Good day everyone.
There's this friend of mine, I have always being there for and most time she gets close to me, it's always because she wants something from me.

She's being hinting on coming to stay with me, although she has a sibling in the state that I'm living but from all indications, it's my place that she wants to stay.


We are sure going to have problems and I want to avoid that by all cost, there're people that being friends with them is good from a distance. I have also had bad experiences with friends.

I just don't to how to turn her down, without being sounding wicked.

Do you stand to lose anything for saying "No" to her?, if no, then simply tell her you can't accommodates her for personal reasons.

I am not ready yet

I hate the idea of having to lie to put off a friend...because that's what she might make you do.

Simply tell her you would've loved her to come around, buh u are working on smtyn and really need the space, but if she's still in town wen you are done she can come over.

kimbraa:
Do you stand to lose anything for saying "No" to her?, if no, then simply tell her you can't accommodates her for personal reasons.

looks like she doesn't want her to feel like she's pushing her away when she(the friend) needs her.

People over here have a way of taking things into heart without giving thought to the feeling of the other party.
You know the law of karma, she might need something from her now or later.

kimbraa:
Do you stand to lose anything for saying "No" to her?, if no, then simply tell her you can't accommodates her for personal reasons.

Thanks
I stay alone, I don't want her to feel that I'm in position to help and I didn't.
She stayed with me during the last days of our final year, mehnn it wasn't a wow experience and I kept quiet about it, never complained.

Supersuave2:
looks like she doesn't want her to feel like she's pushing her away when she(the friend) needs her.

People over here have a way of taking things into heart without giving thought to the feeling of the other party.
You know the law of karma, she might need something from her now or later.

If she isn't comfortable with her being around then I see nothing wrong in saying "No" and standing on her grounds. Again, I don't believe one person has the keys to what I'd need now or later.

Omaa1:


Thanks
I stay alone, I don't want her to feel that I'm in position to help and I didn't.
She stayed with me during the last days of our final year, mehnn it wasn't a wow experience and I kept quiet about it, never complained.

Lol, some friends are like that. The decision here is yours to make.

kimbraa:
If she isn't comfortable with her being around then I see nothing wrong in saying "No" and standing on her grounds. Again, I don't believe one person has the keys to what I'd need now or later.

There might be others way but there's always a shorter route.

Most times I find it difficult to turn people down too, especially friends.

Supersuave2:
looks like she doesn't want her to feel like she's pushing her away when she(the friend) needs her.

People over here have a way of taking things into heart without giving thought to the feeling of the other party.
You know the law of karma, she might need something from her now or later.

I get the karma part, but if you know my history with her (part of the reason I'm cold feet about her coming). Most time other people tell me, why do I allow her(not just her)to always take advantage of me.
I'm a kinda of person that goes length for people I call friend, get nothing in return but will still help that person over and over.
I hate miss understanding or quarrels, gives me sleepless night.

Supersuave2:
There might be others way but there's always a shorter route.

Most times I find it difficult to turn people down too, especially friends.

I turn anyone I want to down 'cause some people aren't worth discomforting oneself for.

Supersuave2:
There might be others way but there's always a shorter route.

Most times I find it difficult to turn people down too, especially friends.

That's my major problem, I just don't know how to go about it.

I just want to keep quiet about somethings, because the aim is not to slander her, but to look for a way to pass the message to her, that we just can't live together.

Omaa1:


I get the karma part, but if you know my history with her (part of the reason I'm cold feet about her coming). Most time other people tell me, why do I allow her(not just her)to always take advantage of me.
I'm a kinda of person that goes length for people I call friend, get nothing in return but will still help that person over and over.
I hate miss understanding or quarrels, gives me sleepless night.

I'm quite sure you're an introvert. You shouldn't make yourself unhappy or uncomfortable just to make others happy. I think you should start doing things the 'Normal You' wouldn't do.

kimbraa:
I turn anyone I want to down 'cause some people aren't worth discomforting oneself for.

hahahahaha straight up! cold as ice, no time for BS.

one can't afford to appear weak else your social rights will be trampled upon.

Supersuave2:
hahahahaha straight up! cold as ice, no time for BS.

one can't afford to appear weak else your social rights will be trampled upon.

Exactly. Some so-called friends aren't worth the effort so it's best they stay on their lane.

Omaa1:


I get the karma part, but if you know my history with her (part of the reason I'm cold feet about her coming). Most time other people tell me, why do I allow her(not just her)to always take advantage of me.
I'm a kinda of person that goes length for people I call friend, get nothing in return but will still help that person over and over.
I hate miss understanding or quarrels, gives me sleepless night.

If she has history of always taking advantage of you I think it's high time you freed yourself from her charm.

Be blunt about it this time, tell her 'NO' and she doesn't have the right to ask for a reason if you can't find any to give her.

Supersuave2:
I'm quite sure you're an introvert. You shouldn't make yourself unhappy or uncomfortable just to make others happy. I think you should start doing things the 'Normal You' wouldn't do.

Naaaa I'm not an introvert. I'm easy going and friendly though most times I love my own company
I just have good reasons to why we can't stay together, just that I can't say them.(Like if I say it out, I'm doing something wrong)

I have heard not so good experiences, released that the few friends I have are just there because of what you can do for them. I have been in low points, reached out, call for days, they won't even pick, but if the revise is the case I rush to their aid. I don't get mad or keep malice. But this not the reason.

Supersuave2:
If she has history of always taking advantage of you I think it's high time you freed yourself from her charm.

Be blunt about it this time, tell her 'NO' and she doesn't have the right to ask for a reason if you can't find any to give her.

Thanks I guess I will do just that, I have been looking how to cook up something, giving myself sleepless night.

kimbraa:
Exactly. Some so-called friends aren't worth the effort so it's best they stay on their lane.

Thank you Kimbra, I was just scared contemplating on what to say.

After all what do I stand to lose, we ain't great friends (see me running my mouth, then I will start worrying later)

I love my space...
Though since she has once lived with you and you really didn't enjoy it, just tell her you're sorry,you won't be able to accommodate her..I don't support lies but this is Nigeria, she might take it to heart, so better make something up ..

Some friends are better kept "afar"

kimbraa:
Exactly. Some so-called friends aren't worth the effort so it's best they stay on their lane.

True tho.

There was a day I bought herbal powders that enhance sexual performance from a sales girl in town. I definitely didn't need it at that time but she was so persuasive and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. I ended up giving her #400 for 2sachets. Those things spent about 3months in my room and I'd feel like beating myself each time I saw them not because of the money but for not turning her down cos I didn't need the drug.

I think I'm better at the game of turning people down now

Omaa1:

Naaaa I'm not an introvert. I'm easy going and friendly though most times I love my own company
I just have good reasons to why we can't stay together, just that I can't say them.(Like if I say it out, I'm doing something wrong)

I have heard not so good experiences, released that the few friends I have are just there because of what you can do for them. I have been in low points, reached out, call for days, they won't even pick, but if the revise is the case I rush to their aid. I don't get mad or keep malice. But this not the reason.

Hmmm..that's life. You know the true nature of people when they become 'Powerful'.

wordproof:
I hate the idea of having to lie to put off a friend...because that's what she might make you do.

Simply tell her you would've loved her to come around, buh u are working on smtyn and really need the space, but if she's still in town wen you are done she can come over.

Thanks

Omaa1:


Thank you Kimbra, I was just scared contemplating on what to say.

After all what do I stand to lose, we ain't great friends (see me running my mouth, then I will start worrying later)

We have friends and we also have acquaintants. Some people confuse acquaintants for friends. you'd do anything for a true friend who've been there for you while there's a limit to what you could do for an acquaintant that sees him/herself as a friend. That being said, you'll need to learn how to say "No" to people without flinching 'cause if you don't, you'll always discomfort yourself for the wellbeing of others and may be exploited on the line.

I understand the kind of position you are presently. If you are not comfortable with her staying with you, it's better you bluntly tell her "no" (I know the after feeling you would have) and have your peace thereafter than letting her come over and experiencing unnecessary discord.

You can subtly tell her to stay with her sister since they are blood relations.

Although, the person typing this is someone that finds it difficult to say "No" but he's learning the hard way.

Tell her you just started bed wetting