I stumbled on Stephanie Obi's blog. She is a Female Entrepreneur blogger who interviewed Mrs. Ibukun Awosika during a 'Time Out with Mrs. Ibukun Awosika' organized by Tara Durotoye whom is mentored by Ibukun Awosika. Tara Durotoye also mentors Stephanie Obi.

Mrs. Awosika's advise is in three parts:

Advise for singles

If you are walking down the road, with the wrong man, you are in trouble. You cannot afford to make a mistake.

Don’t get married until you have a sense of who you are.

You have to take this seriously because your life is on assignment. You are accountable to God for your life.

Your life has three parts:

1. Who you are
2. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a wife. This does not replace who you are. Your role as a wife is to help a man be the best of himself, not to diminish yourself
3. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a mother

One part does not remove the other, and it is your responsibility to work out how the three will combine together.

When you know who you are, you will know what to look out for when you are looking for a partner.

You won’t be carried away by “Rich, Tall and Handsome”, Instead you will be looking for someone who can help you to achieve what you are born to achieve.

If you marry the wrong person, and there is a mismatch, there will be a great conflict.

You owe it to yourself not to settle.

Don’t ever settle until you are comfortable that this person you want to marry has your back and will allow you to fly.

If you don’t know who you are, you can start by knowing what you don’t want, and be honest with yourself.

Don’t get carried away with the butterflies in your tummy.

When you are deciding on a man to marry:

Pick a man who is responsible and who is working hard. He may not have made it yet, but at least he is working and he has a vision.

It is not your job to give your husband-to-be a vision. You can’t change him. Make sure that he already has a personal vision of what he wants to become and is already working towards it.

Please take note of this:

The son of a rich man is not a rich boy.

He will take you out on dates in a big car. It is not his car, it’s his father’s car. He borrowed it.

His father will throw a big party for the two of you when you are getting married. This is for his own ego. The father can even pay 2 years house rent for you to impress the inlaws, and hence you might not realize that you are in trouble.

When the marriage starts, it will dawn on you that the boy you married, does not have any money.

He is always dependent on his daddy.

The day daddy does not give him money, you guys will not have money.

All the responsibilities will fall on your head, and this will cause friction in the marriage.

Be warned my daughters.

You can prevent yourself from entering trouble.

Advise for Married Women

At first when you start a business, your husband might seem supportive because he thinks it is just a business to keep you busy.

But as the business becomes successful, he gets scared.

He gets scared because he feels that you might become something else. He has heard so many stories of women who have become rich and are now terrible. He is scared that you might not be able to balance it all.

You have the power to manage this transition.

1. Don’t start what you cannot finish

Breakfast in bed
Cooking fresh food everyday

The day you become busy and you cannot make breakfast in bed, he will say you have changed and will start treating you as if you are a horrible person

2. Make your husband a stakeholder in everything you do

You must have heard people say:

Your husband’s money is your money
Your money is your money

This is bad advice

If your husband has no stake in what you do, what is his benefit? You are making money everyday and you are still asking for housekeeping. After a while, he will begin to despise you.

All this money you are making, you can’t even help out in the house.

One of the wise things you can do is to empower him.

For example, you can say, “Let me take care of the house bills, you can use your money to build us a house”

When he sees how your money is helping him, he begins to get invested in what you do; he wants you to succeed because your success takes some burden off his shoulders.

Please note: This is why you should marry a hardworking man, who will not take advantage of you because you are contributing to the homefront. If you marry a reasonable man, he won’t start spending his money on other women because you are helping out.

Money is a very sensitive topic in a marriage because it can break a home. A lot of ladies take advice from the older generation, forgetting that the generation of our mothers is not the same as our generation.

In that generation, not a lot of women were career focused.

In this generation, it is the norm for women to be career focused, and hence, the dynamics has changed, and we have to deal with that dynamic.

God knows what he was saying when he said, husband and wife are one

The two of you are one and he can bless the one through any of the halves of the one. He can bless the husband or the wife, but it does not change who is in charge.

Your husband is in charge of your home and you should never have illegal leadership because you have money

Money is nothing.
It is just a tool you can use to achieve what God has ordained for you.

Don’t allow money to control your home. If you do, you are in trouble.

When you understand this, you won’t become arrogant because you are making money.

I want you to understand this because we need to raise a critical mass of women who can be successful and use money wisely, so that men can become comfortable with successful women and it can be easier for our children to become successful

You also need to understand that your husband is facing so many things:

Pressure from inlaws
Pressure from friends

They will be telling him things about you, hence you have to be careful.

Don’t keep secrets from him, secrets breed mistrust.

If you want to invest in property, let him know what you are doing.

If you don’t trust your husband, you can keep the asset in your name or in your children’s name.

If you trust your husband, you can buy property and keep the asset in the both of you’s name.

If you have plenty cash, invest in assets immediately. If your husband knows that you are sitting on so much cash, he will ask you for it and if you don’t give it to him…trouble. You become the enemy.

Wisdom my daughters, you need wisdom.

Business Advice

What business do you want to do?
Do you even know the business?
Have you empowered yourself to make the right decisions?
Have you done due diligence…and this is not about asking your friends for their opinion.
After selling your products to family and friends, how can your business idea become commercially viable?
What pricing and evaluation models can work for your business?

As you go along in your business, it is foolish to not understand the numbers.

Invest in yourself.

There is nothing wrong with not knowing, but you have to have the courage to ask someone to teach you.

Go to Business School.

If you can’t afford it, attend business workshops and trainings.

You might think you are smart, but really, what do you know?

We are all smart, but we don’t know everything.

If you think about how many different topics exist, you will realize that you don’t know a lot.

I’m always in school, I spend what people use to buy houses to go to school.

If everybody is deceiving you, do not deceive yourself, nobody knows where you are going but you. You owe it to yourself to invest in yourself.

After you invest in yourself, the knowledge is yours, and you will find yourself in places you don’t feel you are qualified for.

What am I doing on the board of a bank? I am a Carpenter. My first degree was in Chemistry.

It is your responsibility to empower yourself with information that can help you.

Be honest with yourself and identify what your gaps are.

Invest in yourself.

This is what will separate you from the crowd.

Another thing you should note, is that it is important to treat people right.

This is how I have gone so far without bribery. I treat people with kindness, such that they do things for me out of love instead of “a cut”.

Everybody from the gateman, to the house keeper, to the driver, to the secretary to the oga…everybody.

It is the gateman you are nice to, that will open the gate for you and find parking for you when you are late to a meeting.

It is because I have help at home, that is why I can be here today.

I have delegated some responsibilities, and hence I can have time to focus on what I know how to do best.

If I did not delegate these tasks to other people, and if I did not treat the people who were helping me out well, I would have to do everything by myself.

Human beings in your life are very valuable.

By yourself, you are limited.

Everybody doing something in your life is valuable.

You lose when you think that you are the most important person in the room.

The way you make people feel affects the extent to how they can help you achieve your potential.

Love people.

Show care for people

Be kind to people.

If you work with artisans (tailors, carpenters, etc), Be kind but firm.

Be firm, but just.

Don’t become a fool, be firm but nice.

When you are fair, people will fight for you the day you make a hard decision.

I have fired a whole factory before. I was younger than my staff and I was equally pregnant. They decided not to show up at work on one day and we had a deadline.

I found other carpenters to complete the work during the weekend and by the time they showed on Monday, their sack letters were waiting at the gate.

Do not let anyone despise you because of your age and gender.

Keep your word

If you give your word to your customer, keep it.

I have to stop here, there was a lot more. If you have any further questions, feel free to write them down in the comments, and I will do my best to respond.

Please, please, please share this post with your friends. This will help marriages. The ladies at the event were so emotional because Mrs Awosika just saved their marriage and their business.

I know that it can help so many people, and I’m trying to see how we can share the message with as many people as possible.

Like I always say…you cannot come in contact with light and remain the same.

I hope this has a profound effect on you as it has on me.

With Love
Steph

Source: http://www.stephanieobi.com/business-advice/ibukun-awosika/

So peeps........

I honestly will never discount the place of a female mentor in the life of a female. Never seen the reason for male mentors. We don't have same challenges.

Noted.

Thank you MA.

Gaborone:
Noted.

Thank you MA.

Noted to what/who?

And are you thanking me or Mrs. Awosika?

I find that third advice (on starting/running) a business really useful.. (Wish I could share with my boss). I'm making this lady my business mentor already.

Nitefury:
I find that third advice (on starting/running) a business really useful.. (Wish I could share with my boss). I'm making this lady my business mentor already.

Well, send to your boss and acknowledge Mrs. Awosika, Stephanie Obi and bukatyne

bukatyne:


Noted to what/who?

And are you thanking me or Mrs. Awosika?

Noted to my mind. Lol

Of course I was thanking you both. That's why I used 'MA', to indicate the plural of 'ma'.

On a serious note though, thanks. Every line you pasted up there carried golden nuggets.

bukatyne:


Well, send to your boss and acknowledge Mrs. Awosika, Stephanie Obi and bukatyne

Hahahahaha.... lailai.. She'll rather see it as me being spiteful..

Another thing you should note, is that it is important to treat people right. This is how I have gone so far without bribery. I treat people with kindness, such that they do things for me out of love instead of “a cut”.
Everybody from the gateman, to the house keeper, to the driver, to the secretary to the oga…everybody. It is the gateman you are nice to, that will open the gate for you and find parking for you when you are late to a meeting.
It is because I have help at home, that is why I can be here today. I have delegated some responsibilities, and hence I can have time to focus on what I know how to do best. If I did not delegate these tasks to other people, and if I did not treat the people who were helping me out well, I would have to do everything by myself. Human beings in your life are very valuable.

She's the type that prefers to buy people's loyalty rather than be fair or treat them right. Most staff of our business partners are so used to the "cuts" she gives them that it becomes a problem for them to do their duties when it's not forth coming especially when I'm representing the company and insist things be done accordingly in her absence.

About delegating duties, forget it.. She believes she knows and must partake in everything including telling the driver when to "overtake" on a dual carriage way rather than allow the man do his job.

If you give a suggestion or have a contrary view to hers, no matter her sound your argument is, she shouts you down and reminds you "It's my dream, I started the company bla bla bla". Severally the company has lost money just because she wanted to prove a point by sticking to her way.

Very sound advice...

@op, thanks for sharing!

Honestly, all women need to read this!

Gaborone:


Noted to my mind. Lol

Of course I was thanking you both. That's why I used 'MA', to indicate the plural of 'ma'.

On a serious note though, thanks. Every line you pasted up there carried golden nuggets.

I see you.....

You are welcome. Was trying to find out more about her, came across Stephanie's blog and decided to share.

Such nuggets especially female oriented (blending the home & work) doesn't come often.

Nitefury:


Hahahahaha.... lailai.. She'll rather see it as me being spiteful..



She's the type that prefers to buy people's loyalty rather than be fair or treat them right. Most staff of our business partners are so used to the "cuts" she gives them that it becomes a problem for them to do their duties when it's not forth coming especially when I'm representing the company and insist things be done accordingly in her absence.

About delegating duties, forget it.. She believes she knows and must partake in everything including telling the driver when to "overtake" on a dual carriage way rather than allow the man do his job.

If you give a suggestion or have a contrary view to hers, no matter her sound your argument is, she shouts you down and reminds you "It's my dream, I started the company bla bla bla". Severally the company has lost money just because she wanted to prove a point by sticking to her way.

What a sad stuff.

At least, you have first hand experience on what NOT to do when you have your own business.

baby124:
Very sound advice...

Thanks

What's your favorite part?

greatgod2012:
@op, thanks for sharing!

Honestly, all women need to read this!

You are welcome.

wise words from Madam Ibukun.........

working assiduously to get to the pinnacle and become a source of inspiration to the next generation just like the chairman.

Yet no single word of feminism was made mention of.

Cc 1bkaye.......whats your opinion concerning Mrs Awosika particularly on the first two sub-topics.

I think this deserves to make front page its a very useful topic to our females.

CcRoyalroy

Dfinex:
wise words from Madam Ibukun.........

working assiduously to get to the pinnacle and become a source of inspiration to the next generation just like the chairman.

English plenty!

Glad you enjoyed it.

Vorpal:
Yet no single word of feminism was made mention of.

Cc 1bkaye.......whats your opinion concerning Mrs Awosika particularly on the first two sub-topics.

I think this deserves to make front page its a very useful topic to our females.

CcRoyalroy

Is it compulsory she mentions feminism?

If you want to know her take, you can ask her.

bukatyne:


Is it compulsory she mentions feminism?

If you want to know her take, you can ask her.

I will not bite that bait!

Vorpal:


I will not bite that bait!

What bait?

You brought feminism negatively to this thread.

I should be the one 'not' biting the bait.

Well glad you enjoyed the thread.

bukatyne:


What bait?

[s]You brought feminism negatively to this thread.[/s]

I should be the one 'not' biting the bait.

Well glad you enjoyed the thread.

Iro le pa se! mo ye danu!

Yes I did really enjoy the thread,even though am not a female it feels good to see the view of a man through the lens of a successful woman of her kind.

She basically confirmed what the "living oracle" that birthe me have always told me.

Vorpal:
Yet no single word of feminism was made mention of.

Cc 1bkaye.......whats your opinion concerning Mrs Awosika particularly on the first two sub-topics.

I think this deserves to make front page its a very useful topic to our females.

CcRoyalroy

Lol wetin concern feminism? Sound and useful advice all-round

1bkaye:
Lol wetin concern feminism? Sound and useful advice all-round

Abi!

bukatyne:


English plenty!

Glad you enjoyed it.

hmmm.....babe I did not just enjoy it, I was challenged ... that's a serious food for thought and for conscious awakening.....i just wish we have more of such women and mothers who can stand by we the younger women and tell us that it's not all about the pancake and Mary k we rub on our faces, but about content, strength and character development and every other thing we need to catapult us to the highest heights ...

Vorpal:


Iro le pa se! mo ye danu!

Yes I did really enjoy the thread,even though am not a female it feels good to see the view of a man through the lens of a successful woman of her kind.

She basically confirmed what the "living oracle" that birthe me have always told me.

Iro wo? Kinni itumo post akoko lori thread yi?

Interesting. What did your mom say?

Dfinex:


hmmm.....babe I did not just enjoy it, I was challenged ... that's a serious food for thought and for conscious awakening.....i just wish we have more of such women and mothers who can stand by we the younger women and tell us that it's not all about the pancake and Mary k we rub on our faces, but about content, strength and character development and every other thing we need to catapult us to the highest heights ...

Well, what if it is all about pancake and Mary K for some women?

What if some men don't want their wives to be more than a porcelain figure in their homes?

Mrs. Awosika really did well.

bukatyne:


Iro wo? Kinni itumo post akoko lori thread yi?

Interesting. What did your mom say?

You mean the living oracle

Vorpal:


You mean the living oracle

You said:

She basically confirmed what the "living oracle" that birthe me have always told me

and I assumed you were referring to your mom as per 'birthe'

So who is the living oracle?

bukatyne:


Well, what if it is all about pancake and Mary K for some women?

What if some men don't want their wives to be more than a porcelain figure in their homes?

Mrs. Awosika really did well.

hmmm......that's where this comes in:

" if you are walking down the road, with the wrong
man, you are in trouble. You cannot afford to make a
mistake.
Don’t get married until you have a sense of who you
are."

and for the ladies who think the level of their usefulness is proportional to the amount of make up on their faces ..I wish them luck.

bukatyne:


You said:



and I assumed you were referring to your mom as per 'birthe'

So who is the living oracle?

The Living Oracle.

Ego isn't much of a man, a man is as great as he is unencumbered from his ego.

Who you marry can make all the difference in your life, no time is as important as that time in your life of being wise.