I had a Memorial Day barbecue yesterday and got a chance to connect with some amazing friends. As the day wound down and the sangria pitcher drained, I started musing about dating and relationships, which is the kind of thing I do whether I’m sober or not.

It occurred to me that all of our friends are demographically similar: Attractive, fun, 30-40 years old. Writers. Directors. Marketers. Professors. Artists. MBAs. Just a solid bunch of folks.

And yet there was only one other couple at our party – everyone else was single.

So if the common denominator between my friends is that they’re single and impressive, is it possible that the reason that they’re single is BECAUSE they’re impressive?

When you have everything going for you, does it become that much harder to compromise on looks? Intelligence? Humor? Money?

So if the common denominator between my friends is that they’re single and impressive, is it possible that the reason that they’re single is BECAUSE they’re impressive?

Without psychoanalyzing any of my friends (since a. they didn’t ask me, and b. I’m not a shrink), I’d have to at least pose the question:

When you truly are an 8 in looks, a 9 in intelligence, a 7 in career, an 8 in humor… is it imperative to find someone as impressive as you are? Is anything less “settling”?

Believe me, I’m not one of those people who became an expert when he put a ring on his finger. After all, for most of my career, I was the single guy. Plus, it’s quite evident that married people aren’t necessarily smarter – they’re just more committed to one relationship.

But maybe it’s not just a coincidence that the cream of the crop is largely made up of “maximizers” as described in Barry Schwartz’s “The Paradox of Choice”. These folks have so much self-worth that they feel that the grass is always greener. And if they have 90% of what they’re looking for in a mate, maybe they just won’t rest until they find 94%.

Alas, as Schwartz points out in his amazing book: maximizers are rarely happy. In fact, “satisficers” – the people who are content with “less” – tend to be happier people overall.

So, is it harder for the most impressive people to find love? Would they be wiser if they learned to compromise? Are they holding out for something that doesn’t exist?

What do you think

Source Palmchat

I'm not the author o

OK

Well, relationship is more about complement than perfection.
The maximizers may seem impressive but lacks the qualities to stay in a relationship.

The truth is: there will always be the better version of something, including the human being, first of all.

We ourselves are not all the same all year round. We progress in some way; the progress could be positive or negative, higher or lower, more loving, less cruel, etc etc

It is not enough to find someone who only meets you at 100 percent match, that's for instance.

What is important is the maintenance of that level and the continual seeking for improvement for there's no stagnant perfection.

The creative law of movement must be obeyed. We all make this mistake and forget so soon that reaching a particular height is life is relatively easier to achieve than maintaining that height.

When people get to a significantly high level, they tend to relax. When people get married, partners tend to neglect to continue to work on themselves, on their vanity and weaknesses.

It is advisable that people match with those they are on the same level. But, they must not let complacency set in which can bring them down. They should continue to strive upwards, shoulder to shoulder, to the highest level of perfection both in the material and spiritual sense.

Let me also add that marriage can only be spiritual. Complementarity of the souls should be taken into consideration. And finally, The united goal must be a spiritual one if the union is to remain sacred and be a blessing to mankind.

ah came to read comments

damesilver:
The truth is: there will always be the better version of something, including the human being, first of all.

We ourselves are not all the same all year round. We progress in some way; the progress could be positive or negative, higher or lower, more loving, less cruel, etc etc

It is not enough to find someone who only meets you at 100 percent match, that's for instance.

What is important is the maintenance of that level and the continual seeking for improvement for there's no stagnant perfection.

The creative law of movement must be obeyed. We all make this mistake and forget so soon that reaching a particular height is life is relatively easier to achieve than maintaining that height.

When people get to a significantly high level, they tend to relax. When people get married, partners tend to neglect to continue to work on themselves, on their vanity and weaknesses.

It is advisable that people match with those they are on the same level. But, they must not let complacency set in which can bring them down. They should continue to strive upwards, shoulder to shoulder, to the highest level of perfection both in the material and spiritual sense.

Let me also add that marriage can only be spiritual. Complementarity of the souls should be taken into consideration. And finally, The united goal must be a spiritual one if the union is to remain sacred and be a blessing to mankind.

are u a Grail Message Adherent, wot u just said hv it bcom a conviction in u, are u married? If u are is ur wife of dis same conviction. Answer d question if u will plz

McTobe:
are u a Grail Message Adherent, wot u just said hv it bcom a conviction in u, are u married? If u are is ur wife of dis same conviction. Answer d question if u will plz

Mr. McTobe. You welcome, sir. I think you already knew long time ago that I am an adherent of the Message, and that is why we are followers on this forum,( check your profile page).

I'm not yet married, sir. By the way I'm still a very young person, really pretty young, mid twenties. (though that does not matter). Smiles...

I think I have the conviction in what I posted otherwise I wouldn't have. That doesn't not mean what I posted comes easier for me to do. No, sir. It is my earnest prayer that I , and so many others who desire, be granted the strength to strive to the highest ideal.

We are told that no child learns to walk without frequently tumbling. But he must pick himself up again and try to walk otherwise he is at the risk of staying behind and may never walk.

To be in love is good, it is interesting. Life becomes more flamboyant, we are more intensely alive. But we must be careful not to become identified with the aliveness such period brings because of the law of impermanence and the cycle of life.

When a shift happens, we will not be roughly shaken by it. It will become easier for us to manage the changes that occur to everything; just like the departure of the spirit from this earth which can happen at any hour. I think it requires a very high level of maturity to do this. May it be well with us all.

Thank you very much, sir.

damesilver:


Mr. McTobe. You welcome, sir. I think you already knew long time ago that I am an adherent of the Message, and that is why we are followers on this forum,( check your profile page).

I'm not yet married, sir. By the way I'm still a very young person, really pretty young, mid twenties. (though that does not matter). Smiles...

I think I have the conviction in what I posted otherwise I wouldn't have. That doesn't not mean what I posted comes easier for me to do. No, sir. It is my earnest prayer that I , and so many others who desire, be granted the strength to strive to the highest ideal.

We are told that no child learns to walk without frequently tumbling. But he must pick himself up again and try to walk otherwise he is at the risk of staying behind and may never walk.

To be in love is good, it is interesting. Life becomes more flamboyant, we are more intensely alive. But we must be careful not to become identified with the aliveness such period brings because of the law of impermanence and the cycle of life.

When a shift happens, we will not be roughly shaken by it. It will become easier for us to manage the changes that occur to everything; just like the departure of the spirit from this earth which can happen at any hour. I think it requires a very high level of maturity to do this. May it be well with us all.

Thank you very much, sir.

Thank you Dame for your answers. I checked after Posting my message only to find out that I already know you. I am happy when I see young adherents speak in a manner that clearly show that they know where they are going. I wish you the strength.