Hi guys, I had to create this profile for this post. I am a mother of one who has never enjoyed her marriage from day one. I dont even want to go into the long stories and issues now because it's so long that I cant type them .

Everything has neva worked out for us, I went through lots of trauma and emotional stress before giving birth to my my Little one, and ppl always told me he will change once he sees his baby, but it got worse. I was neva good enof.

Fast forward to months after giving birth, we had d usual quarrel again and this time he beat me up. He boastfully said he would have been beating me before,if not for the pregnancy I was carrying.

We were planning to move to another apartment at that time, so he moved his things along with his brothers that lives with us then, he left my things behind(I moved all my things down from Lagos, was working then). I eventually had to go move my things to my parents house(my parents are also fed up, he calls them up almost every week to say all sorts of things and has told them severally to come pick their daughter) .

For like 2 months, I was shuttling my Parents ans elder sis house with my baby, Trying and pressing hard to get a job(He told me not to work, that hes gonna set a biz for me. That's why i have been idle). While i was with my ppl, he came begging severally, ppl came on his behalf also, begged and begged, said he was sorry for everything, that he didnt mean to hurt I and my baby. Wrote apology letters for us, bought gifts, called and sents series of text messages to my Parents, and even visited severally to apologize to my elder sis and my parents.

Well, I moved back wtih him December last year. It was after I moved put that his younger brother and uncle moved out,the uncle had no excuse, but the younger brother said I have to be serving him in his room before he can eat my food(i noticed he wasnt eating, so i discussed with my hubby). Well, I couldnt do that because they always take me for granted. I had gave lots of privileges in the past, but they still dont see me as a good wife. Their definition of good wife is being a Slave

Well, things were going well untill recently, I discovered I am pregnant in february when I missed my period. We already talked about family planning, but he said we should have two kids first. So when I told him about me being preggy, he said he wasnt ready blah blah, I was shocked. I reminded him that we talked about it, he said yes we did, but hes changed his mind. So I explained to him I cant go through abortion that I am scared. He brought local herb, said its gonna work. I gullibly used it, vomited for hours,but nothing happened.

Then he said its fine,we can keep it. Issues started after(same old ones). And we try to settle amicably, I just let him be. This man always play the victim, he manipulates and lies runs in his veins.

Anyway, we had another issue ds week, and he started shouting that I should leave again, that I chased his family members away, said all sorts and even brought police officer to the house. I asked the police officer what he came for cos if he is to arrest me, I have to know for what purpose. The Officer said, he came for peace making because my husband said I want to kill him, and I might even poison his food... Hmmm, I was dumbfounded, the officer sha talked and talked then left. The next day, I had to ask him a question which had been bugging my mind, it was about a gal (my mum's friends daughter). One of my husband's Alfas collected her no from me on my wedding day, said hes interested in her. I dont even have the gals no then cos shes the age group of my last younger brother. I had to chat her on Facebook to get her number, but I have been hearing lately that its my husband that is dating her. I asked him politely and, he just said yes, I am dating her, so what else. My jaw dropped cos I was like, u are dating her, just like that, no remorse, no fear sef. Well, we started another argument and he called police officer again. The officer said we have to come to station so they can talk to us. I already called one of his closest that came to beg me then, and he followed me to the station. Hubby got there before me, and had said lots. Said I threatened to kill him and the gal, and now he fears for his life. They told me to talk, but I refused to narrate anything, I only corrected the lie of me threatening his life or anybody's.

We were taken to the DPO who talked to us for hours(advised each party). And we left, but I didnt go back to the house with him because I am scared too. This man has grudges with his family members, none of them likes him, but they always come to his aid when he goes to report me painting me black. My dad called to instruct me to pick few things, then leave cos if anything should happen to him now, it balls down on me(there was a time hired assasins came to the house, that was during the period I wasnt with him, and he later claimed they must have been sent by his elder brother. They are sworn enemies, that one too is a long story ooo) .

I also asked the police officers and DPO that my so called husband claims I want to kill him, and I might poison him, that if anything happens to him who will be their first suspect, they sighed and said I have a point.. I moved to my Parents place again yesterday with just few of my 11 months gal clothes. I have made up my mind of not going back, cos nothing ever changes for good. My going back is to pack things left.

He hasnt called since yesterday, not that I am even expecting his calls. My major problem now is that I want to evacuate the fetus inside me, it brings me no joy for wanting to do this, but for how long will I continue. This man is irresponsible, I am 100% sure he wont even send child welfare for my first except I drag him to court. I told my mum and elder sis about my plan before its too late, but my mum objected, said their is nothing wrong in having two kids(Two kids with seperated parents). How will I cope? I wish to do, so that I can go out and hustle, Our family is not even financially bouyant, not like they can support me forever. I believe I can still fend for a baby than 2, and I cant wait till October which is the due month. How will I survive till October and after before I can start working again.

I am in a confused state of mind, pls help me with advises.

Thank you.

DONT ABORT THE PREGG LOOK FOR BIZ TO KEEP U BUSSY. BT I MUST SAY SORRY FOR WHAT U AR PASSING THROUGH, THE GOOD LORD WILL SEE U THROUGH.

I wonder how you fell in love with this man..

I once

Some women's choices!

You dated him enough to see his character but why you still chose to marry him,I don't understand.
Anyway,you have left him and hope to start a new life without him which is the best choice you could make.From your narrative,he certainly won't change.
I'm pro-life so I wouldn't advise on abortion.I know it will be tough in your situation but I'll ask you keep faith.

You said he wanted a girl's number that he was interested in her and you gave him the no.Why if I may ask?

I think you need to give that man long gap. Staying close will either hurt you or him. Just move on and have the baby, God will take care of you.

Please don't abort the baby.

Such sad stories dey pain me ehn!!! Alhamdulillah for my life, sustenance, deen, and family.

OP i pray you will weather the storm. We all face trials and tribulations in our lives. This is yours. Be strong and steadfast in du'a. The Lord is your strength.

N. B. Notice that I chose not to comment on your story. I haven't heard from both parties so i can't make a fair judgment. Moreso, blame game in marriage never guarantees a successful marriage. No one is perfect.

For the sake of your kids, i pray you guys resolve your differences or at least mutually agree to disagree (i.e.divorce if need be). Stay strong for your daughter and unborn child. Abortion is not the way out!!!

I still marvel when marriages of less than 2years have serious issues as this. For goodness sake, what is the point of courtship then? People don't just change overnight.
Most ladies see sign of physical and emotional abuse and other traits while dating, but yet they keep believing he will change. Lot of ladies have this "Savior complex" thinking they can change a man.
Well sorry to disappoint y'all, these traits and characters become more pronounce after marriage.
Lesson to everyone out there. If there is a trait or character you notice in your partner during dating you can't leave with or tolerate, simple Flee.
I once broke off a relationship, cos she was dirty and so scattered and disorganized , I tried to work with until I realize I can't live with it. People thought then was been petty.

It is well.
Please do not go back.

Hey girl! Beebee18

You are three months preggy, i don't know if it is safe to do that abortion now or not, so find out.

If it is safe, plese and please I beg you take it out. Yes! a lot of pro life religionist and moralist are gonna come for you. Buh remeber they are not gonna live that life with two kids. Life is hard enough being a single mother with a kid, please don't make it two.

Take responsibility for your life this once and stand by the consequences. Like you said, your parents ain't billonaires. you still have to either get a job or hustle you way to independence. So it is just common sense that you have a better chance to suceed with one child than two.

I don't wanna tell you stories and experiences of mine and others cos that's relative.

In summary,

1. Consult with pro-choice specialists. and take that feotus out.
2. Take ownership of your life, determine to be a success by yourself and for yourself as a single mother for now.
3. If you an Aquarius, It may be harder buh please, please and please don't fvcking return to that house or forgive that man. Lock his hate in your heart and let it propel you to success, when you suceed, then you can easily forgive.

Buh then, what do I know?

From the write up, i can clearly see that u love the man more than he loves u, and it could be that u also pressured him into marriage when he was nt ready to marry, if nt he won't be saying that why he was nt beating u b4 was because of ur pregnancy...

my advice, pls and pls don't abort that baby, such children could be ur blessing tomorrow, u never can tell..

and don't think of going back to him even if he comes beging u..

always keep us posted, if there is a small business that u can start to help urself keep body and soul together, feel free to tell us, there are few people here that can help u with little assistance..

The truth is that some women don't hear word.

How did you get involved with this kind of man in the first place?

If truly you are three months pregnant, then it's too late to abort the baby at risk of your life.

Take things one step at a time. Have the baby, then get a job. Your family may not be financially bouyant but at least they are supportive and that is a very big plus on your side.

This one you're saying he didn't call the next day even though you were not expecting him to call, is like you still love him. You no dey hear word. Keep away from that man.

For the people advising her not to abort, are you all planning to financially support her? Fucck No!

I will advise you to go seek a competent doctor to preform the procedure. You can abort until to 4 months. Just make sure you go to train professional.

I feel really sorry for you and wonder how you got here? This is quite bizarre and sounds like your husband has issues. Real issues. I wouldn’t advise you to abort this pregnancy though. You have a good family and your father seems to be a good man. I know you are probably thinking it’s easier to move on with one child than two kids. But my dear it’s the same. At least you will have two kids and be ok if you don’t have anymore in the future. You can now focus squarely on facing your life and providing for them. Not looking for a man to fill a void that no one can ever fill. Have your child and try to think of what you can do while pregnant to support yourself and your kids as well as ease the burden of the person accommodating you. Sorry for this experience. You made the right decision leaving that house.

Oh dear! I'm so sorry... This is scary stuff mehn! It is well o. I don't even know what to say... I think you should consider the abortion. May God Himself have mercy on us all o. Whew!

Seriously this is so sad,the only thing I can advice you to do now is to start a biz if you can gather Lil money,you can't get a job now that you pregnant,you already know how hard this country is,then as for abortion,my dear sis you know what you want,you know you know what's good for you,so follow your heart.... Don't think too much,it's not good for your health,you're gon be fine,pls don't accept that animal into your life anymore.

Beebee18:


Well, things were going well untill recently, I discovered I am pregnant in february when I missed my period. We already talked about family planning, but he said we should have two kids first. So when I told him about me being preggy, he said he wasnt ready blah blah, I was shocked. I reminded him that we talked about it, he said yes we did, but hes changed his mind. So I explained to him I cant go through abortion that I am scared. He brought local herb, said its gonna work. I gullibly used it, vomited for hours,but nothing happened.

I’m more interested (and you should be too) in what exactly was in that concoction you swallowed.

The first trimester is when the foetus is most vulnerable. You’ve probably caused irreparable damage without knowing it.

It’s probably for the best you go for an abortion than bring a severely disabled child into the world to suffer. In Nigeria of all places.

You can’t even afford to look after yourself and your eleven month old financially, how much more a special needs child?

thorpido:
Some women's choices!

You dated him enough to see his character but why you still chose to marry him,I don't understand.
Anyway,you have left him and hope to start a new life without him which is the best choice you could make.From your narrative,he certainly won't change.
I'm pro-life so I wouldn't advise on abortion.I know it will be tough in your situation but I'll ask you keep faith.

You said he wanted a girl's number that he was interested in her and you gave him the no.Why if I may ask?

Thorpido, it's quite unfortunate that some people disguise their dirty characters for a very long time during courtship and only unleash them after marriage.
Try as we may, some majors flaws can never be detected if the actors played their roles very well.

Artistree:

Thorpido, it's quite unfortunate that some people disguise their dirty characters for a very long time during courtship and only unleash them after marriage.
Try as we may, some majors flaws can never be detected if the actors played their roles very well.

That's true but it's marriage we are talking about so you have to 'close mark'(not stalk)the person you want to marry.
That's why I don't support long distance relationships or the one you barely spend time together.

I know your husband's story will be different but according to yours: Don't abort, move out of his life and get a job to keep your children. If you will have to relocate to another state, pls do. Also, Don't be desperate to remarry, desperation will add more pains.

thorpido:
That's true but it's marriage we are talking about so you have to 'close mark'(not stalk)the person you want to marry.
That's why I don't support long distance relationships or the one you barely spend time together.

My personal experience prompted my comment,brother, you can NEVER see and know it all with someone who's bent on hiding...

1. To perform a safe D&C, locate the nearest general hospital, ask to see a Gyn/Obs and explain to him. Don't tell the nurses o, tell the doctor.

2. To stay or leave? Your choice. I have come to learn that some humans enjoy and thrive in slavery and misery as opposed to happiness and enjoyment.

How in the world did you move back in without collecting in cash and full, money for your business? How?

Artistree:

My personal experience prompted my comment,brother, you can NEVER see and know it all with someone who's bent on hiding...

Hmmmm,that's tough.
Someone who can beat,insult you,have no regards for your feelings and cheats can hide all that during courtship? Then he deserves an Oscar award.

Well , you are in it already, and it will be unnecessary to ask if you didn't see all these flaws in him before marriage. People change!
Do not abort that pregnancy; later on, you will be glad you didn't. It might look tough ahead, but in all, please let the innocent baby have a slot to life
Your husband has gone far by involving the police, stating you threatened to poison him. if anything happens you will be the first to rot in jail. A Yoruba adage says " we do not go to police station and still come home to become friends" your hubby is obviously tired of the marriage, and since you are too, for sanity purpose please take a break. Go back to your fathers house and have your baby. Forget about what people will say, if that man kills you during one of his domestic violence, people will blame your dead body still. They will ask "why didn't she leave?"
Think of any type of business you can do - even if it is to cook noodles or any type that will suit you -while pregnant so you could fend for you and your kid and unborn baby. I know it is hard to think of, but you CAN if you WILL. You can always look for a "noble job" after giving birth.
Your hubby is a cheat , sleeping with your mother's friend's daughter and still throw it to your face. Your marriage has lost respect. He cares less.
I hate divorce, it's never the best . I will advise you take a break , pray and just hope for a total restoration of your marriage. And if after long waiting no change, then by all means MOVE ON

thorpido:
Hmmmm,that's tough.
Someone who can beat,insult you,have no regards for your feelings and cheats can hide all that during courtship? Then he deserves an Oscar award.

Bros believe me, such men exist... I'm a living testimony.

Artistree:

Bros believe me, such men exist... I'm a living testimony.

That's tough.May God make it easy for you.

I don’t know what you people are saying. I have taken women as h.oes and treated all Nigerian girls as the same.

I stopped dealing with women for 5 months to enable me save money to buy a car, because with a car you have unlimited access to their kitty even your friends wives and girls will follow you just so you know how cheap they are.

Once I fvck a naija gal, I just drop her at the busstop and leave #500 for her hand. Sometimes as soon as she steps off my car, I zoom off

If the girl like male she call me again if she doesn’t call me I get over 40 number ladies women way day disturb me for WhatsApp

Why spend for a leech when you got a car and bills to pay. I even bought a dog so to tell you I can’t afford to spend money on another being with complete legs and hands

Guys get sense pls and pls. Get a car if you don’t have. If you are on leggedis benz we way get car go fvck your babe and we don’t care how you feel atall


@op, so he told you to relax and he will set up a job. If you are a lady that works for her money before marriage a week of relaxation without action from your husband should have put you on our toes but no

You and all other Nigerian ladies see marriage as a breakout. I got no sympathy for your kinds who only knows how to sit down at home and open your legs and cry fowl...

I don't just understand how you plan to bring a new born baby in a toxic environment... Let me say the did has been done, please go for family planning dear... Wait for a little longer before u get another please...

I can't possibly say that what your husband did was right but you narrated the story just for your own benefit.... I know that before a police could be called over an argument, violence must have happened, and your husband was even the one that called the police instead of u. Meaning you were aggressive maybe..

You guys should find a mutual way to resolve this and above all, put the children first and act in their best interest..

You are an idioot. Maybe you should date men for awhile

Shugarlord213:
I don’t know what you people are saying. I have taken women as h.oes and treated all Nigerian girls as the same.

I stopped dealing with women for 5 months to enable me save money to buy a car, because with a car you have unlimited access to their kitty even your friends wives and girls will follow you just so you know how cheap they are.

Once I fvck a naija gal, I just drop her at the busstop and leave #500 for her hand. Sometimes as soon as she steps off my car, I zoom off

If the girl like male she call me again if she doesn’t call me I get over 40 number ladies women way day disturb me for WhatsApp

Why spend for a leech when you got a car and bills to pay. I even bought a dog so to tell you I can’t afford to spend money on another being with complete legs and hands

Guys get sense pls and pls. Get a car if you don’t have. If you are on leggedis benz we way get car go fvck your babe and we don’t care how you feel atall


@op, so he told you to relax and he will set up a job. If you are a lady that works for her money before marriage a week of relaxation without action from your husband should have put you on our toes but no

You and all other Nigerian ladies see marriage as a breakout. I got no sympathy for your kinds who only knows how to sit down at home and open your legs and cry fowl...

Women always claiming the victim. Op, marriage needs a lot of sacrifices and commitment, without perseverance, you can't stay in marriage. Mind what you say to your husband and control your tongue. His people can't hate you for no reason, they are not mad people, you must have done something to warrant such maltreatment. To be sincere, your husband isn't mature enough, calling your parents all the time to report you. And allowing third parties to interfere in your marriage. To bad of him.

But you need to take charge, he's the one doing the begging whenever you moved out, do the begging this time around, there's a reason God connected both of you, Don't allow issues like this to ruin your marriage. Think about your daughter and your unborn baby. They need fatherly care and love. Don't commit murder by aborting that baby, who knows who the baby will become in future.

Pls work on your marriage. May God see you through.