BY YETUNDE AREBI
Okey Bakassi, one of Nigeria’s foremost comedians succinctly captured the way many men, and indeed, our society still perceive the issue of rape, one of man’s most dastardly acts against womanhood, In a video clip I saw last week, which was recorded at one of the Glo Lafta Fest events, Okey painted a scenario where two women, one married and the other single, went to report to the Police that they had been raped.

The married woman had been raped by her husband and the single lady by her boyfriend. His joke captured the typical reaction of our society to the two instances which caused the audience to roar with laughter.

The single lady especially had gone to the club on a date with her boyfriend and retired back to his apartment in the dead of night where he allegedly forced himself on her. The joke by inference meant that the Police, as well as the audience did not consider that a rape could take place under these two scenarios.

This means that a female could not be said to have been raped if she willingly placed herself in the domain of a man. It implies that once a girl is with a guy, especially one who has made a pass at the girl, it is most likely that sex must come into the picture, and that a girl must be prepared to give in to such a demand. Okey Bakassi’s joke appears to be in tandem with some of my readers’ views which I have published here today. Due to the sensitive and controversial nature of the issue, I have only used the initials of the writers to protect their identities as well as to encourage others to share their views and perhaps practical experiences.


forcing me for sex
There are many angles to rape. I hope to dwell on them in future publications. Please note that you can still share with me, your views on this topic or other previous issues discussed on this page. Remember to send to my e-mail box, if you want your contribution to be published in the newspaper. Do have a wonderful weekend!!

Dear Yetunde,

This is one of the problems women go through in the course of their existence. I want to reach out to all victims of rape who have experienced that primitive part of man which is animalistic, which they exhibit due to their inability to control the personality.

Rape can create a psychological problem which may last a lifetime. It could change or affect one’s outlook, views about life and one’s personality tremendously. It is imperative to say that the trauma of rape and its effect on an individual could to an extent be altered, but not in totality. This is so because it depends on how the victim adjust to the treatment being administered to her by her helper.

In this case the helper has to use his human resources to bring about this alteration of outlook, or negative attitude towards men which the victim needs in order to function well in the society. Also the change may not be in totality because the victim’s state of preparedness for sexual intercourse is nil coupled with the fact that most victims of rape are subjected to inhuman treatment which affects them tremendously.

I believe that a foundation that takes care of rape victims should be set up so that rape victims could work together and assist one another. I am contributing to the column because I was raped by my classmate too. He did it thinking he was going to go scot-free but I fought for myself in order to regain my pride. I am happy now because to some extent I’ve been able to prove to him that there are women who would take such matters as rape serious.

N.
*There are centers that handle rape issues in Lagos. Mirabel, is one and it is located in Mushin, Lagos.

Dear Yetunde,

I want to contribute to the discussion on rape. I’m one of those who strongly believe that no woman can be raped by a friend, husband, relation or any man except by a gang or a group of people. I believe that many of them (women) want men to appear rough before they accept to engage in the act. In my own view, women or ladies don’t want to be labeled as prostitutes and as a result, they say no when they mean, yes!

It happened to me last year when I wanted to sit for my S.S.C.E exams. On getting to school that day, we learnt that the paper had been postponed and while I was chatting with this girl she said she didn’t want to go home early due to some reasons. So, I invited her to my house as my parents were not at home.

After a long discussion, as the “inevitable” was about to happen, she said no. After a long struggle, I decided to leave her to go home as I didn’t want to force her. If I had done that, she would have eventually succumbed, but I didn’t. The most annoying part of it was that after some weeks, she started calling me “Egbe”(novice or fool) in the presence of my friends and even my brothers because I didn’t in having my way. Since then, all efforts to get her proved abortive.

That is why I said many of them mean yes but they would say no. On the other hand, if I had forced her and had my way, she could have been complaining of rape. I still believe that no man can be accused of raping a woman in his own personal bedroom.

S.
Yetunde,

It is true that ‘rape’ exists but its interpretation differs among individuals. There can be no rape without violence. The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines rape as “forcing a woman or girl to have sexual intercourse against her will”, The underlying word is FORCE a lady to have sex. Ladies naturally do not usually agree to sex except with some kind of cajoling before they accept. Even the married ones are now claiming rape once they don’t get what they want from their husbands. It is a pity but that is what the men have been made to understand now.

Women in most cases, cause rape. The accounts of victims in this last edition was pathetic because there was no rape or rather one could say they deceived themselves by claiming to be victims. Can these ladies truly say that these male friends did not desire their bodies right from the beginning? It is understood that friendship between man and woman presupposes the secret act of sex. They desired “love” from the men, hence they visited them.

Men are often blamed for rape because people believe women rather than men. The orgy of sex affects both sexes but men naturally would be the first to demand it from women and try to lure them into it. The ladies these days flaunt their bodies intentionally to arouse the men, they provocatively swing their bodies and visit men in their homes or secluded areas, dressed seductively just to arouse them sexually, only to irritatingly say no when men approach them. I see it as punishment for men. I disagree with the notion that “rape can only be stopped by men”. Men are not the cause but women who use “mouse to set trap for the cat” knowing that the cat will enter the snare. Women rape the men (as the case may be) subtly and then turn around to cry foul.

However, there are also men who have lost their senses. They would deceive ladies and violently violate their bodies. They are criminals just like armed robbers, drug traffickers, murderers and the like. Ladies should dress sensibly and be conscious of their interactions while victims should report immediately to the police. The police know its duty in this respect. I will however like a situation where the public will be able to differentiate between true rape victim and a fake one who just gives herself to men and later cries wolf where it does not exist.

P.O
Dear Yetunde,

I have been following your articles for several years and I would like to commend the way you push forward your views. Rape is a controversial, intriguing and obnoxious act, which in reality is a non-existent malady. Although, many Nigerian ladies are of the opinion that rape exists, I have my reservations on the unwholesome act in modern day Nigeria. In fact, it is a mere fluke. Rape does not exist and can never occur unless on the following extreme factors.

Firstly, when a mature man forces an underage girl (say between the ages of 1-8 years) to have a carnal knowledge of her. Men commit this act mainly for ritual reasons. Of course, this is wickedness and any man who does this criminal act deserves death.

Secondly, when a mature lady is drugged, in which case she loses her consciousness thereby losing her ability to struggle with the man as a result of drug’s influence.

Thirdly, when a lady is under threat of physical attack or harmed with dangerous weapons such as gun, knife, etc.
Fourthly, when a number of hoodlums pounce on one lady and force her to bed one after another and against her wish. And of course, this is sheer madness.

Let us be sincere on this contemporary issue and recount situations whereby a wife or girlfriend says no to sexual advances from her man. The man applies all known diplomacy, then all conventional methods and tricks and lastly, engages her in a show of power, strength and struggle.

She then finally submits her body for the man. It knocks my head off my entire body hearing or reading stories from modern day ladies that they were raped when in fact they were not under threat of any kind. This is fallacy, white lie! Sheer hypocrisy.

It does not exist except on the above listed non-conventional approaches which ideally, are criminal offences against humanity. Invariably, no normal man can successfully force a normal and mature lady to bed, impossible. I don’t believe such baseless phenomenon. I am on this note challenging any lady who honestly has a genuine case to come up with such bitter experience or go to the law court.

Otherwise they should remain silent forever and stop deceiving themselves on trivial issues.
Thanks and God bless.

Adapted from vanguardngr.com

Sex without the second party's consent is rape whether husband, boyfriend or whoever simple.

bull!, let d ladies speak instead of claiming to know what u dont

TRASH!!!

Regret after sex is not rape.... Tell them
You're Ex having sex with you wasn't rape.

Rtopzy:
Sex without the second party's consent is rape whether husband, boyfriend or whoever simple.

whether husband, boyfriend... I hope you know that women rape too.. Pls your post is biased

Na so one girl just dey gum gum her body with me anytime she come see me . make she take her time oooooooooooooo

dingbang:
whether husband, boyfriend... I hope you know that women rape too.. Pls your post is biased

My post is based on the topic.... husband nd boyfriend.

Rorachy:
TRASH!!!

Real TRASH

Rape is a technical term:which means to force somebody to have sex with you when they do not want to by threatening them or using violence.

Its an action from one party to the other.

However when it comes to Christian marriage and scriptural instruction: you are not your own and so u belong to the other party.(be u the man or the woman) you don't have right to deny the other sex.So its a right

Based on that I don't thing that in a christian marriage that the word Rape should come in.Its a miss used word.
Infact its wrong to deny your partner sex.except there is an exceptional case .

And when He or she takes it by force.He only takes what is his/her.

I don't expect dictionary to define some scriptural terms well.

The truth is people don't even understand what marriage is this days and the more the years goes by,the definition of marriage is been washed away.

I expect this submission to be controversial and provoking but the truth is not always acceptable

Rtopzy:
Sex without the second party's consent is rape whether husband, boyfriend or whoever simple.

define consent.

Medunah:

Real TRASH

how ?

.

Rorachy:
TRASH!!!

Egbon dey didn't force you to comment, This might be what you have told others, The truth really hurts whether you like it or not, this post make sense die

Medunah:

Real TRASH

e pain ma oo, This is a nice post, they didn't force you to comment

Greenbullet:
how ?

Op leave them, am with you, They said the truth really hurts

Greenbullet:
define consent.

consent (intransitive) To expresswillingness, to give permission. ♦ (intransitive) acquiesce, agree,approve, assent, concur
antonyms ♦ (intransitive) object, oppose
noun (plural consents)Voluntary agreement or permissionsynonyms ♦ (voluntary agreement)agreement, approval, assent,permission, willingness

Trash.

chivic:
Rape is a technical term:which means to force somebody to have sex with you when they do not want to by threatening them or using violence.

Its an action from one party to the other.

However when it comes to Christian marriage and scriptural instruction: you are not your own and so u belong to the other party.(be u the man or the woman) you don't have right to deny the other sex.So its a right

Based on that I don't thing that in a christian marriage that the word Rape should come in.Its a miss used word.
Infact its wrong to deny your partner sex.except there is an exceptional case .

And when He or she takes it by force.He only takes what is his/her.

I don't expect dictionary to define some scriptural terms well.

The truth is people don't even understand what marriage is this days and the more the years goes by,the definition of marriage is been washed away.

I expect this submission to be controversial and provoking but the truth is not always acceptable

I can relate to your point of not owning your body in the Christian marraige, "both coming together to become one",but I don't understand taking something by force claiming to own it, in the first place, in a truly Christian marriage, the husband would not want to take sex by force, that situation will not arise, he would rather be understanding than inflict any form of psychological injury on his wife, besides where does love between husband and wife come in with what you have written, sex should be one of the vehicles with which couples express their oneness in love with each other,love is given and not taken by force hence sex taken by force in what ever guise taints it's sacredness, in that very moment of forcing ur wife u have murdered love. A Christian wive too would not give room for the husband to try to force her either. Forced sex, however you choose to look at it is wrong.

VERDA:


I can relate to your point of not owning your body in the Christian marraige, "both coming together to become one",but I don't understand taking something by force claiming to own it, in the first place, in a truly Christian marriage, the husband would not want to take sex by force, that situation will not arise, he would rather be understanding than inflict any form of psychological injury on his wife, besides where does love between husband and wife come in with what you have written, sex should be one of the vehicles with which couples express their oneness in love with each other,love is given and not taken by force hence sex taken by force in what ever guise taints it's sacredness, in that very moment of forcing ur wife u have murdered love. A Christian wive too would not give room for the husband to try to force her either. Forced sex, however you choose to look at it is wrong.

I agree with you,and somehow we are saying the same thing. But if there is love should there be denial that will lead to force. Once there is denial of the level that will lead to "rape" then they marriage itself has a problem

Buharison:

Egbon dey didn't force you to comment, This might be what you have told others, The truth really hurts whether you like it or not, this post make sense die

Why won't it make sense to you when you've seen an avenue to rape young girls all in the name of gf .

harriet412:


Why won't it make sense to you when you've seen an avenue to rape young girls all in the name of gf .

Oh ye daughter of jezebel what bringest you to my mention this morning, are you an ipod wailer or ipod fraudster

Buharison:

Oh ye daughter of jezebel what bringest you to my mention this morning, are you an ipod wailer or ipod fraudster

K.

Rtopzy:

consent (intransitive) To expresswillingness, to give permission.
♦ (intransitive) acquiesce, agree,approve, assent, concur

antonyms
♦ (intransitive) object, oppose

noun (plural consents)Voluntary agreement or permissionsynonyms
♦ (voluntary agreement)agreement, approval, assent,permission, willingness

I didn't tell you to browse consent on a dictionary, define consent constitutionally and socially, if you are able to do this, I will further educate you.

Greenbullet:

I didn't tell you to browse consent on a dictionary, define consent constitutionally and socially, if you are able to do this, I will further educate you.

To agree, permit, to approve.

Rtopzy:

To agree, permit, to approve.

well , I am sorry do disappoint you but that basic knowledge you possess is outdated, constitutionally, consents can be said to be :
formal approval
silence
failure to attest before an inflexible conclusion
socially consent can be said to be
:
gesture
motion
signals.
these aspect of consent is what your basic knowledge cannot explain because consent as a concept has a broad horizon, therefore if we are to apply this conditions to the op's story, we cannot conclude that because formal approval was not established, that other types of consent be negated , the girlfriend might have not wanted sex but could not speak up because of her relationship with the partner, and after the intercourse ,voice out about being raped, constitutionally and socially , that lady has no claim she has been violated, PLEASE BEFORE YOU COMMENT, THINK .

Greenbullet:
well , I am sorry do disappoint you but that basic knowledge you possess is outdated, constitutionally, consents can be said to be :
formal approval
silence
failure to attest before an inflexible conclusion
socially consent can be said to be
:
gesture
motion
signals.
these aspect of consent is what your basic knowledge cannot explain because consent as a concept has a broad horizon, therefore if we are to apply this conditions to the op's story, we cannot conclude that because formal approval was not established, that other types of consent be negated , the girlfriend might have not wanted sex but could not speak up because of her relationship with the partner, and after the intercourse ,voice out about being raped, constitutionally and socially , that lady has no claim she has been violated, PLEASE BEFORE YOU COMMENT, THINK .

Thanks for the epistle. That my knowledge on the word "consent" is outdated, doesn't make it invalid
on that ground.