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If God Were Your Spouse by akintom(m): 10:48pm On Mar 15, 2017
God as Abuser: Similarities Between the Christian God and Abusive Spouses.

by Austin Cline

Updated May 06, 2016

God and Spousal Abuse

It’s common for Christians to compare the relationship between humanity and God to that between husband and wife. God is the “man” of the house to whom humanity owes obedience, respect, and honor. Usually, this relationship is portrayed as one of love, but in far too many ways, God is more like an abusive spouse who only knows how to love through intimidation and violence. A review of classic signs and symptoms of spousal abuse reveals how abusive the “relationship” people have with God is.

Victims are Afraid of the Abuser

Abusers instill fear in their spouses; believers are instructed to fear God. Abusers are unpredictable and given to dramatic mood swings; God is depicted as alternating between love and violence. Abused spouses avoid topics which set off the abuser; believers avoid thinking about certain things to avoid angering God. Abusers make one feel like there is no way to escape a relationship; believers are told that there is no way to escape God’s wrath and eventual punishment.

Abusers Use of Threats and Intimidation to Force Compliance

Violence is a primary means by which abusers communicate, even with their spouses whom they are supposed to love. Abusers aren’t just violent towards their spouses — they also use violence against objects, pets, and other things to instill more fear and to force compliance with their wishes. God is portrayed as using violence to force people to comply with certain rules and Hell is the ultimate threat of violence.

God might even punish an entire nation for the transgressions of a few members.

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Re: If God Were Your Spouse by akintom(m): 10:50pm On Mar 15, 2017
Abusers Withholds Resources from Victims

In order to exercise greater control over a victim, abusers will withhold important resources in order to make the victim more dependent. Resources used like this include money, credit cards, access to transportation, medications, or even food.


God is also depicted as exercising control over people by controlling their resources — if people are insufficiently obedient, for example, God may cause crops to fail or water to turn bad. The basic necessities of living are conditioned on obeying God.

Abusers Instill Feelings of Inadequacy in Victims
A further means of exercising control over a victim is instilling feelings of inadequacy in them. By getting them to feel worthless, helpless, and unable to do anything right, they will lack the self-confidence necessary to stand up to the abuser and resist the abuse. Believers are taught that they are depraved sinners, unable to do anything right and unable to have good, decent, or moral lives independent of God. Everything good that a believer achieves is due to God, not their own efforts.

Victims Feel they Deserve to be Punished by Abusers
Part of the process of encouraging the victim to feel inadequate involves getting them to feel that they really do deserve the abuse they are suffering. If the abuser is justified in punishing the victim, then the victim can hardly complain, can she? God is also described as being justified in punishing humanity — all people are so sinful and depraved that they deserve an eternity in hell (created by God).

Their only hope is that God will take pity on them and save them.

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Re: If God Were Your Spouse by akintom(m): 10:51pm On Mar 15, 2017
Victims are Not Trusted by Abusers

Another part of the process of making the victim feel inadequate is ensuring that they know how little the abuser trusts them. The victim is not trusted to make her own decisions, dress herself, buy things on her own, or anything else. She is also isolated from her family so that she can’t find help. God, too, is depicted as treating people as if they were unable to do anything right or make their own decisions (like on moral issues, for example).

Emotional Dependency of the Abuser on the Victim
Although abusers encourage victims to feel inadequate, it is the abuser who really has problems with self-confidence. Abusers encourage emotional dependency because they are emotionally dependent themselves — this produces extreme jealousy and controlling behavior.


God, too, is depicted as dependent upon human worship and love. God is usually described as jealous and unable to handle it when people turn away. God is all-powerful, but unable to prevent the smallest problems.

Blaming the Victim for the Abuser’s Actions
Victims are typically made to feel responsible for all of an abuser’s actions, not just deserving of the punishments inflicted. Thus, victims are told that it’s their fault when an abuser gets angry, feels suicidal, or indeed when anything at all goes wrong. Humanity is also blamed for everything that goes wrong — although God created humanity and can stop any unwanted actions, all responsibility for all evil in the world is laid entirely at the feet of human beings.

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Re: If God Were Your Spouse by akintom(m): 10:54pm On Mar 15, 2017
Why Do Abused People Stay With Their Abusers?

Why do women stay with violent, abusive spouses? Why don’t they just pack up and leave, making a new life for themselves elsewhere and with people who actually respect and honor them as equal, independent human beings? The signs of abuse described above should help in answering these questions: women are so emotionally and psychologically beaten down that they lack the mental strength to do what is necessary. They don’t have enough confidence to believe that they can make it without the man who keeps telling them that only he could possibly love such an ugly and worthless person such as they.

Perhaps some insight on this can be gained by rephrasing the question and asking why people don’t abandon the emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship they are expected to develop with God? The existence of God isn’t relevant here — what matters is how people are taught to perceive themselves, their world, and what will happen to them if they make the mistake of trying to leave the relationship in order to make a better life for themselves elsewhere.

Women who are abused are told that they can’t make it on their own and if they try, their spouse will come after them to punish or even kill them. Believers are told that they can’t accomplish anything of value without God, that they are so worthless that only because God is infinitely loving does he love them at all; if they turn their backs on God, they will be punished for all eternity in hell.

The sort of “love” which God has for humanity is the “love” of an abuser who threatens, attacks, and commits violence in order to get his own way.

Religions like Christianity are abusive insofar as they encourage people to feel inadequate, worthless, dependent, and deserving of harsh punishment. Such religions are abusive insofar as they teach people to accept the existence of a god which, if human, would have long ago been shut away in prison for all his immoral and violent behavior.
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by pepperandsalt(m): 10:57pm On Mar 15, 2017
hmm
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by engrMikemd(m): 11:13pm On Mar 15, 2017
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Re: If God Were Your Spouse by Pastafarian: 11:42pm On Mar 15, 2017
Nice thread
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by Nobody: 1:50am On Mar 16, 2017
If God is my "abuser", I'd sure hate to see what the enemy is.
Nevertheless..He's one "abuser" I pray I never leave.

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Re: If God Were Your Spouse by akintom(m): 7:14am On Mar 16, 2017
MZLady39:
If God is my "abuser", I'd sure hate to see what the enemy is.
Nevertheless..He's one "abuser" I pray I never leave.

Yea...... It's still abuse trick.
The abuser tells and convinces the victim that he/she is the best spouse, and that any other potential spouse out there, is a monster, killer and destroyer.

You're still in the midst, most victims of abuse, never pray to be free from it.
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by randomperson: 7:38am On Mar 16, 2017
MZLady39:
If God is my "abuser", I'd sure hate to see what the enemy is.
Nevertheless..He's one "abuser" I pray I never leave.
You just confirmed his theory.... grin

1 Like

Re: If God Were Your Spouse by enshy: 11:07am On Mar 16, 2017
MZLady39:
If God is my "abuser", I'd sure hate to see what the enemy is.
Nevertheless..He's one "abuser" I pray I never leave.
Its clear from your other posts how steadfast you are in your God!
Your response is too commanding that the devils and edemons are threatened! God keep you in His Will forever.
I re-echo that 'If God is my abuser, I hate to know what the enemy looks like and He is one abuser I wont leave'
Nothing separates us from God though the devil tries!
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by enshy: 11:11am On Mar 16, 2017
randomperson:

You just confirmed his theory.... grin
No you dont get it...You guys are not knowledgeable to know Wise Men dont live for the present.
We dont live for today alone, we have eyes on the future, we have Hope!
You live for today, how wise are you?

1 Like

Re: If God Were Your Spouse by enshy: 11:17am On Mar 16, 2017
akintom:


Yea...... It's still abuse trick.
The abuser tells and convinces the victim that he/she is the best spouse, and that any other potential spouse out there, is a monster, killer and destroyer.

You're still in the midst, most victims of abuse, never pray to be free from it.
How much more a destroyer that man who wishes to destroy anothers marriage by proving the spouse is Wicked?
Wouldnt a wise man try to make the marriage work than separate them? Your theory pictures my spouse to be evil, simply put you are more EVIL! You are the DEVIL who seeks to destroy my home!!
I should avoid you to secure my marriage because your intentions must be evil to paint my spouse bad so you can get me. Thats always the Wickeds strategy!!
You always end up pulling down your theories!

1 Like

Re: If God Were Your Spouse by randomperson: 11:25am On Mar 16, 2017
enshy:

No you dont get it...You guys are not knowledgeable to know Wise Men dont live for the present.
We dont live for today alone, we have eyes on the future, we have Hope!
You live for today, how wise are you?
Lolz... That's the lie they tell you people. Giving you false hope. That's how some Christians waited and waited till their old age and nothing significant happened in their lives... Christians keep believing it will be well not knowing some other Christians have died without things ever getting better for them.
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by enshy: 11:30am On Mar 16, 2017
randomperson:

Lolz... That's the lie they tell you people. Giving you false hope. That's how some Christians waited and waited till their old age and nothing significant happened in their lives... Christians keep believing it will be well not knowing some other Christians have died without things ever getting better for them.
So lets break it down here: Is it really better for you than most of us here? What are your yardsticks?
You, I mean you, what do you have to show for not believing God?
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by randomperson: 11:40am On Mar 16, 2017
enshy:

So lets break it down here: Is it really better for you than most of us here? What are your yardsticks?
You, I mean you, what do you have to show for not believing God?
Exactly my point... Things are not necessarily better for me. If they are, it's not because I don't believe in god. Atheism or deism or whatever don't promise you riches, good health or protection. Christianity does but despite the promises of God littered all over the bible, Christians don't have it better... They suffer the same things others do... Therefore, their god was either lying to them or he doesn't exist at all...

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Re: If God Were Your Spouse by enshy: 11:51am On Mar 16, 2017
randomperson:

Exactly my point... Things are not necessarily better for me. If they are, it's not because I don't believe in god. Atheism or deism or whatever don't promise you riches, good health or protection. Christianity does but despite the promises of God littered all over the bible, Christians don't have it better... They suffer the same things others do... Therefore, their god was either lying to them or he doesn't exist at all...
So in this life and in that to come, you have no hope!
What a life you live, for nothing.
I live for God and I see the results on earth with a hope for the future!
Now not everyone who claims God or prays is of Him. God knows His own. There are principles to living in dominion, it doesnt drop from Heaven, its hid in Scriptures!
You know nothing about what next after death, so dont argue. You dont argue what you have no clue of.
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by Nobody: 12:03pm On Mar 16, 2017
enshy:

How much more a destroyer that man who wishes to destroy anothers marriage by proving the spouse is Wicked?
Wouldnt a wise man try to make the marriage work than separate them? Your theory pictures my spouse to be evil, simply put you are more EVIL! You are the DEVIL who seeks to destroy my home!!
I should avoid you to secure my marriage because your intentions must be evil to paint my spouse bad so you can get me. Thats always the Wickeds strategy!!
You always end up pulling down your theories!





Re: If God Were Your Spouse by randomperson: 12:06pm On Mar 16, 2017
enshy:

So in this life and in that to come, you have no hope!
What a life you live, for nothing.
I live for God and I see the results on earth with a hope for the future!
Now not everyone who claims God or prays is of Him. God knows His own. There are principles to living in dominion, it doesnt drop from Heaven, its hid in Scriptures!
You know nothing about what next after death, so dont argue. You dont argue what you have no clue of.
grin grin
You people really do make me laugh! So because I don't rely on a sky daddy for hand me downs, it means I have no hope? I have hope but not the false hope that your people hold on to and does nothing for you...
And yes, I know nothing about what's next after death but do you? Tell me what you know about what's next after death

1 Like

Re: If God Were Your Spouse by enshy: 12:15pm On Mar 16, 2017
randomperson:

grin grin
You people really do make me laugh! So because I don't rely on a sky daddy for hand me downs, it means I have no hope? I have hope but not the false hope that your people hold on to and does nothing for you...
And yes, I know nothing about what's next after death but do you? Tell me what you know about what's next after death
So whats your hope?
After death, its judgment!
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by Nobody: 12:20pm On Mar 16, 2017
enshy:

So whats your hope?
After death, its judgment!
only? nothing more?
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by Nobody: 12:27pm On Mar 16, 2017
adepeter26:

only? nothing more?

As usual they are unable to reason deeply. Only face value tunnel vision.

What is Judgement for and If there is a Judgement that means there is a Judge and the Judge can determine the kind of Judgement rendered based on evidence.

A judge can rule in favour of a reward for the accused or in favour of a punishment. Every and anything you see being applied by man physically on earth is simply a shadow of that which heaven has already set in motion.

If Judgement is immaterial then why do even humans subject themselves to such and why do even atheists drag themselves and others before a judge in a court of law. Why not try and run from the law or from the subpoena issued to you to appear in court and see how far you can run.
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by enshy: 12:31pm On Mar 16, 2017
adepeter26:

only? nothing more?
For the unrighteous, unbelieving, perverts, corrupt, God haters, wicked, sinful, yes, nothing more...Judgment! Judgment!!
For the believing, chosen, forgiven, washed, saved, holy, there is more...Death is a transport to a Glorious Eternity of Worship, Reign, Awards, Glory, Rest!
Time will fail to recount those Glorious Experiences!
They are too precious pearls to cast before swines!!
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by ScepticalPyrrho: 12:43pm On Mar 16, 2017
I see some guys have taken it upon themselves to defend(embarrass) the Christian faith.

1 Like

Re: If God Were Your Spouse by akintom(m): 12:48pm On Mar 16, 2017
enshy:

So in this life and in that to come, you have no hope!
What a life you live, for nothing.
I live for God and I see the results on earth with a hope for the future!
Now not everyone who claims God or prays is of Him. God knows His own. There are principles to living in dominion, it doesnt drop from Heaven, its hid in Scriptures!
You know nothing about what next after death, so dont argue. You dont argue what you have no clue of.

You're just wasting your life with Yahweh. FSM can offer you the best. Only if you accept FSM as your creator. In FSM Kingdom, there shall be pleasure forever.
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by Nobody: 12:59pm On Mar 16, 2017
akintom:


You're just wasting your life with Yahweh. FSM can offer you the best. Only if you accept FSM as your creator. In FSM Kingdom, there shall be pleasure forever.

Give me a list of this "everlasting pleasure". While at it can you show me proof of your conviction?
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by enshy: 1:06pm On Mar 16, 2017
akintom:


You're just wasting your life with Yahweh. FSM can offer you the best. Only if you accept FSM as your creator. In FSM Kingdom, there shall be pleasure forever.
akintom, my Friend.
You don leave atheism, now its FSM.
Keep hopping around till you hop back to Him.
You will surely come around some day!
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by randomperson: 1:38pm On Mar 16, 2017
enshy:

So whats your hope?
After death, its judgment!
Judgment?? So you believe only Christians will go to heaven while every other person will go to hell, irrespective of whether they are good people or not.
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by enshy: 1:45pm On Mar 16, 2017
randomperson:

Judgment?? So you believe only Christians will go to heaven while every other person will go to hell, irrespective of whether they are good people or not.
So you believe only those that participate at the olympics and enter into the race fulfilling the conditions of the game will win the gold medal?
My dear, there is no salvation in any other, there is no other name given amongst men whereby we must be saved...
There will no Xtian, Muslim, atheist, agnostic, idol worshipper in Heaven...Only those that have accepted Jesus and have been washed by the blood, those are the redeemed, only these will make Heaven at last!
Settle with Him and ecsape the damnation to come!

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Re: If God Were Your Spouse by akintom(m): 1:46pm On Mar 16, 2017
4everGod:


Give me a list of this "everlasting pleasure". While at it can you show me proof of your conviction?
.
I will only recognize you if you appear in that your coward moniker called damogul.

Until then, the FSM will be watching you.
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by akintom(m): 1:49pm On Mar 16, 2017
enshy:
akintom, my Friend. You don leave atheism, now its FSM. Keep hopping around till you hop back to Him. You will surely come around some day!
Don't you know FSM?
Re: If God Were Your Spouse by Nobody: 1:49pm On Mar 16, 2017
randomperson:

Judgment?? So you believe only Christians will go to heaven while every other person will go to hell, irrespective of whether they are good people or not.

Do you believe heaven or hell is real? If your answer is no then how does where whoever ends up bother you while you are yet alive on earth?

if a Christian who Loves God and has served Him faithfully believes he is going to make heaven and not hell then how does that affect you?

"Good" is never done without a reason....or motivation. Nobody wakes up to doing good..there is always a motive.

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