Little Black Bag
Schwartz walks into a theatrical agent's office, and he's carrying a little black bag.

The agent says, "Well, let's see your act."

Schwartz reaches into the black bag and takes out a hammer and a few walnuts. He puts the walnuts on his head and smashes them with the hammer.

He says to the agent, "Well, what do you think?"

The agent says, "That's your act?"

Schwartz says, "Yep."

The agent asks, "What else have you got in the black bag?"

Schwartz replies, "Aspirin."
2,


The new school librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a 'Contract' for returning the books on time.

Her first customer was a third grader who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought three books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.

The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.

Before the librarian could even start her speech, he said scornfully, "The other librarian we had knew how to write."





3,


An Elderly Man Goes Into a Brothel
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. "I'm 90 years old," he says. "90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"

"Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"

4,

The Hot Midget
The Hot midget found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and said, "Hey, honey, whaddaya say to a little Bleep?"

She looked down at him and promptly replied, "Hello, you little Bleep!"

5,

Together at Last
Marie's funeral is a sad one as she goes to join her departed husband. Standing near the casket, a mourner keeps repeating, "At last they're together. At last they're together."

A mourner whispers, "Why are you making such a tumult? She was a tramp even when Nick was alive. What's with this nonsense, at last they're together!"

The first mourner responds, "I'm talking about her LEGS! At last they're together!"

LOL. . . .keep them coming

Lol, last Joke is so funny. I like it too much.

thot u said 3 jokes n a jara

nice

D last 1 is d only funny one

Cul