I need your help and suggestions.

My older brother married a very bad woman and lost his life in the process.
The wife abandoned him and their four children almost 28 years ago, without looking back. Never cared to ask about the children. The youngest was still breastfeeding and was 6 months when her mother dumped them on us.

I was a teenager at the time and became an overnight mom to the kids. My whole family helped to raise the children. My brother became ill as soon as they spent 2 years as husband and wife and never recovered. He in fact died from his illness while the woman ran away. She never showed up at his funeral.

The children were very young at he time. The oldest was 5 and the youngest 6 months when their mother abandoned them. My family did all it could to raise these kids and tried to give them a fairly good up-bringing and a good education.

Today, the kids are adults and after being abandoned for 28 years, their mother shows up in their lives and being desperate to have at least one parent, the kids have turned against us, my entire family. We think that their mother have lied to them about what had happened. They have ganged up against us. In fact they physically beat my mother and gave her of lethal drug dosages that suddenly killed her. I was and am still living in the USA but will soon be returning to Nigeria to try and bring these people to justice.

My question is this. How do I and my family secure a final stop, a legitimate divorce, from this woman? She had abandoned the marriage about 28 years ago. They had the traditional(Igbo), Church wedding and registered at court at the time of their marriage.

My late brother had complained that she, his then wife, was sleeping around with other men including some of my adult cousins. Today, she has teamed up with those cousins of mine, mostly unemployed, and they are determined to rub us, my family, of our lives and possessions including real estate. They have conspired, murdered my brother, my mother and most recently my father. They are doing everything to kill me and my brother too even though we have no idea of what forces brought her into my family. In short, these people have turned into local terrorists.

I need an idea of how to secure a final divorce of some sort for my brother and my family against this woman, since he was so sick, presumably caused by this bad woman, at the time that he was unable to file for divorce himself before his death 25 years ago.

Does anyone know what the legalities can be in situations like this of lengthy separation and abandonment?

how can you divorce a wife that's not yours?
Her husband is dead
The marriage has been over
In Igbo tradition I know that a part of the bride price has to be returned if the woman wants to remarry someone else after the death of her husband.
Please tread cautiously and leave your cousins to their psycho mother
If she's that evil,they'll find out sooner or later.

Consult the UMUNNA, They will know what to do

titibobby:


The children were very young at he time. The oldest was 5 and the youngest 6 months when their mother abandoned them.

I don't know anything about Igbo tradition, but even if it allowed for the family of a dead man to divorce his estranged wife, will it also stop the children from continuing to relate to their mother? These are grown up adults we are talking about here, the eldest 33yrs and the youngest 28yrs. They should all be married by now, maybe are parents themselves, therefore old enough to know what is good for them.

Pity about your parents and brother, don't know what to say to that.

Are you sure you want to go to Naija to face them? Dont forget you'll be on their home turf. Do you know the terrain? You could go missing and I say that without trying to be funny. Besides that thing called justice does not live in Nigeria. I say count your losses, let them squabble for his possessions but sooner or later they'll turn on each other.

Thanks Cooler for responding.
Its true that the Children are adults now. Its just that they have shown gross ingratitude to my family for all our efforts raising and protecting them during their vulnerable years as children. You will think that the kids will remember that and not take our lives in return.
Without a care giver protecting children, they will not survive. Parenting is not only giving birth to a child. It is more of raising the child.
From my ordeal, I advice everyone to stay away from raising your sibling's or relative's children. It is likely to be waste of time and effort and can in fact pose a future danger for you and your family.

Of all my brother's kids, the oldest daughter is the only one married.
I rejoiced with her when she told me she gained admission to a University 10 years ago. I had to do any and all kinds of jobs to send her funds for her tuition. But, she quickly decided to stop school, dropped out of college, and used the money I'd sent to her at the time for my parents care plus her tuition funds to foot her own marriage and wedding. Soon after, its almost every day am getting either calls from her or email requesting more money for one problem or the other. One time she in fact called me for money to fix her husband's flat tire. That was when I decided to put a brake to sending her any more money. I intended to pay for all her University education and make sure she graduated and had a profession. But she rejected all that and jumped into marriage with a guy from my hometown who could not even pay for his own marriage dowry nor wedding, but relied on the wife stealing from her grandparents to do so. By the way, he claims to be a priest and has a parish set-up in Nigeria which I consider nothing other than an avenue to keep robbing the public.

The other kids never married. The second child is very reckless and cannot find a husband yet, the 3rd had a baby son out of wedluck and according to Igbo tradition is likely to have a hard time finding a husband locally. The father of her baby refuses and denies fathering the child. The last child ran off with someone from western Nigeria, I am not sure of what state. At the moment we think that she is missing because no one has heard from her nor seen her since 8 years ago when she left with the guy. She had a son out of wedluck with the guy but there was no marriage. I intend to search for her or find out her fate, at least, whenever I return. I suspect she may have been dead since.

Thank you Spoilt for your advice.
Going to Naija is tough sometimes, but, I am from Naija and cannot deny my heritage. I just have to deal with what we have with as much caution as I can. I believe that we should, as a society, stand up against crime. I do know that it takes time to build a stable economy. According to American history, they had their share of uncertaintees before they reached the present stage. So, I think that not returning home is not the answer. In fact, if not for economic reasons, I think we should all be home and embark on building our nation.

Hi 0hsisi. Thanks for your input.
It is true that my brother was the actual husband, but we traditionally, actually marry the whole family. That is a fact. We have extended family system. So, if after all the woman has done and is still doing is not stopped somehow, then we might be enabling local terrorism and crime. I intend to stand in and stand up for my late brother and end this woman's relationship for good. I just am not sure the best way to do it.


Hi Hotstepper and thank you for your brilliant advice.
The only problem is that the members of my UMMUNNA comprise of those bad cousins of mine enabling this woman on her deadly mission. We have problems especially with those among them who went to college because of share envy against myself, my siblings and my parents having completed college ourselves. So my case is very tangled. I had spoken to one of the eldest member of the UMMUNNA, my cousin, about the problem, but he only brushed me off in support of, for instance my niece's theft and battery of my mom. In fact, they instigate them to turn into all war against us as insiders. So, our only option is to take our case to the Nigerian government through the court system of justice, that is if we can ever find that too.

This is sad and it sucks. . .big time!

Thank you Chaircover for your advice.

Actually, the woman jumped and ran at the time her husband, my late brother needed a wife's help, leaving little kids behind.

I think that she is extremely stupid because my relatives and cousins are very jealous of my siblings and me because our parents put us through college and so anyone my family has anything to do with, they move in to confuse them. The woman never and still does not get that even at her present age. At the end of the day, who lost. It is she and her kids and of course my family. None of them would marry her now that she desperately wants to come back and we don't want her either, and because of her conduct and her kids conduct, but for the first daughter, the rest 3 girls have no husbands and the last one is missing. The children are all daughters.

Those that instigated her or slept with her gave her nothing in return other than gossiping and pretending to support her to be more of a nuisance to my family.

Hi harakiri,

Thank you for sharing your compassion.

titibobby:

The wife abandoned him and their four children almost 28 years ago, without looking back. Never cared to ask about the children. The youngest was still breastfeeding and was 6 months when her mother dumped them on us.

titibobby:

In fact they physically beat my mother and gave her of lethal drug dosages that suddenly killed her.

titibobby:

I was and am still living in the USA but will soon be returning to Nigeria to try and bring these people to justice.

titibobby:

My late brother had complained that she, his then wife, was sleeping around with other men including some of my adult cousins. Today, she has teamed up with those cousins of mine, mostly unemployed, and they are determined to rub us, my family, of our lives and possessions including real estate. They have conspired, murdered my brother, my mother and most recently my father. They are doing everything to kill me and my brother too even though we have no idea of what forces brought her into my family. In short, these people have turned into local terrorists.

Based on all the quotes above, I have come to the conclusion, you ALL are dysfunctional (if when you say "bring these people to justice" you mean your own retaliatory assault).

Cut your losses, ignore and disconnect the children and the woman from your life.

Thanks everybody.
God willing, we shall overcome.
I've already cut the kids off.
But, I think that all those involved in crime need to be brought to justice otherwise, they will continue to inflict injury on other innocent Nigerians.