The Republic of Ireland will be competing at the 2010 World Cup after FIFA sensationally accepted renewed pleas from the Emerald Isle to become the 33rd team at the South Africa showpiece.

An Irish delegation, led by FAI chief John Delaney and U2 frontman Bono, arrived in Cape Town late last night in order to complete the negotiation process.

"We are extremely satisfied with the outcome," beamed Delaney. "The world was laughing when we asked for consideration, but I guess he who laughs best, laughs last, I mean, he who last laughs, laughs laughs, No, hang on, He who laughs last, laughs best," he said confidently.

It is understood that FIFA president Sepp Blatter was swayed by promises of 'sackfuls of money' from the pint-sized popstrel Bono, whose real name is Small Paul.


Bono| Silly Glasses, Shoes On Hands

Groping the evening twilight, the sunglasses-clad singer stated: "Since I pay little tax in Ireland, that has given me another few million to throw around. I decided it was better to give FIFA some of it than to actually pay my own way at home. This way, everyone will still like me but I get look good without actually doing too much," Bono added before flashing peace-signs at nobody in particular.

"I have spent my life indulged in a philanthropic quest to make the world a more Bono-centric place. And I think this step could help achieve that," he disclosed with an earnest fist to his chest before confusing Libya with Liberia.

Reports suggest that Blatter was summoned from an evening jacuzzi summit, where he sat alongside South African president Jacob Zuma and his panel of female advisors, to answer the Irish request.

"I am very happy to welcome the Irish Republic to the South Africa World Cup," yawned a bleary-eyed Blatter, stuffing cash into his dressing-gown pockets and confirming that U2 had also agreed to disband in exchange for Ireland's 33rd place.

"What Bono has provided us with is all in the interest of fairness and can help the FIFA family to grow, richer.

"He has also promised never to record another album with U2. It's funny, the first time Ireland qualified was in 1990 and that was also the last time that band had any relevance. So it's two birds with one bag of money."



Blatter| Pictured Here With Key Advisor

Blatter gathered a team of yes-men to answer the 11th hour Irish bid and Delaney has shed some light on how the appeal panned out.

"In exchange for the funds that Bono could have used to invest in global child healthcare or some platform shoes for 5'5'' singers, Mr Blatter has given Ireland something money should not be able to buy. And for that, we must be thankful. It really shows what FIFA is all about.

"All that he asked was that I put on my thickest accent and say the words 'thirty-third team' 33 times. He laughed after each time I said it, so I presume that everyone is happy with the decision," Delaney concluded assuredly.

Asked how the inclusion of a 33rd team would affect the symmetry and integrity of the World Cup, Blatter was forthright.

"This World Cup was always going to provide the South African people with the chance to see just how much money FIFA can extract in one month, and the inclusion of Ireland won't change that one iota," he said.

"More teams means more money and that captures the spirit of our organisation," he claimed, waving stacks of money in the air. "We'll figure out the rest later."

Further requests from the Irish to have Thierry Henry tarred and feathered and made to recite 'I'm a cheat, I'm a cheat, I should only use my feet' while doing the chicken dance in Dublin city centre are said to be 'under consideration' by the world governing body.

jokes section mod

I knew it before I opened the thread. Enough of all these April Fool posts jare.