₦airaland Forum

I don't know if this is the right section but I'll post here.

So I've always had trouble being assertive, I've always been more passive aggressive- I prefer to leave subtle signs to express my displeasure and if you don't pick up on them then I fix the situation myself. I really hate confrontation. Not that I'm scared of facing people but I'm not a fan of taking people head on. I am quite introverted (actually, very much so).

So here's the thing, I'm in a situation where I absolutely just have to speak up. I got an internship with a big company and I've been determined to make a name for myself there to increase my chances of being employed in the future. Now, as with all jobs involving big dogs, there is a lot of asslicking going on and I'm fine with that. Not a problem at all.

I was posted to one division of the company with one other guy and we were both really cautious of the way we acted at work and have been trying to make our bosses develop a good impression about us. However, two days ago, a third intern joined us. He doesn't dress well to work, he's rough, and acts a bit uncultured. Don't get me wrong- I'm not claiming to be better than him but I can tell that my bosses don't particularly like him.

Now to where the problem is: I bring my laptop to work- but only to use officially- typing reports and memos, taking notes during meetings, and so on. I'm careful not to make it seem like I'm idle and wasting time on it- there hasn't been much work at the office so I have a lot of free time but I try to appear busy. Probably reading a book or something. In those two days since he joined us however, after I'm done with the work I have to do for the day, this guy picks up my laptop and starts watching movies on it, or listening to music with it. I don't feel comfortable with him doing that, and we interns sit together so it sort of appears like all three of us are watching the movie. I'm on friendly terms with him so I find it hard to just tell him to stop. I actually have, and he kept 'assuring me' that there's nothing wrong with that (watching movies at work ). I've tried to give excuses like 'I need to charge my laptop' or something equally lame but he always 'counters' me.

We were also asked to attend a meeting two days ago (the day he joined us) on behalf of the two managers of our division. And prepare individual reports. So throughout the meeting this guy was almost sleeping and when it was over and I was working on my report, this guy kept tagging along, but not doing anything. I wrote the report myself, showed it to my supervisor to review about three times, and put all the finishing touches to it. Then when I'm done he says we should turn in the same report (since we're reporting to different people). And just change the name at the bottom of the report. I mean, I wanted to say no but this dude kept pressing further and he ultimately printed two reports, one with his name and one with mine- with the same content. That I wrote. I know that in an organization teamwork is required but this dude, to put it bluntly, is lazy.

He was also pretty rude today, muttering 'old age' under his breath when one of our supervisors forgot something simple like her house address. I feel like she was pretty mad because she heard it, but she just laughed it off.

I know that as an intern I have to learn how to work in a team and all but how I can be assertive and bluntly put it to him that I'm not a fan of his sh*t and he should get himself together, without sounding aggressive and still passing my point across effectively? I don't want this guy to mess up my supervisor/manager's impression of me.

My problem with assertiveness goes beyond this workplace fiasco, its also affected my personal, social life and well I'm just sick of it. I always end up overworking myself or doing extra work for people just so I don't have to confront them. I want to learn how to be an 'alpha' and be as blunt as possible while still retaining a reasonable level of politeness.

Start smoking weed man and see yourself become so assertive people fall beneath your feet like this

EricBloodAxe:
Start smoking weed man and see yourself become so assertive people fall beneath your feet like this

For real, though man

It's hard, I won't lie; especially if you constantly aim to be likable or people please. I have a hard time sticking to it. However, start from your conversations: If you feel 100% certain about something, politely stick to your guns!

If a situation is genuinely wrong, first throw subtle signs of displeasure. If not picked up, try to remedy it (the situation) personally first then give the wrong party a good dressing up! I used to have a hard time correcting the chaps who work for me because we were almost age mates. With this guy, at the close of work you both take a walk out and then just let your frustrations flow... He won't beat you, will he?

It's difficult. Still, learning to stamp your foot down and say "No" is the most important skill of our century.

iamadonis2:
It's hard, I won't lie; especially if you constantly aim to be likable or people please. I have a hard time sticking to it. However, start from your conversations: If you feel 100% certain about something, politely stick to your guns!

If a situation is genuinely wrong, first throw subtle signs of displeasure. If not picked up, try to remedy it (the situation) personally first then give the wrong party a good dressing up! I used to have a hard time correcting the chaps who work for me because we were almost age mates. With this guy, at the close of work you both take a walk out and then just let your frustrations flow... He won't beat you, will he?

It's difficult. Still, learning to stamp your foot down and say "No" is the most important skill of our century.

I'm don't really care about being likeable but I admit that I like to do things for people (ONLY things I'm capable of doing that they're not).
But yeah, either I'm not so good at throwing subtle signs, or people don't seem to pick up on the signs I give them.
I just really need to learn how to say no very clearly without sounding mean/angry/impolite. Because I always get the feeling that I've "pissed someone off" whenever I say no.

AnonyNymous:
I'm don't really care about being likeable but I admit that I like to do things for people (ONLY things I'm capable of doing that they're not).
But yeah, either I'm not so good at throwing subtle signs, or people don't seem to pick up on the signs I give them.
I just really need to learn how to say no very clearly without sounding mean/angry/impolite. Because I always get the feeling that I've "pissed someone off" whenever I say no.

You're naturally polite, I can see that. So, when next you feel you should say "No", say it politely and get your conscience out of the way.