WAR ROOM.... watch it and learn something from it.

She took him to court and this happens:


*Judge:* Silence in Court. The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of Court.

*Accused:* Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

*Judge*: I wasn't talking to you.

Jahblessme:
As usual nairaland resident bingos have started crawling out of their holes to tell you this is normal behaviour and ask you to pray.They are the sort of men your husband is mingling with encouraging him to be a dog like them because they have no self control & believe every man is born with no moral compass.

My dear OP,when he told you he doesn't owe you faithfulness what did you do?were you there looking at him like an olodo or did you defend your union and your beliefs there and then?I will give you small space for shock to settle in but after then what next?

Did you woman up and speak clearly ,sharply and concisely about your expectations to him?

Did you ask him if he doesn't owe you faithfulness are you also free to assume that you do not owe fidelity to him as well?

Did you marry an ancestor that you are a slave to?Your age gap looks like its from 8-10 years-did he pay for your schooling?Do you have a job and contribute to your home?Even if you do not work ,you care for your home and do housework,is that appreciated? I'm asking these questions cos that is what usually gives some people guts to misbehave.When you are helpless and especially have no source of income and they know it.Regardless,no one deserved to be hurt in this manner.

It is a free world and people are free to voice their opinion o but for a man to come out less than two years after marriage to boldly say he doesn't owe you faithfulness,he must feel you are waaay beneath him to be respected.

When you signed the dotted lines you did not sign up to be cheated on,you did not sign up to be exposed to STDs,please relay that to him without apologies.

I find it hard to believe that this man hasn't always been this way.No normal loving partner would be this bold.There are plenty issues lurking,there must be heavy disrespect in other aspects of your marriage ,its just that this one has pained you more than the others.

As you can read i'm not into begging or pampering when you are not at fault ,you should be the one who is begged and pampered after your discovery. If you begin to wail and beg and gnash your teeth,you will continue like this for the rest of your marriage-this is what the bingos will ask you to do to 'save your marriage',thereby putting you at a huge disadvantage and at the mercy of a human being like you(born of a woman just like you).Please learn to stand up for yourself-calm measured discussion ,no huffing and puffing,no begging.Just clear statement of facts.
After this discussion you can now decide your next steps.

Good Luck.

~
This is a golden advice, I really approve of this. At the end, it all boils down to your tolerance level for BS: Do I remain married to this man whose loyalty is flexible and negotiable, that flagrantly flaunts his indiscretion without showing remorse or penitence? Or do I become the self-believing wife who cannot be inured to husband's indiscretions?

Any man here trying to rationalize cheating as a 'manly' thing to do is a man-child who do not deserve women as wives, and vice versa.
~

From experience most women are very selfish. They are free to do whatever they like and tell you to your face that it means nothing. When you react, they cry foul. As much as i don't support what you said your husband did and said to you, i can't ignore the fact that you said he wasn't like this before and you dint expect this attitude of his. No man except an idiot who has no manners will look at his wife's face and tell her he owes her no faitfulness. What i see here is a man that must have been pushed to the wall. Women can really be something else during pregnancy but it taked a special grace to go through that stage as a man except the woman is not a troublesome person. Seriously its not about begging your husband, nor threatening him cos it wont do you any good both ways. Simply ignore him, check yourself and adjust, not for him but for your own peace but whatever you do, i plead with you do npt take advice from nairaland. You are too sentental and emotional at the moment and you will just shoot yourself on the foot. If i were you i will delete this thread self. Advise yourself or simply go and meet your mum or an elderly woman who has kept her home enviable and away fr prying eyes.

tomi87014:
Help, Trouble In My Marriage

Hello Nairalanders.

I have been married for a year and half. I thought hubby and i have been living happily and i would've swore he was faithful. A few days ago i saw that a random lady messaged him on Facebook and they got talking. I was shocked at first to see that he was chatting her up. Fast forward to yesterday I checked his phone and saw that himself and the lady had more conversation and what started as facebook chat had progressed from phone calls to whatsapp chat. The content of their chat seems they were eventually planning to hook up.

I confronted hubby but he wasn't remorseful and told me he doesn't owe me faithfulness and went on to sleep in the other room. Hubby and I pray together and are looking towards a very bright future together, this is not something i really saw coming from him. I am very troubled in my heart and pregnant for our first baby. He dozent feel any atom of pity that the whole issue might cause me problems and I have been wondering what has come over him. I am 100 percent faithful to my hubby and want the union to work out. I am at work typing and holding back tears. Please i need advise from mature people in the house, how do i deal with the situation. I am in my late 20s, he is in his late 30s.

You would have save yourself this stress by not looking at his chat now you're moody.Since you confronted him and wasn't remorseful, just pretend that you didn't see anything and continue with your life. Don't let Facebook and WhatsApp put asunder in your marriage. It's bound to happen that there's the tendency of him cheating but the best advice is to ignore it and continue the love you have for him. Use love to win back that's all

You must have gotten it wrong somewhere... Sit ur hubby down and let him tell u what's wrong...




Good people of nairaland, pls help a brother to pay his law school fees.No amount is small,contact him on 08184941410 for more enquiries and verification . THANKS & GOD BLESS YOU

Ma'am, Did you really think he was going to be faithful forever?

tomi87014:
Help, Trouble In My Marriage

Hello Nairalanders.

I have been married for a year and half. I thought hubby and i have been living happily and i would've swore he was faithful. A few days ago i saw that a random lady messaged him on Facebook and they got talking. I was shocked at first to see that he was chatting her up. Fast forward to yesterday I checked his phone and saw that himself and the lady had more conversation and what started as facebook chat had progressed from phone calls to whatsapp chat. The content of their chat seems they were eventually planning to hook up.

I confronted hubby but he wasn't remorseful and told me he doesn't owe me faithfulness and went on to sleep in the other room. Hubby and I pray together and are looking towards a very bright future together, this is not something i really saw coming from him. I am very troubled in my heart and pregnant for our first baby. He dozent feel any atom of pity that the whole issue might cause me problems and I have been wondering what has come over him. I am 100 percent faithful to my hubby and want the union to work out. I am at work typing and holding back tears. Please i need advise from mature people in the house, how do i deal with the situation. I am in my late 20s, he is in his late 30s.

You are taking advise from all these children? Children who don't know left from right vis a vis, they are not even married sef.

It is your home take the matter to God in prayers as long as you are faithful.

If you have a sincere pastor let him know what is happening and both intercede. Since you are an expecting mother don't stress yourself for the baby's sake

Jahblessme:
As usual nairaland resident bingos have started crawling out of their holes to tell you this is normal behaviour and ask you to pray.They are the sort of men your husband is mingling with encouraging him to be a dog like them because they have no self control & believe every man is born with no moral compass.

My dear OP,when he told you he doesn't owe you faithfulness what did you do?were you there looking at him like an olodo or did you defend your union and your beliefs there and then?I will give you small space for shock to settle in but after then what next?

Did you woman up and speak clearly ,sharply and concisely about your expectations to him?

Did you ask him if he doesn't owe you faithfulness are you also free to assume that you do not owe fidelity to him as well?

Did you marry an ancestor that you are a slave to?Your age gap looks like its from 8-10 years-did he pay for your schooling?Do you have a job and contribute to your home?Even if you do not work ,you care for your home and do housework,is that appreciated? I'm asking these questions cos that is what usually gives some people guts to misbehave.When you are helpless and especially have no source of income and they know it.Regardless,no one deserved to be hurt in this manner.

It is a free world and people are free to voice their opinion o but for a man to come out less than two years after marriage to boldly say he doesn't owe you faithfulness,he must feel you are waaay beneath him to be respected.

When you signed the dotted lines you did not sign up to be cheated on,you did not sign up to be exposed to STDs,please relay that to him without apologies.

I find it hard to believe that this man hasn't always been this way.No normal loving partner would be this bold.There are plenty issues lurking,there must be heavy disrespect in other aspects of your marriage ,its just that this one has pained you more than the others.

As you can read i'm not into begging or pampering when you are not at fault ,you should be the one who is begged and pampered after your discovery. If you begin to wail and beg and gnash your teeth,you will continue like this for the rest of your marriage-this is what the bingos will ask you to do to 'save your marriage',thereby putting you at a huge disadvantage and at the mercy of a human being like you(born of a woman just like you).Please learn to stand up for yourself-calm measured discussion ,no huffing and puffing,no begging.Just clear statement of facts.
After this discussion you can now decide your next steps.

Good Luck.

Hello..... I was beginning to agree to ur kindly advice/comment to OP until I stumbled at # bolded.... From ur notion, could tell u hardly stoop low for issues to b resolved amicably, assume to b wrong for clarity. *no offense. But I tell u dis, regardless of one's personality/trait/condition/innocence, especially wit d prevalent marital disordeliness(divorce), dere is gat to b a stance where d other is to ochestrate d heart to heart talk to unveil/troubleshoot undisclosed issues.

First, you have to calm down and not work yourself up with these thoughts in your head right now.

You asked for advise from matured minds; my dear, the mature thing to do right now is to give him space. I don't mean malice or avoiding him, but make the whole thing look trivial and carry on with your wifely duties. Don't bring up the issue right now, and never nag about betrayal or what you're going through in your present condition.

Worry less, this is what your condition requires. When the time to talk comes, you'd know, but remember to address it calmly.

Above all, pray about it all.

Your marriage is still intact, ignore the images the devil is painting of it.

CAVEAT:
Be careful of advises on Nairaland.

Op, I will be sincere with you. You'll hardly find 20 out of 100 men who do not cheat on their wives. If your perception is that your husband would never cheat on you then you'll have unneccesary heartbreaks when you eventually find out he does. We tend to compare ourselves with the western world forgetting that our society is entirely different, why do you think we have more failed marriages overthere if there ideology about marriage truly works. If you ask your mum, I believed she endured a lot, inlaw headaches,cheating husband and so other numerous limitations before she got to this point. The truth is marriage in the African setting doesn't work like that. My advice to you, is to try and ignore whatever you saw and Concentrate on making your marriage work as bigger huddles are coming your way as you progress in your fate. Show Love and care to your husband and he'll eventually forget the distractions. Stop checking your husband's phone cos what you will find there might do you more harm than good. Your union is still quite young, and all the fighting you need to do is to pray to God to deliver your husband from the shackles of any strange woman. No marriage is perfect.

The first thing I will want you to know is that, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER. So, this current seemingly sad moment will evidently change soonest as you'll find joy in your marriage again and again. So, pls wipe the tears and read on.

You said you've confronted your spouse and he didn't feel any remorse, well, I dont know the content of the chat, I dont know how you approached (you know you women can be hazardous in such situation), so that may be a factor in his response.

If you two do really communicate, you dont have to fight him to settle this, the marriage is still young and the dude (your spouse) may still be thinking he is free to mingle anyhow the way he used to when he was single, here is your job;

With respect, sit him down and let him know you can never be comfortable seeing such conversation as a wife who cares for her marriage, remind him he is now married and should pls stop the mingling to avoid you being jealous and also to safe himself from future temptation, let him know that no matter how one trusts himself, moving around agents of temptation is not advisable, even if such person speaks in tongues, he will end up fornicating in tongues.

Shed the women tears you know what I'm talking abt
Make him say something and tell him to delete whatever that has to do with the lady in your presence or promise you to do that.

Maybe after that, let him enter palace
This should work

I wish you a sweet home dear.

Jahblessme:
As usual nairaland resident bingos have started crawling out of their holes to tell you this is normal behaviour and ask you to pray.They are the sort of men your husband is mingling with encouraging him to be a dog like them because they have no self control & believe every man is born with no moral compass.

My dear OP,when he told you he doesn't owe you faithfulness what did you do?were you there looking at him like an olodo or did you defend your union and your beliefs there and then?I will give you small space for shock to settle in but after then what next?

Did you woman up and speak clearly ,sharply and concisely about your expectations to him?

Did you ask him if he doesn't owe you faithfulness are you also free to assume that you do not owe fidelity to him as well?

Did you marry an ancestor that you are a slave to?Your age gap looks like its from 8-10 years-did he pay for your schooling?Do you have a job and contribute to your home?Even if you do not work ,you care for your home and do housework,is that appreciated? I'm asking these questions cos that is what usually gives some people guts to misbehave.When you are helpless and especially have no source of income and they know it.Regardless,no one deserved to be hurt in this manner.

It is a free world and people are free to voice their opinion o but for a man to come out less than two years after marriage to boldly say he doesn't owe you faithfulness,he must feel you are waaay beneath him to be respected.

When you signed the dotted lines you did not sign up to be cheated on,you did not sign up to be exposed to STDs,please relay that to him without apologies.

I find it hard to believe that this man hasn't always been this way.No normal loving partner would be this bold.There are plenty issues lurking,there must be heavy disrespect in other aspects of your marriage ,its just that this one has pained you more than the others.

As you can read i'm not into begging or pampering when you are not at fault ,you should be the one who is begged and pampered after your discovery. If you begin to wail and beg and gnash your teeth,you will continue like this for the rest of your marriage-this is what the bingos will ask you to do to 'save your marriage',thereby putting you at a huge disadvantage and at the mercy of a human being like you(born of a woman just like you).Please learn to stand up for yourself-calm measured discussion ,no huffing and puffing,no begging.Just clear statement of facts.
After this discussion you can now decide your next steps.

Good Luck.

Op pls disregard comments like this else you'll see your marriage crumble in no distant time.

Instead of CHEATING
Do something constructive on facebook
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tomi87014:
Help, Trouble In My Marriage

Hello Nairalanders.

I have been married for a year and half. I thought hubby and i have been living happily and i would've swore he was faithful. A few days ago i saw that a random lady messaged him on Facebook and they got talking. I was shocked at first to see that he was chatting her up. Fast forward to yesterday I checked his phone and saw that himself and the lady had more conversation and what started as facebook chat had progressed from phone calls to whatsapp chat. The content of their chat seems they were eventually planning to hook up.

I confronted hubby but he wasn't remorseful and told me he doesn't owe me faithfulness and went on to sleep in the other room. Hubby and I pray together and are looking towards a very bright future together, this is not something i really saw coming from him. I am very troubled in my heart and pregnant for our first baby. He dozent feel any atom of pity that the whole issue might cause me problems and I have been wondering what has come over him. I am 100 percent faithful to my hubby and want the union to work out. I am at work typing and holding back tears. Please i need advise from mature people in the house, how do i deal with the situation. I am in my late 20s, he is in his late 30s.

This simply shows total lack of trust for a man you claimed to love. When your husband goes to work, do you follow him to know those he exchange greetings with? That your husband chats up a lady does not mean he is sleeping or intend to sleep with her. Swear that you have not spoken to another man since you got married, despite that your marriage is still too young. You are starting what you cannot end and you will eventually give your husband high blood pressure if he is not the wayward type, then you will see that widowhood is not the best state for any woman. Note that as soon as you begin to suspect your partner, any event around you will always appear to satisfy the suspicion, so be guided for sake of happiness in your family.

emmancecute:
Op, I will be sincere with you. You'll hardly find 20 out of 100 men who do not cheat on their wives. If your perception is that your husband would never cheat on you then you'll have unneccesary heartbreaks when you eventually find out he does. We tend to compare ourselves with the western world forgetting that our society is entirely different, why do you think we have more failed marriages overthere if there ideology about marriage truly works. If you ask your mum, I believed she endured a lot, inlaw headaches,cheating husband and so other numerous limitations before she got to this point. The truth is marriage in the African setting doesn't work like that. My advice to you, is to try and ignore whatever you saw and Concentrate on making your marriage work as bigger huddles are coming your way as you progress in your fate. Show Love and care to your husband and he'll eventually forget the distractions. Stop checking your husband's phone cos what you will find there might do you more harm than good. Your union is still quite young, and all the fighting you need to do is to pray to God to deliver your husband from the shackles of any strange woman. No marriage is perfect.

My frnd diz is 2017 wake up

Littlemann73:


This simply shows total lack of trust for a man you claimed to love. When your husband goes to work, do you follow him to know those he exchange greetings with? That your husband chats up a lady does not mean he is sleeping or intend to sleep with her. Swear that you have not spoken to another man since you got married, despite that your marriage is still too young. You are starting what you cannot end and you will eventually give your husband high blood pressure if he is not the wayward type, then you will see that widowhood is not the best state for any woman. Note that as soon as you begin to suspect your partner, any event around you will always appear to satisfy the suspicion, so be guided for sake of happiness in your family.

She been protective of her husband is a crime?? Ur high get outa here

nawa o

Be smart and pray
May God help you

tomi87014:
Help, Trouble In My Marriage

Hello Nairalanders.

I have been married for a year and half. I thought hubby and i have been living happily and i would've swore he was faithful. A few days ago i saw that a random lady messaged him on Facebook and they got talking. I was shocked at first to see that he was chatting her up. Fast forward to yesterday I checked his phone and saw that himself and the lady had more conversation and what started as facebook chat had progressed from phone calls to whatsapp chat. The content of their chat seems they were eventually planning to hook up.

I confronted hubby but he wasn't remorseful and told me he doesn't owe me faithfulness and went on to sleep in the other room. Hubby and I pray together and are looking towards a very bright future together, this is not something i really saw coming from him. I am very troubled in my heart and pregnant for our first baby. He dozent feel any atom of pity that the whole issue might cause me problems and I have been wondering what has come over him. I am 100 percent faithful to my hubby and want the union to work out. I am at work typing and holding back tears. Please i need advise from mature people in the house, how do i deal with the situation. I am in my late 20s, he is in his late 30s.

This is normal (Nigerian context ) so To speak in early Relationships, he will get over it, but You won't stop discussing with your husband, girl's who won't answer him when he was single will chase him now that he is married, no fight am oo, instead be loving and caring at the end you will over come, i write from experience

The devil is a liar.
**Prayer Band section is very much needed now on NL.
Thanks @OP for sharing ur story, enough advices offered. I prayer Almighty God hear ur cry and may his divine will manifest.

Omolope4real:
For me, I would advice u neva go through his personal stuffs again if u don't want to have HBP. The day I went through my wife's phone was d day I realized she has been lieing to me tho not on cheating level which gave me headache. Since then, I stopped checking her phone oh. Man can not come and die young. To the topic, I really feel ur pain. Have u asked him why it has to come to this stage of him cheating. What does he see in d oda lady he is not seeing in u. Sit him down and have a heart to heart talk. Confronting him will make matters worse. I am just surprised he is not remorseful, prob he is fed up about something and wants a way out. Remember to pray. All d best dear

This is marriage oo nt bf and gf where u will say don't go through his stuff.

Bishop:


This is normal (Nigerian context ) so To speak in early Relationships, he will get over it, but You won't stop discussing with your husband, girl's who won't answer him when he was single will chase him now that he is married, no fight am oo, instead be loving and caring at the end you will over come, i write from experience

So it's she her ex won't chase her??Ur advice is rubbish

Well since you asked for matured comments, i'm just going to sit here quietly and sip my cup of Garri-Water... like a boss.

zicoraads:
But, what makes you think he will cheat on you? Except the content of the chats were raunchy, it may probably just be a casual hangout. The guy was most likely angry when he told you he owes you no faithfulness. That sounds like anger talking. I know I don't like it when any lady goes snooping in my phone. I know your husband said that because he was unhappy about your doing it.

Still, the two of you need to have a conversation like people are saying. He owes you an explanation to why he was arranging a rendezvous with another lady. And also limit the way you go checking his social media pages.

I am not married. So take what I just said with a pinch of salt.

Na till dem kill person pikin before u go get sense

Hello OP,

Truth is that even good men can face the temptation to cheat, but chatting with a lady does not mean cheating.

And hubby telling you he owes you no faithfulness might necessarily not mean he has made up his mind to cheat.

It is possible he might be going through some things, and your responsibility as a wife at this time is not to confront him but to improve your communication with him so he can air his true anger.

I believe he can't just wake up overnight and choose to respond to you in such manner...

And most importantly, when you have realized what his aggravation is about, try to restore the spark in the relationship.

My dear sister, the best thing to do at this point is to draw closer to God,commit ur husband into his hands and pray for him always
I know many people here will be quick to ask u to leave him but that's not the best if options
Do not confront him regularly and don't make the mistake of nagging with him over this cuz it will drift him further away away and give him more excuses to cheat .
shower him with love and let him see the difference between a wife and a side chik
The best way to handle a cheating partner is by praying for such partner to change.This may be difficult to do but you'll be happy in the end

Go watch American movie "War room" its solely about a cheating husband and how the wife handled him.God be with u my dear

Its your karma. Because you believe he would be cheating in you that's why you perused through his Facebook and WhatsApp. Your negative thoughts have brought this on you. Deal with it

rikamann:
Do not mind home breakers, I don't think he intends to cheat on you he should probably be discussing things that might benefit the both of you. Forget what he said, he never meant it. Enjoy your marriage!

Mad man spotted

afroxyz:
Its your karma. Because you believe he would be cheating in you that's why you perused through his Facebook and WhatsApp. Your negative thoughts have brought this on you. Deal with it

Y won't she check? Is he nt her husband?? It's even better nw dat it's nt late

whoever said that all men are the same in this issue is useless. just one and half year and your hubby is hooking already, that's too bad.

when my wife was pregnant that's when I care fore her most