Written by Nuruddeen M. Abdallah & Favour Haruna   
Sunday, 04 April 2010 04:35
In many households today,there are young girls  employed as housemaids while some are teenagers, some in their 20s, some are even as young as 10  years old. However, while some women treat them well, some maltreat them and more often than not, the husbands sympathise with them by reprimanding their wives.

The constant harassment or abuse from the wife towards the maid can ignite sympathy from the husband towards the maid, because this is something he sees all the time and can generate a soft spot for her .And while the wives may take sympathy and reprimands lightly, if the maid in question is 10-years old or so, it can precipitate discord in the family if the maid is a fully developed teenager or is in her early teens. The wife may accuse the husband of developing interest in the housemaid and some housemaids may also capitalise on the man’s sympathy and disobey the wife. In this situation, it only takes the grace of a true righteous person to control his emotion so as not to commit anything outside his religion or what he and his wife share which boils down to love . 

It is not out of place to give to the needy, show them that you care for them, love them as if they are your own. It makes them work for you without any fear or favour, but when you decide to be difficult or wicked to them, there will always be a problem in one way or the other.


Sunday Trust spoke to a marriage counsellor, from Living Church Suleja, Mrs. Kemi Magbadelo, who said that husbands should not sympathise with the housemaid, instead, they should hear from both sides, that is, the wife and the maid, as  it  would enable them have a balanced story.

“When the wife maltreats the housemaid, my advice is that the husband should call the wife and talk to her properly, but if such attitude continues, he should allow the maid to leave the house because she can cause a problem in the home. This is because when there is constant quarrels between the wife and the maid, it will be better to save the marriage and allow the maid to go away.

“They can decide to get a male or a house help that can come and go home that same day. I prefer the house help because they are better and some of these maids are demonic,”she said.

A sociologist from the Kogi State University, Thomas Imoubu Gomment, said that the possible reasons why husbands sympathize with the maid , “include pity, passion, emotions, affection and dehumanization. It is an abuse. It  is morally and religiously wrong. It is barbaric. It creates an inferiority complex in the abused house girls. It makes them hardened, deviant as a result of stigmatization from their mistress. It kills their initiatives and makes them retarded. On a general note, it is a family related crime according to criminologists,”he said.


Malam Ibrahim, an Abuja resident said he does know why women, as mothers, maltreat housemaids, instead of treating them like their own children or sisters, adding that this has been a source of quarrels between him and his wife.

“Normally, my wife is not a hard hearted person, but surprisingly, she is very harsh to house girls. She shouts at them, and then one day, I saw her slap one house girl who is about 14 years old. I was angry and talked to her against that. And became angry, accusing me of wanting to marry the girl and sent her away. I call on women to see these housemaids as a trust. If a girl isn’t behaving the way you want, instead of you to maltreat her, just send her away,” he said.



Another incident that happened in Kaduna was that the affected woman( names withheld) had to be hospitalized for two weeks after her husband got married to her younger sister’s housemaid. The housemaid was also maltreated and even beaten by the grown up children in the house for the slightest mistakes. She was treated like a slave.

The man who was then a senior customs officer, was based in Lagos with his wife. He got to know the housemaid through his wife’s younger sister( names withheld). Explaining to Sunday Trust how it happened, the lady whose housemaid married her older sister’s husband said: “ It all started when I sent my housemaid ,Rabi to help my sister do some house chores whenever they are in Kaduna. Unknown to me, my sister’s husband had seen the village girl and even developed interest in her. It got to a peak, when Rabi told me that she was going back to her vllage in Katsina”, she said.


“About three months later, we were shocked to realize that my sister’s husband was getting married, not to anybody but Rabi, my former housemaid. It was a terrible experience. My housemaid became my sister’s mate. My sister spent over two weeks in hospital because of that incident,” she said.

Hajiya Amina, a housewife, said though she didn’t maltreat her housemaid, but she felt that some women do so to control the housemaid.

“Actually, such women see them as slaves because they are domestic servants. They expect them to be perfect and be at their beck and call. A simple accident of breaking a mug will make some women deduct the money of the mug from the maid’s salary. And I think the husbands sympathise with the housemaids because men are less wicked towards children than women, which is unfortunate, since women are supposed to be kind hearted as mothers ,”she added.

Charity,a housegirl in Gwarinpa, Abuja,  said  she spent a year in Lagos where  she was maltreated. The woman will beat her and some of the delicacies she cooked would not  be given to her.

According to her, she was overwhelmed when her new employer gave her everything they ate and did not abuse or beat her. “They are good people,” she said.


http://www.sunday.dailytrust.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=3272:why-husbands-reprimand-wives-who-maltreat-housemaids&catid=41:latest-news&Itemid=26

Daily Trust as a newspaper does not interest me, one bit. but the above article arrived spot on.

my wife does not maltreat our maid, at least when i am around, but the times when she gets to reprimand her, i find myself being her Voltron. i always want to protect her from blame. i guess i am not alone in this. what do you men in the house think?

He might be fuggin her or feeling for her, then again, who gives a fugg?!

why would any woman suspect her husband as having carnal interest in their house helps when they he stands to defend the defenseless house maid?
men do things, agreed, but they will not watch and see injustice going right under their nose and do nothing. ain`t?

Men beat their wives so how come wives can't beat their housemaids? (in devil advocate mode)

Isn't d maid human too?being underpriviledged is no reason for any1 to b mal-treated.Although maids should be disciplined sometimes just as truant kids should too,anything beyond that is abuse and i am of d opinion that women who do this have self-esteem issues.

Your maid is like your wife's 'employee'. What I mean is that even if you want to caution your wife or you have an opinion on how she handled something with the maid you should NEVER do it in front of the maid. Men have this annoying way of alway butting into kitchen affairs. What they dont realize is that housemaids have their own share of feminine wiles and often act a certain way when oga is around (affectionately called eye service!) and when they are in the kitchen with madam they are passive aggresive, ignoring instructions, making rude noises, 'eyeing' her and disappearing for hours on end when sent on a simple errand. It is maddening.
men need to stay out of housemaid drama. The same way I never interefere when his driver is 'doing strong head' is the same way I except him to stay out of my business with the maid. Men always feel you should treat the maid like your own equal. , buy her the same things you buy for yourself. Anything short of that is maltreatment. I believe in treating your maid nice. However there should always be that distinct clarity of who is the madam and who is the maid.
The way I see it, its hard having an employee that lives with you. There is this familiarity that it brings that causes problems.

I will never accept my future wife abusing our maid, but then again, I wont reprimand her (my spouse) in the maid's presence.

spoilt:

Your maid is like your wife's 'employee'. What I mean is that even if you want to caution your wife or you have an opinion on how she handled something with the maid you should NEVER do it in front of the maid. Men have this annoying way of alway butting into kitchen affairs. What they dont realize is that housemaids have their own share of feminine wiles and often act a certain way when oga is around (affectionately called eye service!) and when they are in the kitchen with madam they are passive aggresive, ignoring instructions, making rude noises, 'eyeing' her and disappearing for hours on end when sent on a simple errand. It is maddening.
men need to stay out of housemaid drama. The same way I never interefere when his driver is 'doing strong head' is the same way I except him to stay out of my business with the maid. Men always feel you should treat the maid like your own equal. , buy her the same things you buy for yourself. Anything short of that is maltreatment. I believe in treating your maid nice. However there should always be that distinct clarity of who is the madam and who is the maid.
The way I see it, its hard having an employee that lives with you. There is this familiarity that it brings that causes problems.

I agree with you totally though I just came from Nigeria and even though people do not beat up their housemaids anymore (for the most part I think) I still feel that it is wrong to employ someone and there are no clear hours of work set. You can't have her working around the clock. That was my observation when I was in Nigeria recently. The same goes for the drivers. If you are going to have them work saturday and sunday then you shouldpay them more and they too should have a set time for when they park the cars and go home. Any additional hour should be paid as overtime.

Outstrip:

I agree with you totally though I just came from Nigeria and even though people do not beat up their housemaids anymore (for the most part I think)  I still feel that it is wrong to employ someone and there are no clear hours of work set. You can't have her working around the clock. That was my observation when I was in Nigeria recently. The same goes for the drivers. If you are going to have them work saturday and sunday then you shouldpay them more and they too should have a set time for when they park the cars and go home. Any additional hour should be paid as overtime.

Applause: Those people are beast of burden! I just cant imagine working around the clock while getting a miserly pay. Unfortunately, the Nigerian system encourages that. We can change that injustices in the society.

This is some suspecting chit,

I feel most times the men tend to defend the house maids because they are not always around. The woman who tends to deal with the house maid knows how the house maid can be at times. The thing is that if the guy wants to defend the maid it should not be in front of the wife. You can call your wife aside.

sophy09:

I feel most times the men tend to defend the house maids because they are not always around. The woman who tends to deal with the house maid knows how the house maid can be at times. The thing is that if the guy wants to defend the maid it should not be in front of the wife. You can call your wife aside.

I concour with the last point,house maids don't drop from heaven,they've got families too.
Na condition make crayfish bend !

why would anyone maltreat a maid. When she becomes disrespectful and starts trying to re enact things she saw in those crappy home videos i'll quietly send her away. I do not do drama. I am the type that will put you through university and you can even live with me in luxury till you marry. Being a maid is not easy. It requires humility. If you invest in me and my family, I will do likewise.

who do you call a maid,stop it,she is your little sister in the house,treat her like one and you will never see any fault from her just as you do not see any in your daughters.

sayso:

who do you call a maid,stop it,she is your little sister in the house,treat her like one and you will never see any fault from her just as you do not see any in your daughters.

I disagree. She is a paid employee. Do you expect your boss at work to treat you as he treats his family members. You are at work and you should expect to be treated well but don't feel slighted because you are not doing what your boss' family members do

Well one of our family friend had a house girl once and the second wife treat her very badly . . . she took a raiser blade and cut her on the upper site of the hand because she took a few nira after shopping . . . the house girl was not allowed to eat with the children of the second wife and was given a very pure diate. Our friend was not earning Nira be was earning UK Pfound!

And the second wife thought she is "big madam" now, and total miss-used everthing the man provided for her!

To make a long story short the first wife came back home, she was raised in the UK, she saw the poor house girl and had a good round with the second wife and the second wife was totaly told off!!! Later the husband had to take the housegirl back to her village and he had to pay the shool fee and some "compromise" money to the house girls family.

A few year later i saw the second one, which thought she is "big madam" selling herself to man in clubs.

She was kicked out as well for stealing - Moral of the story - Never take a wicked person into you home - and have a good Moral (no sleeping around) in your home!