It's a Wednesday night, and my boyfriend and I are drinking wine and making out in the back booth of a dimly lit bar. It feels like nothing else in the world exists… until my phone vibrates.

"It's my husband. The kids are in bed," I say, then put my phone in my purse and pull my boyfriend toward me. I spend half a second staring at the diamond on my engagement ring before hiding my hand from my sight line. It's not a secret that I'm married, but it's also not something I want to think about right now.



Am I a horrible person? Without context, I know I sound horrible. But in my marriage, having affairs works. My husband and I don't talk about it. But I'm certain our don't-ask-don't-tell rule is what has allowed our marriage to last as long as it has.

Notice that I didn't say we're in an open marriage — we're not. An open marriage is transparent, with agreed-upon rules and an understanding of what both parties will and will not do with others. My marriage is opaque. I recognize what Frank and Claire Underwood have in House of Cards, although I like to think my husband and I aren't as soulless as their characters. But there are similarities: We know the other has secrets, but we don't care to find out more. It's an attitude people think of as very French — the idea that you can have an affair and a healthy marriage. Quite honestly, it works. But that doesn't mean it's easy.

When Dave* and I met in our late 20s, I knew that he was a player. So was I. We also had chemistry beyond anything else I'd ever experienced. We just got each other. When I was with him, I could be myself. He was the only boyfriend I've ever told the truth to about how many men I'd slept with, because I believed that no matter what I said, he'd never judge me. He also never seemed to get jealous.

After about six months of late-night booty calls, Dave and I settled into a proper relationship and started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. At first, it was incredibly volatile. After not hearing from him for an evening, I'd go ballistic. He'd refuse to engage, saying he had nothing to apologize for. We yelled about cheating — he'd do it, I'd do it, we'd be furious with each other. But eventually, I realized this dynamic wouldn't change. One of us would always act out if cheating was against the rules.

But what if it wasn't? What if we both admitted that, yes, we were sometimes tempted, and that sometimes we acted on that temptation? I think I was the one who brought it up over dinner one night, just after we'd moved in together. I told him that I'd no longer ask questions, that I didn't want to know. He said he'd do the same. We reaffirmed that we loved each other, and that wouldn't change. And then, without drawing up any official rules, we embarked on our anything-but-traditional relationship.

Read the rest at :
http://www.streav.com/groups/art/forum/topic/how-affairs-make-my-marriage-stronger/#post-4003

ok. interesting.
i have noticed one recurring detail with these "my BF and I are having sex with other people" stories : 99% OF THE TIMES THE WOMAN BRINGS IT UP FIRST.

"Am I a horrible person"
Whatever you do and you ask yourself that question is bad.