I thought that in marriage, one plus one is one..If that was the case, does it matter who owns the apartment or Are we talking about big pride/ EGO here?

Femsyn:
I would like to learn from "de-misogynised" men/women on this topic. My stance on this is not from a personal point of view, but from what I have seen happen again and again from experience. If you have a different experience, you can share and I can equally learn, but speaking theoretically with grammar-laden terms won't solve anything. I can tell you categorically that as we speak right now, a friend's once loving family is being threatened by this same singular decision. Some of us warned him then, but was equally quick to mention "low self-esteem", "insecurity", "misogyny" and other big big grammar.

My stance is not based on what I read, but what has been experienced by friends and colleagues - Never ends well. But all the same, I would love to learn from the experiences of those whose result went differently.

I referred to you as misogynistic because of this part of your post

A woman will forever be a woman. I'm not trying to demonize them, no no, far from it, but you don't leave a yam in care of a goat!
Sooner or later, your ego will question all her actions and she will react with her "wonderfully" made mouth

If you had given your opinion like you said based on what you observed from your friends and colleagues and advised the op accordingly, that's a different thing, e.g like this

Don't let love becloud your judgment. Theoretically, there shouldn't be any hassle, after all they are now one, but practically, I have never seen this work ever.
Don't even make it temporal.

No issues that's your own opinion

but when you start to make derogatory statements towards ALL women e.g "a woman will always be a woman", "you can't leave a yam in the care of a goat", just because of your observation of some women and their husbands, it's not acceptable. At All

Yes, Richy4, it's an ego and pride issue. Aside that, it would've been fine. PaperLace and Daeylar, I'm sorry, I won't be able to respond further. You guys are right and I'm wrong.

Daeylar:
Misogynistic men doing what they do best








I guess this also means that it's wrong for a woman to move into a man's house because if the woman messes up the man can also chase her out.

Your logic is clouded woman!

MrBrownJay1:
there is nothing wrong with the act, unless you are a low self esteem insecure man. you guys marry for better or worse, isnt it?



you mean, she will DIVORCE him, and get her house back?! whats wrong with that?! who would even want to stay with a woman who does NOT want to be with you?! what kind of insecure muppet is that?! if she doesnt want to be with you then get the fukc out of there. marriage is NOT by force!

Your whole sentence lacks good reasoning

Kseafresh:
Your whole sentence lacks good reasoning

let me guess... you wouldnt want to live in your wife's home because of your misplaced ego/pride, and would needlessly rather spend money to get a different house?!

Femsyn:
Yes, Rich y4, it's an ego and pride issue. Aside that, it would've been fine. Paper Lace and Daeyl ar, I'm sorry, I won't be able to respond further. You guys are right and I'm wrong.

I knew you wouldn't be able to answer that question. I just wanted you to know it's not a woman will always be women thing, but it's about the individual characters of the couple(s) involved.

I'm not dragging right or wrong with you, save those mind games for someone else.

thorpido:
If the man is not insecured,then there's no big deal about it as long as he is not jobless and a leech.
You're married and have become one except the love that brought you together dies.

There is nothing wrong with it.

There is also nothing wrong with gambling with your self-respect, especially when a marriage is this young.

It is ofcourse impossible that your wife or any other third party would mention while angry that you cannot even afford your own apartment. Maybe they'll show you where and when you can sit. And even if they do, you can easily ignore such comments and behaviour, cant you?

After all, you are more matured and self assured that all our forefathers that have observes the tradition of a man providing shelter for his family. Those things are old school

You will be alright

OkunrinMeta:





There is nothing wrong with it.

There is also nothing wrong with gambling with your self-respect

Life sometimes throw curved balls and the unexpected may happen.A man loses his job when he's about to marry and can't pay rent when it expires.What should he do?Decide not to marry again or move into an apartment of his wife?
It doesn't take away a man's self-respect(except for perception) as long as the man does not sit waiting for the woman to feed him.

Daeylar:
Misogynistic men doing what they do best





I guess this also means that it's wrong for a woman to move into a man's house because if the woman messes up the man can also chase her out.





depends on the man, depends on the woman


op i do not think there is anything wrong with It. If they are OK with it then there is nothing to worry about.

But why do some people think calling men misogynistic, chauvinistic, sexist, weak, or any other big word would stop men from being men?

We are who we are. Men don't move into their wives apartment. Its been like that for thousands of years. You can just as easily convince a monkey not to eat banana.

And about your gender equality thing. Feminists are just too good to be married. The Americans you're learning it from have a divorce rate of 50percent. Go figure.

Don't get me wrong, I also don't know why we cant all be single, equal and happy.

Every ship must have a captain, 1 captain.

thorpido:
Life sometimes throw curved balls and the unexpected may happen.A man loses his job when he's about to marry and can't pay rent when it expires.What should he do?Decide not to marry again or move into an apartment of his wife?
It doesn't take away a man's self-respect(except for perception) as long as the man does not sit waiting for the woman to feed him.

I understand you bro. It is easy to just give advise when am not the one facing the kind of challenge you just described.

However, almost evert man that moved into his wife's house and regretted it did so because of challenges not because they always wanted to.

But there are some very special women.....

OkunrinMeta:


But why do some people think calling men misogynistic, chauvinistic, sexist, weak, or any other big word would stop men from being men?

We are who we are. Men don't move into their wives apartment. Its been like that for thousands of years. You can just as easily convince a monkey not to eat banana.

And about your gender equality thing. Feminists are just too good to be married. The Americans you're learning it from have a divorce rate of 50percent. Go figure.

Don't get me wrong, I also don't know why we cant all be single, equal and happy.

Every ship must have a captain, 1 captain.

Go and look for the meaning of the word I used and understand its use. A man is only called those words if he acts like it. A man acts like that and is referred to accordingly and you dismiss such bad behaviour as men being men? Do you even understand what you typed?

Why can't men move into their wife's apartment? That is the issue we are dealing with here, so what's your answer??

And what are you trying to imply?

Are you saying we can't be equal?
We can be single, equal and happy, whether you like it or not, with or without you

A relationship or marriage, is run how the couple want to run it in the way that's best for them. learn to mind your business and not try to give people rules and regulations on how to run their relationships.

My dear friend, I'm going to give you some advice. Never ever move into a woman's home. Move her into yours or move in together. I have never seen it work out for any man. I can personally attest to this as well. If the man comes in without his own, a level of mutual respect will be missing. Don't try it.

See advice na lol only an unintelligent person will listen to this nansense

Unless he is an egomaniac, i don't see anything wrong. The are married and it is now their place and not her place.
Naija men need to stop letting their egos rule their lives.

In our Nigerian society it is socially wrong. But there is nothing bad abt it tho. Its just our social standard the man must have a house to build a home so....

I can't do it anyways....least we contribute and pay the rent

Daeylar:


Go and look for the meaning of the word I used and understand its use. A man is only called those words if he acts like it. A man acts like that and is referred to accordingly and you dismiss such bad behaviour as men being men? Do you even understand what you typed?

Why can't men move into their wife's apartment? That is the issue we are dealing with here, so what's your answer??

And what are you trying to imply?

Are you saying we can't be equal?
We can be single, equal and happy, whether you like it or not, with or without you

A relationship or marriage, is run how the couple want to run it in the way that's best for them. learn to mind your business and not try to give people rules and regulations on how to run their relationships.

1. If we were minding our business, there would be no need for a public forum

2. What's my answer, madam can you read?

3. Disagreeing with you does not mean i don't understand the words you've used. I just don't understand what you think name calling would achieve. People expressed their opinion and you are calling them misogynists, who are you madam new-scholl-know-it-all.
How many marriages have you had to make you classify people with valid opinions as misogynist?

4. If you want to be the "husband", its fine but there can be only one.

5. If you want to be another single feminist, eeya what a loss! Rubbish

MrBrownJay1:


let me guess... you wouldnt want to live in your wife's home because of your misplaced ego/pride, and would needlessly rather spend money to get a different house?!

You're the type of men,women use to wipe their bums...

Kseafresh:
You're the type of men,women use to wipe their bums...

clear example of the men i am talking about.... ego/pride driven and highly deluded

There's nothing wrong with it, unless the man is insecure.

OkunrinMeta:

1. If we were minding our business, there would be no need for a public forum

Don't try to be cunning, don't try and twist my answers
Don't take a part of my answer and try and twist into what you want

This was you statement, where you tried to act like your one captain rule was the ultimate in running relationships

Every ship must have a captain, 1 captain

This was my response where I told you that a couple will do what's best for them

A relationship or marriage, is run how the couple want to run it in the way that's best for them. learn to mind your business and not try to give people rules and regulations on how to run their relationships

2. What's my answer, madam can you read

Once again This was your statement

We are who we are. Men don't move into their wives apartment. Its been like that for thousands of years. You can just as easily convince a monkey not to eat banana.

This was my question

Why can't men move into their wife's apartment? That is the issue we are dealing with here, so what's your answer??

So where was the question answered, it's ridiculous to ask someone if they can read when you seem incapable of doing the same yourself. I hope you won't try to say that your answer is because men are men

3.Disagreeing with you does not mean i don't understand the words you've used. I just don't understand what you think name calling would achieve. People expressed their opinion and you are calling them misogynists, who are you madam new-scholl-know-it-all.
How many marriages have you had to make you classify people with valid opinions as misogynist

1) How did I act like a know it all? Your statement should be directed to the people you are trying to defend who insulted all women just because of the few experiences they had with a situation like the op's
2)if you express a misogynistic opinion. You will be called a misogynist
3) How many marriages have they had to try and demean all women the way they did? Once again, redirect your anger to them
4)You call statements such as
"(A woman will forever be a woman. I'm not trying to demonise them, no no, far from it, but you don't leave a yam in care of a goat! Sooner or later, your ego will question all her actions and she will react with her "wonderfully" made mouth.)
( a woman she is and a woman she will always remain)
valid opinions? No wonder you seem annoyed, it seems you think like them

4.If you want to be the "husband", its fine but there can be only one.

I'm female, therefore I can never be a husband, what's your point, I didn't get it.

5.If you want to be another single feminist, eeya what a loss! Rubbish

I really don't understand how this statement is related to this thread and what I posted?

MrBrownJay1:


clear example of the men i am talking about.... ego/pride driven and highly deluded

Shame on you man

Daeylar:


Don't try to be cunning, don't try and twist my answers
Don't take a part of my answer and try and twist into what you want

This was you statement, where you tried to act like your one captain rule was the ultimate in running relationships


This was my response where I told you that a couple will do what's best for them




Once again This was your statement


This was my question

So where was the question answered, it's ridiculous to ask someone if they can read when you seem incapable of doing the same yourself. I hope you won't try to say that your answer is because men are men


1) How did I act like a know it all? Your statement should be directed to the people you are trying to defend who insulted all women just because of the few experiences they had with a situation like the op's
2)if you express a misogynistic opinion. You will be called a misogynist
3) How many marriages have they had to try and demean all women the way they did? Once again, redirect your anger to them
4)You call statements such as
"(A woman will forever be a woman. I'm not trying to demonise them, no no, far from it, but you don't leave a yam in care of a goat! Sooner or later, your ego will question all her actions and she will react with her "wonderfully" made mouth.)
( a woman she is and a woman she will always remain)
valid opinions? No wonder you seem annoyed, it seems you think like them


I'm female, therefore I can never be a husband, what's your point, I didn't get it.


I really don't understand how this statement is related to this thread and what I posted?

Seen and ignored. No matter what I say, you will not change.

OkunrinMeta:


Seen and ignored. No matter what I say, you will not change.

Just because I have shown you that the people you tried to defend were truly being misogynistic, and there is no avenue for you to try and twist my statements again, you now know that you can ignore.
Now learn from this and try not to support such posts next time

theemy:
A friend of mine recently got married and his wife has an apartment of her own so in other to save cost they have decided to move into her apartment pls fellow landers is this right I need advice

There is nothing wrong in that.

Daeylar:


Just because I have shown you that the people you tried to defend were truly being misogynistic, and there is no avenue for you to try and twist my statements again, you now know that you can ignore.
Now learn from this and try not to support such posts next time

Ignored again

OkunrinMeta:


Ignored again

Continue to ignore, I hope you've learnt something sha

Daeylar:



Continue to ignore, I hope you've learnt something sha

Oooooooo ....yes ma. I have learnt something.

You are very correct, husbands should live in their wives apartment and you are qualified to call anyone who says otherwise a misogynist especially me, this is especially so because no one usually points out how accurate you are and you can't fathom any reason why anyone would want to disagree with a humble young woman who has not been spoilt by weak men who capitulate to her will like its a sport.

OkunrinMeta:



Oooooooo ....yes ma. I have learnt something.

You are very correct, husbands should live in their wives apartment and you are qualified to call anyone who says otherwise a misogynist especially me, this is especially so because no one usually points out how accurate you are and you can't fathom any reason why anyone would want to disagree with a humble young woman who has not been spoilt by weak men who capitulate to her will like its a sport.

Lol, first of all I never knew that you had modified this post because in your meñtion before you modifed you had asked me not to meñtion you again and I decided to respect your wishes

As for your modified post I don't even understand it

this is the first ever answer I gave to this topic, you can find it on the front page

op i do not think there is anything wrong with It. If they are OK with it then there is nothing to worry about.

Where did I ever say all husbands should live in their wives apartment? show me? Didn't I say if they are OK with it they can go ahead?
I explained to one of the guys whom i referred to as misogynistic why I made that comment. I also explained to you why I said so, so where did I call anyone who says otherwise misogynistic? Show me
Where did I ever refer to you as misogynistic? Show me

I can't even understand the rest of what you are saying and I don't see it's relevance,

This is the second time you are trying to twist my words to use against me so please if you know that you can't respond without doing so don't bother

How about having two houses and some holiday flats?

Who would not like it?

wat if shes handed over the payment of rent to her husband to take up with his name on the payment documents instead of hers.

it could b temporary. just to put enof resources togeda to rent anoda apartment.

agreement and commission paying in lagos no b beans o. at least that part is saved

wat of a man marrying his wife in a family house where his siblings also stays and telling her to move in with him since he already has a flat to himself. is it also right?

i wuld prefer d former if i av for privacy and avoiding in-law dramas. no one would know if i soaked garri or ate chiken wit my husband.