I just saw this and wanted to post it,





In the latest edition of Essence singer Jill Scott addresses the subject matter of interracial marriage.

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.

Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul’s credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that’s not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah’s Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common “wince” has solely to do with the African story in America.

When our people were enslaved, “Massa” placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, despoiled and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, intimacy-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.

We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’.

Your thoughts please….

Nothin wrong in marrying a different race. I Feel in this present day We all need to mix. But i think its much easier for a white woman to marry a black man than for  a black woman marrying a white man.What do u think

o yea i forgot to respond

personally my thoughts on this issue has turned 360degrees

the only reason black women are soo angry is because they have put black men on a pedestal

what makes them soo great?? have any of these women actually stepped out of the slavery box

to observe men of other races??

why this cage they created for themselves?

Listen to some of the black women that are married to white men

there are good men of all races- step out of the box and give these men a chance!

black men are not soo wonderful that u have to start feelin mosquito bites every time u see them with a white woman!

if they dont appreciate you why are u busy worshipping them??

neways thats my take on it

there are soo many more important things to worry abt

Get off my fricking head girl

I agree with you on everything. I do understand where Jill is coming from though.

^^ yes i do aswell

but like me

travel out of hackney and move to golders green!

there is no time to remain bitter

jill must have written it a while back

she has recently broken up wiv her baby daddy

these women need to understand its not cumpolsory to date a black dude

whats the joys in datin a dude that plays playstation all day?

I guess its the familiarity of it all, I guess we feel they understand the constant struggle in a foreign land.

It happens 10x worse in the UK though. Black men with every nationality but their own. My cousins (Nigerian British) said they just dont find black women attractive (they have a sister, a mother and two aunties) . UK sisters are dealing with the problem though and im seeing lot of black girls nowadays with White guys,so looks like the future is going to be Beige.

^^ lolz

Thinkin about it

the relationship i prob enjoyed most was wiv my persion hunkilicious. . . . . . . . . .

its stress free, u dont worry about cheating lies and all crap, then again thats just another stereotype

look at this way

would u be soo worried if u didnt mind the race of the guy u were dating?

we discovered fire for pity sake.!!

isn't tat enuff for u to flinch each time u loose a brother to level behind white chics??

Dating whites? Its a maybe but marriage is a no no. Am black and proud and reppin 4 ma hood. Racism aint over yet. Prove me wrong . . . . . .

I am happy its 2010 and i dont get blamed for what some white person did on the other side of the world decades or more before i was even born.

I spent a lot of years being ashamed of my white skin cos of all the history of what white people have done. But i am not personally responsible for that. I am only responsible for my own actions and heart while i am in this life, Thank God!!! I still get a bite in my soul when i hear of past actions of white people and probably always will. But am very happy i live in this time in this country and can love whomever i choose regardless of colour, background, etc!

Its the heart, character and personality of a man that is important. Not with the colour of either of us.

daduke2k:

Dating whites? Its a maybe but marriage is a no no. Am black and proud and reppin 4 ma hood. Racism aint over yet. Prove me wrong . . . . . .

Small and closed minds are a very dangerous thing.

Really? U knw am in2 literature as a study. Wen i kom acros those events. My bloods heats up 2 boiling point, d strategies ur fore fathers used in makin us luk like fools and slaves. Dont get me wrong ,am hapy 4 civilization bt it could hav been done witout slavery. 2 show u d fact dat d pain stil lives in d blak man. Read African novels. Come bak and tel me wot u read.

daduke2k:

Really? U knw am in2 literature as a study. Wen i kom acros those events. My bloods heats up 2 boiling point, d strategies your fore fathers used in makin us luk like fools and slaves. Dont get me wrong ,am hapy 4 civilization bt it could hav been done witout slavery. 2 show u d fact dat d pain stil lives in d blak man. Read African novels. Come bak and tel me wot u read.

Yay! Homework, lol!!

But please dont assume what my forefathers did. Just cos i have the same skin colour as the beasts that thrived on slavery doesnt make them my fore fathers. You wouldnt appreciate it if it was the other way around. I totally agree with what you are saying that slavery should NEVER have been an option! What makes one person believe they are better than the next?? I dont get and never will.

I am an Aussie and trust me, we have our own horiffic past with the original Australians here. But I personally have no control over what they did over 200 years ago and i should only be judged on my own behaviour now not theirs. I can only be ashamed and horrified at what white people here where responsible for in the past. I also know what some conversations are like in an all white family and i totally agree that racism exists in some people and it makes my blood boil, its insecurity, ignorance and stupidity of my own people!!

Alright, nt 2 get 2 hard on urself, its nt much of a general fact. We all hav our problems 2 deal wit.

I am not hard on myself, just my people, I was trying to respond to the post by saying why should what my ancestors did hundreds of years ago affect me being with any colour man i want to be with now. Its silly.

ayettymama:

^^ yes i do aswell

but like me

travel out of hackney and move to golders green!

there is no time to remain bitter

jill must have written it a while back

she has recently broken up wiv her baby daddy

these women need to understand its not cumpolsory to date a black dude

whats the joys in datin a dude that plays playstation all day?

@Poster,Please could you explain the "Golders Green" reference, you lost me on that.

But yes I  agree with your comment, us black women should be more open to dating/marrying other races.

I sadly only feel 100%  relaxed with my own race




By the way great @topic.

people should be allowed to marry or date who they are attracted too.

if you are a black person and you aren't attracted to a black person, there is nothing wrong with that.  It's called a  preference, just don't bash people because you aren't attracted to them though.  I have no loyalty to black people and black women as a whole.   Love has no racial bounds.


Jill Scott is only mad because this friend of hers was "successful" and wealthy(she had to point that out).   i didn't see any outrage when flava flav was dating bridgette nelson.  The only outrage comes out when the likes of reggie bush are dating kim kardashian (key word here is successful black man).  Jill Scott might want to lose all that excess weight and then maybe she would find more suitors.  Overweight black women with 2 kids are not highly desirable on the dating totem pole.

I guess its the familiarity of it all, I guess we feel they understand the constant struggle in a foreign land.

quick question, couldn't you understand this same struggle with a ghanian, jamaican, indian, pakistani, romanian immigrant to the UK?
my struggle is not the same as your struggle just because we could be nigerians in the UK

    Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul’s credibility? The

lol @ soul credibility, this india arie/erykah badu neo-soul bishes are irritating.  i would take diminished soul credibility if it means i'm an happy married man.  Jill Scott with her "high" soul credibility is a divorced baby mama.  where did all that black love get her?

. My cousins (Nigerian British) said they just dont find black women attractive (they have a sister, a mother and two aunties) 

and why should they find black women attractive, because they have black family members? ever heard of something called choice? The key here is finding happiness. if it's with a white, blue, indian, purple woman so be it.

The whie woman is the ideal bride/wife.There are so many things wrong with a black girl,the problems are just too numerous to mention.

I feel what Jill Scott is talking about. The truth is that the Black ladies can blame the guys all they want, but they won't criticize themselves because they refuse to accept they have problems.
Having lived outside Nigeria for a while now, I haven't been able to date a black girl, not that I don't want to, but that they are just too difficult to get. The good looking black girls have excessive egos I can't explain and the rest are simply overweight.
A friend of mine had to drive 10 hrs just to be with his new black girlfriend simply because he couldn't get one in the city he lives. Does the stress worth it, I don't think so. If he ends up with a white girl because he is tired of the distance and the stress, then people like Jill will complain.

Not all black women are overweight or suffer from inflateded egos.

This thread should not be turned into another "bash black women" thread.

This @Poster's @Topic could be one of the few very sensible issues on this section.

Ebonyeyes:

I guess its the familiarity of it all, I guess we feel they understand the constant struggle in a foreign land.

It happens 10x worse in the UK though. Black men with every nationality but their own. My cousins (Nigerian British) said they just dont find black women attractive (they have a sister, a mother and two aunties) . UK sisters are dealing with the problem though and im seeing lot of black girls nowadays with White guys,so looks like the future is going to be Beige.

They've been dealing with the problem for a long while now.
It ain't a coincidence that nearly one third of U.K black women are either dating or married to whites(and half in the men's case).
Also I'm yet to see a famous black couple in the U.K.

ayettymama:

there are good men of all races- step out of the box and give these men a chance

I could not agree with you more. Although the same can also be said of the men.

chic2pimp:

They've been dealing with the problem for a long while now.
It ain't a coincidence that nearly one third of U.K black women are either dating or married to whites(and half in the men's case).
Also I'm yet to see a famous black couple in the U.K.

I agree, most of the top celebs male or female have white partners. Atleast in America they have something to look up to.

Ebonyeyes:

I agree, most of the top celebs male or female have white partners. Atleast in America they have something to look up to.

Well, I think it's All not Most .

The truth is as pure African,I don't relate with everything black American or Black British says!

I came from a different setting and grew up not feeling oppressed by anyone or inferior to anyone!

Even though i can understand what Jill is saying,i just can't relate to it.

I believe people can find love everywhere no matter the race or culture!

At this time and age ,i think it's racist of anyone to think marrying a white woman or white man is wrong!

As for me,white women just don't have the features i look for in a woman,so I'll stick to my Black ladies!

Kal/El:

The truth is as pure Africans,I don't relate with everything black American or Black British says!

I came from a different setting and grew up not feeling oppressed by anyone or inferior to anyone!

Even though i can understand what Jill is saying,i just can't relate to it.

it's exactly the same with me, i understand how african americans feel about whites but i can't relate to it.

i'm cool with interracial relationships. for me, dating a white guy (or any other race) is commensurable with dating a non-nigerian black guy, and my preference for nigerian guys is probably due to the familiarity. still i won't rule out non-nigerians, after all even with an igbo, yoruba or hausa guy there would still be elements of his culture that would be foreign to me.

chic2pimp:

Well, I think it's All not Most .

Im trying not to generalise But it's a sad state of affairs really. Wouldn't want to raise kids here.

Tink_sh:

Small and closed minds are a very dangerous thing.

Tink_sh:

Dating whites? Its a maybe but marriage is a no no. Am black and proud and reppin 4 ma hood. Racism aint over yet. Prove me wrong . . . . . .

I dont think the conclusion is about small and closed mind Racism is now re branded. No one can dispute that

The truth is as pure Africans,I don't relate with everything black American or Black British says!

I came from a different setting and grew up not feeling oppressed by anyone or inferior to anyone!

Even though i can understand what Jill is saying,i just can't relate to it.
I believe people can find love everywhere no matter the race or culture!

You just said my mind. I just can't relate. And I think they should begin to be specific on the class of people who are downcasted when they see interracial relationships, like African Americans not black women in general. I had a white doll while I was growing up and I showed a picture of me with it to an American and she was stunned I had a white doll. Growing up a doll was a doll, nothing more nothing less. I was not bastardized to think I needed blue eyes or straight hair  to be beautiful as many black women in the states felt or still feel.

A serious orientation need to be given to this lot.

The only problem I have with many black men is the need to put down or insult your own just because you are dating another race or even tribe. Yoruba man dates Igbo girl today, he would say Yoruba girls are this and that. Can't they fall in love without insulting your own people?  

the first ones to complain about an overweight black woman. Is the first ones to go out with an elephant sized white woman! Thats what i dont understand.

But in any case race color doesnt matter, as long as the person loves you and treats you right, who cares about race??

Akinagirl:

the first ones to complain about an overweight black woman. Is the first ones to go out with an elephant sized white woman!

Too true, check out my profile picture.

this issue has been done to death. Shouldnt every one be free to marry whomever they choose?

@Ebonyeyes I saw that.

Thats what Im talking about. Saying all kinds of things about a black woman then get a white woman that looks like that. REALLY?? SMH.