Am sorry but married a beast.
You better leave that house with your kids for now. He is already seeing another woman. Don't wait until he brings her home.
Leave the house please so you can live for your children. Your husband is an animal.
The very best thing you need now is temporal separation.
May be that will reset his brain.

And your problem is that you don't want him to bring another woman in. that's why you need advice?

Look at it this way. Another woman will share the beatings and rape with you. And sometimes he will hit her with the car instead of you thus sparing you the injury. Both of you can cry together when he's left the house. Another woman might just be what you need.

Since you can take care of yourself financially, what exactly is keeping you there? Someone says those horrible things to you, hits you with his car, beats and rapes you when you're pregnant and your problem is how to keep him to yourself.

I don't know what to say.

Emerald557:

The kids are asleep. I am hardly awake this time. The man is not home yet. I wrote this out of pains. I needed advice

Since you don't want to leave him, don't want to get contraceptives, my honest advice for you would be to let him bring in his mistress that's he's been threatening you with.

That way less of his attention will be on you and you can have some peace . Relatively speaking.

My dear your husband is mentally insane. He is a rapist, sadist and a psychopath. You will eventually die from stress and hypertension is you don't take to your heels. He already has another woman outside. Please step aside so that she can enjoy him fully and taste the wonders you are seeing inside the house with him.

Take your kids and run. It will never get better and such a man will kill you. When you are dead he won't have problems raping your daughter. When there is life, there is hope o. Your children deserve for you to be alive and take care of them. This man does not give a damn about the 3 of you. Just run away. Just admit that it was a mistake marrying him and run for your life. Is this how you want your son to treat his wife? Is this how you will want your daughter to be treated? If you stay you are showing them that such a behavior is normal. It's not.

Emerald557:
as for domestic violence I have reported him to the police. But as for rape, who do I tell? They will say he has paid bride price... I have never enjoyed love making. It has always been s*x, s*x and more s*x

SEAT YOUR HUSBAND AND TALK WITH HIM ON HOW YOU FEEL, IF HE DOESN'T CONCUR ,TAKE THE ISSUES TO THE ELDERS IN HIS FAMILY AND ALSO TO THE ELDERS IN YOUR FAMILY,SO THEY CAN HELP YOU TALK TO HIM...

READING THROUGH ALL YOUR REPLIES, YOU SAID GE STAYED IN LAG,WHILE YOU WERE IN BENIN,WHICH MEANS YOU HAD A DISTANT RELATIONSHIP WHICH MADE YOU NOT TO NOTICE ALL THESE NEGATIVE ACT HES EXHIBITING,DUE TO THE DISTANCE THE BOTH OF YOU DIDN'T AV TIME TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELVES.

MY PRAYER FOR YOU IS GOD SHOULD CHANGE HIM TO A BETTER HUSBAND...

whatever reasons you have for not wanting to do family planning is Rubbish.

Is this the way you will be doing trial and error till the end of the life? After You have mistakenly delivered 10 times, your brain will reset, In this age and time?

How do you think you will convince a married man to be using condom for his wife?

You better go and do family planning now..

Hi am African American I think you should receive the Holy Spirit and let him guide you In Jesus name I declare and decree it's already done.

What exactly are you getting from that marriage?
Money, he doesn't give you for your children, he insults You, he beats you even while pregnant.
What exactly is the point of staying in such a union? You're still struggling to feed those 2 little children, yet he wants sex and doesn't want the responsibility that comes with it. Family planning isn't just the responsibility of the woman. If you're sure you've completed your Family, you can have yoir tubes tied or he can have a vasectomy. A vasectomy is usually an easier, more effective procedure than tying your tubes anyway, but most Nigerians don't like hearing about such permanent types of contraception.
I hope you have parents, if you die they will miss you. Your children will be at the mercy of an irresponsible man and his new wife.
Any decision you decide to take should be logical. What are the good things about your marriage? What are the bad things? What is important to your welfare, and the welfare of your children? Do the good sides outweigh the bad? From your narrative, your marriage sounds like hell anyway.

Well, I hope we all realise that long-distance relationships, which may/may not lead to marriage takes much more from both partners to make an effective partnership. It's crystal clear that the distance did not allow for effective understanding. You most probably got into sumfin with someone you didn't really 'know'. The damage has been done. Damage limitation is the option you're left with. I don't think this is an issue for God to intervene, there are situations that require the use of common sense. Do whatever you can to be in a stable marriage but me thinks his mind is made up. Character wise, he is appalling, you didn't figure this out, now you're complaining. I don't support long distance stuffs, they just have a way of making you blind to what should have been obvious. He looks like the wrong partner, pardon my abrasive view (I may also be wrong). Look before leaping next time. No one is worth losing your life or happiness over. Have a solid week ahead.

Smh.

Madam I want to ask you some pertinent questions you need to ask yourself

1Did you marry because of sex
2Was he like this before marriage (as in was he a rapist or he raped someone and you still ended up with him)
3did he beat you before marriage or he started
4.did he ever at anytime catch you cheating or another man has impregnated you and you pushed it to him and now he has discovered but he won't say anything
5.are you a constant nag
6.where you aware that he was a nympho before marriage
7are you sure he doesn't do drugs like smoking weed and stuffs like that
8. Are you insatiable financially
9.did he beat you before marriage
10.is he a porn addict?

Obviously there's a breakdown of communication so I advice you inform his mom and explain all this to her

Two choices.it's either you speak out now and get the burden off your chest or die of hypertension. Remember moji olaiya (nollywood actress) if you die during child birth trust me neither him or his family will send you and if he remarries I assure you your children will be treated worse than a slave that's even if they continue with their education

Wow! This is what happens when people just marry because others are doing it. Biko, don't kill yourself. It looks like that's what you are hell bent on doing! Whew!

eyinjuege:
What exactly are you getting from that marriage?
Money, he doesn't give you for your children, he insults You, he beats you even while pregnant.
What exactly is the point of staying in such a union? You're still struggling to feed those 2 little children, yet he wants sex and doesn't want the responsibility that comes with it. Family planning isn't just the responsibility of the woman. If you're sure you've completed your Family, you can have yoir tubes tied or he can have a vasectomy. A vasectomy is usually an easier, more effective procedure than tying your tubes anyway, but most Nigerians don't like hearing about such permanent types of contraception.
I hope you have parents, if you die they will miss you. Your children will be at the mercy of an irresponsible man and his new wife.
Any decision you decide to take should be logical. What are the good things about your marriage? What are the bad things? What is important to your welfare, and the welfare of your children? Do the good sides outweigh the bad? From your narrative, your marriage sounds like hell anyway.

exactly my point I remember a case of dv similar to this but not as terrible as this. Everyday na so so wahala. Everyone told her to leave before she dies there.she said no she wants to stay because of her children. She eventually died there,the husband remarried immediately and the new wife was using her teenage daughter for prostitution,collect the money from the men that sleep with the girl to use to buy new clothes.the girl suffered seriously till she ran to our church and was rehabilitated.

All these fear and paranoia women have about their children if they leave the marriage happens immediately they die.is it the man that doesn't give her money now that she's still alive that Will pay her children's school fees when she's dead

Op if you don't walk out now and you die,if you have a son your husband refused to educate or take care of it's either he'll be a Lagos agbero chasing and hanging on buses on the road or he will become a pick pocket and if you have a daughter she will be used for prostitution or rituals. Be wise.this is an anti women society you're living in

Shebi you still have parents? Except of course your life is no longer valuable to you or your children

baby124:
My dear your husband is mentally insane. He is a rapist, sadist and a psychopath. You will eventually die from stress and hypertension is you don't take to your heels. He already has another woman outside. Please step aside so that she can enjoy him fully and taste the wonders you are seeing inside the house with him.

Take your kids and run. It will never get better and such a man will kill you. When you are dead he won't have problems raping your daughter. When there is life, there is hope o. Your children deserve for you to be alive and take care of them. This man does not give a damn about the 3 of you. Just run away. Just admit that it was a mistake marrying him and run for your life. Is this how you want your son to treat his wife? Is this how you will want your daughter to be treated? If you stay you are showing them that such a behavior is normal. It's not.

op follow this post.baby has said it all

Emerald557:
can't do family planning for personal reasons. Or wanna hear the reasons

I want to hear cos I don't get this whole thing at all. Did the beating start when you were pregnant or its been there? Don't you have where to go for a while to see if he'll come back to his senses or talk to someone he respect.
This type of men rarely change oh. Laying hands on a pregnant woman is a big big no no.

cococandy:
And your problem is that you don't want him to bring another woman in. that's why you need advice?

Look at it this way. Another woman will share the beatings and rape with you. And sometimes he will hit her with the car instead of you thus sparing you the injury. Both of you can cry together when he's left the house. Another woman might just be what you need.

Since you can take care of yourself financially, what exactly is keeping you there? Someone says those horrible things to you, hits you with his car, beats and rapes you when you're pregnant and your problem is how to keep him to yourself.

I don't know what to say.

I tire. I never knew you are this wise!

cococandy:
And your problem is that you don't want him to bring another woman in. that's why you need advice?

Look at it this way. Another woman will share the beatings and rape with you. And sometimes he will hit her with the car instead of you thus sparing you the injury. Both of you can cry together when he's left the house. Another woman might just be what you need.

Since you can take care of yourself financially, what exactly is keeping you there? Someone says those horrible things to you, hits you with his car, beats and rapes you when you're pregnant and your problem is how to keep him to yourself.

I don't know what to say.

my dear a victim of serial rape,verbal,emotional and psychological abuse is vulnerable, will have low self esteem,the husband will make her feel she deserves all the animalistic treatment metted out on her.right now she needs healing, soul healing, mental healing, love to see that she's valuable she deserves respect and life.it's obvious the man has dealt with her so bad that her dignity as a woman has been stripped off.she thinks she's not valuable without her husband that's why.its love she needs not judgment

EfemenaXY:
This thread is a joke.

For a "woman" with a newborn, a toddler, and a maniac husband whom you have to tip-toe around for fear of getting beaten up, you do seem to have a lot of spare time on your hands - eagle watching, monitoring and rapidly responding to comments on your thread.

you are right

fake story

labonita1:
you are right

fake story

It is not a fake story please. I am a witness to the op's predicament. She seriously needs advise, don't derail this thread by doubting. So, ur mind tells u that somebody will make up a story n stay up late to reply comments. If it was a fake story, u may not even see any op's comment after the first post, Now that she has the chance to reply, let her reply, before the beast gets back by 2am in D morning as usual n takes her phone from her or something. She, who wear the shoes know where it itches, remember this proverb, uneasy lies d head that wears the crown. Pls, if she is your sister, how will u advise her. Thank u. You never can tell the magnitude of beast in most men. The beast in some men is raised to the power of infinity, apologies to the few good men out there and if ur wife calls u good man, u must indeed be a rare gem, so please advise the op. Thanks again.

Emerald557:
My marriage is 3years as we speak with 2 kids(a boy and a girl). I took in for my daughter when my son was 1 year 3 months old. Now when I told my hubby I was pregnant, there is nothing he did not say or do to me, he said that he has people looking up to him and I am bringing extra burden on him. ((This is a man that agreed with me that we will have 3 kids God willing)) throughout my pregnancy he tormented me to the point that he wanted me dead with the pregnancy or that I miscarried the pregnancy or that I die with the pregnancy.He told people that I always disturbed him for s*x and that I planned the pregnancy. I fought to stay alive for my son. He beat me twice with the pregnancy on one occasion he blinded me in an eye from a punch from him for one week I didn't go to work, my job was astake. I kept praying and hoping I sailed through this pregnancy. On another occasion I needed to go out to my school's graduation with my son considering that i was heavy and am going with my son who is less than 2 years old, so i needed to go with the car (we both contributed money to buy(the family's car)) and we had both talked about my going with the car for my graduation the previous day, only for him to take the car keys and zoomed off to the car when I was ready with my son to go out. I tried to remind him about what we agreed on, he said and I quote "if you don't get out of there, I will jam you with the car", I was perplexed, still looking at him, he entered the car drove it and hit me with the car. Came out, slapped me and went back into the car and he said that he will kill me and marry another woman. It then dawned on me that he wants me dead. I had to start threading with caution knowing that am alone in this world, with my son and with pregnancy. I became more prayerful and I paid alot of sacrifices to stay alive. Sacrifices in the sense that I never demand for money from him as that will infuriate him to pounce on me. From the start of the pregnancy to baby items, hospital list, hospital bills after delivery till date I never asked him for money and he never used his mind to help out with money. I promised myself never to ask him for money again, I spend my money when am in need and I don't have money, I borrow. In the midst of this saga, he was always having s*x with me whenever he wants to, which mouth will I use to say no. And most of the time, he gets rough really rough during s*x so as to make me miscarry. Prior to this pregnancy I never refuse him s*x, even when I am too tired. When I am sick, he wants s*x, I tell him I can't because I am not well, he will force me. We can quarrel throughout the day and not talk to each other, but at night he must have "his" s*x. I tell him am not safe, he will tell me he will withdraw until I got pregnant for my daughter. Now I have put to bed. My son is 2yrs 4months and my daughter is 5months. I pay my bills and my kids bills and now he wants more sex. I can't do family planning for personal reasons. I plead with him to use condom, he says he won't that he does not like it. He uses withdrawal method which we both know doesn't work, and then I refuse him sometimes but still he over powers me and gets his s*x. I fear I will get pregnant again. Now he is threatening, raining fire and brimstone over s*x. That he will bring in a woman who will drive me out of the house. Please I need your candid advice on what to do. I am going crazy

OP MY OWN ADVICE FOR YOU IS TEMPORARY SEPARATION FOR NOW, GO BACK TO YOUR PARENTS HOUSE FOR A WHILE, THANK GOD YOU ARE WORKING AND YOU PAY YOUR BILLS YOURSELF SO HE WONT BE MISSED, CAUSE I SEE THAT MAN KILLING YOU SOON IF YOU CONTINUE TO STAY IN THAT HOUSE WITH HIM, MAY GOD FORBID ANYWAY, TAKE FEW THINGS WITH YOU AND LEAVE FOR A WHILE.... I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU HERE... MAY GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR KIDS...

baby124:
My dear your husband is mentally insane. He is a rapist, sadist and a psychopath. You will eventually die from stress and hypertension is you don't take to your heels. He already has another woman outside. Please step aside so that she can enjoy him fully and taste the wonders you are seeing inside the house with him.

Take your kids and run. It will never get better and such a man will kill you. When you are dead he won't have problems raping your daughter. When there is life, there is hope o. Your children deserve for you to be alive and take care of them. This man does not give a damn about the 3 of you. Just run away. Just admit that it was a mistake marrying him and run for your life. Is this how you want your son to treat his wife? Is this how you will want your daughter to be treated? If you stay you are showing them that such a behavior is normal. It's not.

He can bring in his mistress, but obviously can't live with him and his mistress.

Why can't you do family planning ....because family planning is seriously needed now unless you want a third child

Seanjay:





OP MY OWN ADVICE FOR YOU IS TEMPORARY SEPARATION FOR NOW, GO BACK TO YOUR PARENTS HOUSE FOR A WHILE, THANK GOD YOU ARE WORKING AND YOU PAY YOUR BILLS YOURSELF SO HE WONT BE MISSED, CAUSE I SEE THAT MAN KILLING YOU SOON IF YOU CONTINUE TO STAY IN THAT HOUSE WITH HIM, MAY GOD FORBID ANYWAY, TAKE FEW THINGS WITH YOU AND LEAVE FOR A WHILE.... I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU HERE... MAY GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR KIDS...

Amen. I will leave but no place to go as my parents live in Benin and I work here in Lagos.

dangotesmummy:
my dear a victim of serial rape,verbal,emotional and psychological abuse is vulnerable, will have low self esteem,the husband will make her feel she deserves all the animalistic treatment metted out on her.right now she needs healing, soul healing, mental healing, love to see that she's valuable she deserves respect and life.it's obvious the man has dealt with her so bad that her dignity as a woman has been stripped off.she thinks she's not valuable without her husband that's why.its love she needs not judgment

Thanks dangotesmummy, you know exactly how I feel inside

doyinbaby:
Why can't you do family planning ....because family planning is seriously needed now unless you want a third child

I just can't

Emerald557:

I just can't

then avoid sex with him during your ovulation period....this is not 100% effective

Emerald557:

Amen. I will leave but no place to go as my parents live in Benin and I work here in Lagos.

Dont you have any friends or family in lagos at all? and i think thats more reason why he is treating you bad? what about him does he has family in lagos?

Coldplay007:
whatever reasons you have for not wanting to do family planning is Rubbish.

Is this the way you will be doing trial and error till the end of the life? After You have mistakenly delivered 10 times, your brain will reset, In this age and time?

How do you think you will convince a married man to be using condom for his wife?

You better go and do family planning now..

Do family planning and continue the pains I feel each day? With or without family planning my dear I have been a victim of sexual abuse. This is an abusive relationship. I have never enjoyed lovemaking in this marriage. It has always been sex, sex and sex again

PrincessAmaka:


It is not a fake story please. I am a witness to the op's predicament. She seriously needs advise, don't derail this thread by doubting. So, ur mind tells u that somebody will make up a story n stay up late to reply comments. If it was a fake story, u may not even see any op's comment after the first post, Now that she has the chance to reply, let her reply, before the beast gets back by 2am in D morning as usual n takes her phone from her or something. She, who wear the shoes know where it itches, remember this proverb, uneasy lies d head that wears the crown. Pls, if she is your sister, how will u advise her. Thank u. You never can tell the magnitude of beast in most men. The beast in some men is raised to the power of infinity, apologies to the few good men out there and if ur wife calls u good man, u must indeed be a rare gem, so please advise the op. Thanks again.

like you said you are a witness to op predicament, am sorry for doubting.

Seanjay:




Dont you have any friends or family in lagos at all? and i think thats more reason why he is treating you bad? what about him does he has family in lagos?

Friends, how long will friends harbour/tolerate you with 2 children.
He has relations in Lagos but they are of the opinion that I die in his hands. They are on his side. The won't let me leave him.

doyinbaby:
then avoid sex with him during your ovulation period....this is not 100% effective

That's what I try to do. But he won't hear I am not safe. He will claim he will withdraw. I took in for my second child in the name of withdrawal. If he wants sex, he wants sex.... No turning him down or he will have it forcefully

Emerald557:

That's what I try to do. But he won't hear I am not safe. He will claim he will withdraw. I took in for my second child in the name of withdrawal. If he wants sex, he wants sex.... No turning him down or he will have it forcefully

my sister you have to prayerfully seek direction from God...God will strengthen you

Zuriela:

I want to hear cos I don't get this whole thing at all. Did the beating start when you were pregnant or its been there? Don't you have where to go for a while to see if he'll come back to his senses or talk to someone he respect.
This type of men rarely change oh. Laying hands on a pregnant woman is a big big no no.

The started when we were 3months into the marriage... Throughout marriage, if he has not beaten me, he has beaten me 10 times. He is a woman beater. He is a woman beater because just very recently, he beat up his sales girl's girlfriend in the name of disrespect. But hey don't men disrespect him? Y has he not thrown blow with them? The highest he will do with guys is quarrel. But women he beats and of course women will always be women.