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| Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by spicymum(f): 9:33pm On Mar 18, 2010 |
Hello everyone, Im new on this forum and hoping to get some serious, non-judgemental advice. I want to divorce my husband but i am not sure on how to get the process started in Lagos. (He is in Lagos and I am in Canada). He wont agree to the divorce so I am hoping to do this (as far as I can) without his knowledge. Pls can someone tell me the process. I knw I have to hire a lawyer but I am desperate to start off something IMMEDIATELY while scouting for a law firm to handle this. Thank you. (only serious responses, pls.) |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Nobody: 10:38pm On Mar 18, 2010 |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by spicymum(f): 11:03pm On Mar 18, 2010 |
The only Nigerian lawyers here are acquintances. I dont want people knowing my biz, so, He is the reason I want a divorce. Naturally, he sees no wrong in his actions or inactions. He is an extremely controlled and controlling person. By controlled, I mean he is a CLOSED BOOK , and doesnt seem to feel emotions that normal people do. (Besides extreme and unbelievable anger!!, which has destroyed a lot of things for us and our relationship).Unfortunately, he was not anything like that before we got married. I just assumed he was a private person. So wrong! Still looking out for some advice here. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Demdem(m): 7:53am On Mar 19, 2010 |
spicymum: Emmm spicymum, i am so sorry i dont know the process neither do i know any lawyer i can introduce to u but eh, i am really curious about this case of urs and would love to understand something. Have u guys always been far apart?? if not, when did u start noticing this abnormal behaviour pattern of his? From what u wrote, u are presently in Canada while he is in Lagos. Cheers. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by spicymum(f): 8:55am On Mar 19, 2010 |
Well demdem, I am almost ashamed to say that we dated for the longest time (over 8 years, with a short break up in-between). He was always pretty private, never spoke more words than absolutely necessary but DEFINITELY passionate. (or maybe i was just blinded by love at the time.) I noticed his abnormal behaviour shortly after I left Nigeria for my Masters in Canada. I just assumed it was the distance taking its toll on our relationship. But even during my short visits to Nigeria, it was even worse. It seemed like he was angry about something but I could never really know cos he is like a stone-wall. One cannot get him to talk about anything. He would simply claim he was stressed at work and all. We used to talk everyday on the phone. Now, three weeks would go by and we dont talk. Whenever I call, he either does not pick up or he picks and says he is busy, driving, tired, sleepy, or something. Even when he speaks to me, there is so much anger and contempt, he doesnt even speak to his drivers with such disdain. He is an only child, father's late. His mum doesnt realy have much of an influence on him, so I have no-one to talk to him to find out what exactly is going on. He used to respect my mother but now he doesnt seem to care about anyone. He wont even pick my parents calls. Because he is a very private person, he would get REALLYYYYYYYYYYY mad if i spoke to anyone about my issues with him. He is very ok to go for weeks without speaking to me. I am a somewhat talkative person and its sooooo hard not talking with someone I am close to, let alone my husband. I am so confused. He doesnt even seem like the same man I married. What breaks my heart is that we have a little baby, which doesnt seem to mean anything to him. Its like we dont exist to him. He doesnt support me or the baby in any way. I dont mean just financial support. He doesnt even call to say how is the baby doing. When I was pregnant, I couldnt work cos i was sick and trying to round up studies, he abandoned me (He was not in Canada, so baby was born in his absence.) He wasnt even speaking to me, even after I was over two weeks due for delivery, he didnt care. I decided to let him be cos I was tired of calling him endlessly and getting no repsonses or callbacks. After the baby was born, I just decided to call him from the delivery room, even though he had shown no concern for me or the baby. Then it seemed like everything was going to be fine, but everything just went back to the same situation. He had always said he would join me in Canada. Despite all my efforts, he wont fill the forms I need him to fill to get the immigration process started. I am so hurt and angry. In the past, he was all sweet and romantic. Now, he is every wife's nightmare. I've got a husband on paper but thats it!! I need to get away from this marriage or Im afraid I may self-destruct. (I dont mean suicide, pls). I used to be madly in love with him, I would do anything for him. Now, I cant say for sure. I know for sure that he doesnt love me anymore cos you cant POSSIBLY love someone and treat them the way he treats me now. I dont understand y he is fighting me on the divorce thing. If he doesnt want to have anything to do with me or our beautiful baby, I dont understand y he is not jumping at the idea of a divorce. I apologize 4 the long story. I'v just got a whole lot of crap bottled up inside me. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Nobody: 10:23am On Mar 19, 2010 |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Analytical(m): 1:50pm On Mar 19, 2010 |
Chaircover, I couldn't have said this any better!  |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Analytical(m): 1:59pm On Mar 19, 2010 |
Spicymum, in addition to what chaircover wrote above, could you please explain: 1. How long you were married before you left Nigeria for Canada? 2. Was he in support of your leaving for further studies then? 3. How long have you been away now? 4. When do you plan coming back, if at all? 5. How long do you spend with him when you visit and when was the last time you visited? 6. When are you ending your studies overthere? 7. Was there any agreement to come back immediately after the studies? 8. What does he do in Nigeria and what do you do presently overthere? The answers to these may just hold the solution to your predicament since you said you noticed the change immediately after you left. I will wait for your reply before proceeding. Unfortunately, I don't advocate divorce and don't know of the procedure. Best wishes. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Demdem(m): 5:00pm On Mar 19, 2010 |
Thanks Spicymum for ur response. Never knew u would respond let alone ur epistle. I carefully read through it. i appreciate it. I am not a doctor neither am i a psycologist but i honestly dont think Divorcing him is the solution. Its obvious to me that he has a problem which no one (including u-stand to be corrected though) has been able to decode so far. i know u would av tried ur best in trying to understand what exactly is going on but spicymum, u simply av to try more. i think u should create more time to be alone with him alone in Nigeria for a considerable period of time for u to understand the more his lifecycle. this could prove difficult but if that will make u av a brand new marriage then i think the sacrifice is worth it. I am not convinced that he has moved on with another lady based on what u av written so far but i honestly feel he needs to be attended to either physically,medically,spiritually, emotionally and even sexually. Spicymum, this is one of ur vows when u got married to him(to bring him up when he is down). u will be amazed when the changes start setting in. Please, ur issue hasnt gotten to the Divorce phase. Dont contemplate that for now. I honestly wish u the best. Cheers. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by typical: 5:50pm On Mar 19, 2010 |
There are two sides to every story |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by spicymum(f): 7:25pm On Mar 19, 2010 |
@ chaircover: Your words are laced with so much wisdom and encouragement. I only wish I knew you in person. @ analytical: 1. How long you were married before you left Nigeria for Canada? We dated for over 8 years before I left for Canada. We were not married yet but he was talking about it. I thought he was just doing that cos he thought I was not coming back so I did not "follow up" with that. I came back almost a year after I first left and we got married then. This was shortly after I had started noticing all the changes in him. I just thought it was d distance cos I believed we knew each other MORE THAN WELL enough for just about anything. 2. Was he in support of your leaving for further studies then? Yes, he was. Like I said, the plan had always been that he would join me. My family had wanted me to leave about three years earlier than I did so I could join my siblings in Canada, but I had refused. 100% BECAUSE OF HIM. And we had talked about it all be4 I started teling my parents N-O to all their plans. Of course, that was not the reason I gave my parents. 3. How long have you been away now? About three years (a little less cos I made trips to Naija in-between) 4. When do you plan coming back, if at all? Like I said, the plan was that he would join me. I was to visit in the interim, which I have. 5. How long do you spend with him when you visit and when was the last time you visited? I have visited twice. Once for over four months (ie during the wedding) and the second time, about five weeks, with the baby. This last time was an impromptu trip I made just this January, partly cos I was so confused and needed to talk to him, just to understand what exactly was his problem. 6. When are you ending your studies overthere? In about 5 months or so. 7. Was there any agreement to come back immediately after the studies? No. He said he wanted to join us. Yet he wont complete and sign his immigration forms. 8. What does he do in Nigeria and what do you do presently overthere? He works ina bank. I havnt worked since pregnancy. I have to graduate first, then get a better job than I had. Plus I am watching the baby alone. @ demdem: Im sorry for the "epistle". Like I stated earlier, I am a somewhat talkative person but private in the sense that I dont like to tell people around me my biz. I am close to my sisters but I cant talk to them about this. Most importantly, my husband wont talk or listen. Whenever I was visiting, and tried to talk to him about our serious issues, he would get in the car and drive off to his friends bar or a drinking spot, then return very late. I feel like I have degenerated to the nagging stage (repeating things, only cos the person you are speaking too could not be bothered to listen to U). Its so sad, it hurts! Why i feel FRUSTRATED ENOUGH to consider divorce is that our relationship was once super but now, we cant even make it through one day without a huge fight. I always come back to him at the end of the day to say "Im sorry", irrespective of whether i felt i was at fault or not. Maybe, he considers that "submissive" enough. I kept doing that, but now I am away and he wont even pick my calls or call me, I am not even given any opportunity to say "Im sorry", just to maintain or restore peace. His MO now is "do as I say and never ask me any questions", which was nothing like the loving man he was. (or i thought he was.) I dont understand how i could have missed this all these years together. But he'd make everyone outside think we were still rosy-rosy. I dont even know remember what his smile looks like. I am just not used to being on the recieving end of such hostility and animosity. We have just been married less than 2years, for Pete's sake and its been like this since b4 our marriage. What should I expect down the road. When he gets upset (all the time & whenver he tells me to do something and it doesnt get done authomatically), the look in his eyes are SO DANGEROUS AND SCARY, it hurts. I dont want to be around till it gets to physical abuse, cos I know it will. If i had bailed when I first noticed all these signs, mayb I could have saved myself this disfuntional marriage, as opposed to all the "hang in there" and "it is a womans job to keep the marriage together" advices I have been hanging on all this while. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Mhismole(f): 8:27pm On Mar 19, 2010 |
Im so sorry spicymum (lol love the name) im not married, but please dont divorce him yet His behaviour, from what you have told us, is a crystal clear case of depression. Like chaircover said. It could be cos he's alone, but dont give up on him please You'r prolly the only thing he's got. there are some drugs that treat depression too, wish you luck and God's help. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Hotstepper(f): 8:30pm On Mar 19, 2010 |
I can imagine what you are going through. The worst is when the person is not saying what his beef is all about so you know what to do cuz as it is now, you are helpless. If this continues by the end of your study period (August I guess), make out plan to move back to Nigeria, that is, go for xmas hols and if its 6 months, stay and figure it out, If possible, start now to look for jobs in Nigeria. I really hope he comes around because the marriage is still young and a child is involved. Maybe he does not want to move to Canada. if this is the case, let him know you are willing to Nigeria (hope you would love to). Maybe you should write him a detailed e-mail (if you havent yet) and explain everything and possible options like you willing to move back to Nigeria etc |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by InesQor(m): 12:06am On Mar 20, 2010 |
Hotstepper: @OP: I agree with Hotstepper above, except the part in red. Don't send him an email. Discuss with him in person, but don't make it look like "I came from Canada to discuss this with you, so you better listen up". Try to make it casual so he can relax. I wish you all the very best! |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Nobody: 12:47am On Mar 20, 2010 |
Im soo sorry about your predicament spicymum. I do not think he's having an affair, if he was,he'd probably be trying to be sugary sweet to compensate for the other woman, The banking industry in Nigeria has plunged seriously,many are out of jobs, are you sure he's not one of them? Joblessness coupled with loneliness could lead to severe depression.Your hubby has no one to turn to,no siblings,no real friends or confidantes plus he's a private person.Even superman would break down given these circumstances, The feeling of being totally desolate and alone(your wife and kid not near you)can tip a regular guy over the edge and turn him into a vicious bat. He may even be entertaining suicidal thoughts. His lack of interest in his baby,u and maybe life in general may be a case of clinical depression.you have to be really careful with him,tread softly and tell him you want to be there for him,even suggest you see a counselor together. A certified counselor will know clinical depression if he/she sees one and will immediately refer him to a doctor, Maybe talking even though he's not used to it will take a huuge burden off of him. If u have seen the crazy look in his eyes as you say, please be alert at all times.One can never underestimate the harm pent up anger and depression can cause a person to do. I'm saying this cos i have suffered clinical depression for years and if not that i am a Nigerian (die hard), plus my hubby and family and my strong belief in God,plus fear of hell fire, i wulda ended things a long time ago.I used to be soo angry and irritable,attacking everyone around me,not picking my calls,not calling any1,and staying holed up at home or just talking long listless walks.He's exhibiting the same behavior i was and still am battling with minus d crazy scary eye(my man is bigger than me so i no fit try anything). I wish you the best dear and i pray it's just a phase. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by OBLONG(m): 5:01pm On Mar 20, 2010 |
life is too short to worry about someone else------ leave him, move on-- there's a full life ahead of you. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by DeepSoul(f): 12:33am On Mar 21, 2010 |
chaircover: Very insightful reply. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by psychu: 12:52am On Mar 21, 2010 |
SORRY for the diversion, does anyone have an idea when Catholics celebrate Mother's day in Nigeria? |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Hotstepper(f): 5:08am On Mar 21, 2010 |
its today, Today is Catholic Mothers day in Nigeria, last week was for Anglicans |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Busybody2(f): 10:04pm On Mar 21, 2010 |
@Spicymum I ain't gonna jump on the "your hubby is depressed" brigade, your Husband is simply suffering from "CRUSHED AND WOUNDED PRIDE". His Dad is late, so he only has his Mum, and is a very private person. You have been with him for 8 years, very substantial, hence the reason he doesn't wanna let you go. You, your baby and his Mum are all he has, hence the reason i'd advice you to shelve the idea of going down the divorce route. THIS MAN STILL LOVES YOU. Now back to the pride and ego thing, he knows that it has always been your Parent's intention for you to join your siblings in Canada and he is aware of the fact that it was because of him that you delayed going by 3 years until you couldn't stay back any longer, and hence the reason he married you for this selfless quality you possess and hence the reason he is fighting you tooth and nail for you not to divorce him. Look at it this way, you have your legal right to reside in Canada by virtue of whatever that is, but on the other hand, you have this educated and highly ambitious husband with a good job and with his head screwed on tightly, who is savvy enough to know that if he goes over to join you in Canada, unlike you who prolly has jobs falling at your laps, he would have to start all over again from the scratch and this could prolly mean you being the breadwinner. When you had to travel to Canada, though he gave you the false assurance that he'd join you, this was where the hurt which has since turned to anger in his heart started from because he wasn't allowed to have a say and he wasn't allowed to be a man, "your" man and now you want him to leave the known for the unknown, where he might have to rely on you ? ? ? Would be back |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Hotstepper(f): 11:14pm On Mar 21, 2010 |
@Busy-Body, well said I think she should go to naija and talk with him and if after everything, it entails her moving back, she should do that and she can be able to even get a job in Nigeria, come to Canada whenever she wants to. Please, he needs you now |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Busybody2(f): 11:55pm On Mar 21, 2010 |
^^^ And i am sure you know your man enough to know he is not one of those who would jump at the chance of fleeing from Nigeria, even to the extent of selling their soul and the family silver. He has probably thought it through and the opportunity of him going to an unknown Country where he is likely to be at your mercy and the mercy of the people processing his papers is too much for his ego to bear, ANOTHER BLOW TO HIS ALREADY CRUSHED EGO, that would be like him having to step back from his role as the man again, albeit it could be for a temporary time. We all know not every one that travels abroad to seek greener pasture makes it, so he is just petrified of leaving his secured future for the unknown. Moving on to how you could win your man back, this ain't a strong forte of mine but i would try cos your husband is silently crying for help SOLELY because he is a needy person and he needs to man up and learn how to communicate his feelings to you without you worrying your pretty head about what your crime is. 1) He does not want a divorce because he still loves you, so your position as wifey is still guaranteed and your marital home where he can play the dominant role as the head is still waiting and available to you back at home. 2) You should relocate back home once you finish your studies in August to go and claim what is yours. 3) Now till August is still a while away so to ease the tension between the two of you and to bridge the gap, you need to put your own simmering anger concerning his lakadaisical attitude to one side and start stoking his ego and start making him feel relevant and wanted and needed. Start showing him that you intend relocating back home using texts, phone calls, skype, yim, facebook, etc, by i dunno, asking him to forward your resume to companies in Naija on your behalf, or start blocking him online to show him researches you have been doing about getting yourself a shop to set yourself up in business, or whatever you have an interest in doing. Even if you have no interest in working or running your own business in Naija, or even if you don't intend relocating back to Naija for good, the goal here is to find out what really is bugging him. . . Also ask him about nursery school for your child, that he should help you investigate a few around the area and if possible forward the information to you, and also try to get closer to his Mum and involve her in stuffs too. You haven't been out of the Country long so even if you still know your way round, play the damsel in distress role, ask him where the nearest supermarket, gym, etc anything random is, just to let him know you are coming back home to his side where you belong. Hopefully once he realises that his role as the Captain of the ship has been reinstated, he should come round. And hopefully his relationship with your parents would no longer be a threat to him. Don't forget to inject humour into your relationship. He was once romantic and passionate about you and head over heals in love with you, i am sure he still is, give him another chance. Wish you all the best. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by InesQor(m): 12:03am On Mar 22, 2010 |
^^^ WOW! On this thread, this (and the previous one by the same person) makes up the best response ever!!  |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by spicymum(f): 12:33am On Mar 22, 2010 |
@ busybody, chaircover, hotstepper, analytical, InesQor, hispinkolo, Mhismole, demdem and everyone else who took the time to provide very, very thoughtful responses to me on this thread: THANK YOU. @busybody: I am actually very close to his mum. But he HATES it when you get her or anyone else involved in his biz. Thats y I had been feeling so handicapped; its just me and him here. But he wont talk to me, has completely shut me out so , No. He is still not talking to me (I called him yesterday and he still wont pick my calls. He didnt even call to say "happy mother's day"; in the past, he would never miss celebrating a special day in our lives.) That notwithstanding, I feel a lot lighter. And happier too! I have been singing all day!!!  In the recent past, I had been feeling so angry, disappointed, betrayed , it had affected aspects of my life. I didnt bother saying all that earlier, but I had been feeling particularly betrayed cos I met my husband when we were in college and he had little to call his own at the time. I did everything for him, including cook his meals in my parents house and take to him in his off campus residence (about 4 times a week, for a very longgg time). I did his laundry, everything. And I was not the kind of lady who you would expect to be making anyone's bed (I dont mean this in an offensive or arrogant way.) I did not even need to do my own laundry in my parents house. My friends ALWAYSSS made fun of me, I didnt realy care. As I was saying, in the recent past, I secretly felt like now he was doing very well, he seemed to have thrown away all the memories of those times we spent in his place with no GSM, only an 8inch TV and VCD, no big gadgets like he collects now and we still spent quality time together. Now, I feel like a burden has been lifted off my back. I was at church today and the preacher talked about how Moses took the children of Isreal out of Egypt. He kept refering to somewhere in Exodus 14, where Moses told the Isrealites to stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. He kept repeating one verse: "The Egyptians you see today, you shall see them no more". I dont mean to preach and no offence to the non-christians here, but I believe that God has used you thoughtful people on this forum and his preacher today to reach out to me. It helps immensely to get the view and thoughts of other people who might be analysing the situation from a different perspective than mine. Plus, I strongly believe some of the advice I recieved here came from experience. Thank you. I am almost afraid to call my husband now, cos I expect him to NOT pick the phone. But I will try and work on our relationship, with less anger and feelings of disaapointment. I will try. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by OBLONG(m): 12:37am On Mar 22, 2010 |
na wa ooo----life is too short to be living like this-----  |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Mhismole(f): 1:49am On Mar 22, 2010 |
Bless you!! Please update us on further happenings, im very interested to see how this turns out. But in the meantime, goodluck and Godspeed! |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by netotse(m): 2:11am On Mar 22, 2010 |
spicymum:i'm rooting for you 100%, will add you in my prayers for what it's worth! @chaircover no wonder er'one loves u. . .lol @busybody now i see y u are my |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Demdem(m): 7:52am On Mar 22, 2010 |
Spicymum, I like ur guts. u sound to me as a very reasonable and responsible lady and this i appreciate anytime i come across such becos its rare to come across such these days. looking at it from Busybody's points, its also a possibility. i honestly didnt think of that. 3Gbosa's for busybody. Above all, me think if indeed u cheerish ur marriage as u sound to be, u should be planning to relocate back to Naija. u can always go back if things didnt go as expected. Its obvious to all now that this union can't work like this (u in canada;him in lag). Goodluck and i honestly wish u the best. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Nobody: 11:07am On Mar 22, 2010 |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Analytical(m): 3:56pm On Mar 22, 2010 |
Spicymum, I am sorry I have been down a bit. You have got wonderful posts here and most of the things I would have said have been covered already. Kudos to y'all. Chaircover and busy_body, I am just loving you both!  However to address your reply from my point of view, let me add a bit here and there.Your husband doesn't want divorce. So that is good news. Please stop all your searches looking for one behind him. This requires a change of view from you. At least you can start from there. Divorce comes with its own baggage which you carry into the next relationship. There is a child involved as well. So let's put that out of the way and focus on how things can improve between you two. Alright? The problem seems to start from the very beginning. Please know that there is a world of difference between courtship (no matter how long!) and marriage. I know what I am talking about having gone through a long courtship myself. The real deal starts from the wedding day, when you begin to live with each other and see that the once impressive prince actually snores so much and the once elegant lady cannot lay bed after her. There are hidden things about each other that reveal themselves day to day as you live with each other that you can't notice because you were trying to impress yourselves (even if unconsciously) during courtship. Because of this, the first couple of years is important in any marriage and that is when nothing should separate the young couple as they start their lives, not even distance or jobs! That is the period to lay the foundation, bond together and ride on the tempo of hot love to overcome whatever frictions might occur. Unfortunately, that is the period you had to go back to Canada. This hasn't helped the relationship. Do you even know the bible advises newly married couple to be exempted for 1 whole year from any form of work or war (in the old testament) that could potentially separate the newly wedded so as to enjoy themselves and bond together? That is the prescription for honeymoon!!!!!So, you are right in saying the distance took a toll on the relationship. Howver I believe things can still be repaired by working on your communication and finding your way back to his heart. You must have learnt how to please him in all the years of courtship, what excites him etc no matter how controlled he is. He must have soft spot for something. Get to him through that. If he is not answering your phone calls, I think there are other several ways of letting him hear you. Send e-mails as some have said. Drop voice mails for him. Send loving e-cards that convey your loneliness and how much you are missing him in your life, how life without him by your side is so dull daily, how your baby is missing dad and wants to hear his voice and be carried by daddy! Attach pictures of your baby with the e-cards. It looks like somewhere along the line your hubby had a change of mind about relocating abroad. Something must have caused it. Try and find out. Could it be he is doing so well here in Nigeria and finds no reason why he should throw it all away for the unknown, just as some have said already? How is he doing presently on the job? That is important as well. Soften the ground between now and 5 months' time. Don't report him to anyone. He doesn't like that. Like some suggested, let him know you are missing him and can't wait to round up your studies in August. If you haven't been working since pregancy, does that mean he has been responsible for the upkeep of you and baby? Thank him for it. I will suggest like some have said, get ready to come back to Nigeria as soon as you are through with your studies. Afterall, you delayed 100% for him for him before. That shouldn't be too difficult for you to handle. You need him and he needs you. It’s time to ignite that first love that made you hang in there with him for 8 long years of courtship. You can plan to relocate together if you both decide in future. You see, it can be very frustrating for a man to be married and yet be without his wife and baby for a long time. Body no be wood. And from what you are saying he doesn't even look like the outgoing type. So you can imagine the turmoil going within him! Hopefully, things can be mended and you will smile at the end. Then you can trash out your differences. I pray so. It takes time to blend. And it is not done over the air. God bless your marriage. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by Bossman(m): 10:24pm On Mar 24, 2010 |
I can imagine how difficult this is for you. It certainly seems like your husband does not care much at this time. I will not be surprised if he is already seeing someone else. I'd suggest you do what's best for you and your baby. |
| Re: Help!! Desperately Need To Get Out! by harakiri(m): 7:29am On Mar 25, 2010 |
I have read through this post and everything points out to the guy being depressed.There might be somethings that the poster isn't telling us and for her to be "desperately seeking divorce" is a sign of other things going on in the background.Spouses go through bouts of depression from time to time.IT'S NORMAL! I don't see anything that suggests he's cheating on her and i don't think he wants a divorce either.What trips me the most is that she feels "trapped" due to the fact that they have a kid together.The poster evidently wants out from this union and i can bet my money that there is another man warming her sheets somewhere.Women and their "greener pasture" syndrome. |
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