No, you are not married.

Since it had the consent of both families, u re married(traditionally) Hope he is not giving u problem

edoman2016:
What mockery of marriage did you have? Even if you were 21 years old when you got married, didn't you have elders in your family that will ensure all the right process of marriage was done? After three years of cohabiting, you are now wondering whether you are married to your husband or not. This is the reason why extended family is important in traditional marriage in Africa.

Paternal families can be wicked ehnnn....they will abandon their brother's children after his demise.... Then they will come and shine teeth at ur traditional marriage.

amprat:
We have been together for years now and have 3 beautiful kids between us, the state of the marriage is another day's discussion ,have even tried keeping a diary here on Nairaland but tupdating it is an issue, what I want to clarify at the moment is am not even sure am married to my husband.
1. I have always had issues with dowry and stuff (my personal opinion) so I didn't allow it to be paid hence I didn't invite any extended family member to any wedding, was a bit easy we've not really been close to them as my dad died quite early so wedding was myself,him,my immediate siblings, his own, my mum and his,no serious"introduction",presentation of yam and stuff, I look back now and think what sort of thing that is must have always done things my way.

2. I remember at the court, they had to do mine before statrting , because I had exam on that day( I was an undergraduate) we signed,witnesses signed and we were given the certificate but was told we should bring it back later for an authorized signature from one of their oga or something, I didn't hear, I just didn't want to miss my exam truth is I wasn't serious and didn't realize the enormity of the event(i was barely 21) meaning authorized signature on behalf of government missing

3. Took the ring to a pastor who blessed the ring but we didn't marry in the church, just introduced to the church, right now I really want to know if I am married( in the eyes of the law, man or God,)or I have just been cohabiting with this guy. thanks

I am a Jehovah's Witness.

The most important to us is the court registry. As long as you have this, you are considered married before God and man (Romans 13:1-7)(Titus 3:1)

If you do desire to do the traditional or one in the congregation, no problem. You must however have done the court registry

So get the court registry documents duly signed and completed.

And by the way, happy married life.

You can learn the secrets to family happiness by visiting www.jw.org.

@ op u ae married to him... n no u were not ignorant, d permissible age for ignorance end at 18... at 21, u were very wise n in control of ur actions...

m suspecting u are getting tired of d union n u want ur tots to sound right to u...

u need to first understand d definition of marriage, den u will understand all d rest hullabaloo are just guidance to d act if marriage... n protection of indiciduals in d act of marriage... n weda u tink ur signed document or not signifies d contract of marriage has bin entered, u will also knw dat oral agreement is also a contract day is binding, hence d bible states: wat ever we agree on earth is agreed in heaven...

Bae, pls enjoy ur marriage...

amprat:
please, why do you think I am married to him or not married to him, kindly give reasons to support your answers, thanks.

Seems u're looking for a get out of jail card


As long as he's game, u can decide, whichever u want. Cos, even if u hadn't take all those half steps, he could still take u to court for abandonment, claim d kids n all that. Like, generally make life difficult for u.


If u're both in agreement, then u can do wetf u want!

I don't understand why people always think certificate is what defines us.i mean some people study in the university with certificate and still not educated .Can anyone show his or certificate for being a Christian or a Muslim? I think marriage is a religious act ,it's a covenant between the couple and God and you don't need certificate to be in a marriage, certificate just a piece of paper to proof that you're actually married and if there no occasion to show this paper Y bother, no one really care if you have it or not, it is what you do actually to be married that matters . In your case I think you've done the basic things couples getting married should do, your immediate family were the witnesses, you were not forced into the marriage God is also your witness and he knows your intentions. If you need this paper to be fulfilled in the marriage go get it, but I know you're already validly married.

amprat:
We have been together for years now and have 3 beautiful kids between us, the state of the marriage is another day's discussion ,have even tried keeping a diary here on Nairaland but tupdating it is an issue, what I want to clarify at the moment is am not even sure am married to my husband.
1. I have always had issues with dowry and stuff (my personal opinion) so I didn't allow it to be paid hence I didn't invite any extended family member to any wedding, was a bit easy we've not really been close to them as my dad died quite early so wedding was myself,him,my immediate siblings, his own, my mum and his,no serious"introduction",presentation of yam and stuff, I look back now and think what sort of thing that is must have always done things my way.

2. I remember at the court, they had to do mine before statrting , because I had exam on that day( I was an undergraduate) we signed,witnesses signed and we were given the certificate but was told we should bring it back later for an authorized signature from one of their oga or something, I didn't hear, I just didn't want to miss my exam truth is I wasn't serious and didn't realize the enormity of the event(i was barely 21) meaning authorized signature on behalf of government missing

3. Took the ring to a pastor who blessed the ring but we didn't marry in the church, just introduced to the church, right now I really want to know if I am married( in the eyes of the law, man or God,)or I have just been cohabiting with this guy. thanks

Hmmmm, did you introduce this guy to your Kins men, was your dowry paid, are your immediate family complaining of this issue because God forbid if anything happens to you, that is when you will know that tradition is strong. If your marriage certificate is not signed take it Bacton the registry and explain to them how you were careless with the whole issue of not returning it back for final signature.
When the pastor was blessing your ring was your hubby ring equally blessed, was he there or you went alone to receive blessings from your pastor.
YOU are married but the right things were not done properly. I blame you for all this mess because you were handling it as if you are without siblings in thus world, probably you didn't want to involve any of them.

wunmi590:
Sister, the truth of the matter is, you had a very wonderful wedding, no better wedding is better than the one you had, that has even produced 3 beautiful kids.

Wearing wedding gown to show of these days is a scam, alot of broken home.

Just enjoy your marriage sis.

Stop ill advising her, will you act that way when you get a spouse.

Parental consent is the most important thing. You are married. Just get the certificate signed and let your mum collect a token from him as bride price.

This question has three simple answers. You are deemed married traditionally as long as your bride price is paid. In the eyes of the law, you are deemed married as long as you have a valid marriage certificate / license. In the eyes of God you are deemed married after getting blessings from a pastor.In view of the above, which can you say you have successfully done? If you haven't done any, you aren't married.

Who runs your home? You or your husband? Cos I don't understand how a grown up man who knows how wedding should be done,would allow his 21 yrs old bride to direct the process and make decisions.

amprat:
We have been together for years now and have 3 beautiful kids

Ur mother handed you over to him to be his wife.
Your loved ones witnessed you legal union
The law of the land (Nigerian Constitution) recognize your marriage.

What else are you looking for again.
Y do U want to deliver yourself as a prey to a league of extended family members that distanced themselves from you.


The only problem I spotted here is the fact that You were not united as one in the presence of God.

Or else you want your extended family members to mock you for ignoring them earlier, Abeg steer clear of any form of family introduction.


You might need to seek the counsel of your pastor in a sensitive matter like this.

OP, you need not to be worried ov er this issue. Your biological parents and some close relations witnessed part of whatever you have done and they consented to it. You lost your Dad but your biological mother and close relations witnessed when both of you agreed to stay as husband and wife. Paper or no paper, you have not committed any sin or done anything to warrant anybody to say you are no legally married, You can go and regularize your court paper since you have the date the court wedding took place.

The only issue here is if you are having problem with your husband and you find his present attitude not normal, or that your inlaws are not comfortable with your person, or you guys have property and your inlaws seem to be a problem, all you need do is to go get your court papers regularized and keep. That is the only problem and a way out.

Unless if your parent's family are complaining and drumming it to your ear that you are not recognized as been married to anybody.Face your family and train your children so that your tomorrow will be better, unless you are thinking about another man out there and you want to run.

@poster, now I understand why you were bitter towards your rich brother in your other post.

Maybe you were envious that he’s actually there for his own family and wife, and when you compare him to your own husband, you see what he lacks in his role as a husband.

You didn’t marry right. Kpele. Married but living single.

With all the things you say your husband tells you in your diary post, better make emergency plans for your children’s future.

My dear sis, if i may ask what is d diffrnc btw a wedding and marriage. Wedding is just a ritual rites wic does not guarantee gud marriage. First if ur hubby is nt reacting negatively to ur marriage based on d flaws in d ritual rites PLS dnt ask dat question again. Besides, try to talk him into doin it rightly at a convenient tym thou nt neccessarily very elaborate with key pple in both families. However after this go n complete ur marriage cert, maybe dy ll ask u for fine or issue u another one.
WHAT IS MORE IMPTNT IS PEACEFUL COEXISTENCE.

You gave yourself for free..... That means you didn't do any marriage..... No matter how small, a bride price has to be collected..... All you are doing is practicing marriage... You are not actually married ....

Please visit a nearby court and complete the signature. It will take you little change and time, if not for you but for your kids.

amprat:
I really want to know if I am married( in the eyes of the law, man or God,)or I have just been cohabiting with this guy. thanks

Do u have form C from the court?
if yes, u are married.
if NO, u are cohabiting.

chronique:
Who runs your home? You or your husband? Cos I don't understand how a grown up man who knows how wedding should be done,would allow his 21 yrs old bride to direct the process and make decisions.

He must have been in love.
Both of them acted like kids that they were.

Bride price is not mandatory, It is just cultural. Go and check the validity of your certificate and make the necessary corrections, if any. Who tradition and kinsmen help?

xbrus:
I don't understand why people always think certificate is what defines us.i mean some people study in the university with certificate and still not educated .Can anyone show his or certificate for being a Christian or a Muslim? I think marriage is a religious act ,it's a covenant between the couple and God and you don't need certificate to be in a marriage, certificate just a piece of paper to proof that you're actually married and if there no occasion to show this paper Y bother, no one really care if you have it or not, it is what you do actually to be married that matters . In your case I think you've done the basic things couples getting married should do, your immediate family were the witnesses, you were not forced into the marriage God is also your witness and he knows your intentions. If you need this paper to be fulfilled in the marriage go get it, but I know you're already validly married.

So you are going to tell employers that you are a university graduate but have no certificate to show?
There is a reason why certificates are necessary, not because it defines anyone but the legal backing it gives.

thorpido:
He must have been in love.
Both of them acted like kids that they were.

I tell you. Sounds like what two clueless kids without guidance would do.

If both families have blessed the union- dowry is traditional capitalism
by both families I mean , your father and mother and his father and mother or family representatives in the absence of guardians or parents.

amprat:
We have been together for years now and have 3 beautiful kids between us, the state of the marriage is another day's discussion ,have even tried keeping a diary here on Nairaland but tupdating it is an issue, what I want to clarify at the moment is am not even sure am married to my husband.
1. I have always had issues with dowry and stuff (my personal opinion) so I didn't allow it to be paid hence I didn't invite any extended family member to any wedding, was a bit easy we've not really been close to them as my dad died quite early so wedding was myself,him,my immediate siblings, his own, my mum and his,no serious"introduction",presentation of yam and stuff, I look back now and think what sort of thing that is must have always done things my way.

2. I remember at the court, they had to do mine before statrting , because I had exam on that day( I was an undergraduate) we signed,witnesses signed and we were given the certificate but was told we should bring it back later for an authorized signature from one of their oga or something, I didn't hear, I just didn't want to miss my exam truth is I wasn't serious and didn't realize the enormity of the event(i was barely 21) meaning authorized signature on behalf of government missing

3. Took the ring to a pastor who blessed the ring but we didn't marry in the church, just introduced to the church, right now I really want to know if I am married( in the eyes of the law, man or God,)or I have just been cohabiting with this guy. thanks

""1. I have always had issues with dowry and stuff (my personal opinion) so I didn't allow it to be paid""



This is the most stupidd thing I've seen this decade.

amprat:
We have been together for years now and have 3 beautiful kids between us, the state of the marriage is another day's discussion ,have even tried keeping a diary here on Nairaland but tupdating it is an issue, what I want to clarify at the moment is am not even sure am married to my husband.
1. I have always had issues with dowry and stuff (my personal opinion) so I didn't allow it to be paid hence I didn't invite any extended family member to any wedding, was a bit easy we've not really been close to them as my dad died quite early so wedding was myself,him,my immediate siblings, his own, my mum and his,no serious"introduction",presentation of yam and stuff, I look back now and think what sort of thing that is must have always done things my way.

2. I remember at the court, they had to do mine before statrting , because I had exam on that day( I was an undergraduate) we signed,witnesses signed and we were given the certificate but was told we should bring it back later for an authorized signature from one of their oga or something, I didn't hear, I just didn't want to miss my exam truth is I wasn't serious and didn't realize the enormity of the event(i was barely 21) meaning authorized signature on behalf of government missing

3. Took the ring to a pastor who blessed the ring but we didn't marry in the church, just introduced to the church, right now I really want to know if I am married( in the eyes of the law, man or God,)or I have just been cohabiting with this guy. thanks

well my dear you are married to him am sure the marriage is shakey that why you could think deep about this or probably he is abroad.well the best advice i can give you is actually try to figure out your relationship with him,look for a way to get government stamp cos you both have kids,Then pray too.You would be fine dear

no much talk if to say u are married u wont ve doubt writing this stuf, is because u are not married that is why u are distub, go and do d rigt thing and get ur mind cleared.

frozen70:

Stop ill advising her, will you act that way when you get a spouse.

Lol, you are so funny dear.

I wasn't advising her bad, was just saying things the way she explained herself

I am sure the deed has been done, so my advice to her is just to move on, get the other document signed, and try training her kids better, than thinking of trying to garner another money for an elaborate wedding.

That was just my own thinking ooo.

As for your question if I would act that way, I don't intend taking such path and I would never, but let us always remember that man propose, God dispose.

Have a nice day dear.

From the looks of things you are just fed up with the union, so you are looking for the flimsiest excuse to justify your conscience. The points you raised can be taken care of if truly you are really concerned about them and wants to make amends

From the look of things you are just fed up with the union, so you are looking for the flimsiest excuse to justify your conscience. The points you raised can be taken care of if truly you are really concerned about them and wants to make amends

Dear, you are married to him.
1. He did "unserious" introduction. Gathered his people to meet your people and they brought some offerings along. The number of guests isn't relevant. You both brought the most important people in your lives, your dearest and closest along to the event. That it wasn't a jamboree, doesn't mean it wasn't from the heart. Here is a case of "size doesn't matter".
No one goes to visit a girlfriend's mum and siblings with those two (family/friends and offering) SIMULTANEOUSLY other than for introduction/traditional marriage. He performed, did introduction. Simple.
(Almost identical to my introduction/marriage in the early '80s. No bride price too. My father and I didn't believe in it.)

2. Hun., you are married to him.
That certificate in your hand, was it from a government establishment? Also, does it say "Birth Certificate" or "NYSC Certificate" or "Baptismal Certificate"?

Importantly, the certificate was signed by witnesses to your ....? However hastily it was conducted, you Read Your Vows. That is part of what those witnesses signed to. That they heard you vow to obey...and that he (your husband) vowed to...forever.
Most Importantly, that paper Is documented, legally. It is unique. It has a number. A unique number. A unique government number. If the certificate in your hand gets burnt or is lost 25 years from now and you go to that office, your staff will have retired or relocated, but the new ones there will confirm your marriage in writing and Stamped. All you need to give them is the date.

If you are having marital problems now, it isn't because you are not married. As a matter of fact, you have to be careful that your frame of mind (doubting your marital status) is not, subconsciously, keeping you from giving your best to the marriage. Are you thinking "easy come, easy go"? Be careful. No, I'm not blaming you, just saying "be careful and be fair".

Like most have said on the thread, go back to the court where you married and cross the "Ts".
You are a married woman, wifey.

God bless your home.