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Please How Do I Stop This / "Suitors Now Prefer Our Maids To Our Daughters For Marriage" - Nigerian Parents / 10 Things Parents Should Moderate In Their Children In Nigeria (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by okezuoemmanue(m): 12:02am On Jun 28, 2017
Make I ask you the op, ur papa knows about this stuff? Na 9ja papas now adays no dey waste time to disown dia children. Cos spare deyMake I ask you the op, ur papa knows about this stuff? Na 9ja papas now adays no dey waste time to disown dia children. Cos spare deyMake I ask you the op, ur papa knows about this stuff? Na 9ja papas now adays no dey waste time to disown dia children. Cos spare dey
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Buchi95(m): 12:04am On Jun 28, 2017
Please can you keep quiet if you do not know what it means to write and see the writing stolen.

BroZuma:


It is good to see that the write up is your intellectual property. Since I don't use Facebook, what impression did you think I have when your name pops up elsewhere?

The guy who doesn't have a manner of approach or the cultured fellow who knows how to resolve issues?

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by DatLagboi(m): 12:08am On Jun 28, 2017
LegendaryArnold:
if you look am well, na the first born dey shout spot on spot on! lol
if na time to share property, you go dey see dem dey claim say na dem first come this world make them first choose. some even take everything and make the younger ones beg for theirs. Even Jesus being the first creation of God take responsibility by dying on the cross for our sins. now, E reach responsibility dem dey para... continue. I don't burden my elder ones though but with much respect comes much responsiblity.
na una op they talk about angry angry
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by erico2k2(m): 12:10am On Jun 28, 2017
DatLagboi:
na una op they talk about angry angry
grin grin grin
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nyceguy92: 12:10am On Jun 28, 2017
Fourwinds:
I have observed a lot of responds from contributors aleady and it speaks about a typical Nigerian home setting(average and poor)....now what do u mean by prostitution in my write up.? I'm telling u when it becomes a burden to some parents they discretely usher their girls into marriage and u call dat one prostitution.? I believe u are learned....so read well...secondly I don't know y u are try to make it personal.....one I'm not d eldest in my family ok....again I walked myself up d ladder ok...my elder ones are there and I don't trouble them but don't think it is same with other families

I did not misrepresent you, please.
Below is from your previous response:

..."have u not heard of some parent tactically pushing their daughters to men to source for money.? and in d course of "waka waka" some evenetually get married through pregnancy in order to ease their burden.?"

I need to be educated on how this refers to parents giving their daughters out in marriage.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nobody: 12:18am On Jun 28, 2017
Buchi95:

Please can you keep quiet if you do not know what it means to write and see the writing stolen.

Problem is the manner with which you attacked the lady...she did not claim it for herself neither is she getting any financial or fiduciary gains from it. I understand where you are coming from and if the first things you type when questioned is an insult, I pity your audience.

The write-up as I said earlier is excellent now act your age and have a wonderful career.

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nobody: 12:19am On Jun 28, 2017
Lordygram:
wow op you are so on point..
In fact Nigeria parents are guilty of this shiit..
You see a mother and a dad telling their eldest son or daughter to try and make money so that he or she can start giving the other children better lives including the parents..
This eldest son is even not through with school and a huge responsibility has been placed on him already..
99% of Nigerian students live in pressure from their parents to make money and take care of them..
Like can't the parents themselves keep working for their tomorrow?
cant The younger siblings of the eldest kid focus on making money on their own...
A son or a daughter will surely take good care of his parents and siblings when he is successful but parents should stop putting pressure on their kids...
Let the children live a pressure free life..
99% is a fallacy and it's wrong assertion

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Appliedmaths(m): 12:22am On Jun 28, 2017
Funny thing is the eldest child would end up growing at a slow pace, may even marry late and end up with very little investment.

3 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nobody: 12:31am On Jun 28, 2017
Physicist:
What the OP wrote is true for many Nigerian families. This same thing happened to me in my family. I am not the first born. I am the third born.

However I fully understand what the OP means. I have more money than all of my siblings. I have 9 siblings. I need to provide for my parents, grandparents, 9 siblings, some aunts, some uncles, some cousins, some nephews, some nieces and some other family members. It is really crazy and it affected my health negatively and still affecting me.

I had to give more half of my scholarship funds to my family while I was at the universities. I was a poor student. My scholarship money was enough for me alone. However, I was a poor student because I gave more than half of my scholarships to my family members. What makes me very angry is that my sibling never took their education serious when we were growing up. I tried to advise them to take their studies serious, they never listened. They were more focused on their boyfriends and girlfriends and having indiscriminate sex with multiple partners.

Some of my siblings have children, that they cannot cater for and they except me to continue providing financial assistance for them and their children because I am in abroad. Parents should not have kids, they cannot cater for. One of the major causes of societal problems in the Nigerian society is parents having children they cannot adequately cater for.

Bros you just nailed it. It is not wrong to help your parents with the work load of catering for your siblings. But the truth is that they now see it as an entitlement not minding the fact that times have changed. It ought to be a privilege.

Let me give you an example I witnessed from a neighbouring family while growing up and my best friends family.

The first son of the neighbouring family was able to open a barbing saloon through menial labour and also bought a bike to use for his okada business while struggling through the university with the little his parents could afford.

His siblings understood the fact that they had to sit up and took the responsibility of managing the saloon when he had lectures or had to put his okada to use cos we all lived in a university town.

Soon he graduated and left the saloon for the 2nd son, who too graduated and left it until it fell apart when the last son was in university. Almost graduating though .

So you see the first had successfully laid a foundation for the younger ones to succeed without becoming a burden to him in the future. And the brothers also made good use of the opportunity except the last soon who didn't care much but at least made some good use of the saloon.

Now my best friends family. Right from secondary school, we were born hustlers . In fact he thought me how to make money and his first business advise brought me my first 100k . We were good in business and eventually paid over way through the university with the business we were able to establish.

We were big boys during our university days while studying law. While his siblings would hardly visit his shops, the few who did, almost ran down his business because they saw it as a means of taking care of their numerous girls and drinking beer all over town.

While I had my then girlfriend (now wife) manage my businesses ) and she did a fantastic job with it.
He was also lucky to have a well brought up sales girl who took charge of the business and made most of it. She even became the manager and face of the business . She was damn too good .Unfortunately they had issues during his final year as she was to go back to school.
He had 5 siblings and no body cared about his business. So he had to choice than to sell when he was to go to law school in Lagos in 2011.
Long story short ,he got a job with a firm on the island and earns 100k a month. This was someone that made not less than 200k a month running his own business.
Now he is not married, barely makes end meet and he is the only grudate the family has.
Pressure is on him to take care of his siblings but he chose to support the girl that stood by him back then (the sales girl) who is currently serving. Hope they get married soon.
Bros ! his siblings had a golden opportunity but blew it. Non is making much now . Each time we meet for some beer and he is having financial challenge, you can see the pain in his eyes because the 100k can't even cater for him alone much more raise a family and take care of his siblings. Those who live in Lagos will understand. He lost the shares we bought back then as they are worth shit now and some of the banks have gone under.
This era of siblings holding on the first born as their cash cow has to stop.

First born should support when ever they can but they also need to send a message so that their siblings will stop seeing it as an entitlement and sit up.

Many are now becoming wayward and lazy and often raise a family they can cater for and expect the unmarried first son to take responsibility. Some even drop the child or children with their parents who indirectly push the burden to their first son.

Times have changed . Paid employment is no longer what it used to be. The economy is not helping . I hope most parents reading this and some parents like my self will take heed , so we won't want to bury our first son before we pass because I am a parent too.

My friend Don dey get white hair and e never start life. Imagine all because of pressure. I keep praying things gets better for us especially for him so that he can at least start a family in his late 30s . Well ma my 1 kobo be that.

5 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by TemmyTee82(f): 12:31am On Jun 28, 2017
Nyceguy92:
I don't know how the OP arrived at her conclusions but I beg to disagree.
In every family, there is hierarchy and each level, from the oldest to the youngest child, has its expected roles and responsibilities.

I do not agree that a parent would, without some form of empowerment in the form of education or vocational training, totally transfer the burden of catering to the younger ones to the eldest. You would be talking of a family where the man is a loafer, a drunkard.
Or a case where both parents are debilitated and can no longer earn a living.

The case the OP quoted must be a very peculiar one.

The first child is a mini parent. He/she guides and looks after the younger ones, including buying them items.
These are roles they happily assume, even without being asked to do so.

But that does not mean the parents have taken their hands off their statutory responsibilities.
Or what would they be doing with their money if they have it?




The problem is that, they usually don't have the money to take care of the remaining children because these same parents give birth to more children than their means can handle. Their thinking is usually that, they would train the first two or so children, and these first ones can then take care of the rest.

Now these first set of children find it difficult to plan their lives on time. They slave for the siblings. And you cannot refuse to carry the responsibility for then you would be tagged "ingrate" by parents, "wicked" by siblings, and so on. Do I have to get punished because I'm the first child? Is it my fault I came first?

3 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Michealforever: 12:38am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly

You are are stupid lesbian.

3 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by maklelemakukula(m): 12:48am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly
U dont think at all.
U re a disgrace to ur kind !

3 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by 2badForReal: 12:49am On Jun 28, 2017
If only there will hear this, a lot of parent are guilty of this, I have a colleague who's first child just celibate 5 years birthday and he is 50 because he was compelled to finance the siblings through school. Tell me when will he finishe training his children.

To me success is when you see your last born through university.

So if only you are the Methuselah of this generation then you can have more than 4 children

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by ImaIma1(f): 12:49am On Jun 28, 2017
uglodoh:


Don't mind them. My dad had an accident at his place of work. My mom could not continue with her business. The last child was taken card of by my elder brother. He has finished his schooling. He is now working. He sends money to his nieces and nephews and he even takes them out to have fun. If any of his elder ones are in financial mess. He sends money. Everything depends on how children are being brought up by parents.

I think the op is talking about those parents that just have children with no intention of training them but just training the first child so that he or she can train the others.
It is a different case when life happens. But it is wiser not to have too many children no matter how fertile you are... to minimise future problems.

4 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by maklelemakukula(m): 12:52am On Jun 28, 2017
Nyceguy92:


Your cousin's case is a rare one.
I have been around a bit and I am yet to see or hear a case where a parent gave such an ultimatum to their child.
Parents may hint that as the oldest, you have to also help look after your younger ones. Original OP was making a sweeping generalisation.
Y re u jst playing second fiddle.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Daeylar(f): 12:55am On Jun 28, 2017
Buchi95:
Poster you're a thief!
Stop plagiarising people's post!!
Why didn't you give credit to the original writer from Facebook?

This is my intellectual property, you shameless thief!!

wow,
so you actually wrote this article and the op still hasn't credited you as the writer on the post, even when the op has acknowledged that you are the original writer. That's too bad, the op is busy receiving and enjoying all the praise, the op should have clarified that the post is copied and should have acknowledged you, That's what the op should do immediately.

Ignore that person telling you how you should react.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by emmanugo: 12:56am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly
at first I wanted to inform.. BT wen I read to the end..I realized ders no need wasting my comments
..
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by chukzyfcbb: 12:57am On Jun 28, 2017
also a first born child but never felt any of these pressures.

Thanks to my Dad for hustling in his daiz and making enough to cover all our present and future expenses. hopefully I do the same for my first born child and kids, These stories are tough!

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by savagefinder: 1:07am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly
look at this wheel barrow.. Either male or female this is something that Happens in our society and its very wrong, I am not the first born but I know what our first child went through and she really suffered it.. You are talking of Africa, pls where did you get this your lesbian life from? What even concerns us with your lesbian life?
Reasonable humans are talking and you just came to show your stupidity.. I am sure if we should type your name in sense.com we will receive an error 404..

With ur face like clitoris

3 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Nobody: 1:12am On Jun 28, 2017
Wiretransfer:


What is this nonsense you just spewed?

Do what you can when you can for your family there will be a day they will be no more and you will have to make funeral arrangements all the money you refused to spend you will have to when they die so do it now while they are alive. Some families went through strife to educated their wards.

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by EagleNest(m): 1:23am On Jun 28, 2017
sexybbstar:
Nigerian parents...

It is very wrong and sentimental to give birth to children and think the oldest will take care of them. They didn't force you to bring them into this world; you did the konji, you ushered them in, please it's still your work to take care of them and no, when you're taking care of your children, its not a privilege, it's their right, it's what they deserve, so do it with all manner of responsibility and commitment.

An acquaintance of mine was suicidal last week because of the burden of his family on him. He's the first child and is 38 yet unmarried and almost has nothing standing, why?
He started hustling at 23 for his ungrateful siblings. His parents said it's his responsibility to do so.
To fend for them..
To give them a life..
So it's made his life almost a waste of time for himself..
Working profusely for others, who don't even care, who own it up like it's their right..
He was supposed to get married at 29 but crucibles of life's experience in the confines of the pressurised burden of taking care of his adult siblings didn't let him.

Tell me,
What freaking culture validates this nonsense practice?

Many Nigerian parents just produce children and give one the responsibility of what they caused.
Give birth to one if it's one you can take care of..
Parenting isn't about how many children you have but how well you treat them, how much can you groom them?

Quantity is needless when resources is unavailable..
Stop producing children by faith.
Stop heaping needless responsibilities on children that should plan their lives and focus.
Give all your children equal opportunity to face their lives and career.
Ain't saying they shouldn't help each other,
It's called ‘HELP’ not ‘RESPONSIBILITY’
Help is out of love or compassion..It's voluntary.
Your eldest child is not an assistant parent.
Yes, they are supposed to do well, and have others follow their legacy..
But having them feel forcefully committed to solving the problems of their siblings; that's way too ridiculous.

Many first children don't live long because of the pressure, the load, the burden, and even on top of it, these folks feel so entitled to being fed and given everything they ask.
I understand that all these play out as a result of frustration and inability to fend for your children, and that's why I'm attacking the root cause: Bear children you can comfortably fend for.
It is highly painful having one of your children give up on their dreams and entire life's passion to spend his/her own life taking care of other siblings. That's a waste of destiny. We all are here for our individual purposes.

Very much on point.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Deeldorado: 1:29am On Jun 28, 2017
I agree with you this time unlike the gender equality ish.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by gokuu(m): 1:36am On Jun 28, 2017
uglodoh:
Although the op may be saying the truth. Many parents do have plan for their children but end up finding themselves in difficult situation to cater for the children. Assuming such parents have first child who is financially bounyant what do expect them to do?

Not true at all. Most Nigerian parents do not have plans for their children. They just move along hoping "God will provide"

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by gokuu(m): 1:40am On Jun 28, 2017
erico2k2:

You truely think having three kids is a sure secured way of future? how about if you lose your Job after the 1st just got fru Uni and get a job and number two and three are in 200 and 300 level?
Life is difficult, no one knows 2morrow, You can never know what it is l ike to bring up a child until you are a parents.Its an xtreemly though work,you are investing without hoping to get anything back and you are demanded from, Life is though
Oga, that's why you have what is called "SAVINGS"
Even if you need help from the working child, it'll be highly limited since only two kids are involved. OP is not saying there should not be any help, it just should not be totally consuming and unbearable.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by gokuu(m): 1:42am On Jun 28, 2017
ivolt:


I usually refrain from judging family issues because some wives hates to see
their in-laws anywhere their matrimonial home same for some men, so they
paint the in-laws black to justify their intolerance.
Not necessarily, most in-laws come around just too much. Always hovering around and looking to grab something in this tough economy.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by gokuu(m): 1:44am On Jun 28, 2017
kratoss:


We ar not in america?? If u keep putting that ideology in mind u won't be able to right many wrongs... . Time have changed... We ar in the 21st century for fvck sakes..

Abi o,
Why not refuse to use the internet of drive a car as well, and say "we're not in America"?

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by EagleNest(m): 1:53am On Jun 28, 2017
Nyceguy92:


Your cousin's case is a rare one.
I have been around a bit and I am yet to see or hear a case where a parent gave such an ultimatum to their child.
Parents may hint that as the oldest, you have to also help look after your younger ones. Original OP was making a sweeping generalisation.

It's not the rarest. In fact it's common. Its how most African families are built like a step ladder in terms of responsibilities. It's not about roles we play while growing up - but the shift of burden of parenting to the first child immediately he/she starts earning money.

And woe betide you if you have many siblings, you end up growing white hair in ur early youth. To make matter worst your siblings sees it as a right and have such great expectations that you are "supposed" to be successful so that you take care of them.

I have seen a lot and I have experienced it myself but I was wise to set my goals early in life and insisted to follow that set goals to the latter... but that did not absolve me from taking some of those parental duties like paying school fees and university accommodations for my siblings even while barely new to a job of which salary can barely take care of me.

The OP made so much sense because many a times the first child suffer in silence trying to balance things. In fact they sacrifice their joy and future to put bring other up. And if it happens that your dad is the irresponsible one or seriously handicapped financially, then you might opt to stop school to lessen their burden and contribute to the Commonwealth of the family at the expense of yourself. There are so many versions of this problem and I think it's high time this is brought to the fore so that parents should plan for their family and not transfer responsibility so early in the life of their first child thereby distorting things. I don dey vex now... sad

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Mofpearl: 3:25am On Jun 28, 2017
Nicely written Buchi95

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by omooba969(m): 3:25am On Jun 28, 2017
Evaberry:
I knew this was going To hit fp
Now op stop being selfish
we live in Africa this is how things are done over here

it's the responsibility of the first male cuz he's a man if it is to be the head of the home now nd how a man and woman can never be equal we will keep on hearing men men but now it has come to work all men af ran..


men are just crazy scum
useless and just disgusting
I'm happy I'm a lesbian honestly

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by jiangchu: 3:52am On Jun 28, 2017
op im also the first SON someone took care of me after my fathers death. now that im through i shouldnt look the other way when my siblings are in dire need.
Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by Pomlord(m): 3:56am On Jun 28, 2017
I have never experienced this before and im just hearing this for the first time. Family differs. In my own family we were trained to be independent, but love one another.

2 Likes

Re: Nigerian Parents Should Stop This. by GREYWOLF(m): 4:13am On Jun 28, 2017
That's the reason why poverty will never part ways with some families. Some keep small families while the others continue to breed like rabbits, the saddest part is that those miscreants produced by such careless parents always end up as terrors to the good people in the society.

1 Like

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