ERO MEJI LOKU 2 (A Bus conductors tale)

Continued from yesterday's episode.


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I must confess that I could also be trusted for other things too.

When my classmates needed someone to organize exam cheating formation, I was a tactical mastermind.

For I would assign Tajudeeni and JesusTobi to the front seat.
That boy whose knack for engaging in nefarious activities showed that Jesus was not big at all in his life.

Gboyega and Soji would pass the papers to the back according to my instructions
And myself and Tawa, the head of female jaguda of the full 'abule', (village) would recieve the expo and destroy after sufficiently reading it.

I must confess that I could be trusted for other things too.

As I was previously the tactical genius in helping boys escape the long hands of the 'ojo' (police) back then before the harsh life within the prison wall tamed that part of me.

Ah.
I remember those days with a sorrowful heart.

Those evenings when Tade and Gbade would go and stand within the Tejuosho market.

When Tade would pretend to be a lost traveller asking directions and Gbade would sneak up with a razor to cleanly slit the bags of the unsuspecting victim who was busy acting like a good Samaritan.

Those evenings when I would order the boys to put on a show of tricks while using Gbade to pick the pockets of unsuspecting onlookers who stopped to look because they evidently had no clear place to be.

Those days when I would be forming Usain Bolt or Justin Gatlin in the hood while running away from the 'aja bingo' (local dog) that would be chasing me because I had carried away the pot of soup of its masters wife.

Those days when I organized my school boys and prepared them for a fight against the other school boys.

How did I prepare them, you may ask?

Well it was easy.

I made three hundred incisons on each of their shaven heads,
Rubbed the incisions with red hot powder which Tawa (Olori ebi of the clan of the jagundas, head of the clan of the trouble makers) claimed she had gotten from the seventh most powerful 'emere' in the world.

A claim I personally confirmed when I had shot with a dane her twice and saw that the bullets refused to penetrate her body.

I had told the boys to stay away from eating any salt at all.
For that was the 'nkan abami ti o le ba ogun je' (forbidden thing that could spoil the charm.

My ayeta had worked at the battlefield the next week.

For our boys were victorious against the other warriors from the other schools who had been decieved by their own charms maker.

The wicked herbalist had promised them rings which, he said, would cause mountains to level at their touch.
And had ended up giving them black rings that could not even kill a cockroach.

Little wonder I hated taking my boys to any babalawo for fortifications.

Thankfully, those days are gone.

Replaced by memories which I sometimes laugh over but never wish to return to.

(Extending hand towards pure water seller)

Oni pure water, tete bosi ibi.
Wa fun mi ni pure water.

Abi you nor get eye to see say this sun dey hot anyhow.

As if the angeli wey regulate the heat and cold temperature of the universe dey take some time off to sleep.

Why e no go hot sef?

Perhaps God dey plan to turn Lasgidi into plain land of desolation like Sodom and Gomorrah.

Perhaps one dragon dey plan to pour out im anger on this Lasgidi like that desolation of Smaug film.

(To a passenger)
Why are you so much surprised oga Ade.
Oh. So you think I don't watch such films bah?

You think I spend all my night watching films where Ogogo and Yinka Quadri keep offering seasoned advice like Pete Edoche in Nollywood films.

You think I spend all my time watching films where Odunlade Adekola keeps giving sleepless nights to the police force due to his acts of armed robbery which cannot be checked until they kill one old witch in the village or set a woman in his path.

You think I spend all my afternoons listening to Paso wonder and Orin Osupa Saidi (song of Osupa Saidi) and not knowing anything about artists like Ed Sheeran or Zayn Malik.

Rara ooo.

Emi ti lo international fa.
I have transcended the local borders and I fully enjoy everything.

(Back to the other passengers)

Lasgidi is messed up eyin ore mi
And that is why the heat is just so much that it seams like Lagos is shifting closer to hell fire.

Lasgidi yi
This Lasgidi ...

To be continued in later posts
#BASHORUN

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– If an animal escapes the hunter today, tomorrow is
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