From what you wrote it seems you are a woman who is capable of doing fine on her own without the extra baggage of a man. So the question is what are you still doing in his house then?
The man can't even afford to buy a car without your contribution so what exactly is he useful for.
About time you do the needful. ..........

I888:
they always like "bad boys" na... I rarely feel sorry for women in a situation like this? You know why? An average Nigerian woman do not like a guy who over pamper them, they see you as weakling, immature, kid, pest and just name it. They always prefer the opposite even though they announce that they want attention and love. Bros, Na big lie!!!

That's not true and you know it.

Emerald557:

That's not true and you know it.

madam, I speak from experience. It's a fact! Every girl I showed too much affection messed it up NONE, absolutely NONE could appreciate it.

It's gotten so bad that I now have a phobia and often fight between hiding my real self or revealing it. It sucks!

Emerald557:


The signs weren't there at all.... We had a distant relationship, throughout courtship I visited him like 3 times and they were short visit... So I just couldn't see all this bad side of him

are you looking for solution or pity party?

Emerald557:


I can leave him, i never said i cant leave him,he can go ahead and have fun with his mistress

Then help yourself. You're the only one who can help yourself at this point. The decision is in your hands. I really don't understand why you don't want to do family planning especially with the kind of husband you have.

I888:
madam, I speak from experience. It's a fact! Every girl I showed too much affection messed it up NONE, absolutely NONE could appreciate it.

It's gotten so bad that I now have a phobia and often fight between hiding my real self or revealing it. It sucks!

my dear change your circle of girls, I love attention, respect, care in fact every good thing my man can give me so stay away from the kinda girls you have been dating and improve your circle

I888:
madam, I speak from experience. It's a fact! Every girl I showed too much affection messed it up NONE, absolutely NONE could appreciate it.

It's gotten so bad that I now have a phobia and often fight between hiding my real self or revealing it. It sucks!

Oh sorry.....
Bad experience.

dangotesmummy:
are you looking for solution or pity party?

SOLUTION please.

Is this marriage for real? And he feels so comfortable watching you take over the responsibilities of catering for his children even when he has the wherewithal to do so? He assaults and molest you? And this is a man who prior to this time might have promised to love you forever? Gosh!

I don't know why friends fail to understand when I say I am afraid of getting married. The news, the experiences of people around, just about everything concerning marriage these days are so discouraging.

My sister, honestly I don't know the best advise to give to you. If I say divorce him, The Scripture will say NO. If I say stay, the man might kill you. And if I tell you to go see a Counselor, of what benefit will that be since your husband might not even go with you.

Now a thought just dropped into my heart as I type, why not keep on praying for God's divine intervention? I pray also that God will make you smile again, touch your husband's heart and bring back the lost love.

It shall be well again with you, Sis.

Sounds like you need to be single

extremelygolden:
Is this marriage for real? And he feels so comfortable watching you take over the responsibilities of catering for his children even when he has the wherewithal to do so? He assaults and molest you? And this is a man who prior to this time might have promised to love you forever? Gosh!

I don't know why friends fail to understand when I say I am afraid of getting married. The news, the experiences of people around, just about everything concerning marriage these days are so discouraging.

My sister, honestly I don't know the best advise to give to you. If I say divorce him, The Scripture will say NO. If I say stay, the man might kill you. And if I tell you to go see a Counselor, of what benefit will that be since your husband might not even go with you.

Now a thought just dropped into my heart as I type, why not keep on praying for God's divine intervention? I pray also that God will make you smile again, touch your husband's heart and bring back the lost love.

It shall be well again with you, Sis.

I don't know why friends fail to understand when I say I am afraid of getting married. The news, the experiences of people around, just about everything concerning marriage these days are so discouraging. Sorry I made you feel this way.....


Now a thought just dropped into my heart as I type, why not keep on praying for God's divine intervention? I pray also that God will make you smile again, touch your husband's heart and bring back the lost love.

It shall be well again with you, Sis
Amen

Clearly every one will say the man is a beast, from her points....as a counsellor I never conclude on a single point of reference, she said her piece....what has the man to say for the allegations? Then we judge...domestic violence has been on play in African marriages, but it's been aired these days cos of media which is good...we cannot advise her here to make a choice....go back to your marriage sponsors, pastor or parents....dig deep and find the answers u seek....we will confuse you more here

chucks231:
Clearly every one will say the man is a beast, from her points....as a counsellor I never conclude on a single point of reference, she said her piece....what has the man to say for the allegations? Then we judge...domestic violence has been on play in African marriages, but it's been aired these days cos of media which is good...we cannot advise her here to make a choice....go back to your marriage sponsors, pastor or parents....dig deep and find the answers u seek....we will confuse you more here

You mean they are allegations
What will I gain by false allegations?
That he forces himself on me sexually is allegation?
That he is violent and beats me at any given opportunity is allegation?
That I pay my bills and my kids bills is allegation?
That he won't hear that am pregnant but jumps on me for sex like a hungry lion that have seen a goat to devour is allegation?
Please oga park well

Blade21:
my dear change your circle of girls, I love attention, respect, care in fact every good thing my man can give me so stay away from the kinda girls you have been dating and improve your circle

yeah, that's what most of you say openly lol. We have heard this before from same people who talk like you and when in the game, they do same thing I mentioned earlier.

I888:
yeah, that's what most of you say openly lol. We have heard this before from same people who talk like you and when in the game, they do same thing I mentioned earlier.

no need exchanging words with you am married now and am very happy I hope you find someone that loves and values you the way you are.

Emerald557:




You mean they are allegations
What will I gain by false allegations?
That he forces himself on me sexually is allegation?
That he is violent and beats me at any given opportunity is allegation?
That I pay my bills and my kids bills is allegation?
That he won't hear that am pregnant but jumps on me for sex like a hungry lion that have seen a goat to devour is allegation?
Please oga park well

Why don't you go to your parents house and chill for a while??

Please don't let this man cause more damages to your emotions than he already have done.

Don't just fold your hands and watch. Leave for a while at least you will have peace of mind in your parents house. Your kids do not deserve to see you in pain all the time.

I wish you Live in the U.S, I would point you to the right direction.

But my dear, PLEASE do not fold your hands. PLEASE!!!

Emerald557:

SOLUTION please.

then do what baby suggested or what more do you want? Cococandy and some others have given you great advice so the ball is in your court now

When an individual is given 1,2,3,4,5,6 ...options and she chooses to find excuses to counter them all, it is obvious she does not need advice but a pity party.

We sympathise with you dear. You have really being through a lot. Please pray more. I wish I could pray for you but I think I need the prayers more.

I would have given some advice too but most of what I have is already covered and they are all good.

For the record, I am not insensitive, I believe in tough love but in this case, Op has to love herself enough to leave the pity party stage and move into the action stage to be able to resolve this issue.

She is in possession of the bread and the knife and she will cut it when she is ready.

My only prayer will be for the kids and that she does the right thing before it is too late. For their sake.

Thanks everyone for your advice.. I have swung into action.

Better. The earlier the better. Good luck madam.

This is clearly a domestic violence case
Pls Op needs help
She needs to be separated from that beast of a man she calls husband.


Babes plz date o
Don't do distant relationship alone and jump into married. Spend times with him, sleep in the same room and test level of self control.
Hmmm

chucks231:
Clearly every one will say the man is a beast, from her points....as a counsellor I never conclude on a single point of reference, she said her piece....what has the man to say for the allegations? Then we judge...domestic violence has been on play in African marriages, but it's been aired these days cos of media which is good...we cannot advise her here to make a choice....go back to your marriage sponsors, pastor or parents....dig deep and find the answers u seek....we will confuse you more here

So as a counsellor
What do you have to say about the s. e.x part?

I888:
madam, I speak from experience. It's a fact! Every girl I showed too much affection messed it up NONE, absolutely NONE could appreciate it.

It's gotten so bad that I now have a phobia and often fight between hiding my real self or revealing it. It sucks!

Ogbeni park well
I met a lot of good guyz before my husband
But you know what?
I couldn't date them
Why?
I can't even say.
The thing didn't just gel. These guyz were overly good. So much that I was asking myself what the problem was. But I know myself. Once the spirit is not willing, going into it won't make it work.

Until I met my husband. Everything just clicked. Very good as well.

Stop forcing yourself on what nature didn't approve. Your own will come..wait for it

Emerald557:
Thanks everyone for your advice.. I have swung into action.

what action?

chinybelle:

So as a counsellor
What do you have to say about the s. e.x part?

she can't ignore the glaring facts, choices, a simple visit to a gyna to the get a contraceptive plan suitable for her system, she needs to be selfish to herself and her kid....as for the man I believe violence is caused from a trigger I will love to go down the grassroots...

Everyone commenting here. This op might even be lying about the whole story. It's will be better to hear both sides of stories before advicing on what to do. How on earth will I marry a woman and I can not s3x her anytime I want. This is ridiculous. Call it anything you like rape or whatever I don't give a flying monkey. If she can't receive the s3x then she can pack out. Nonsense. There is MORE to this story the woman is telling us. Call me if you need any clarification 08091924813

Dear Op

Pls ignore those asking u if u didn't see the signs when dating it's if no use for now."

Try to make your marriage work, don't be tempted to go for temporary sepeartion as that may lead to the end of your marriage don't be surprised.

My advise is this, there are several safe family options you can use. U can speak to ur Dr, your husband thinks u are stubborn by not opting for FP and wants u to suffer for it.

Please don't say u can't adopt any FP bcoz u can't keep getting pregnant, u aren't even enjoying ur sex life bcoz u are scared.
Pick yourself up and learn to love urself. The way u carry urself in a relationship matters.



I strongly believe ur marriage can work!

baddy404:
Everyone commenting here. This op might even be lying about the whole story. It's will be better to hear both sides of stories before advicing on what to do. How on earth will I marry a woman and I can not s3x her anytime I want. This is ridiculous. Call it anything you like rape or whatever I don't give a flying monkey. If she can't receive the s3x then she can pack out. Nonsense. There is MORE to this story the woman is telling us. Call me if you need any clarification 08091924813

Part 2 has come oooo.my people.


Stop being insensitive pls oga.if u r truly her husband

baddy404:
Everyone commenting here. This op might even be lying about the whole story. It's will be better to hear both sides of stories before advicing on what to do. How on earth will I marry a woman and I can not s3x her anytime I want. This is ridiculous. Call it anything you like rape or whatever I don't give a flying monkey. If she can't receive the s3x then she can pack out. Nonsense. There is MORE to this story the woman is telling us. Call me if you need any clarification 08091924813

You do not give a flying monkey right?
Is that why you are violent and beat her up at any given opportunity. Even after helping you out with your financial responsibilities.
Oga only an animal would do all these and still claim right