My mom been the strict one got more creative with her punishments as we got older. One of which included her staring at us with such intensity and disapproval that my brother swore that he had seen laser beams coming out from her eyes. She also developed the skill of throwing her high heeled shoes at us with the tips aimed at our backs when she couldn't outrun us anymore. God, those days were fun, miss them.

davidylan:

Scenario - NEPA takes light (as usual at night), dad requests 2 mats spread outside where we sit together and eat dinner.

Later . . .

Dad: Son take a look at the sky, what do you see?
Me: The moon eh, is that where all angels are?
Dad: Yeah, America is there too.
Me: Really? So aunty lives in the sky?
Dad: Sure, someday you will go there too.

I spend the next few weeks packing my stuff for the trip to the sky.

I'm a very big victim to many of these kinds of lies.

Since I moved to London, I told my dad to get an email address so that I can communicate since I cant even see myself writing letters. So I opened yahoo email gave him password and email ID.
My dad would go to cybercafe give the email ID and password to the operator to check the mails. Why I asked him, he said he always ensured the operator close the email before he leaves. He has done it so many times. Thanks God its just father-son mails!

denzel2009:

Since I moved to London, I told my dad to get an email address so that I can communicate since I cant even see myself writing letters. So I opened yahoo email gave him password and email ID.
My dad would go to cybercafe give the email ID and password to the operator to check the mails. Why I asked him, he said he always ensured the operator close the email before he leaves. He has done it so many times. Thanks God its just father-son mails!

That was a good one.

a whole lot!
one good evening after i finished mumsi chow, i went to my room the next thing i heared was popsi's knock.I opened the door and he told me he couldnt eat his food that i should go and help him out.I gladly accepted.I went to the dining table opened the covered plates on find it cleaned thoroughly.he had finished the whole meal.He stood by the curtain laughin!!!!imagine!!!!

2nly my dad does all things by himself,including driving,going to the bank and sometimes washing.he purposed to buy fuel trucks/tankers.then i was in secondary school so asked him if he would also drive it.he replied and asked me what i was for of course then i cud hardly turn the stering.imagine

lastly he called me and greeted me like the nigerian police and said "anything for the boys" u know wat dat means.imagine?

Me: what are we eating this night o

Mum: cane, atleast you wont be asking for more

^lol i am literally rollin on the floor(in my chair)

Dont wake your mum up o

Whenever I want to sleep on the bed with my mum and dad, they never let me. I always wondered why, my mum is always willing but my dad tells me you are big girl why sleep with us ( I hated them calling me a baby) so to prove I was a big girl I sleep alone on my bed. The funny thing is when my dad is not around my mum lets me. I always wonder why? Well I got to know why when I was old enough.

I don't think I have ever laughed this hard and long before all my life. These posts are surely treasures! May God bless our parents. This is just one thread that brings back those old old memories.

Moderator, please this post surely deserves to remain on the front page for a while, don't let it go pleasse. I am thinking of a way to save the post so that anytime I am feeling down, a run through those nig mugs, flogging etc whill definitely bring me back to a cheerful mood.

You guys are great.

Recently my phones got missing and hence i remained incommunicado for like a month---- Imagine my surprise when my dad ordered someone to come check me in my office to confirm if I was alright. I suddenly felt so loved---- but laffed at the manner he went about it.

my parents gossip about their children in the mid night. and in the morning my mom will push my dad to talk to us,about what they discussed.
eg
mom: this  child has refused to pick up that job,i don't know what is wrong with her
dad:  that was how she missed the other one
mom: i think you should talk to her about it

next day my dad will talk and my mother will be mute as if she is not bothered

My Dad enjoys it when he makes people scared and he loves nothing better than to shout and see people running around in confusion but not me, I gve him fire for fire. When he comes home, he starts horning from the junction so that by the time he is at the gate, the gate is opened, If its not opened na shout be that, food must be on the table and so many other things. He will nag and Nag so everyone aviods his wahala except me cos I know how to pet him and get him quiet, sometimes when he just sees me he holds the nagging but i know he wants to shout. In the mornings he will just wake up and start calling out names especially mine and he justs wants to gist oh nothing important but when you hear the way he shouts fear go catch you, If you dont answer trouble, Anyway, one day, I went to my then Boyfriends house really early (we are neighbours) and we had a fight so I came home really angry, just went back to bed and stayed under the covers, popsy got up as usual and started shouting my name, I ignored him hoping he will call someone else, well he just came to my room saw me lying down and started shouting " SO you have been in this house and I have been Shouting since", Unfortunately for him i was in a horrible mood, I scolded him that day ehn, I said abeg abeg abeg leave me oh, how will you just get up in the morning and satrt shouting ? what is it? Am i owing you, Haba, I dont have energy and patience this morning oh, infact am leaving am going back to Abj now now. Baba was too shocked to talk, I had never talked to him like that the look on his face was worth 1 million Dollars. Later that day, he was going out when he saw me he ran back towards to take another door. His driver came to ask me what i did to him, that through out thier drive to the office he was lamenting, telling the driver that i scolded him like a child. LOL, Old man, pleanty story

Mumsy was a wedding freak, she lved attending weddings, big and samll, she will even attend the loca Fulani Herdsmen wedding in Ruga ( Traditional Fulani homes). Every saturday she had a wedding to attend, One day as usual she got all dressed up and went out, suprisingly she returned early, I was stunned, I asked her what hapeend, she said can you believe there is no wedding today? i was beyound shocked, I said Ah Mama so you drive around on saturdays looking for weddings? The thing pass me oh. My family was worse than bill Cosby show. Crazy people

One of d funnies threads so far! Mine was in a bid to bring us up in a christian way, mumsi would always tell us that anytime we walk with a woman,she will get pregnant for us, cos i always fred from ladies. This affected my relationship with ladies even while i was in d universities!!

My dad speaks too much grammer infact he does not spare our God even when praying. His prayers are so lengthy hence must times I end up sleeping before he rounds up his prayers! My mum preaches for over 30 minutes and my dad picks offence. We rejoice at this development thinking my dad will offer a short prayer to no avail! On numerous occassions they wake me up at the end of the devotion but on this particular day they left me on my knees till about 2am! Gosh I could not stand properly cos my whole body ached and mosquitoes dealt with me seriously (the mosquitoes actually woke me up). This did not stop me from sleeping during devotions until one day my dad asked me to kneel down, he asked everyone to stretch their hands towards me and pray to cast out every demon in me. WO, It was not a small prayer that day o. My father speak grammer say e dey cast out demon for over 20 minutes because I dey sleep during devotion! I did not find it funny but my elder brothers struggled without success not to laugh. Boy my knees ached! I don't know the most annoying, the lengthy prayer, my aching knee and embarrasment or my siblings laughing at me!  Thank God I can laugh at those times now

I had issues with procastination and would always want to do things at my own timing. I wonder how they keep tabs of my favorite programmes cos that is when they will want to send you on errand! When my dad comes in to see me still watching the tv he will yell at me to "go and do whatever I asked you to do now! And when I say now, I mean N-O-W (Spells it out) NOW!

My mother could throw a pot at you when angry! When a neighbour comes to report to our parents for mischief done, my mother talks to no end until my dad and everyone gets irritated. Infact, the neighbour will be the one begging her that it is okay. Imagine. Those days we prefered having issues with my dad cos it ends in well loaded grammer and scowl but not mumsy! My mum will accuse my dad of politiking!

When my older ones cannot account for a missing item at home, (I was too little to account for such amount/item then) my parents lock every1 in the room and flogs hell. Of course my dad does the flogging amidst grammer while my mum sits on the bed and adds salt and pepper. To tell you the truth, my siblings confessed that my mother's tongue was more painful than the whip.

When we were taken for immunization or injection, my dad will tease us for been fearful. He would encourage you to be a man and bragged about his days as a child! He fell ill one day and the family nurse came to treat him at home. He asked my mum to shoo everyone out and that got us very curious! We climbed the balcony and peeped through the curtains only to see our dad running round the centre table (in the living ) in a bid not to receive the injection. The nurse kept begging him to stay still and promised it won't hurt! Yet this my maco dad kept fleeing as soon as the nurse approached with the injection. My mum at a point could not contain her laughter.

aisha2:

Mumsy was a wedding freak, she lved attending weddings, big and samll, she will even attend the loca Fulani Herdsmen wedding in Ruga ( Traditional Fulani homes). Every saturday she had a wedding to attend, One day as usual she got all dressed up and went out, suprisingly she returned early, I was stunned, I asked her what hapeend, she said can you believe there is no wedding today? i was beyound shocked, I said Ah Mama so you drive around on saturdays looking for weddings? The thing pass me oh. My family was worse than bill Cosby show. Crazy people

This post is another one of nairaland's treasures. Thanks guys, now everybody in my office thinks i'm crazy!

Had to create an account here today,  Just for this thread,
I'v laffed,  I'v rolled,  I'v shared this link,
I died at "excuse me young man, can I have this dance"

"one good evening after i finished mumsi chow, i went to my room the next thing i heared was popsi's knock.I opened the door and he told me he couldnt eat his food that i should go and help him out.I gladly accepted.I went to the dining table opened the covered plates on find it cleaned thoroughly.he had finished the whole meal.He stood by the curtain laughin!!!!imagine!!!!"

too funny abeg,

wat a funny thread.
my father was snorer, infact he deserved guiness buk of record award in snoring and my mum sabi gist well both the trut and d lie. one nite they were in their rum, my mum was gistin my dad as usual. then one heavy mighty snor just emergy frm my dad. my mum was shocked, she didnt see it coming. she just shoutd "chineke mee, negodu onye m na akoro akiko"!!! ie see who am gisting oooo. the funny part was that my dad woke up and denied ever sleeping, my mum then asked him wat she sed last since he wasnt sleeping, kai if see the OP my papa talked that nite, we burst laf, they were surprise to hear us lafing(our rum was close to theirs and we were suppose to be asleep)

my dad doesnt believe in slicing/sliced bread ooo, if he must drink tea, he had this favourite long jug then u will give him the full loaf. he wont finish it oo but yet he wont slice out the one he wants n my mum doesnt find that thing funny, one day he called him a bush man, kai my daddy laughed, hear his reply "can u remember wen u were begging this same bush man to take u to the field so ur frend will know ur the girlfrend of the great footballer" my mum cudnt talk. i love that day cos it actually made my dad to tell us hw he met my mum and all that. it was really funny.

God rest his soul

My mum could give very vague directions. she would normally tell us "go into that room,you would see that thing on top of that table,help me bring it". we would be at the door before we would ask which room, what table and what thing. most times,we would enter a room and start wondering what we were sent there to get.

My dad can never finish one TomTom. he would break it into four,keep three in the fridge and take four hours to finish one. when we ask him why he does that,he would reply that it is too strong for him.

"Lies" my parents told me growing up:

1. If you whistle at night, snakes will come into the house.

2. I came first from primary school to university.

3. I read my chemistry textbook from cover to cover in one week - i thought this was very impressive until i stumbled on my mum's chemistry book, it was no more than 50 pages!

Mommy's favorite threats:

1. If i get at you ehn, infact i will almost kill you this night.

2. A normal child will always . . . (do everything perfectly i suppose) - we never did find this "normal child" anywhere neither did she have a clue where we could find him.

3. I will charge you to court for extended bachelorhood.

denzel2009:

Since I moved to London, I told my dad to get an email address so that I can communicate since I cant even see myself writing letters. So I opened yahoo email gave him password and email ID.
My dad would go to cybercafe give the email ID and password to the operator to check the mails. Why I asked him, he said he always ensured the operator close the email before he leaves. He has done it so many times. Thanks God its just father-son mails!

my mumsy being a teacher used to come home with assorted pankere back in the days thn, and in the night she will jst call me babajide!!!!! oya stood down si ibeyen. kai i know say i don enter am. and i go stood down for hours, sweating and catarrgh go dey commot for my nouse and i go dey snivel like say i take drugs. chai i suffer and funniest thing is while am doing di stooling down, she my mum will cross leg dey watch telly and she can chop meat like anything and same time sucking the bone of the meat.

after like 2hrs of stooling down she will tell me to go and take my bath and sleep. kai i was sooo weak dat i slept throughout the whole following day and wetin happen all becos dem send me come house from shop i come go do mistake sleep.

Leopantro:

My dad can never finish one TomTom. he would break it into four,keep three in the fridge and take four hours to finish one. when we ask him why he does that,he would reply that it is too strong for him.

axeman85:

my mumsy being a teacher used to come home with assorted pankere back in the days thn, and in the night she will jst call me babajide!!!!! oya stood down si ibeyen. kai i know say i don enter am. and i go stood down for hours, sweating and catarrgh go dey commot for my nouse and i go dey snivel like say i take drugs. chai i suffer and funniest thing is while am doing di stooling down, she my mum will cross leg dey watch telly and she can chop meat like anything and same time sucking the bone of the meat.

after like 2hrs of stooling down she will tell me to go and take my bath and sleep. kai i was sooo weak dat i slept throughout the whole following day and wetin happen all becos dem send me come house from shop i come go do mistake sleep.

Abeg o carry laugh kill me pls

[sup]My mum could give very vague directions. she would normally tell us "go into that room,you would see that thing on top of that table,help me bring it". we would be at the door before we would ask which room, what table and what thing. most times,we would enter a room and start wondering what we were sent there to get.[quote][/quote]

You are not the only one in these, lol!!

My mum, after telling u all d poss places , will end her words by saying, mo ti gbagbe wipe afin okin rinran osan(albino no dey see for afternoon). let her come and search herself she will find nothing!!LOLLLLL

While growing up, my mum will always drum it on out ears that we should not accept food offer from neighbors neither should we accept such offers from her friends whenever she takes us out. Now it happens that she took us on a family visit to one of her friends in same neighbourhood. On getting there, her friend offered to give us jollof rice, chicken and fanta. Trust my mum, she will give you some kind of look/stare, meaning "if you accept it, ur own don done today". Her friend noticing this, will say, leave them now they are kid, let them take it and she will forcefully take our eyes away from her stare

trust me now, can't allow that opportunity to pass by, where others vehemently refused, me i accepted. at least i know what will end it all and trust me, after wacking the food, going home is not something I look forward to cos I know what awaits me!!

a colleague on hearing the topic, just told a story of how an elderly neighbour called him to "message" him. As he was talking he kept farting, but continued inspite of his obvious discomfort the man was just "delivering". Not related to parents, just really funny

Infact i can't just stop laughing, all the comments and stories are so funny, like wole soyinka said, orisha worshippers should be permitted to visit yar a dua, ppl's comments were very funny that really make laugh continuosly.Hahahahahhahha!!! funny! funny!! funny!!!

U guys wan kill me with laughter. Tnk u guys for making me laugh today, ppl were just looking at me as if i am mad i come tell them say na nairaland ppl o.Tnks guys, it really funny, lol