I been know one man when hin name na Baba Polina, and before-before, that man no get any anoda work pass to enter bush dey do hunter, for afternoon, and for night sef. Whether na antelope o, abi na monkey o, abi na grasscutter, or big snake together witi Mami Wata sef, no one when Baba no dey see kill for bush, as hin sabi do hunta reach.

One day be one day, wey Baba say make him go take style lay ambush for monkey dem, for inside deeeeeep Igbo-Oro forest, near one big river so, before daybreak. Baba plan say hin go hide hinsef, and wait the time when the monkey all go wake up, begin dey play, dey jump, dey find chop for on top one big Agbalumo stick there.

As Baba don wakka reach where the monkey dey sleep, and day never break, Baba say make him do sofry tanda on top one dry timber wood when dey ground, to get chance count the monkey for up, before the time when day wan break, an den take eye look the place when the monkey dem biya-biya Chairman kak seat for up.

As Baba Polina mash that dry timber wood when dey ground to get chance see up well, na so the wood just bust GBOSAAA, and carry Baba fall down for potto-potto Gbiii. Baba say make him do quick and stand up to see road, but na that time he come begin dey hear how honey-bee dem justo start for dey halla wuuuu-wuuuuu-wuuuuu for inside that wood when him don take leg match am by mistake and kukuma broke am, open BIG hole when the honey-bee all go take look outside and confam who be the mumu when scatter dem house, korro-korro eye. E get as e be that day.

Before Baba get chance to look wusai him go fiti run pass, na so the honey-bee dem just bost out yakataaaaa, begin dey bite Baba for head, bite am for belle, bite am for back, bite am for yansh, sotaaaay Baba look down and justo see say hin leg don pick race already, make am dey run like mad pesin, gbidi-gbidi, gbidi-gbidi, witi full speed when pass the one when meat sef fiti run after when hunta bullet don meet am.

E remain small when Baba for don forget all the honey-bee dem for back, but na that time the cutlass when him use rope tight for trouser come go hook one bush rope, carry Baba fall down again Gburu-gudu, gbiiiiiii. Na Papa God say make Baba Polina no die that day, because na small like this remain wey the honey-bee all for kukuma finish am one-time for there, if no be say Baba fight sotay hin trouser kuku commot, fiyamm, together witi him cutlass, come allow Baba to throway hin gun and use only hin pant to begin run another new run for inside bush that day.

As the man come see say wata don dey pass garri, because of how the honey-bee don dey bite Baba more-more, na him make am forget say him no sabi swim, before hin go jump for inside river Juwaaaaaa. God so kind, na that time all the honey bee turn back and leave Baba for where hin dey fight for inside wata, dey cry, dey shout say if Papa God let am commot for today wahala, hin nogo do hunter for bush again lai-lai, forever-aneva.

So, if you mistake jam Baba Polina for beer parlor, just salute well-well am for me, but no go ask am anyting concern hunter matter again o, if you no wan see the man vex.

Jakumo, you ARE a character

It seems you have a lot of free time on yer hands

I thank you for taking a moment to read my short story, Ishilove. Nigerian pidgin English is the most widely spoken "language" in all of West Africa, and yet there is so little of this unique dialect of English that ever gets put down on paper in story form, which is a shame in my view, since Broken English IS the language of West African comedy.

You will no doubt have noted that all the unwritten rules of Broken Grammar, are obeyed to the letter in my writing, such that even a certified Warri, Benin or Ishan native would give my writing a generous passing grade.

Out of all lizard when lie-down for ground, na only the one when belle dey pain am, go fiti know hinsef.

E get as e be.

Jakumo:
I thank you for taking a moment to read my short story, Ishilove. Nigerian pidgin English is the most widely spoken "language" in all of West Africa, and yet there is so little of this unique dialect of English that ever gets put down on paper in story form, which is a shame in my view, since Broken English IS the language of West African comedy.

You will no doubt have noted that all the unwritten rules of Broken Grammar, are obeyed to the letter in my writing, such that even a certified Warri, Benin or Ishan native would give my writing a generous passing grade.

Out of all lizard when lie-down for ground, na only the one when belle dey pain am, go fiti know hinsef.

E get as e be.

Truth be told you, you did a great job and I will score you 60%

I'm giving you that score because although you have written in pidgin (quite well too), your genteel breeding and western education still seeped through in one part of the story

One day be one day, wey Baba say make him go take style lay ambush for monkey dem, for inside deeeeeep Igbo-Oro forest, near one big river so, before daybreak.

...All Monkey go wake up

... on top one dry wood when dey ground

A true ibile knows that 'deep' and 'Igbo oro' mean the same thing so they'd opt for one. They would also not say 'lay ambush'. They'd stick to 'trap dem monkey dem'... 'before morning go reach' or 'day go break', 'all di monkey dem', 'on top one dry wood wey ground


And then remember that what you're writing in broken English so you are not bound by the same grammatical rules that govern writing pure English. You used 'when' instead of 'wen', 'this' instead of 'dis', 'the' instead of 'di' when 'di' would have sufficed. You also used 'when' instead of 'wey' quite a lot.





Now sir, I really must stop being an old stick in the mud!

Don't mind me, I'm very fussy about details jare. You captured most of the tonal inflections of typical pidgin speakers, and that, sir, is what counts. Good job

omorrr I laugh die
Nice concept bro

kingreign:
omorrr I laugh die
Nice concept bro

Funny story

Ishilove:

Truth be told you, you did a great job and I will score you 60%

I'm giving you that score because although you have written in pidgin (quite well too), your genteel breeding and western education still seeped through in one part of the story

A true ibile knows that 'deep' and 'Igbo oro' mean the same thing so they'd opt for one. They would also not say 'lay ambush'. They'd stick to 'trap dem monkey dem'... 'before morning go reach' or 'day go break', 'all di monkey dem', 'on top one dry wood wey ground


And then remember that what you're writing in broken English so you are not bound by the same grammatical rules that govern writing pure English. You used 'when' instead of 'wen', 'this' instead of 'dis', 'the' instead of 'di' when 'di' would have sufficed. You also used 'when' instead of 'wey' quite a lot.


Now sir, I really must stop being an old stick in the mud!

Don't mind me, I'm very fussy about details jare. You captured most of the tonal inflections of typical pidgin speakers, and that, sir, is what counts. Good job

See my life. Na only 60% Ishi give me, a WHOLE Tory Master. If no be say I like you, I for don phone my lawyer just now, to complain.

E fit be say maybe our Ishi never hear say for some school, eh, that 60% when she dash me, na fail grade.

So-so tink, nogo let me chop this morning, and na Ishilove cause am.

Ha ha on a serious note, I revert to conventional English spellings to make my pidgin more readable to a non-speaker, whilst also retaining most of the phonetic intonation, and sentence construction that is essential for pidgin speakers to follow the drift of my written tale.

I get more 'tory to nak again o, but time neva reach.

Jakumo:



See my life. Na only 60% Ishi give me, a WHOLE Tory Master. If no be say I like you, I for don phone my lawyer just now, to complain.

E fit be say maybe our Ishi never hear say for some school, eh, that 60% when she dash me, na fail grade.

So-so tink, nogo let me chop this morning, and na Ishilove cause am.

Ha ha on a serious note, I revert to conventional English spellings to make my pidgin more readable to a non-speaker, whilst also retaining most of the phonetic intonation, and sentence construction that is essential for pidgin speakers to follow the drift of my written tale.

I get more 'tory to nak again o, but time neva reach.

I like you too, oga Jakumo, if not I for give you 50%, and that is me being generous

On a serious note, it is very entertaining and refreshing to read something different and you are doing a fantastic job. Carry on, we dey ya bak 'bumba to bumbs'

Jakumo:
I been know one man when hin name na Baba Polina, and before-before, that man no get any anoda work pass to enter bush dey do hunter, for afternoon, and for night sef. Whether na antelope o, abi na monkey o, abi na grasscutter, or big snake together witi Mami Wata sef, no one when Baba no dey see kill for bush, as hin sabi do hunta reach.

One day be one day, wey Baba say make him go take style lay ambush for monkey dem, for inside deeeeeep Igbo-Oro forest, near one big river so, before daybreak. Baba plan say hin go hide hinsef, and wait the time when the monkey all go wake up, begin dey play, dey jump, dey find chop for on top one big Agbalumo stick there.

As Baba don wakka reach where the monkey dey sleep, and day never break, Baba say make him do sofry tanda on top one dry timber wood when dey ground, to get chance count the monkey for up, before the time when day wan break, an den take eye look the place when the monkey dem biya-biya Chairman kak seat for up.

As Baba Polina mash that dry timber wood when dey ground to get chance see up well, na so the wood just bust GBOSAAA, and carry Baba fall down for potto-potto Gbiii. Baba say make him do quick and stand up to see road, but na that time he come begin dey hear how honey-bee dem justo start for dey halla wuuuu-wuuuuu-wuuuuu for inside that wood when him don take leg match am by mistake and kukuma broke am, open BIG hole when the honey-bee all go take look outside and confam who be the mumu when scatter dem house, korro-korro eye. E get as e be that day.

Before Baba get chance to look wusai him go fiti run pass, na so the honey-bee dem just bost out yakataaaaa, begin dey bite Baba for head, bite am for belle, bite am for back, bite am for yansh, sotaaaay Baba look down and justo see say hin leg don pick race already, make am dey run like mad pesin, gbidi-gbidi, gbidi-gbidi, witi full speed when pass the one when meat sef fiti run after when hunta bullet don meet am.

E remain small when Baba for don forget all the honey-bee dem for back, but na that time the cutlass when him use rope tight for trouser come go hook one bush rope, carry Baba fall down again Gburu-gudu, gbiiiiiii. Na Papa God say make Baba Polina no die that day, because na small like this remain wey the honey-bee all for kukuma finish am one-time for there, if no be say Baba fight sotay hin trouser kuku commot, fiyamm, together witi him cutlass, come allow Baba to throway hin gun and use only hin pant to begin run another new run for inside bush that day.

As the man come see say wata don dey pass garri, because of how the honey-bee don dey bite Baba more-more, na him make am forget say him no sabi swim, before hin go jump for inside river Juwaaaaaa. God so kind, na that time all the honey bee turn back and leave Baba for where hin dey fight for inside wata, dey cry, dey shout say if Papa God let am commot for today wahala, hin nogo do hunter for bush again lai-lai, forever-aneva.

So, if you mistake jam Baba Polina for beer parlor, just salute well-well am for me, but no go ask am anyting concern hunter matter again o, if you no wan see the man vex.

dis yo pidgin different from di won weh we de yan for Yenagoa oh na WUS type bi dis

Sinistami:
dis yo pidgin different from di won weh we de yan for Yenagoa oh na WUS type bi dis

Sinistami you no lie. Yernagoa and Warri broken, na dem be king. We all when remain dey follow ona for back. Na Edo broken dey easy for we.

Jakumo:


Sinistami you no lie. Yernagoa and Warri broken, na dem be king. We all when remain dey follow ona for back. Na Edo broken dey easy for we.

No-oh Edo own sef folo join weigh wella like jinin tin-dem fo jinin place. Di one weh wi de look say easy die na lagos own.