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Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. - Family - Nairaland

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I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. / My Uncle Raped Me, My Family Blamed Me, Forcing Me Into Prostitution- Nigerian / My Half Brother Is Causing So Much Problem In Our Family (2) (3) (4)

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Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by DrFlora: 6:28pm On Dec 17, 2017
I got married to my husband in 2012. Before then, he has been living with his elder sister in a three-bedroom apartment.
Within the first few years we lived, things were going fine and we were in good terms until suddenly things fell apart over time.

The story is too long for me to type on here. For sanctimonious Nairalanders, please don’t ask further for more details to start your sit-at-home judgement because I am not ready to answer any of such.


The short story that led me to create this thread is that I asked my husband to rent an apartment for her. My husband has rented a one room self-contained apartment for her in a place not too far from where we stay. Mind you that this lady is not married and is about 50 years of age.

As if the burden of having this elder sister-in-law around since I got married is not enough, I have another brother in-law who is also an elder brother to my husband. My husband happens to be the last child of the family.


This man came the day my sister-in-law was packing out that he wants to pack into our house. Note that this man is married with children. His inability to take care of his wife and children led them to pack to the wife’s family. He has been living alone for long.


Please I need help on how to stop this man from moving in with us. I have a daughter and a foster daughter who sleeps in the parlor because the third room is where we packed our properties. When this girl urinates at night and it stains our rug, the whole parlor stinks. My plan is to move her with my daughter to the room where my sister-in-law just left.


This my brother in-law does not do anything. All he does is eat, bath, sleep and walk around, only to come back and eat again. I have told my husband that if he packs in, I will leave the house for them until he is done marrying his brother. Enough is enough, this people don’t want to give me breathing space.

The annoying part is that this sister-in-law connived with the problem that he will move in as soon as she moves out (I guess she wants to use it to punish me for sending her away) without my husbands consent until the day she was packing out.


cc lalasticlala

Royalroy

2 Likes

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by madridguy(m): 6:40pm On Dec 17, 2017
I understand the fact that women so much cherish privacy but first you must address this issue with your husband amicably with low voice and not threatening to move out of your matrimonial home. If possible, you can invite your religious leader or your husband's friend to talk to him about it.

Remember, blood is thicker than water so handle the matter at hand with caution.

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Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Topestbilly(m): 6:42pm On Dec 17, 2017
undecided

"For sanctimonious Nairalanders, please don’t ask further for more details to start your sit-at-home judgement because I am not ready to answer any of such."

We shouldn't ask for further details because you know that will reveal things you did that led to this sudden change.

"When this girl urinates at night and it stains our rug, the whole parlor stinks."

Like your girl no dey piss for house.

If you don't want sit-at-home judgement, why bringing it here? Proud person.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by enoqueen: 6:49pm On Dec 17, 2017
Try and talk to your husband the way you did before.
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by GraGra247(m): 7:00pm On Dec 17, 2017
This is a difficult situation and I have a relative of mine doing this exact same thing to his married younger brother. Everyone is bitter but he won't leave for over 10 years now.

My advice: That elder brother "must not" come into your home. Stop this by every sensible means possible.

Once he comes in its not possible to go out. Since he's idle he might end up doing bad things to your daughters and househelp.

Let him go stay with his sister in the one bedroom. Enough said !!

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Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Nobody: 7:05pm On Dec 17, 2017
Honestly I wonder why family cannot allow married couples live in peace.

Always intruding one way or the other.

Smhhhh.

And when the elder brother starts living there, he will one day rape the daughter or the foster daughter. E dey dia bodi. Smmhhhhh.
Op please just try and make. Your husband see the dangers in allowing his married elder brother stay in the house with you all. It's not OK, at all.

4 Likes

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by uboma(m): 7:06pm On Dec 17, 2017
GraGra247:
This is a difficult situation and I have a relative of mine doing this exact same thing to his married younger brother. Everyone is bitter but he won't leave for over 10 years now.

My advice: That elder brother "must not" come into your home. Stop this by every sensible means possible.

Once he comes in its not possible to go out. Since he's idle he might end up doing bad things to your daughters and househelp.

Let him go stay with his sister in the one bedroom. Enough said !!



I concur.......
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by serverconnect: 7:10pm On Dec 17, 2017
MY DEAR, I FEEL YOUR PAINS TOO. WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALL THE ATTENTION OF YOUR HUSBAND. BOTH OF YOU SHOULD SIT DOWN PRIVATELY TO IRON THIS ISSUE ONCE AND FOR ALL. PACKING OUT WILL NOT HELP MATTERS. YOU CAN NOT RUN AWAY FROM PROBLEM, BUT FACE IT AND RESOLVE IT. THIS IS WHAT WE CALLED 'AKAMU' CASE(SMALL PROBLEM.).
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by uboma(m): 7:12pm On Dec 17, 2017
madridguy:
I understand the fact that women so much cherish privacy but first you must address this issue with your husband amicably with low voice and not threatening to move out of your matrimonial home. If possible, you can invite your religious leader or your husband's friend to talk to him about it.

Remember, blood is thicker than water so handle the matter at hand with caution.




A married man's responsibility is to his immediate family first. Then others can follow....


The op's hubby needs to take a firm stand with his siblings so that his marriage does not crumble.

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Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Rosarie(f): 7:15pm On Dec 17, 2017
stand your ground no matter what maybe.it is the foundation u allowed that is a affecting u.dnt start what u can not finish.do not allow him.ur hubby is weak in his family decisions.last born is not an excuse,that can be very discouraging.stand ur ground.i
dont know why some people can not use wisdom.u too u decided to be happy and u were crying on the inside and forming good wife.marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured.ur huby need to step up o cos he is the head.

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Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Rosarie(f): 7:16pm On Dec 17, 2017
madridguy:
I understand the fact that women so much cherish privacy but first you must address this issue with your husband amicably with low voice and not threatening to move out of your matrimonial home. If possible, you can invite your religious leader or your husband's friend to talk to him about it.

Remember, blood is thicker than water so handle the matter at hand with caution.
re u married?

2 Likes

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by eyinjuege: 7:23pm On Dec 17, 2017
Your husband should be man enough to put his foot down.
It doesn't make sense for his elder brother to come and live with him.
You guys may also consider moving into a smaller 2 bedroom apartment till your family size grows.
Nature abhors vacuum. You have an empty room you're using as storage, naturally some people will feel they can manage with you. If you've got a smaller space, it will be easier to say no.

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Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Oyindidi(f): 7:32pm On Dec 17, 2017
Don't threaten that you will move out if your brother in-law moves in. Stand your ground and say No, if possible call that baby-forever in-law and tell him you can't babysit/accommodate him.
Husbands should learn to take decision after consulting their wives.

There was a time my MIL was to come and stay with me. Her two sons were sitted and said I can't take care of your mother for now. I gave reasons why I can't accommodate her back then. They were shocked cos the woman love me so much and I love her too. He told the brother to forget bringing the mother to my place.

Which kind baby-forever family be this?

1 Like

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by angelTI(f): 7:55pm On Dec 17, 2017
I hope they won't kill your husband!!!!
I fear for your daughters!!!!
Take your stand and don't let anybody come into your family!!!
If this makes you a bad wife, answer the name gladly!!!

8 Likes

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by madridguy(m): 9:29pm On Dec 17, 2017
Searching for one.

Rosarie:
re u married?
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by madridguy(m): 9:34pm On Dec 17, 2017
You mean having his siblings around will crash his marriage?

uboma:


A married man's responsibility is to his immediate family first. Then others can follow....


The op's hubby needs to take a firm stand with his siblings so that his marriage does not crumble.
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Rosarie(f): 10:02pm On Dec 17, 2017
madridguy:
You mean having his siblings around will crash his marriage?

then u not understand what she is going tru.the minute u say i do.ur wife becomes ur primary responsibility.even the bible says it they will leave their parents and become one.if u want ur marriage to last long u dnt carry ur family to live and dwell with u esp if ur wife is not api about t.it will get to a stage u both will become strangers and no longer couples.is that what u want.nobody says cut ur family off.but u use wisdom.they can live away and u help d lil way u can.why will a woman of that age be living wih the younger bro.she lacks self respect and the wife would ve really suffered whilst she stayed.then a married man wants to come in.they have too much control on the hubby that is d truth. and the wife was trying to please them but in a wrong way.how can a home like that function properly?.

8 Likes

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Khonifer: 10:33pm On Dec 17, 2017
What is your husband saying?
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by armyofone(f): 11:32pm On Dec 17, 2017
It would have been best if he discussed with your husband who in turn gives you head up about the plan for temporary stay - when are you coming and when are you leaving - madam must know.
Ask your husband how long the guy is going to stay.
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Phut(f): 12:59am On Dec 18, 2017
armyofone:
It would have been best if he discussed with your husband who in turn gives you head up about the plan for temporary stay - when are you coming and when are you leaving - madam must know.
Ask your husband how long the guy is going to stay.

It is a trap o! She should not do it. The man cannot move in cha cha. Because once he gets a leg in the door, it will be a struggle to get him out. The writing is on the wall. She should cajole, sweet talk or do whatever it takes to get her husband to see reason with her. Like an earlier poster stated, he should move to the self contained, with his sister.

4 Likes

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by uboma(m): 1:09am On Dec 18, 2017
madridguy:
You mean having his siblings around will crash his marriage?





Probably, yes....


There is a good reason why the Bible says that, a man will leave his parents and stick to his wife and both shall be one flesh....


The wife isnt happy with the constant interference by her in-laws.

The man needs to respect his wife's feelings on matters like this.

7 Likes

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by signature2012(m): 1:17am On Dec 18, 2017
Wonders will never end.Some men are just too weak to be a man.

@phut,are you still in manhattan?
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Phut(f): 1:40am On Dec 18, 2017
signature2012:
Wonders will never end.Some men are just too weak to be a man.
@phut,are you still in manhattan?

Yes, I am.
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by mrphysics(m): 1:50am On Dec 18, 2017
Well OP, this is not easy as some people are shouting and recommending on this post. Don't single yourself out as the bad egg. You must protect yourself first and let the blame be on your husband.

First, you must understand that it is hard for the male child to overlook their suffering brothers. From the look of things, everything is still scattered and haven't had any shape. Don't give an outburst, don't physically confront anyone. Whatever you are doing, apply wisdom. All these people saying you must stand your ground or he is not packing in, lol, they will only rant on nairaland.

This is actually deeper and personal than some people see it, I would advise that you discuss with your husband while he speaks to his brother. If he allows him to pack in, readjust and cover up. Keep watching and do your best.

The worst you can do now is to marry your husband and take this decision by confronting them. Since he is married and has a family, he can't possibly come to live with you guys forever.

Kindly apply wisdom
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by signature2012(m): 3:36am On Dec 18, 2017
Phut:


Yes, I am.

Ok,i work in manhattan too.
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Mistymash: 3:59am On Dec 18, 2017
It is easy oo,dont cme and be forming good wife when all is not well. If your husband is indecisive and can't say no take another mattress or go out and buy a foam that three of you can manage and lay it in that second room. Take your kids(your child and the kid staying with you)to the room and be sleeping there. Let's see if the brother will join you there or join your husband. Your hubby's brother is disrespectful. If your husband cannot wisely say NO then yes you should be the Nigerian 'bad wife' and protect your home. You need your space! They are old enough to go fend/hustle for themselves responsibly without causing another person grieve and heartache,your husband is not the cause of their suffering pls.later someone will cme and be stylishly molesting someone's kids,fire! Also your sitting room is NO longer a guest room. Better help yourself now.

2 Likes

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by baby124: 4:04am On Dec 18, 2017
Lol! When your husband rented self contain for one sibling... the other one is threatening to stay with you so you can rent his own self contain. Don’t they have a family house somewhere? My dear, move in your mother. With the explanation that you need her to take care of your child. Let your husband ask his sister to give the homeless brother space to stay in the self contain. Let him make them know that things are not so rosy. Make sure you move your mother in ASAP. So that you don’t get a visitor one day that will not leave. A married man for that matter.

1 Like

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by adetoroamos(m): 7:00am On Dec 18, 2017
oh sorry. move in with your mother also, and if u doesn't get any its ur cross just carry am. bullshilt happens
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Collins4u1(m): 7:14am On Dec 18, 2017
Lol, blood is thicker...
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Phut(f): 3:26pm On Dec 18, 2017
signature2012:


Ok,i work in manhattan too.
I actually live in Manhattan and work in Brooklyn
Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by GraGra247(m): 4:40pm On Dec 18, 2017
DrFlora show your husband this thread. It might help him change his mind.

Also give us feedback cos some people can be helped by your story.

1 Like

Re: Please Help Me Solve This Problem In My Family. by Amhappy(f): 5:37pm On Dec 18, 2017
@ OP Sorry ooo you have tried. Tell your husband to advice the man to relocate to the village. He can give him some money to started a business there ooo. Why do they want to remain a burden for their little brother? I once had a similar problem and it caused me a lot of stress so i know how you feel.

1 Like

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