₦airaland Forum

Insecurity is a normal human emotion that just about everyone experiences. So no, it doesn't automatically kill a relationship.
It's a question of degree. How often do you feel insecure? How intensely do you feel it? And most importantly, what do you do when you feel it?
If you frequently feel deeply insecure, and then you mistreat your partner as a result — accusing, snooping, controlling, withdrawing — then yes, you will harm your relationships.

Being insecure – in life, at work, in relationships – is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This means that my behavior and my actions cause what I predict to come true.
In other words: I cause what I fear.
Some examples can be:
I am afraid of getting hurt and therefore will close myself off from relationships (this guarantees pain and isolation.)
I am going to sit alone because no one will want to sit with me (and people see me eating alone and assume I don’t want company.)
I am going to assume you will leave me and will, therefore, be paranoid and hypervigilant (suffocating the relationship).
If we let our insecurities dictate our behavior, our insecurities will strangle everything.

share your views and ideas pals

valkaka:
Insecurity is a normal human emotion that just about everyone experiences. So no, it doesn't automatically kill a relationship.
It's a question of degree. How often do you feel insecure? How intensely do you feel it? And most importantly, what do you do when you feel it?
If you frequently feel deeply insecure, and then you mistreat your partner as a result — accusing, snooping, controlling, withdrawing — then yes, you will harm your relationships.

Being insecure – in life, at work, in relationships – is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This means that my behavior and my actions cause what I predict to come true.
In other words: I cause what I fear.
Some examples can be:
I am afraid of getting hurt and therefore will close myself off from relationships (this guarantees pain and isolation.)
I am going to sit alone because no one will want to sit with me (and people see me eating alone and assume I don’t want company.)
I am going to assume you will leave me and will, therefore, be paranoid and hypervigilant (suffocating the relationship).
If we let our insecurities dictate our behavior, our insecurities will strangle everything.

share your views and ideas pals

It should be obvious.

Insecurities reduce your options for effectiveness in a relationship. Your capacity for trust, joy, openness and most of all other values that make relationship worthwhile becomes reduced like a deflated tire.

Your capacity for relationship-killing postures and traits like unnecessary defensiveness, meaningless suspicions, feelings of inadequacy, uncontrollable stabs of jealousy etc all go on hyperdrive and you start going our of character. Some get clingy, some turn to control-freak stalker but the results are often all the same; the stage is set for you to be the abusive party in your relationship. Whether you're go all out to start fixing what aint broke or you're the simmering passive-aggression type, you see yourself doing stuffs you wouldn't have thought possible in the name of love before.

This is why I believe in going in to relationship as a very free, very very emotionally healthy individual, not as a damaged spec looking to "tap into" your wholeness and fulfillment in another person with needs you may not even have started deciphering. I don't believe in damsels-in-distress or "stranded-knight" rescue jobs either. I'll help you and send you on your way, no strings attached, if i have ur time or if ur condition demands my attention before all good conscience.

Most folks get raw deals here because of expectations that don't get met or assumptions that don't pan out and the rest of us are often quick to run to town tagging, drawing conclusions and furthering stereotypes based on their failures. Insecurities are like festering sores getting gangrenous, they're bad for everybody on the long run especially the bearer of the wound!