I am not sure what will happen in the future. I don't know if I will see things differently when I start having children, but with what I have seen and what I am currently seeing, has made me not to desire to reach old age

With what I have seen, I just can't stop asking myself this question, what is the importance for one to have children?

1. My own mother gave birth to 10 children and has many grand children. She spent all her life and all her money raising grand children. She is the type that will rather spend her money on the well being of her grand children than to invest it on my education. I remember anytime I went to her to give me money for school, she will say to me that she has spent all her money on the sickness of my nephews and nieces. She spent all her life savings in raising and helping her grand kids, In her old age is when she began to understand the true nature of humans.

Many times she tells me that she never gave me anyhing as a mother, and if she had known, she would have invest and spend money on me because she realize that in all her children, I am the only one that deeply love her, I am the one that truly cares about her well being. She later remove her eyes from the rest of her children and started looking unto me even though I struggle more than them. The son she never gave anything, was now the one that truly deeply cares about her

In her old age, she began to live like a beggar to her own children. She got to the point where she was at the mercy of her children. When she fell sick and did surgery, she was not able to live alone and became a heavy burden to those she greatly sacrifice her life for.

She saw extreme rejection, abused, betrayals from the very people she greatly sacrifice her life for. In sickness is when she realize that nobody will love her more than herself. My mother cried and went through so much rejection and sufering in sickness, it was so bad that her body was unable to endure the sickness, her body could no longer endure the rejection, the pain and suffering to the point where she died with her eyes wide open. Before her death, I heard two of her grand children says that she is not their mother, so whatever happens to her, it doesn't concern them. I was shock when I heard their statement.

The saddest part for me is that, they spent so much money in hospitals and meds; money they will never ever give to their own mother when she was alive. I even even heard that, one of my sister was recommending a honourable burial ceremony for my late mother, even though they didn't honour the woman when she was alive. As for me, the only person that connect me and them is no more, so I disconnect myself from all of them and knew that I will not see them again. I moved on to start afresh towards the next best years.

2. I recently acknowledge an elderly mama being neglected. Her situation was very, very bad to the point that I was force to yoke myself into her life because this elderly mama is emotionally down. Her living condition was so bad that I started to asked her if she has any children. I was shock when I learnt from others that this elderly mama has children that is doing well in life and many grand children. When ever I visit her, I always see that old age is not a good thing at all. She was now like a burden to her own children and loneliness has now become her only friend. I keep telling her that her poor living condition will get better and that she should stop thinking even though she is full of pain and regret over her life.

With what my mother went through and with what I have seen in life, I keep asking myself, what is the need for one to have children. I went to quora and I saw hundreds of people who even regret having children.

As a humanitarian, I go to rural areas and I see how the elderly's, despite having children, they are heavily suffering.

I see many reasons why it is heart breaking for parents to place their hope on their children who hardly even cares about them.

I am praying to God, never to put me in a situation where I will be at the mercy of any humans, be it children or not.

I will only have children when I have lot of money to save, and even if I have children someday, I will never sacrifice my life for them.

You won't sacrifice your life for your children?.. You won't understand until you got your first kid bro.. You'll do anything for him.. Believe me

Children are blessings from god.. U must take Care of them and educate them.. Who knows in some time.. They'll be the ones to take care of you and your house when you're old..

Everything in this little world is so complicated. . We all have one or two things we wish that we never did. .

Your mom must have learnt her own mistakes by now.

It’s left to you not to make the same mistakes. .

@ Lostchild
Procreation>>family is the essence of life. Every other thing, career, business, fun germinates from family. Without family the world would have long gone extinct. Some people naturally don't want children, while some want kids, that is why the world is still going on, because of those having kids. If everyone decides to stop having children today, that will be the end of d world. The society can't function without family. Regardless of how useless a child maybe, the world still need them for continuity probably till when God finally say it is over

Ahmad62:
You won't sacrifice your life for your children?.. You won't understand until you got your first kid bro.. You'll do anything for him.. Believe me

Children are blessings from god.. U must take Care of them and educate them.. Who knows in some time.. They'll be the ones to take care of you and your house when you're old..

I will not disagree with you because you have the experience I dont have. The heart breaking truth is that, I see too many parent suffer so much just to give the best life to their children, but I just can't underatand how the same children will not even sacrifice to their parents in old age. Many parents are currenly suffering in their old age, especially in Africa

In the aspect of raising children, I respect and bow my head for women because they suffer and sacrifice too much for their children and grand kids. I believe that Almighty God created them to be perfect mothers.

My only fear is human betrayals, this is why I want to have enough money and not suffer to raise children. I have had so much troubles in life and I don't want more because of children

U see this life...e no balance.

If u marry at least u go get person to chat with during the odd time of the day.

See,let me tell u a story my sister in law who is a citizen in Italy told me about some old women who lived a single life. That,at old age,they start regretting why they lived without getting married. This was what she found out while she was working at a nursing home. These regrets according to her usually come in their expression when others with children come to visit with their grand children...the ones without children would be shading tears.

So,as far as u get penis marry oh,old age isn't funny oh.it can drain u of all ur emotion if u get it wrong now.
Have u ever imagine a life without children at old age,no one to call u nor ask about u. No one to send u� or wish u on ur birthday.

For me,I can't just imagine not having children nor giving them inheritance after 20 years of their age,I am already living for them already. After all,my parents lived for us too.

Rubbiish:
@ Lostchild
Procreation>>family is the essence of life. Every other thing, career, business, fun germinates from family. Without family the world would have long gone extinct. Some people naturally don't want children, while some want kids, that is why the world is still going on, because of those having kids. If everyone decides to stop having children today, that will be the end of d world. The society can't function without family. Regardless of how useless a child maybe, the world still need them for continuity probably till when God finally say it is over

Thank you for taking your time to read and write back

You are 100% right, but we Africans are doing it the wrong way. Africans believes that children are blessings from God and keep spawning kids.

The white man does not believe in having too many children. The white man believes that having many children brings poverty and chaos, they also believes in savings on retirement funds

Many of we africans failed to understand that too many children doesn't guarantee success or enjoyment in their old age, in fact it brings too many problems into their life, this is why I choose the ways of the white man because no one has shared my suffering and no one will follow me to the grave when I die. Having children is still a good thing, but suffering after having them is unjust for me

NOTE: The journey of life is slow and painful.

Lostchild:


Thank you for taking your time to read and write back

You are 100% right, but we Africans are doing it the wrong way. Africans believes that children are blessings from God and keep spawning kids.

The white man does not believe in having too many children. The white man believes that having many children brings poverty and chaos. They also believes in savings on retirement funds

Many of we africans failed to understand that too many children doesn't guarantee success or enjoyment in their old age, in fact it brings too many problems into their life, this is why I choose the ways of the white man because no one has shared my suffering and no one will follow me to the grave when I die. Having children is still a good thing, but suffering after having them is unjust for me

NOTE: The journey of life is slow and painful.

U have valid points
Our view of child birth is very wrong, though some people are now gradually becoming mindful of the number of kids they have, but not all. It is only in this part of the world u see jobless people producing kids as if it is competition, this has greatly contributed to the hardship we are facing today. Child birth control is very important to the development of any nation, I just hope everyone gets to realize this soonest & be mindful of the number of kids they produce.

Nyne:
Everything in this little world is so complicated. . We all have one or two things we wish that we never did. .

Your mom must have learnt her own mistakes by now.

It’s left to you not to make the same mistakes. .

I will not want to repeat the mistake of my mother because I already learnt a hard lessons from her demise. I also remember her last question to me.

Nyne. It is good to have children, but suffering after having them is not just for me.

If you want to have kids, go on, they are good to have , but have the number of kids you can comfortably take care while still seeing yourself as the most important person who should enjoy a large chunk of what you are working for.
Secondly, it is wrong for anyone to see kids as retirement plan. Plan for your old age when you are young. The economy these days won't even let that possible even if the child wants to. After all the child also wants to enjoy the large chunks of what he is working for, even more difficult it would be , if such a child already has his own family.
Have children because they are good to have , but not for retirement, if not , you might not be lucky.
My verdict , parents should make long term investment that can live on still their old age , and can at least feed, and pay for your emergencies.
Don't have so much kids to the extent that you loss your own existence while caring for them.

Ps: I have just two kids, and anytime someone ask if it wasn't time for the next kids, I told them I'm done! They look at me like , haba you are still young now. I'm like oh, I should give birth till I look wrinkled out from child birth ?

Vanity upon vanity, all is vanity.

Though it depends on the kind of children you have. Some care enough to remember their aged parents to take care of them.

My kind of person, if my parents were to be alive, I won't neglect them because we had a very strong bond which they formed with us while growing up. So it would be difficult to just Abandon them in their vulnerable stage.

I wish to have only one child though and I pray that even when she's left to be on her own, hubby and I will be able to afford a help that will come take care of us in our old age.

I think this is one advantage of having children late in life. They will still be very much around in your old age to take care of you before leaving to their respective homes.

Lostchild:

I am not sure what will happen in the future. I don't know if I will see things differently when I start having children, but with what I have seen and what I am currently seeing, has made me not to desire to reach old age

With what I have seen, I just can't stop asking myself this question, what is the importance for one to have children?

1. My own mother gave birth to 10 children and has many grand children. She spent all her life and all her money raising grand children. She is the type that will rather spend her money on the well being of her grand children than to invest it on my education. I remember anytime I went to her to give me money for school, she will tell me that she has spent all her money on the sickness of my nephews and nieces. She spent all her life savings in raising and helping her grand kids. In her old age is when she began to understand the true nature of humans. Many times she tells me that if she had known, she would have invest and spend all her money on me because she realize that in all her children, I am the only one that truly deeply cares about her well being. She remove her eyes from the rest of her children and started looking unto me even though I struggle more than them. The son she never gave anything, was now the one that truly deeply cares about her

In her old age, she began to live like a beggar to her own children. She got to the point where she was at the mercy of her children. When she fell sick, she was not able to live alone and became a heavy burden to those she greatly sacrifice her life for.

She saw extreme rejection, betrayals from the very people she greatly sacrifice her life for. In sickness is when she realize that nobody will love her more than herself. My mother cried and went through so much rejection and sufering in sickness, it was so bad that her body could no longer endure the rejection, the pain and suffering to the point where she died with her eyes wide open. Before her death, I heard two of her grand children says that she is not their mother, so whatever happens to her, it doesn't concern them. I was shock when I heard their statement. I disconnect myself from all of them and knew that I will not see them again. I moved on and start afresh towards the next best years.

2. I recently acknowledge an elderly mama being neglected. Her situation was very, very bad to the point that I was force to yoke myself into her life because this elderly mama is emotionally down. Her living condition was so bad that I started to asked her if she has any children. I was shock when I learnt from others that this elderly mama has children that is doing well in life and many grand children. When ever I visit her, I always see that old age is not a good thing at all. She was now like a burden to her own children and loneliness has now become her only friend. I keep telling her that her poor living condition will get better and that she should stop thinking even though she is full of pain and regret over her life.

With what my mother went through and with what I have seen in life, I keep asking myself, what is the need for one to have children. I went to quora and I saw people who even regret having children.

As a humanitarian, I go to rural areas and I see how the ederly's, despite having children, they are heavily suffering.

I see many reasons why it is heart breaking for parents to place their hope on their children who hardly even cares about them.

I am praying to God, never to put me in a situation where I will be at the mercy of any humans, be it children or not.

I will only have children when I have lot of money to save, and even if I have children someday, I will never sacrifice my life for them.

It's a pity that you saw all these that are now making you to think twice

Pls erase that thoughts from your mind

You will definitely find a lovely woman that will bear wonderful children for you but make sure you have just the number of kids you need, 2 or 3 should be OK for you

Now to the main question, having kids at home and marriage, compliments your living, children are simply added advantage

If you have just few, you can provide for them and also take care of yourself so that you don't become a nuisance to them at old age

In your mum's case, she was busy breeding those children during her time and they too started having t Gt e numbers if children they can't cater for, do out of pity, your mother have to feel that gap by feeding them

The little she had left with her to take care of herself was spent on her grandchildren, in the course of doing so, people like you who have great potentials was neglected because her grandchildren needed more help than you, that was her thinking

By the time she realizes that, it was too late to focus on you

So my dear, have children because at a stage, you must need them in life

Children make you re-live childhood once again. They make you see the world from a perspective of magic, fairy, and miracle, a perspective that was lost in the transition to adulthood. For example, there may be a bird behind you, but to the child, it's not just a bird, it is a magical creature, the definitely of a miracle. Like "Daddy look, a bird, it can fly like superman", with his/face brightens up like the sun, as you re-live the experience through the eyes of a child, you'll feel young once again and appreciate the everyday beauty of life that have become unnoticeable to you. Its a beautiful experience to behold, softening your uptightness, an experience you'll have if you bear a child.

Also, one of the deepest, intense, fulfilling, enriching and most truthworthy relationship you'll ever have and bond with a human will be with your child. Nothing else comes close to it. Nothing. Love unite people, but love and blood is a bond that is unbreakable and forged for life. If you train your child well, you'll experience true love that your adult mind never believed existed, or have been lost due to negative experiences. Look at those parents that their children transformed their life (eg buying a car, building a house etc), they are the true definition of happy people.

Children also makes life worth living, because fulfilment in life is founded in responsibility, and responsibility to a child, a life force giving to you as a blessing to grow, is a defense against the intrinsic suffering of life. A child is like a new mobile phone, and it's up to you to train him/her to be a perfect example of what a good human should be. It is primal, deeply fulfilling , and will make you bear any "how" to see them through to their full actualisation.

I can go and on, but to avoid making this unnecessarily long, I'll stop here. Selecting a good partner is as important as having a kid. As one grow older, all the things that seems so important will slowly fade off, and the true one comes which to most is family. Spending time time the kids will now be deeply enriching than working extra hours for money. Nobody on their deathbed wishes they worked more, but more people wished they spent more time with their loved ones. If you do the partner selection right, having a kid raised in a stable family is one of heaven's greatest blessing there is.

ibechris:
U see this life...e no balance.

If u marry at least u go get person to chat with during the odd time of the day.

See,let me tell u a story my sister in law who is a citizen in Italy told me about some old women who lived a single life. That,at old age,they start regretting why they lived without getting married. This was what she found out while she was working at a nursing home. These regrets according to her usually come in their expression when others with children come to visit with their grand children...the ones without children would be shading tears.

So,a far as u get penis marry oh,old age isn't funny oh.it can drain u of all ur emotion if u get it wrong now.
Have u ever imagine a life without children at old age,no one to call u nor ask about u. No one to send u� or wish u on ur birthday.

For me,I can't just imagine not having children nor giving them inheritance after 20 years of their age,I am already living for them already. After all,my parents lived for us too.

You re very right

This life is not balance.

As for me I did like to have a wife to keep me warm, but having children? Of course

Lostchild:



1. My own mother gave birth to 10 children and has many grand children. She spent all her life and all her money raising grand children. She is the type that will rather spend her money on the well being of her grand children than to invest it on my education. I remember anytime I went to her to give me money for school, she will tell me that she has spent all her money on the sickness of my nephews and nieces. She spent all her life savings in raising and helping her grand kids. In her old age is when she began to understand the true nature of humans. Many times she tells me that if she had known, she would have invest and spend all her money on me because she realize that in all her children, I am the only one that truly deeply cares about her well being. She remove her eyes from the rest of her children and started looking unto me even though I struggle more than them. The son she never gave anything, was now the one that truly deeply cares about her

Out of 10 siblings you are the only good one.

Like in all of your threads everyone is bad but you are good. The angel in a wicked world.

The importance of having children is that we get to drop our own seed before we leave. Whether they children love you or not it is a beautiful thing.

Thing is, the probability of your children taking care of you in old age is very low especially the way things are going for us now.

We need to prepare for our old age and sudden deaths ourselves, forget about prayer request, this is the reality of our dear life.
All of us.

Lostchild:

With what I have seen, I just can't stop asking myself this question, what is the importance for one to have children?

I will only have children when I have lot of money to save, and even if I have children someday, I will never sacrifice my life for them.

Hathor5:


Out of 10 siblings you are the only good one.

Like in all of your threads everyone is bad but you are good. The angel in a wicked world.

The truth is, out of ten children, the probability of having bad ones is higher. In fact, it is even worse that sometimes, one of those children will be dysfunctional (slowpoke) human being.

Having gone through the topics of the poster, I cannot but agree with him in many things.

If you ever come from a large family, you will understand better.

I come from a family of ten with me being the last child. My mother died living alone in the village. My sisters' children were up to 12 years then but none agreed to take their child(ren) to the village to go and stay with my mother.

My brother is so rich that he pays 6 months electricity bill for everyone in our community while giving my mother just 15k for Christmas.

When my mother fell ill, he took her to one local hospital in our village and dumped her there while drinking and merrying at home with friends.

My sister asked him for 17k to buy a drug that my mother needed and he grudgingly brought it out while saying that that was the last money on him.

Well, I will tell you that my mother died out of anger and frustration. My brother spent over 2 million during my mother's burial. The burial brochure and funeral oration omitted the hospital that she died in because it's such a shame to write.

I tried as much as I can but sadly I only just graduated from the university and yet to serve before she died.

I have said this and I will continue to say it to anyone that cares to listen, CHILDREN ARE NOT INVESTMENT.

Live life with yourself as a priority. Wife, husband, children, will all think of themselves first before you.

It's because African parents see children as investment that make them experience what OP's mother experienced: disappointed, betrayal, despair, hopelessness at old age.

Your children will first think of their comfort, their spouse, children and in laws before considering the parents that raised them.

Many complain of their parents being a burden, that they have lived their own life and should allow them to live theirs. Some will secretly be wishing the parents to die so they will abdicate themselves of the responsibility of taking care of them.

When my mom died, all my siblings were saying is that, it's her time, it's God's wish, she knows she will die, etc. All these to justify the fact that she wasn't cared for as she should and I am confident that my mother would still be alive today if she was given the care that she needed.

This is one of the major reasons for low life expectancy in Africa.

Someone up there mentioned old people's home. That is non existent in Africa thus parents stay locked up in their room alone feeling dejected and abandoned.

I will definitely have children but not more than 3 and I will not lay my life down for them like my mother did only to be met with disappointment.

Funnily, when you are training those children, you will hear them making promises of how they will reward and take care of you once they start earning, but immediately they get employed, they will realize they need a girlfriend, a wife, a car, etc.

The tiniest fraction of their income is what they give to the parents once in a while. Maybe during festive periods.

It's sad

quote author=Lostchild post=103588342]
I am not sure what will happen in the future. I don't know if I will see things differently when I start having children, but with what I have seen and what I am currently seeing, has made me not to desire to reach old age

With what I have seen, I just can't stop asking myself this question, what is the importance for one to have children?

1. My own mother gave birth to 10 children and has many grand children. She spent all her life and all her money raising grand children. She is the type that will rather spend her money on the well being of her grand children than to invest it on my education. I remember anytime I went to her to give me money for school, she will tell me that she has spent all her money on the sickness of my nephews and nieces. She spent all her life savings in raising and helping her grand kids. In her old age is when she began to understand the true nature of humans. Many times she tells me that if she had known, she would have invest and spend all her money on me because she realize that in all her children, I am the only one that truly deeply cares about her well being. She remove her eyes from the rest of her children and started looking unto me even though I struggle more than them. The son she never gave anything, was now the one that truly deeply cares about her

In her old age, she began to live like a beggar to her own children. She got to the point where she was at the mercy of her children. When she fell sick, she was not able to live alone and became a heavy burden to those she greatly sacrifice her life for.

She saw extreme rejection, betrayals from the very people she greatly sacrifice her life for. In sickness is when she realize that nobody will love her more than herself. My mother cried and went through so much rejection and sufering in sickness, it was so bad that her body could no longer endure the rejection, the pain and suffering to the point where she died with her eyes wide open. Before her death, I heard two of her grand children says that she is not their mother, so whatever happens to her, it doesn't concern them. I was shock when I heard their statement. I disconnect myself from all of them and knew that I will not see them again. I moved on and start afresh towards the next best years.

2. I recently acknowledge an elderly mama being neglected. Her situation was very, very bad to the point that I was force to yoke myself into her life because this elderly mama is emotionally down. Her living condition was so bad that I started to asked her if she has any children. I was shock when I learnt from others that this elderly mama has children that is doing well in life and many grand children. When ever I visit her, I always see that old age is not a good thing at all. She was now like a burden to her own children and loneliness has now become her only friend. I keep telling her that her poor living condition will get better and that she should stop thinking even though she is full of pain and regret over her life.

With what my mother went through and with what I have seen in life, I keep asking myself, what is the need for one to have children. I went to quora and I saw people who even regret having children.

As a humanitarian, I go to rural areas and I see how the ederly's, despite having children, they are heavily suffering.

I see many reasons why it is heart breaking for parents to place their hope on their children who hardly even cares about them.

I am praying to God, never to put me in a situation where I will be at the mercy of any humans, be it children or not.

I will only have children when I have lot of money to save, and even if I have children someday, I will never sacrifice my life for them.[/quote]



I can relate to what you said, truly, human beings are very difficult and dangerous.
You are a thinker that sees reality for what it is, however, I won't rate you a 5 star thinker because a seasoned thinker knows there is no such thing as God, as in God of the bible.
If I tell people that I don't have interest in starting a family, they think I'm childish.If anything ever changes my decision, it'll be as a result of societal pressure, more than enough resources or Nature's trick. No one can really own another human in the guise of son, daughter whatsoever. Last last, you just dey produce for Mother Nature to continue her sadistic fasination, soildier, labourer's and workers for the aristocrats and bourgeoise under the illusion of an organization called Nigeria. The average human is not a good thing to own for that matter. This be my contribution to this thread.

Look..Humans are selfish in nature that's a fact you have to accept if they do some good once in a while be grateful but do not expect it all the time.....The reason why people want to have children is always for selfish reasons, retirement plan taking care of them in old age, continuation of your name or family legacy,having a mini-me, having somebody to run errands, having daughters to collect bride price,need company due to fear of loneliness etc....Now those children did not ask to be born into this world you forced them into this world so it is 1000% your DUTY to make sure they are well taken care of because without you they would not be here. On the other hand your children have no obligation to take care of you because they were forced to be here by you and if you did not want children you should have taken contraception,I know it sounds harsh but it's the truth.You force someone into the world full of pain , diseases, poverty,war, unemployment death and on top of that you abuse them verbally, physically, emotionally etc and you expect them to bow down and be grateful.......Most parents regret having children just as most children regret being born..

In the end you should realise you're selfish when you want children because you want them for your own personal selfish reasons and not for their own good.

If you have them, It is your full responsibility to sacrifice for them and their future offspring because you brought them here and you should do your very best so they turn out to be good human beings.

Your children have no obligation to take care of you in any way so make sure you learn to take care of yourself and if they do love you be grateful for that.

Having children is not a guarantee that they will always be there for you because they may end up hating you or even despising you despite all the sacrifice you will make for them,make peace with that.

Not having children is a choice just as having children is also a choice except in some circumstances like barrenness, infertility,rape etc...Many people have lived and died without kids and it's not the end of the world, some adopt from orphanage, some take care of their nephews and nieces instead of having biological kids....e.g Oprah Winfrey,Leonardo dicaprio, Miley Cyrus these people don't have biological kids...


If you choose to have kids maximum number should be 2 please we are too many on this planet already.

Dailyparrot:


The truth is, out of ten children, the probability of having bad ones is higher. In fact, it is even worse that sometimes, one of those children will be dysfunctional (slowpoke) human being.

Having gone through the topics of the poster, I cannot but agree with him in many things.

If you ever come from a large family, you will understand better.

I come from a family of ten with me being the last child. My mother died living alone in the village. My sisters' children were up to 12 years then but none agreed to take their child(ren) to the village to go and stay with my mother.

My brother is so rich that he pays 6 months electricity bill for everyone in our community while giving my mother just 15k for Christmas.

When my mother fell ill, he took her to one local hospital in our village and dumped her there while drinking and merrying at home with friends.

My sister asked her for 17k to buy a drug that my mother needed and he grudgingly brought it out while saying that that was the last money on him.

Well, I will tell you that my mother died out of anger and frustration. My brother spent over 2 million during my mother's burial. The burial brochure and funeral oration omitted the hospital that she died in because it's such a shame to write.

I tried as much as I can but sadly I only just graduated from the university and yet to serve before she died.

I have said this and I will continue to say it to anyone that cares to listen, CHILDREN ARE NOT INVESTMENT.

Live life with yourself as a priority. Wife, husband, children, will all think of themselves first before you.

It's because African parents see children as investment that make them experience what OP's mother experienced: disappointed, betrayal, despair, hopelessness at old age.

Your children will first think of their comfort, their spouse, children and in laws before considering the parents that raised them.

Many complain of their parents being a burden, that they have lived their own life and should allow them to live theirs. Some will secretly be wishing the parents to die so they will abdicate themselves of the responsibility of taking care of them.

When my mom died, all my siblings were saying is that, it's her time, it's God's wish, she knows she will die, etc. All these to justify the fact that she wasn't cared for as she should and I am confident that my mother would still be alive today if she was given the care that she needed.

This is one of the major reasons for low life expectancy in Africa.

Someone up there mentioned old people's home. That is non existent in Africa thus parents stay locked up in their room alone feeling dejected and abandoned.

I will definitely have children but not more than 3 and I will not lay my life down for them like my mother did only to be met with disappointment.

Funnily, when you are training those children, you will hear them making promises of how they will reward and take care of you once they start earning, but immediately they get employed, they will realize they need a girlfriend, a wife, a car, etc.

The tiniest fraction of their income is what they give to the parents once in a while. Maybe during festive periods.

It's sad

Hmm
This is quite sad...

This is what happens when you care for your child so they can care for you at old age.

Women are mostly the ones at the receiving end of this. Many don't invest in themselves at their tender age. All they are after is marriage and frivolities.

As human, you need to understand that you are the most important person in your life. Not your parent, spouse or children.

You have to make investments you will reap at old age. This is what I like about the old women in my life.

If from age 0 to 55 you can't make an investment you'll reap later in your life then it's your fault.

Dailyparrot:


The truth is, out of ten children, the probability of having bad ones is higher. In fact, it is even worse that sometimes, one of those children will be dysfunctional (slowpoke) human being.

Having gone through the topics of the poster, I cannot but agree with him in many things.

If you ever come from a large family, you will understand better.

I come from a family of ten with me being the last child. My mother died living alone in the village. My sisters' children were up to 12 years then but none agreed to take their child(ren) to the village to go and stay with my mother.

My brother is so rich that he pays 6 months electricity bill for everyone in our community while giving my mother just 15k for Christmas.

When my mother fell ill, he took her to one local hospital in our village and dumped her there while drinking and merrying at home with friends.

My sister asked him for 17k to buy a drug that my mother needed and he grudgingly brought it out while saying that that was the last money on him.

Well, I will tell you that my mother died out of anger and frustration. My brother spent over 2 million during my mother's burial. The burial brochure and funeral oration omitted the hospital that she died in because it's such a shame to write.

I tried as much as I can but sadly I only just graduated from the university and yet to serve before she died.

I have said this and I will continue to say it to anyone that cares to listen, CHILDREN ARE NOT INVESTMENT.

Live life with yourself as a priority. Wife, husband, children, will all think of themselves first before you.

It's because African parents see children as investment that make them experience what OP's mother experienced: disappointed, betrayal, despair, hopelessness at old age.

Your children will first think of their comfort, their spouse, children and in laws before considering the parents that raised them.

Many complain of their parents being a burden, that they have lived their own life and should allow them to live theirs. Some will secretly be wishing the parents to die so they will abdicate themselves of the responsibility of taking care of them.

When my mom died, all my siblings were saying is that, it's her time, it's God's wish, she knows she will die, etc. All these to justify the fact that she wasn't cared for as she should and I am confident that my mother would still be alive today if she was given the care that she needed.

This is one of the major reasons for low life expectancy in Africa.

Someone up there mentioned old people's home. That is non existent in Africa thus parents stay locked up in their room alone feeling dejected and abandoned.

I will definitely have children but not more than 3 and I will not lay my life down for them like my mother did only to be met with disappointment.

Funnily, when you are training those children, you will hear them making promises of how they will reward and take care of you once they start earning, but immediately they get employed, they will realize they need a girlfriend, a wife, a car, etc.

The tiniest fraction of their income is what they give to the parents once in a while. Maybe during festive periods.

It's sad

This is disheartening.

My own grandmother trained all her siblings, she even trained and took care of some of their children.

Her sister, my grand aunt, is working with her (my grandmother's) certificate. Which invariably means, she's bearing her name officially. But this my grand aunt didn't come for her burial. That's just how cruel humans can be.

The only difference here is, she put herself and her children first. She trained them and enjoyed her pension before she passed on.

She wasn't rich but she was never close to being poor.

This is the same step my parents are taking and what I'm gonna do and pass on to my children.

I train you, you take care of me when I'm old na scam. Don't try that shit with anyone, not even your own children.

Karleb:


This is disheartening.

My own grandmother trained all her siblings, she even trained and took care of some of their children.

Her sister, my grand aunt, is working with her (my grandmother's) certificate. Which invariably means, she's bearing her name officially. But this my grand aunt didn't come for her burial. That's just how cruel humans can be.

The only difference here is, she put herself and her children first. She trained them and enjoyed her pension before she passed on.

She wasn't rich but she was never close to being poor.

This is the same step my parents are taking and what I'm gonna do and pass on to my children.

I train you, you take care of me when I'm old na scam. Don't try that shit with anyone, not even your own children.

We don't get to choose how we grow old. Not everything is about money.
There are old rich people who can't care for themselves. If you can't rely on your children to care for you in old age, then there's no point in having them.

mariahAngel:


We don't get to choose how we grow old. Not everything is about money.
There are old rich people who can't care for themselves. If you can't rely on your children to care for you in old age, then there's no point in having them.

Why and why won't you be able to care for yourself if you are rich?

You can employ house helps.

You can't expect your kids to be caring for you 100 percent. They have their own lives too.

That is why it is important to plan for old age.

Karleb:


Why and why won't you be able to care for yourself if you are rich?

You can employ house helps.

You can't expect your kids to be caring for you 100 percent. They have their own lives too.

That is why it is important to plan for old age.

What if you can no longer make decisions for yourself much less give orders to helps? Like I typed earlier, we don't get to choose how we grow old.
Of course, no one expects their children to care for them 100% in old age, but make them a major part of your old age plan. It is very important.

This reminds me of Uriel, whose mother suffers from dementia. I'm not sure if she's the only child of her mother, but she takes very good care of her.
Now, did she plan for dementia in her old age?
If not for her daughter, how would she cope?
Can she make decisions for herself or even give orders?
Most times, she acts like a child, her daughter would have to cuddle her to calm her down.

Klass99:


Lol , oh so you've noticed too? I always jump and pass Lostchild's threads, but this thread/topic was too interesting to ignore due to intellignet contributions from others. The guy matter dey taya me I swear, so much negativity towards women like kilode? Na only you waka come?

It's women but also his own siblings. All of them bad. He is the only good one. The other day all of his friends were wicked. He should call him himself angelchild. Angelchild in a cruel cruel world.

E many...If I start to write am na e be say you go gimme extra sheet

Dailyparrot:


The truth is, out of ten children, the probability of having bad ones is higher. In fact, it is even worse that sometimes, one of those children will be dysfunctional (slowpoke) human being.

Having gone through the topics of the poster, I cannot but agree with him in many things.

If you ever come from a large family, you will understand better.

I come from a family of ten with me being the last child. My mother died living alone in the village. My sisters' children were up to 12 years then but none agreed to take their child(ren) to the village to go and stay with my mother.

My brother is so rich that he pays 6 months electricity bill for everyone in our community while giving my mother just 15k for Christmas.

When my mother fell ill, he took her to one local hospital in our village and dumped her there while drinking and merrying at home with friends.

My sister asked him for 17k to buy a drug that my mother needed and he grudgingly brought it out while saying that that was the last money on him.

Well, I will tell you that my mother died out of anger and frustration. My brother spent over 2 million during my mother's burial. The burial brochure and funeral oration omitted the hospital that she died in because it's such a shame to write.

I tried as much as I can but sadly I only just graduated from the university and yet to serve before she died.

I have said this and I will continue to say it to anyone that cares to listen, CHILDREN ARE NOT INVESTMENT.

Live life with yourself as a priority. Wife, husband, children, will all think of themselves first before you.

It's because African parents see children as investment that make them experience what OP's mother experienced: disappointed, betrayal, despair, hopelessness at old age.

Your children will first think of their comfort, their spouse, children and in laws before considering the parents that raised them.

Many complain of their parents being a burden, that they have lived their own life and should allow them to live theirs. Some will secretly be wishing the parents to die so they will abdicate themselves of the responsibility of taking care of them.

When my mom died, all my siblings were saying is that, it's her time, it's God's wish, she knows she will die, etc. All these to justify the fact that she wasn't cared for as she should and I am confident that my mother would still be alive today if she was given the care that she needed.

This is one of the major reasons for low life expectancy in Africa.

Someone up there mentioned old people's home. That is non existent in Africa thus parents stay locked up in their room alone feeling dejected and abandoned.

I will definitely have children but not more than 3 and I will not lay my life down for them like my mother did only to be met with disappointment.

Funnily, when you are training those children, you will hear them making promises of how they will reward and take care of you once they start earning, but immediately they get employed, they will realize they need a girlfriend, a wife, a car, etc.

The tiniest fraction of their income is what they give to the parents once in a while. Maybe during festive periods.

It's sad

First, I am sorry your mom felt the way she did. May her soul rest in peace.

Second, I don't see children as investment. And they cost a lot of money too.

BUT

My great-grandparents had many children. When my great-grandmother was dying she was surrounded by all her children and many of her great-grandchildren.

My grandfather had only a few children so fewer children and grandchildren were there to take care of him. Even though he was very well taken care of, I was wishing we would be more to share the burden of caring for him because it was really hard and the financial aspect was the least of our problems.

It is always a different situation for everyone.

If you see children as investment , then you are a bad investor or probably don't understand investment. When I first had my first child, I will spend at least 20k-30k buying him cloth in one sitting, this price is excluding outgoing cloths ooo, I do t even want to go there , when the second one came, and with the present economic situation, the money tripled. I keep spending and spending . And you think , they who do not understand my financial stance should advise I have more kids ?
Imagine the numbers of years you will have to keep spending just so you can have enough people care for you at old age ?
The best investment is the one you make on yourself.
Enjoy your life, stop refusing yourself things all because you think the kids deserve more than you do.
I love children , I like them looking well , attending big schools, eating rich food, having nice toys and good medical care. All if these require money, so the more kids the more money spent, if your resources can't stretch along , then your finances shrinks from not having enough to carter for all the kids,
then you begin to forget yourself , you forget about that degree you said you will go for , you forget about that cloth , that shoe , that vacation, those things you desire , then in all of these , old age came quicker than you notice , kids are grown , but are all up fighting for themselves. They want good life , too. And by the time they are realizing they should probably care for you, you are closer to dying .
Then what did you live for ? What about those dreams you didn't achive because you felt the kids deserve better , or you felt the more kids , the better my retirement. That's not true.
Take care of yourself , invest in your life , sometime be selfish , go some place and eat and merry all alone, achive your plans have lesser kids . It doesn't mean you are a bad parent , it means you are one who wants to live truly.
I am saying this , for at a point I found myself almost giving up my dreams hopes and looks all because I became a mother .
Parents are important , too. We have dreams we must live for. We aren't on earth just for parenting !