATERIAL... cos you are able to be confused about a clear WRONG CHOICE.

DID GOD SPEAK TO YOU? ARE YOU NOT AWARE MARRIAGE IS A SPIRITUAL THING? DID YOU SEEK COUNSEL FROM YOUR PASTOR OR A VERY GENUINE SPIRITUAL PERSON? Do you pray and hear God's directions? cos this is a simple matter of BY THEIR FRUIT YE SHALL KNOW THEM.

If you can not correct him then how are you his HELP-MEET. my sister, print out all i have written and understand it. JESUS IS COMING SOON.... MARRY WHO WILL HELP YOU MAKE HEAVEN rather than WHO WILL DAMAGE YOU SO WELL THAT HEAVEN WILL NOT KNOW YOU EVEN EXISTED.



Wao! You said it all, you said it all without caring whose ox is goad. Infact if she doesn't read your post and follow your counsel then she is ready to suffer

Acidosis:
I think you've just described a student.



If my guess is right, then you shouldn't be talking about marriage.


While I was schooling, I don't drink, smoke or womanize. However, I had friends around who engage in such acts. In fact, sometimes they come to beg to use the room with their girls. I basically lived a care-free life but I wasn't influenced.

Today, I've grown a bit to become more responsible. While I still do not smoke/drink, I don't entertain or keep such friends any longer. Whoever wants to drink, smoke or use my house for prostitution currently would need to first kill me.
But for as long as I am alive, that will not happen.

In essence, I think your man needs to grow up. Saying that he won't be influenced will only take God's grace. If he is a student as I've predicted, there is just little you can do, but then, why would you be contemplating marriage?

There are two options;

1. move on/away from the relationship
2. Continue to watch him whether he'll 'grow up'. If he does, then good luck, if he fails, then still move on.

suzan404:
O.P,pls just leave the guy and stop wasting your time.
Ahan,you should know that nobody is perfect,at least sit him down and explain things to him,not blaming him and making him look like he's got nothing else to offer..The thing is you don't love him,but you don't know what you want.What's there if you tell you partner what you like and what you don't like.You are not perfect as well,we don't know the kinda things you do in secret.
If you can't talk to your partner,just leave him.

Foxie:
I've talked and I'm still talking, of course I know no one is perfect. My talking seems like insult or letting down to him and it makes me wonder if I'll ever be free to communicate these flaws to him again. I feel like it's a crime asking for an adjustment to gain balance...

greatnaija01:
TRUE LOVE IS NOT BLIND but LUST is BLIND and will always get you LOST

everything you see in this man that you itemized is just a tip of the ICEBERG after marriage you will see SUPERSTORY and it will be all your fault. IT IS CLEAR YOU ALSO AINT VERY SPIRITUAL ELSE THE VOICE OF GOD WONT BE SILENT ON YOUR CASE.
God can not watch you enter disaster and God will not lead you to nairaland before HE commands you to have SENSE.. Chai biko if a man's best friend is a womanizer then so is the man but you may be too slow to discern it.. Sister sister.... NA MARRIAGE GO TEAR YOUR EYE O.

Even if you do not have a spiritual authority over your life who can see into your life and correct you... UNLESS your church pastor is a blind rat..if you tell him these things he CAN NOT ask you to go ahead,.

About anger... madam biko i advise you on this... ANGER THAT IS EASILY EXPRESSED IS NOT DEEP but the one that "ignores" YOU is waiting till you are trapped to finish you.... your marriage wahala is doing NYSC.

ABOUT books... LOLS... did you not know the BIBLE says STUDY TO SHOW YOURSELF APPROVED? or are you so old that you will settle for anything in trouser and with a manhood? I pity you sha... because it looks like you are loving this man with your heart OPEN but your BRAIN CLOSED. Readers are leaders... The man is to be a leader to the woman and children.

If he is not PRAYERFUL then get ready to carry your kids to all manner of prayer meetings and programs forever cos he would not bother to start in marriage what he didnt start as a single

LOLS... you made me laugh by saying he is patient... even the devil is patient with you my sister... I KNOW YOU DO NOT READ. cos if you do.. YOU WOULD HAVE DUMPED that devil's plan in male clothing long ago... EVEN YOU ARE NOT A WIFE MATERIAL... cos you are able to be confused about a clear WRONG CHOICE.

DID GOD SPEAK TO YOU? ARE YOU NOT AWARE MARRIAGE IS A SPIRITUAL THING? DID YOU SEEK COUNSEL FROM YOUR PASTOR OR A VERY GENUINE SPIRITUAL PERSON? Do you pray and hear God's directions? cos this is a simple matter of BY THEIR FRUIT YE SHALL KNOW THEM.

If you can not correct him then how are you his HELP-MEET. my sister, print out all i have written and understand it. JESUS IS COMING SOON.... MARRY WHO WILL HELP YOU MAKE HEAVEN rather than WHO WILL DAMAGE YOU SO WELL THAT HEAVEN WILL NOT KNOW YOU EVEN EXISTED.

Libertybae:


Na wa ooooo. How can you be preaching Jesus and be so judgemental. If you want to advice her, do so without all these insults abeg. Greatnaija01

greatnaija01:
TRUTH IS BITTER, NOTHING JUDGMENTAL. FOR WE CAN NOT PET SIN OR IGNORANCE