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Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? - Family - Nairaland

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Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 7:04pm On Feb 24, 2017
I'm looking to see what y'all think. Some marriage list items and bride prices are outrageous. You go to get the list from your prospective in-laws and it seems like they're about to start a nationwide "native restaurant" on your head.

So, is it advisable to argue over the bride price or items on the list? My friend said not to argue, so the elders won't be offended and start thinking rubbish. Another friend said not to give them the impression that husband-to-be is too rich.

What do we think here?
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by marsoden: 7:08pm On Feb 24, 2017
It's a normal thing to haggle over the prices. Also, some things are even struck out from the list during the haggling. There is nothing shameful about it.
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 7:18pm On Feb 24, 2017
marsoden:
It's a normal thing to haggle over the prices. Also, some things are even struck out from the list during the haggling. There is nothing shameful about it.
Well, I don't think shameful is the word. More like afraid of annoying em not entirely happy old men in the village.
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by thorpido(m): 7:28pm On Feb 24, 2017
If you don't try to negotiate the quantity and to remove some items,are you just going to buy everything?
Dem no dey take shame contract disease o.
Get them to agree to what you can afford.
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 7:47pm On Feb 24, 2017
thorpido:
If you don't try to negotiate the quantity and to remove some items,are you just going to buy everything?
Dem no dey take shame contract disease o.
Get them to agree to what you can afford.
Well, a wife isn't bought. And if you're thinking of a wife as a product, whether you haggle or not you still buy. Only makes it cheaper wink
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Ishilove: 7:54pm On Feb 24, 2017
BreezyRita:

Well, I don't think shameful is the word. More like afraid of annoying em not entirely happy old men in the village.
Where were these old men when my parents were sweating to train me?

Anyway, how bloated a brideprice list is, is directly proportional to the avarice level of the bride's family
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 8:22pm On Feb 24, 2017
Ishilove:

Where were these old men when my parents were sweating to train me?

Anyway, how bloated a brideprice list is, is directly proportional to the avarice level of the bride's family

Nne, they don't have to be there oh. Its worse for ladies whose fathers are late. They don't mind chasing your to-be away with their bad belle-induced price hike.
Mom says they have this mentality: 'Get all you can now you can'.
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Nobody: 8:52pm On Feb 24, 2017
BreezyRita:

Nne, they don't have to be there oh. Its worse for ladies whose fathers are late. They don't mind chasing your to-be away with their bad belle-induced price hike.
Mom says they have this mentality: 'Get all you can now you can'.



That's if the lady give the uncles opportunity to chase her suitor away. Then they will hear enough word from me, if he leaves angrily. I won't accept such abnormality. Not from my intending spouse. Do they think it's easy to find a compatible companion and fall in love? It's not easy o.. It's an herculean task cry
Ha! They must hear my word grin
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Outofsync(m): 8:59pm On Feb 24, 2017
BreezyRita:

Well, a wife isn't bought. And if you're thinking of a wife as a product, whether you haggle or not you still buy. Only makes it cheaper wink
Technically, the whole concept of brideprice was selling one's daughter into marriage.

So it's wrong to say a wife ain't bought.
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 9:19pm On Feb 24, 2017
Outofsync:
Technically, the whole concept of brideprice was selling one's daughter into marriage.

So it's wrong to say a wife ain't bought.
So what do you suggest? Scrapping of bride price? Swidy, its tradition.

You see it that way and I see it as good things not coming easy
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Outofsync(m): 9:24pm On Feb 24, 2017
BreezyRita:

So what do you suggest? Scrapping of bride price? Swidy, its tradition.

You see it that way and I see it as good things not coming easy
I don't really care much for the whole liberal/Conservative schism.

Given the whole trend of information streaming to this country, Brideprice will soon die out anyways.

Don't just try to redefine it like it's something noble with soothing nonsense "Something good not coming easy".
undecided
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by chikk(f): 9:48pm On Feb 24, 2017
Outofsync:
Technically, the whole concept of brideprice was selling one's daughter into marriage.

So it's wrong to say a wife ain't bought.

Well, I beg to differ. I like to think that the concept is targeted at making the groom part with something of value so he can appreciate what he is getting. You could be right and I wrong but then, I'd think this better than for one to go with the mindset that she's someone's "acquired property". That has made some women lose their self worth and esteem
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by chikk(f): 9:50pm On Feb 24, 2017
Outofsync:

I don't really care much for the whole liberal/Conservative schism.

Given the whole trend of information streaming to this country, Brideprice will soon die out anyways.

Don't just try to redefine it like it's something noble with soothing nonsense "Something good not coming easy".
undecided

Well I already did. Too bad. Are you M/F? That'd help in understanding your viewpoint
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by EmeeNaka: 10:12pm On Feb 24, 2017
Where I come from in Anambra, it's normal to negotiate bride price and other items that maybe listed
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by thorpido(m): 10:50pm On Feb 24, 2017
BreezyRita:

Well, a wife isn't bought. And if you're thinking of a wife as a product, whether you haggle or not you still buy. Only makes it cheaper wink
You misunderstand my post.I'm not talking of buying the wife but buying the products on the list.
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Nobody: 8:44am On Feb 25, 2017
BreezyRita:

Well, I don't think shameful is the word. More like afraid of annoying em not entirely happy old men in the village.

Who cares about them not they are the ones the man is marrying. Those men don't work so its annoying when they dictate the price
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 9:11am On Feb 25, 2017
Outofsync:

I don't really care much for the whole liberal/Conservative schism.

Given the whole trend of information streaming to this country, Brideprice will soon die out anyways.

Don't just try to redefine it like it's something noble with soothing nonsense "Something good not coming easy".
undecided
I'm redefining nothing. I only gave you my point of view which doesn't change yours I'm sure. Now about bride price dying out, I'm waiting for that day mehn......
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by zaynie(f): 9:12am On Feb 25, 2017
Nothing wrong in haggling but when you overcut na there trouble go start.
Eg when they give u a list of 40 yms and you insist on buying 10 angry kukuma carry the wife for free na.

2 Likes

Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 10:31am On Feb 25, 2017
pcguru1:


Who cares about them not they are the ones the man is marrying. Those men don't work so its annoying when they dictate the price
Annoying but still happens
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 10:32am On Feb 25, 2017
zaynie:
Nothing wrong in haggling but when you overcut na there trouble go start.
Eg when they give u a list of 40 yms and you insist on buying 10 angry kukuma carry the wife for free na.
Auntie zaynie, the list can be unreasonable at times oh. Like what are asking for 30 tubers of yam for??
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by NoToPile: 11:34am On Feb 25, 2017
BreezyRita:

Auntie zaynie, the list can be unreasonable at times oh. Like what are asking for 30 tubers of yam for??

Hahaha

40 or 42 yams is the standard where I come from but you can bring above 20 and above I think and they should be healthy looking yams.

Yam and the Fish seems the most expensive thing (apart from the bridal box) in Yoruba bridal list I think.

What they do is they share every item brought by the grooms family into 2 the brides mothers family shares half and the brides father family shares half.

In fact they even use knife to cut eja osan (bridal fish) sometimes its just for those peeps to have a bite

The fruits are shared everything is shared. Some get sugar , some get orange some get Yam and salt. What they get depends on how elderly they are. So at the end of the day the brides parents don't get it all. They seem to make sure the extended family gets something, even if its 2 cups of rice if a bag of rice is in the list.


But if you eat your daughters eru iyawo alone, they will keep on talking about it and most likely won't give you when theirs get married loool.

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Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Outofsync(m): 11:40am On Feb 25, 2017
chikk:

Well, I beg to differ. I like to think that the concept is targeted at making the groom part with something of value so he can appreciate what he is getting. You could be right and I wrong but then, I'd think this better than for one to go with the mindset that she's someone's "acquired property". That has made some women lose their self worth and esteem
The concept of brideprice is selling your daughter into marriage : plain and simple.

That is why if a marriage goes bad, the groom's family usually asks for the dowry back in most cultural tribes.

That is the equivalent of collecting your money back for a faulty product.

And what you "like to think" isn't what it really is.
Why try to delude yourself into thinking brideprice and dowries are romantic gestures and whatnot.

In africa, women are basically property, chattel.

1 Like

Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Outofsync(m): 11:42am On Feb 25, 2017
chikk:


Well I already did. Too bad. Are you M/F? That'd help in understanding your viewpoint
Do I sound female
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by chikk(f): 2:56pm On Feb 25, 2017
Outofsync:

The concept of brideprice is selling your daughter into marriage : plain and simple.

.... to you, not to every single African or culture

That is why if a marriage goes bad, the groom's family usually asks for the dowry back in most cultural tribes.

....thank you for confirming my statement above

That is the equivalent of collecting your money back for a faulty product.

... as seen by you.

And what you "like to think" isn't what it really is.

... this goes both ways brother, or sister smiley

Why try to delude yourself into thinking brideprice and dowries are romantic gestures and whatnot.

the world is what you make of it wink

In africa, women are basically property, chattel.


....again, according to you, not to every person, culture or tribe

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Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Outofsync(m): 3:08pm On Feb 25, 2017
chikk:


.... to you, not to every single African or culture



....thank you for confirming my statement above



... as seen by you.



... this goes both ways brother, or sister smiley



the world is what you make of it wink



....again, according to you, not to every person, culture or tribe
This is getting boring. Mention one tribe where brideprice wasn't intially formulated as a means for selling women into marriage.

I get tired of nonsense like "the word is what you make of it".

It's like arguing that the word "Nazi" is what you make of it
undecided

If you can't mention a tribe where the original concept of brideprice was to sell women, don't quote me pls.

1 Like

Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Nobody: 4:30pm On Feb 25, 2017
Outofsync:

This is getting boring. Mention one tribe where brideprice wasn't intially formulated as a means for selling women into marriage.

I get tired of nonsense like "the word is what you make of it".

It's like arguing that the word "Nazi" is what you make of it
undecided

If you can't mention a tribe where the original concept of brideprice was to sell women, don't quote me pls.

Bride price is buying and selling of the daughter to the family there's no way to romanticize that. It is what it is. Some tribe if the husband dies they transfer her to the brother if he has one. If you don't want to believe this then don't subscribe to bride price and if you do this is simply what it means.

2 Likes

Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Nobody: 5:35pm On Feb 25, 2017
chikk:


Well, I beg to differ. I like to think that the concept is targeted at making the groom part with something of value so he can appreciate what he is getting. You could be right and I wrong but then, I'd think this better than for one to go with the mindset that she's someone's "acquired property". That has made some women lose their self worth and esteem


A woman/s bride's value is inherent, not instrumental.
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 7:26pm On Feb 25, 2017
NoToPile:


Hahaha

40 or 42 yams is the standard where I come from but you can bring above 20 and above I think and they should be healthy looking yams.

Yam and the Fish seems the most expensive thing (apart from the bridal box) in Yoruba bridal list I think.

What they do is they share every item brought by the grooms family into 2 the brides mothers family shares half and the brides father family shares half.

In fact they even use knife to cut eja osan (bridal fish) sometimes its just for those peeps to have a bite

The fruits are shared everything is shared. Some get sugar , some get orange some get Yam and salt. What they get depends on how elderly they are. So at the end of the day the brides parents don't get it all. They seem to make sure the extended family gets something, even if its 2 cups of rice if a bag of rice is in the list.


But if you eat your daughters eru iyawo alone, they will keep on talking about it and most likely won't give you when theirs get married loool.
Wow! Now na everybody's pikin? No wonder it usually looks like they're feeding a whole local government.

Outofsync:

The concept of brideprice is selling your daughter into marriage : plain and simple.

That is why if a marriage goes bad, the groom's family usually asks for the dowry back in most cultural tribes.

That is the equivalent of collecting your money back for a faulty product.

And what you "like to think" isn't what it really is.
Why try to delude yourself into thinking brideprice and dowries are romantic gestures and whatnot.

In africa, women are basically property, chattel.

You know, I've been trying to avoid an argument with you but they way you subtly insult others and make it look like you know all is annoying.

I'm glad you know what one thinks isn't really what is. First, DOWRY isn't bride price! There's a difference.

Now, tell us, what do you think of a woman's family, paying a specified amount to her husband-to-be? Like in India?They still selling him?

Bride price payment does not entail the purchase of a woman. I see it instead as a symbolic gesture acknowledging (but not paying off) the husbands permanent debt to the wife's family.

You see, people give different reasons for bride price. Some say it it allows the groom to demonstrate that he has enough financial resources to support the bride (and possibly her family) after the wedding.

In China for example, families privately cite the need for bride price due to the country's lack of a social security net and a one child policy which leaves parents with neither retirement funding nor caretaking if their only child is taken away as brides as well as testing the groom's ability to marry by paying cash and emotionally giving up his resources to the bride.

Publicly, families cite bride price as sustenence in case the man abandons or divorces the wife and that the bride price creates goodwill between families.

2 Likes

Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Outofsync(m): 7:48pm On Feb 25, 2017
pcguru1:


Bride price is buying and selling of the daughter to the family there's no way to romanticize that. It is what it is. Some tribe if the husband dies they transfer her to the brother if he has one. If you don't want to believe this then don't subscribe to bride price and if you do this is simply what it means.
Thank you man. That's the point I was making but the Op keeps trying to distort with soothing soft words.
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by chikk(f): 8:39pm On Feb 25, 2017
NotOfThis:


A woman/s bride's value is inherent, not instrumental.

Touche. So considering the argument, your point is...?
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Nobody: 8:46pm On Feb 25, 2017
What I already said:
NotOfThis:
A woman/s bride's value is inherent, not instrumental.


chikk:


Touche. So considering the argument, your point is...?
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by chikk(f): 8:51pm On Feb 25, 2017
BreezyRita:

Wow! Now na everybody's pikin? No wonder it usually looks like they're feeding a whole local government.



You know, I've been trying to avoid an argument with you but they way you subtly insult others and make it look like you know all is annoying.

I'm glad you know what one thinks isn't really what is. First, DOWRY isn't bride price! There's a difference.

Now, tell us, what do you think of a woman's family, paying a specified amount to her husband-to-be? Like in India?They still selling him?


Bride price payment does not entail the purchase of a woman. I see it instead as a symbolic gesture acknowledging (but not paying off) the husbands permanent debt to the wife's family.

You see, people give different reasons for bride price. Some say it it allows the groom to demonstrate that he has enough financial resources to support the bride (and possibly her family) after the wedding.

In China for example, families privately cite the need for bride price due to the country's lack of a social security net and a one child policy which leaves parents with neither retirement funding nor caretaking if their only child is taken away as brides as well as testing the groom's ability to marry by paying cash and emotionally giving up his resources to the bride.

Publicly, families cite bride price as sustenence in case the man abandons or divorces the wife and that the bride price creates goodwill between families.


thank you... smiley

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