WHEN MY UNCLE DECIDED TO GIVE ME FREE MARRIAGE COACHING “My son, how are you?” “I am fine Sir.” “You remembered me today, welcome.” “I hear that you young people of nowadays are having so much challenges getting married and staying married.” “I even heard some single girls have vowed to remain single.” “Yes Sir, a lot is happening these days.” “Ennnh ehn, what is this thing about people trying to kill themselves, or spouses killing each other or mutilating body parts as a result of marital crisis?” “Ah, daddy, I think it is true o, it’s all over the internet.” “Tufiakwa, that is the problem with you people, why should everything be on the internet?” “Do you think we did not have marital challenges in our days?” “Even when we had to “return” our wives to the parents, it was always a family affair, not for the village square.” “Ah ah, my son, I was told that men have become so violent these days, so much so that some people are blaming women for rushing into marriage without knowing the men well enough.” “That is true Papa, a lot of the mature single ladies hold this opinion.” “No my son, that is another error.” “It has nothing to do with whether you “test-drive” the union well or not”. “In our days, not many of us had the privilege of having pre-marital relationships with our potential spouses.” “In most cases, your parents will introduce your wife to you after they have made all marital arrangements.” “Really?” “In fact, our brothers in the cities got their wives posted to them.” “You know my brother Izonim in Benin, my mother took his wife to him in Benin, he is a happy grand-father today and still loving his wife after over 40 years of marriage” “I think the secret was that men were devoted to their families and women had so much respect for their husbands.” “But I am afraid, these days, I guess you guys operate a very flat structure, forgetting that any creature without a head is likely to be a monster.” “Hmnn, Daddy, that na word of wisdom o, I will ponder on it more.” “Daddy please, I have one question to ask you.” “Go ahead my son.” “Ehm, is it possible that men are not emotionally mature enough these days?” “One female celebrity said real MEN are now scarce and there are too many “old babies” with anger issues around.” “No be so my son, I will tell you the truth.” “Women are actually the emotional ones.” “Women are more prone to impatience, anger, verbal assaults and in some cases, physical provocation.” “You young men need to understand women, if you understand women, you will manage her by managing your reaction to her outbursts and tantrums.” “I think the mistake that is so prevalent is that young people now expect perfection, and you tend to go haywire emotionally when you finally face the reality of your spouses’ many flaws and short- comings.” “But I think it should not be about blame- trading and name-calling between female domestic violence activists and men who also suffer silently from women – both parties actually need help.” “As an old man, I think you are lucky in your days – you have good books, teachings and trainings, including the one I heard about on anger management.” “Why not use any of these options to improve your relationship management skills?” “When issues like joblessness and childlessness arise, it is wise to seek counsel even as you seek improvement to the underlying problems.” “Sorry Sir, one more question. “There are so much of anti-marriage views out there right now, and everybody has become marriage life-guards advising that folks should run away once they sense domestic violence - what do you think Sir?” “Hmnnn, my son, that one is hard to answer.” “But the issue is, how many times you will run away in your life?” “There are issues in every relationship, and every man or woman out there has one or more weaknesses or flaws – some will manifest before you wed while some will creep out gradually as you progress in your marital journeys.” “From my experience, I will say that instead of running away from the marriage, find the root cause of the issues and make adjustments where possible.” “Remember that violence is a result of frustration, crushed ego and an untamed will.” “Violence and constant petty bickering come from hearts that have grown cold, hard and un-loving.” “My son, where is the heart that fell in love?” “What are you fighting over that cannot be negotiated?” “If you could agree to get married, why not calm down and reason once again, reason – my son.” “I have learnt a lot Sir, may you live long.” “Thank you my son, I appreciate your company.” “Maybe next time you come, we will talk about money issues and adultery. “Please don’t forget that my last daughter, Linda is getting married in five market days from now, I hope you will not miss the wedding.” Ahh, I will try to make it Sir, happy married life to Linda.

OK! am coming back later