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I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First - Family - Nairaland

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I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by hdeeman: 2:51pm On Sep 30, 2017
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

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Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by madridguy(m): 2:55pm On Sep 30, 2017
Funny you bro grin grin well, from your write up seem you're the type that only give fish without teaching your siblings how to fish tongue

Teach two of them how to fish and the rest will stop calling you alone.

276 Likes 13 Shares

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by petergriffin: 2:58pm On Sep 30, 2017
hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life.
wait wait a minute!! What do you mean by settle are they owing you something?? If yes you gotta pay back before anything but if no just ignore them. Wait another minute i forgot they are nigerians they might gang up against you and do the unthinkable. Just pretend your wealth is drowning and you need prayers this way you will have enough time to fix alotta things.

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Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by oake(m): 3:14pm On Sep 30, 2017
A man's enemies will be the members of his own household.' Luke 12:53.

127 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by lalanice(f): 3:40pm On Sep 30, 2017
I knew a guy like dis, I told him his family won't let him marry or d woman will be in their danger. but he did not believe. anyway as usual d relationship crashed and he couldn't even xplain what happened.

as you grow, grow your siblings with you. If they all look to you for help then there's a problem.

I wont even marry a man whose whole family depends on him. stop giving them money for everything, ask them what they want to do and help them start, and dump the ones who aren't willing to work. or they will blame your wife for all their problems. thats if they even let you marry.

270 Likes 24 Shares

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by MhizzAJ(f): 4:04pm On Sep 30, 2017
I understand why they are telling u to settle them. They feel that once u get married, your attention would be diverted to your wife but if u keep listening to them u won't get married.


I hate people that depend so much on others for their survival be it family members or friends...They will just be choking u with their problems.

Tell your siblings to go and work or learn a trade..abi are they handicapped

47 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by holyboii: 4:20pm On Sep 30, 2017
MhizzAJ:
I understand why they are telling u to settle them. They feel that once u get married, your attention would be diverted to your wife but if u keep listening to them u won't get married.


I hate people that depend so much on others for their survival be it family members or friends...They will just be choking u with their problems.

Tell your siblings to go and work or learn a trade..abi are they handicapped


but you approve of lazy Nigerian hoe.s


mtcheeew all this "F" Moniker claiming to be cool and upright. its only a stupid man that will PM any gal on Nairaland

48 Likes 3 Shares

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by MhizzAJ(f): 4:24pm On Sep 30, 2017
holyboii:



but you approve of lazy Nigerian hoe.s


mtcheeew all this "F" Moniker claiming to be cool and upright. its only a stupid man that will PM any gal on Nairaland

I wee not answer u

32 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Eyimofe2017: 5:54pm On Sep 30, 2017
Please don't settle down yet, don't bring a woman into the picture cos she won't be loved. Your family will believe the woman is the reason why you've decided not to take care of their "needs".
Try and establish one of them if you have the means, so that whosoever you establish will take care of the family when you have " retired " since they are leeches and want to suck you dry.

One thing about families like this is that as soon as you stop giving them, they remember all the "good deeds" they've done for you and how you have decided to 'abandon" them when they need you most not minding how many times you've put your own life on hold to take care of their needs.

You have taken care of them for "ten years" you need a break, if you don't close your eyes and get your heart desires, you'll continue to slave for them till time goes..
Yes, family is everything but they have to be considerate too, if they really love you
The choice is yours

22 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by lilmax(m): 6:00pm On Sep 30, 2017
when you were struggling what were they doing?

and are you a man or woman?

3 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Nobody: 8:53pm On Sep 30, 2017
This is serious. Helping them should not become a right. You have pamper them a lot, if not the thought of you settle them will not have come from their mouth. Only in African such become a right. My brother, if you do not stand your ground , you will end up training your siblings children , while you end up being single for life. You better man up and do your little best. If is one person can you settle, settle him or her and go around with your marriage plan.Human being could be selfish.

12 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Nobody: 8:57pm On Sep 30, 2017
These your siblings think you owe them. One thing I've come to realize in this life is that, for the fact you were born alone into the world through a family: your destiny isn't in anyone's hands. It's between you and your God. The moment you fail, you have yourself to blame and not your mother/father/siblings/friends. These people are so backward that they feel they're entitled to what you have. If I were you, I'd ignore them and if this condition they gave you came as a product of their thought process then you shouldn't have any business with them. They're the kind you'll help and tomorrow when the chips are down, they won't remember you got them where they are.

16 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by eyinjuege: 11:03pm On Sep 30, 2017
Sorry, but you don't have a family that loves you.
They can never wish you well.
My advice to you is to come to the realisation that you're alone in this world, and your family is unreliable.
Move away from them, don't contact them for a while. Get married, and don't involve them in your wedding. Make sure you stay far away from them, otherwise they may send assassins to your new family

22 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Evacroft: 11:43pm On Sep 30, 2017
The only problem i see here is the innocent woman coming to be a wife in ur family, that is y my advise has tilted to this side.
Firstly, dont believe any mofo can do u anything , this happened to a church member and they dragged it for almost two years ,meanwhile the guy is 45 while the lady would be around 40/42, this are destiny halters in guise.
I tell pple why carry ur siblings on ur head and do prostitution or rob cos of them while tomorrow they also join and mock u. With ur write up i can say "GUY IT HAVE DO" Unless u have the extra funds to still throw around,ur family aint worth it.
Its so disrespectful for them to even place u on a call like that, do the needful,u owe nobody no shit and the only pple that can tell u ,u must take care of them are ur immediate family member ,wife and kids especially d ones from ur loins ,and dont forget ur parents. Skikena.

16 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Windflower(f): 5:14pm On Oct 01, 2017
By family,are you referring to your immediate or extended family.Its depends on the angle ure looking at it,do you feel u owe them anything, have you done enough for them. Do some soul searching,if you have done right by them,then I don't think you should be bothered.
Personally,I myself am making the sacrifice but they are my immediate family and I know its wont last forever.Being the first graduate among,I spend nothing less than 90% of my small income on my mum and siblings which I don't regret,cos its for them to also equip themselves and start earning for themselves. Teach them how to fish and not give them fish.
No matter the situation, they shouldn't place you on that kind of condition,they should be happy you want to settle down,if they are really what you wrote there,I had flee from them

13 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Windflower(f): 5:29pm On Oct 01, 2017
[quote author=Evacroft post=60989968
I tell pple why carry ur siblings on ur head [/quote]
I have been told the exact same thing,but ain't into prostitution or robbery,lol
Nevertheless its depends on the kinds of siblings you have.So if you see people carry their siblings on their head,its all about the love they have towards their family and that isn't a bad thing.
Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Dottore: 5:43pm On Oct 01, 2017
Pk
Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by JamesReacher(m): 5:44pm On Oct 01, 2017
Most of our problems are rooted in our household.

Op, you didn't elaborate on the kind of relationship you had with them growing up

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Nobody: 5:44pm On Oct 01, 2017
Go to the Bible, you will find suitable answers for your family problems.

2 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by dessz(m): 5:44pm On Oct 01, 2017
Mr man tell em to go fu(k themselves. U should not care whether they say they won't come or not, believe me they will surely come. They are trying to extort you

1 Like

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by ipobarecriminals: 5:45pm On Oct 01, 2017
sad op sound like he's from poto republic cos only demdem sabi that kain thing.Come do ur wedding,when u arrive,squeeze face say chai u forget ur wallet back home/elsewhere, some go sympathize with u.Find a reliable paddy wey go act as person wey borrow u money.After ur marriage, flee, no time

9 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Melian(f): 5:45pm On Oct 01, 2017
You are from the South East definitely @Op.

7 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by whitebeard(m): 5:45pm On Oct 01, 2017
dessz:
Hmmm
welcome back
Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Daeylar(f): 5:46pm On Oct 01, 2017
If they don't want to come don't invite them na,
I know I'm different though, no time for stress,


I would have asked you to try and resolve it but I don't like the way they are threatening you.

You come first, before anyone, even your family. So do what's best for you. Let them go

4 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by 1StopRudeness: 5:46pm On Oct 01, 2017
hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,


Family is important...very important...but when family is trying to be selfish at ur expense..wanting you to put ur life on hold to make them comfortable....no look uche face ooo
You ddnt come to this world because of them.. however, God has somehow made financially better which is the reason why u are helping them...
No need to fight....assure them verbally and in actions that u will be there for them as much as u can...though ur immediate family(i.e wifey and kids will come first)
And if they insist..go ahead with ur marriage(unless u want to lie to us, u mama and father can never say u must settle every body before they can allow u marry) so If it's just mummy and daddy that will be present, plus lots of friends, abi ur friends too said u should settle them??
Abeg the marriage ceremony will be full and sweet without them..enjoy your your wedding,
News flash!!!..they need you... weda u marry or not...they will still come and beg for money...
That's family for you...you will never be able to satisfy them. Weda u are single or not...

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by Lomprico2: 5:47pm On Oct 01, 2017
hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

I think you have already made the right decision. Marry! And keep helping them if it will not affect ur immediate family. Thank God u are not in the country because they will turn their frustration to ur new wife.

My dad is in his 70s and his punkass cousin in his 60s is still beefing him in d name of settling. A man with grown up men and women as children o!

So just ignore their threats and do what u know is best for you.
Cheers.

7 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by safarigirl(f): 5:47pm On Oct 01, 2017
holyboii:



but you approve of lazy Nigerian hoe.s


mtcheeew all this "F" Moniker claiming to be cool and upright. its only a stupid man that will PM any gal on Nairaland
e be like say one NL babe don do you strong thing undecided

4 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by enabledgoddess(f): 5:48pm On Oct 01, 2017
hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,


my brother be careful. there have been cases like this where family killed their own for matter of settlement. thread with wisdom and caution . it is the foundation you started with. what is your mother's say on this? I will advise you chill a bit call for meeting and settle the matter first least they gang against the innocent woman you are about to get married to. Nigerians and their entitlement mentality

6 Likes

Re: I Want To Get Married But My Family Is Insisting I Must Settle Everybody First by ladyF(f): 5:49pm On Oct 01, 2017
Lol funny family. Abeg tell them to stop being lazy and go and look for work. Shey if you fall sick now and money isn't coming in, dey won't settle themselves abi?

It's LadyF again. grin grin grin

11 Likes

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