Hello guys, I recently opened this account solely for this purpose. It's going to be a long read, please bear with me. I need very sincere and mature advice(s), please.

My husband and I have known each other for 11 years, (I was 16 years old and a university fresher. He's 3 years older). We've been married for 5 years, and have two boys. He's a very adventurous person whose job necessitates him to travel frequently. I always accompanied him on his numerous journeys while we were single. I am a freelancer and have my time to myself, provided there is light and internet. Throughout the time we courted, we travelled, explored strip clubs, parties and all..including churches..lol. I have never had him cheat on me….well, not until we got married and had our first child.

At that time, my hormones got messed up and I had a very low sex drive. I was overwhelmed with having to cater for my baby owing to the fact that I live in a different state from my mum - she came over and spent a short while with me when I had my baby. I had a help come over thrice a week solely to clean the house, while I attend to my baby. My husband, as usual, travels interstate for his work. He also performs his responsibilities and I really appreciate his sacrifice for the family.

I complained to a gynecologist who prescribed some medications to balance my hormones. I'll tell you that I even had to use the regular aphrodisiacs alongside. It finally balanced about a year and half and everything went fine. A year after, I conceived of my second, and the hormonal imbalance and everything that happened with the first, happened. This is with me trying to find my way around it.

Well, I found out my husband employed the services of escorts on about 3 occasions especially when he travels. I confronted him sternly and I even made jokes about it - I didn't want to be too harsh, and I wanted him to open up to me completely. I didnt want my actions to push him outside further. He mentioned that I sex starved him, and he didn't want to make me feel any worse by being persistent. We resolved it, and I mentioned never to go through his phone again.

He employed a new staff in February this year, and I was part of those in the selection process. I wish that never happened. I wish I was against her employment.

In April, the kids and I had to travel to another state (where his small company is located) just to say hi. He comes home frequently, and sometimes spends a considerable time at home, but this time, the kids were on holidays so we travelled.

It was there that I found out that he was having an affair with his staff. I confronted him, he cried, begged, and promised it won't happen again…talking about how much his staff respects and is scared of me, bla bla. Again, I let it slide. Whatever he had with his staff continued, and they became extra careful about it, but in one way or the other, I found out again - in june-, and as usual, he begged (this is with me being as civil as possible. Before we got married, I used to be the type that before he says A, I'll have said A-Z). But overtime, I intentionally stopped that attitude.

I forgave him and everything became normal, not for it to happen the third and fourth time with him begging each time. During these periods, I have been careful not to involve family because I feel they can be biased with each party supporting their own, coupled with the fact that the situation will linger on, especially in the mind of my family members even though my husband and I reconcile. They might cause them to have a resentment towards him.

The wahala now is that this thing has happened again, and he has been begging. I have asked him to sack her, but his excuse is that it will affect his work as it's a contract job. He said he'd relieve her once the contract is over. He has promised one last time, but I told him that I find it hard to take his word. This time, I really raised my voice with my old Margaret Thatcher's attitude…lol. I lashed him severely with unkind but very choosy words such as "a liar from the pit of hell, and hitting him hard about how unable he is to control his libido. I was hurt. He has promised and reneged countless times, and I now fear that the trust in my marriage is broken.

Even though I am hurt, I don't want to be separated from my family. This is because my parents were separated when I was little, and I knew how tough it was, growing up. Due to the separation, I don't have a good relationship with some of my siblings because the four of us were separated with two being with my dad, and the remaining two of us being with my mum. I never had a single fatherly love. None.

I don't want the same to happen to my kids. What can I do, Please? I still love him, but I am seriously heartbroken and do not trust him anymore because he'll still have to continue working with the said girl.

I am currently on family planning and at the same time trying to balance my hormones. I'm tired.

He did it once and there was every tendency he'd do it again. He'f have taken you more seriously if you did something about it the first time it happened.

Pray. Ask God to separate them. Jer. 51.
Invite both of them talk to the lady as a woman. Talk to your husband as a good wife. Take a break focus on yourself not separation nor divorce pls. Take a break takecare of urself be healed by Gods grace. Some things are spiritual. Pray for your husband eyes to be open. Preach to them the word even no one is perfect. Speak the truth in love before God.

Womanwoman:
Hello guys, I recently opened this account solely for this purpose. It's going to be a long read, please bear with me. I need very sincere and mature advice(s), please.

My husband and I have known each other for 11 years, (I was 16 years old and a university fresher. He's 3 years older). We've been married for 5 years, and have two boys. He's a very adventurous person whose job necessitates him to travel frequently. I always accompanied him on his numerous journeys while we were single. I am a freelancer and have my time to myself, provided there is light and internet. Throughout the time we courted, we travelled, explored strip clubs, parties and all..including churches..lol. I have never had him cheat on me….well, not until we got married and had our first child.

At that time, my hormones got messed up and I had a very low sex drive. I was overwhelmed with having to cater for my baby owing to the fact that I live in a different state from my mum - she came over and spent a short while with me when I had my baby. I had a help come over thrice a week solely to clean the house, while I attend to my baby. My husband, as usual, travels interstate for his work. He also performs his responsibilities and I really appreciate his sacrifice for the family.

I complained to a gynecologist who prescribed some medications to balance my hormones. I'll tell you that I even had to use the regular aphrodisiacs alongside. It finally balanced about a year and half and everything went fine. A year after, I conceived of my second, and the hormonal imbalance and everything that happened with the first, happened. This is with me trying to find my way around it.

Well, I found out my husband employed the services of escorts on about 3 occasions especially when he travels. I confronted him sternly and I even made jokes about it - I didn't want to be too harsh, and I wanted him to open up to me completely. I didnt want my actions to push him outside further. He mentioned that I sex starved him, and he didn't want to make me feel any worse by being persistent. We resolved it, and I mentioned never to go through his phone again.

He employed a new staff in February this year, and I was part of those in the selection process. I wish that never happened. I wish I was against her employment.

In April, the kids and I had to travel to another state (where his small company is located) just to say hi. He comes home frequently, and sometimes spends a considerable time at home, but this time, the kids were on holidays so we travelled.

It was there that I found out that he was having an affair with his staff. I confronted him, he cried, begged, and promised it won't happen again…talking about how much his staff respects and is scared of me, bla bla. Again, I let it slide. Whatever he had with his staff continued, and they became extra careful about it, but in one way or the other, I found out again - in june-, and as usual, he begged (this is with me being as civil as possible. Before we got married, I used to be the type that before he says A, I'll have said A-Z). But overtime, I intentionally stopped that attitude.

I forgave him and everything became normal, not for it to happen the third and fourth time with him begging each time. During these periods, I have been careful not to involve family because I feel they can be biased with each party supporting their own, coupled with the fact that the situation will linger on, especially in the mind of my family members even though my husband and I reconcile. They might cause them to have a resentment towards him.

The wahala now is that this thing has happened again, and he has been begging. I have asked him to sack her, but his excuse is that it will affect his work as it's a contract job. He said he'd relieve her once the contract is over. He has promised one last time, but I told him that I find it hard to take his word. This time, I really raised my voice with my old Margaret Thatcher's attitude…lol. I lashed him severely with unkind but very choosy words such as "a liar from the pit of hell, and hitting him hard about how unable he is to control his libido. I was hurt. He has promised and reneged countless times, and I now fear that the trust in my marriage is broken.

Even though I am hurt, I don't want to be separated from my family. This is because my parents were separated when I was little, and I knew how tough it was, growing up. Due to the separation, I don't have a good relationship with some of my siblings because the four of us were separated with two being with my dad, and the remaining two of us being with my mum. I never had a single fatherly love. None.

I don't want the same to happen to my kids. What can I do, Please? I still love him, but I am seriously heartbroken and do not trust him anymore because he'll still have to continue working with the said girl.

I am currently on family planning and at the same time trying to balance my hormones. I'm tired.

cheat on him once and see if he forgives you. You are taking too much rubbish

jamznato:
Pray. Ask God to separate them. Jer. 51.
Invite both of them talk to the lady as a woman. Talk to your husband as a good wife. Take a break focus on yourself not separation nor divorce pls. Take a break takecare of urself be healed by Gods grace. Some things are spiritual. Pray for your husband eyes to be open. Preach to them the word even no one is perfect. Speak the truth in love before God.

Thank you. I have prayed. I am still praying

shege45:
cheat on him once and see if he forgives you. You are taking too much rubbish

My conscience wouldn't let me

Your husband seems good but he's a weak man...very weak.

He doesn't beat you, he provides...What he can't control is his ability to tame his dick. That's the major problem. He's a good man.
I'll say you both sit down as a couple and talk this out. You two should be praying as well.

Lastly, be careful of the kinda advise that you'll get here. So many people will tell you to nonsense, just try to guide your mind rightly.
It is possible for a man to love his wife and still cheat, there re so many reasons for that. I am not supporting him, all i am saying is, for every decision you make, hope it'll worth it. I just feel he's a good man.

As our Ancestors would say "A weak man is highly vulnerable and dangerous but can be cautioned and controlled carefully".

Womanwoman:


My conscience wouldn't let me

what I am saying is, he won’t tolerate this from you, why shld you take it multiple times.

Womanwoman:


My conscience wouldn't let me

is it until you get an STI you will realize what’s happening

H0didon:
Your husband seems good but he's a weak man...very weak.

He doesn't beat you, he provides...What he can't control is his ability to tame his dick. That's the major problem. He's a good man.
I'll say you both sit down as a couple and talk this out. You two shoulf be praying as well.

Lastly, be careful of the kinda advise that you'll get here. So many people will tell you to nonsense, just try to guide your mind rightly.


As our Ancestors would say "A weak man is highly vulnerable and dangerous but can be cautioned and controlled carefully".

Yes, he's good in all aspect except this current issue. Thank you for this piece of advice. I'm grateful

shege45:
what I am saying is, he won’t tolerate this from you, why shld you take it multiple times.

Sighs

Smh, ladies who sleep with other women's husbands, what exactly is your problem

Self-control is indeed a virtue, if you don't have it, then you don't have it.

U were part of those who employed the girl?

What are u waiting for?

Go through her document and call her family members to report the girl to them and tell them to warn her and for her to leave your husband alone else u will do the unthinkable.

Watch them from far.

U can as well confront the girl but one thing is sure,your husband can not stop cheating except he decides to stop it himself.

A man on heat can't be tamed,except something more serious happens to him.

Womanwoman:


Thank you. I have prayed. I am still praying

Move down to live with him

Most marriages that get to 50th anniversary etc all have similar stories. Many 'power couples' have similar stories. From Bill Clinton to Wayne Rooney to Beckham etc. Tolerance and learning to turn the other way is the key.
However, this is also the cause of many broken marriages. You decide what you think is best for you. Truth be told, you wear the shoes and only you can decide on how you want the outcome to be.

.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hate it when some men don't appreciate good women and stable homes.

I don't see that man stopping soon. Even if he sacks the girl, he will still continue with her or another woman.

My advise to you is this.

1. You have tried to talk to him severally and still he continues. At this point, inform both families. Involving both families might not make him stop but at least, it's time to inform the families in case he comes back with any form of sexually transmitted diseases up to HIV. The families will know whom to blame then.

2. Never sleep with him without condoms going forward to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases.

3. Though you are going through hormonal imbalance, allow him to have you when he wants it BUT with protection. Its not always good to starve your partner sex except you are physically sick. You might not enjoy it due to your hormones imbalance, but you do it to avoid story like this, where a spouse will be forced to look outside.

4. If he is not violent against you and the children, don't leave that house.

5. Don't cheat on him just because he is cheating. It will not solve anything. It will only compound the problem.

until you A) catch some deadly disease and leave these children orphans and/or B) get dropped for another woman.

He is always temporarily sorry when caught because his mind has adjusted to the fact that you would certainly "forgive" his infidelity and it is laughable that the said side chick who doubles as his assistant is indispensable to the said project, sounds so infantile because no Nigerian male is as "skilled" as she is?

The caustic truth is that you are his enabler, even after this lady, there will be more.

Women who at the beginning easily rationalize their husband's infidelity are like covered boiling milk..... most times it doesn't end well.

Womanwoman:


Yes, he's good in all aspect except this current issue. Thank you for this piece of advice. I'm grateful

You have one strategy you can use, if you really want to raise those kids together with him whilst keeping your sanity intact: tune him out emotionally, and get a clandestine lover for yourself. That way his sexual exploits won't bother you anymore since you're also up to yours. But I must warn you, that most African men cheat, because they are basically polygamous by nature due to centuries of cultural/genetic conditioning. So the new man most probably has his own flings aside you, just like your now-infamous hubby.

The only other option is to leave him, with or without your kids...because that wild niggã you've got sharing your life is never gonna change. Straight from the hip, babe take it or leave it.

Since your husband keeps cheating and apologizing, why not confront the lady involved and warn her to leave your husband alone? You have been mature enough to tolerate your husband. It’s time to confront the other person

You learn to live with it, since you’re not ready to leave. There’s no amount of begging and pleading that will make your husband change, he will continue to cheat, that’s a choice he has decided to make. So please stop bothering yourself over that, it’s a waste of time. Men like your husband do not change until they are 70, elderly looking with multiple health complications.

One thing about men, when you begin to give birth to their children, the way they view you changes. It’s the natural psychology of men. You become the replacement of their mother, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. You can be the sexiest woman on earth, you will always remind him of routine and stability, (aka see finish lol) it’s subconscious. They say show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I’ll show you a man who is bored of her. When I see the scrubs that men cheat with on their beautiful amazing wives, it’s quite shocking. Then you will understand the mindset of men.

It’s the grace of God that give some married men discipline, but most of them succumb to their selfish thrills and desires. Affairs give them the excitement, challenge and chase that he had when he first met you.

If you’re not ready to leave, I say focus on yourself and look the other way. Wear condoms to protect yourself and empower your mind with positive and exciting things. Take care of yourself and be the source of your happiness. Your husband is not your God, he is not your Life. Do not revolve your life around him. Be at peace, you cannot force or control another human being to do what you want them to do. I personally think you need to leave him, he will destroy you and turn you into a shadow of yourself if you do not , but that’s left for you to decide. Good luck.

[s]

jamznato:
Pray. Ask God to separate them. Jer. 51.
Invite both of them talk to the lady as a woman. Talk to your husband as a good wife. Take a break focus on yourself not separation nor divorce pls. Take a break takecare of urself be healed by Gods grace. Some things are spiritual. Pray for your husband eyes to be open. Preach to them the word even no one is perfect. Speak the truth in love before God.

[/s]


Seun why is the cancel option not working anymore, comments like these should be cancelled to the pit of hell

PRAYER WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD

You cannot pray for someone that isn't willing to change and expect magic to happen just cos you prayed, the husband has to be determined to change, pray for himself, then ask his wife to join him in prayer, stop using the Bible and prayer to guilt trip wives to condone endurance, suffering and STDs/HIV for the rest of their life

Op pls separate from him, that is the only way he'd appreciate and respect you as his wife especially when you separate from him for a very long time, don't accept a cheating husband as your fate, he'd infect you with all sorts of things that will make you regret,

Protect yourself and stay alive for your kids.

As he is a serial cheat, be very weary of STIs please.

It is only you that knows your situation and where it hurts. We all have different tolerance levels when it comes to cheating, for some it is a deal breaker no matter what and for others, especially ones that married their hubby or remain with them for specific reasons other than love, they don't care, as long as that reason for staying is forthcoming so decide on what is important to you and the reason why you're staying and focus on this reason only.

Each time you feel hurt or sad, just keep focus and over time, you will naturally not care about his sexcapades anymore but please protect yourself very well from infections. Your hubby clearly does not have any discipline or self-control so unless by some divine intervention, don't even bother fighting this and expecting him to change. You should decide on why you're staying and make this your focus please, it really helps.

Sending you hugs xx

Your husband has an addiction which he could reading satisfy during your courtship with your visits and adventures to erotic places. But now, you're nursing your babies and not available, so he has to find another outlet.

He needs to see an addiction recovery therapist. There's a lot to explore about his life. Many hidden corners which you don't know.

Your marriage, though impacted by his infidelity, is not in jeopardy if he's ready to face his demons. The fact that he readily apologies whenever he's caught shows that he's not willing to abandon the marriage.

Encourage him to see a therapist who can guide him on how to break th circle of infidelity.

Send me a pm

Since you didn’t die from him cheating , take your mind off it . Encourage him to cheat more. Give him condoms whenever he wants to travel . He will get tired with time.
Or make your marriage open , you can also get yourself a sex partner .

It is solely your choice to decide if you want to remain in the union. He is not ready to change from your explanation so far. Like someone said above, he is a weak man who cannot control himself sexually. Your life is at risk from a cheating partner. Since you are not ready to leave your marriage, I will say it is the right time to involve the family maybe with shame he will change.

Womanwoman:

Thats the disadvantage of getting a spouse from a club. When he was tripping you to clubs and strippers house, what kind of husband did you think he would make? Angelic?

Now, you're still putting up with such a public dog claiming its because you love him but truth is, he will never change and two things can only happen very soon. It's either he impregnates another woman or brings home a deadly disease. That is when you'll know how important good health is.

My advice. On no account should any woman stick with an unrepentant cheat. You'll regret. So, ill advice you take your leave now that you still have your sanity and health intact.. even the Bible supports you divorce on grounds of Infidelity though I'm not suggesting divorce but separation. If he changes and comes back, make sure you do all necessary test before accepting him back!

Be wise!

Well. The root of the problem is that your husband is sex starved. Man must release otherwise na mental health issue. So, it's either you tackle the root cause or you divorce him or pray his stuff stops working...

Keep forgiving him if it makes you happy , your life is in danger and you don’t know it. You even apologised for checking his phone, what’s wrong in a wife checking her husband’s phone?it can save you a lifelong mistake. Your reaction doesn’t mean anything to him again afterall he already know you’ll forgive him when he comes begging . Him don see you finish. Since this one is marriage you’ll have to stay but take a strong action in stopping him permanently. Any man who cheats with people around his wife does not value you, all men cheat but some have sense not to mess around their wife’s territory.