Shared as received...

I have been married for 5 years and when I met my husband , he had nothing. Then during my birthdays all he does is pray for me. I knew he had nothing so I never made a fuss about it. Now we are married and living comfortably, he has never bought me a birthday present, never celebrated our wedding anniversary. I even have to be announcing it for weeks , use it on my profile etc. I even beg him to take me to dinner on such occasions but he will make a mockery face at me and tell me to be waiting. The day will come and go. Its quite painful cos I feel unappreciated. Even the prayers too he has stopped them. Pls help me fams, what should I do

Which kind wahala be this?

Some men totally lack understanding of things that mean a lot to women. In their eyes it's foolishness. I used to be like that too and it took me a long time to understand though I'm still learning.

Birthdays meant nothing to me especially my own. It was just like any other day. If you wished me happy birthday I felt it's stupidity. Being emotional was foolishness to me. I felt you're not being a man. It took a long time for all that to change. I became sensitive.

If the husband doesn't physically batter and abuse the woman in question and provides for her needs, she should bear that neglect as her cross while praying he comes to someday. Everyone has a cross to bear in marriage. Some big and some small.

Sometimes too we need to ask questions of how the woman behaves in the marriage.I mean her attitude. Also If husband dislikes the wife for no reason or even for bad behavior, he won't care about her birthdays or anniversary.

These are factors at play here.

Truth be told I have nothing to say

Nigerian females are perpetually needy... and they have virtually nothing to offer in return...
A man has married you and put food on your table...
You still want him to be celebrating you...
Are you Christmas

WeNoGoDie:
Some men totally lack understanding of things that mean a lot to women. In their eyes it's foolishness. I used to be like that too and it took me a long time to understand though I'm still learning.

Birthdays meant nothing to me especially my own. It was just like any other day. If you wished me happy birthday I felt it's stupidity. Being emotional was foolishness to me. I felt you're not being a man. It took a long time for all that to change. I became sensitive.

If the husband doesn't physically batter and abuse the woman in question and provides for her needs, she should bear that neglect as her cross while praying he comes to someday. Everyone has a cross to bear in marriage. Some big and some small.

Sometimes too we need to ask questions of how the woman behaves in the marriage.I mean her attitude. Also If husband dislikes the wife for no reason or even for bad behavior, he won't care about her birthdays or anniversary.

These are factors at play here.

.
Thank you for your wise input. She is really lamenting cos she owns a gift shop and sees how men come to her to buy surprise gift items for their wives. Its really not about the gift and the cost, its the thought and efforts that counts to her

eezeribe:
Nigerian females are perpetually needy... and they have virtually nothing to offer in return...
A man has married you and put food on your table...
You still want him to be celebrating you...
Are you Christmas

Oga , when you marry pls pls pls do it to your wife. I wonder why children section was Not created on nairaland. If you no get wetin to talk abeg waka pass

eezeribe:
Nigerian females are perpetually needy... and they have virtually nothing to offer in return...
A man has married you and put food on your table...
You still want him to be celebrating you...
Are you Christmas

I am not surprised

Communication is key. Let him know how his actions or in this case inaction affects you.

Do you buy anything for him on his birthday
Start doing it cos do unto others what you wished to be done unto you.. Start appreciating him too on his birthday if you haven't been doing that.. Maybe he would have a change of mind

Talk 2 ur husband, am sure he would understand

[quote author=fatymore post=61931041]Do you buy anything for him on his birthday
Start doing it cos do unto others what you wished to be done unto you.. Start appreciating him too on his birthday if you haven't been doing that.. Maybe he would have a change of mind [/quote
I guess you are igbo, please I don't mean to be sentimental here but ur way of reasoning to this question is perfect.
you just have the answer to the question

If he is a traditionalist, it might be difficult to see him change...traditional men don't do "dates" they don't celebrate birthdays or wedding anniversary.
If he is in the class of men that believe as long provides for the home and he's faithful to you, you need no more, you might not be able to convince him.

Communicate with him, tell him things you fancy, you can start and urge him to reciprocate the gesture...
And if he doesn't change, the truth is you'll have to learn how to cope with it

I totally understand you. Which kind thing be that. Since you've talked about it nicely and he's not buying, why not read him the riot act.

Get the kids outta the house. Then read the riot act to him page by page. No fight fight o...but make sure he listens


He shall be you a cake next time.

Start doing those things you wish to see. Don't just talk and nag, walk and act.

Change is better enforced by practising what you preach.

[quote author=Oma307 post=61933072][/quote]not igbo.. Yoruba

fatymore:
not igbo.. Yoruba

you must be smart

Oma307:

you must be smart

so Yoruba isn't smart abi

If he is like myself that doesnt attach mesning to birthdays,then you need to stop worrying.if he does his duties as a man and as your lover then you have no problem.
some men cheat on their wives and use lavish gifts to placate them,is that whAt you want?
The most important is to be happy with yourself,if he wont celebrate you then celebrate yourself.life is too short to worry over nothing.

fatymore:
Do you buy anything for him on his birthday
Start doing it cos do unto others what you wished to be done unto you.. Start appreciating him too on his birthday if you haven't been doing that.. Maybe he would have a change of mind

Thank you.
I doubt she does it. If she did he would have reciprocated at least a little bit.
Most women like to receive romance but rarely know how to give it back.

On the other side of the coin, some men just don't see anything special in celebrating birthdays. It's more of an upbringing issue. However if the woman leads by example, he learns to do it too.

fatymore:
so Yoruba isn't smart abi

I didn't say so, but you are one in the million with your way of reasoning

Oma307:

I didn't say so, but you are one in the million with your way of reasoning

thanks..I am blushing

fatymore:
thanks..I am blushing

hmmm I hope I get to know you

wendypenny:
.
Thank you for your wise input. She is really lamenting cos she owns a gift shop and sees how men come to her to buy surprise gift items for their wives. Its really not about the gift and the cost, its the thought and efforts that counts to her

Lol. Silly woman. Maybe she should change career and start selling palm oil. Doesn't she know that Most of those coming to buy gifts are either buying for their girlfriends or their concubines.

Oma307:

hmmm
I hope I get to know you

no wahala

this should not be an issue nau, some women sef ,u never ready for marriage .

wendypenny:
Shared as received...

I have been married for 5 years and when I met my husband , he had nothing. Then during my birthdays all he does is pray for me. I knew he had nothing so I never made a fuss about it. Now we are married and living comfortably, he has never bought me a birthday present, never celebrated our wedding anniversary. I even have to be announcing it for weeks , use it on my profile etc. I even beg him to take me to dinner on such occasions but he will make a mockery face at me and tell me to be waiting. The day will come and go. Its quite painful cos I feel unappreciated. Even the prayers too he has stopped them. Pls help me fams, what should I do

Your husband doesn't see the need to be expressive emotionally...or doesn't love you enough...he sees you as a necessity not as " his one and only ".. This is wht to do, ask the Lord to break Him down, render him a broken and a fresh vessel...Pray fervently for at least ten minutes on this, pray without ceasing for close to a year, and watch the results

fatymore:
no wahala

I have sent u mail

Oma307:

I have sent u mail

in my Dreams abi

wendypenny:
Shared as received...

I have been married for 5 years and when I met my husband , he had nothing. Then during my birthdays all he does is pray for me. I knew he had nothing so I never made a fuss about it. Now we are married and living comfortably, he has never bought me a birthday present, never celebrated our wedding anniversary. I even have to be announcing it for weeks , use it on my profile etc. I even beg him to take me to dinner on such occasions but he will make a mockery face at me and tell me to be waiting. The day will come and go. Its quite painful cos I feel unappreciated. Even the prayers too he has stopped them. Pls help me fams, what should I do

If he doesn't celebrate you, celebrate yourself.Get friends and family members and co workers and do your own birthday simple.

Freedomforall:

If he doesn't celebrate you, celebrate yourself.Get friends and family members and co workers and do your own birthday simple.

Madam, this is the best advice ever... If no one celebrates you, celebrate yourself.

In 2016, I went all out for my husband's birthday... I did it all, even his attire for that day, cake, gift and party seffff... I did it with love and I was happy and he was happy too.

Then this year I did not even get 10naira sweet from him, kaiiiiiiiiiii... I almost fainted and when I confronted him, he said "he is not a birthday person". Look at someone that was jumping all over and even had a party last year.

So, I read my Bible and it says "whatever a man sows he shall reap", as my mumu done do naiii im make I pack myself one side when it was his birthday this year.

Unnecessary wahala.

That was the man you married.

A man that does not take "special" day special.