KOPT33:


I am an absolutist: as far as I am concerned, there was no marriage. I have satisfied my conscience though.

DavidEsq:

"Do not let urself be conquered by the evil, but conquering the evil with the good". Romans 12:21. My brother, the same that happened to u is happening to me ryt now, but guess wat? After all their arrangements, the tin backfired and now dem dey cal me. I didn't feel angry at all. Why? The above scripture and 1 John 2:17 which says "The world is passing away and so is its desire....". That position of 1st sonship has always been and those who held it have passed on. The same thing (death) that happened to everyone else happened to them. So wats special about it, if it wld pass away? Nada. Besides, who made u the first Son? 1 Corinthians 4:7 answers it: "For who makes u different from another? Indeed wat do do have that u did not receive? If in fact, u did receive it, why do u boast as though u did not receive it"? Dis is not suggesting that u are boastful about ur position. Hell no! Bro just help pls. I'm doing so too. So there is two of us in d same kinda toilet, sh1tting the same kinda sh1t.

KOPT33:


This would have been great counsel, but unfortunately, I am not a Christian.

I am a traditionalist, and in keeping with the ethos of my belief, I am on the right course.

DavidEsq:

U don't need to be. It's just like saying u have to be a Muslim to know the value of washing ur feet. Science today has realised the evil in breeding two different sorts of animals: their offspring cannot reproduce. The bible in Leviticus 19:19 already spoke against it. So wld u say this bible advice has found no use outside the boundary of Christians?

IAmAmbrose:
A popular ibadan adage says.... Too Hair is woman... To forgive is design .... Please forgive them

micflo28:
Its heart wrenching. Your position as the eldest son wasn't asserted as a result of your financial status. Tradition is tradition, choose to be a man, demand for a small wedding and your position recognised before you intervene. However they managed to jump the rope; evading tradition, demand that the proper thing be done.

KOPT33:


Really can't understand why you feel the need to belt down your christianity into my throat.

KOPT33:


Really can't understand why you feel the need to belt down your christianity into my throat.

GogobiriLalas:
Useless fellow...better stop with all that pettiness and pitch in where you're needed...6yrs and you're still recalling ancient history mtcheeeew

evavista:
its not an Ibadan adage and the correct statement is 'to ere is human, to forgive is divine'

KOPT33:
I am the first son of my father who is now late.

When my father died some 11 years ago, I relocated to Lagos to finish my schooling. I lived with my aunt then but I had to leave their home because I was being abused. Upon leaving my aunt's house, things became so difficult for me but I persevered with my education till I finished my bachelors.

During my lean years, I fell out with most of my family members. My mom refused to speak to me for three years, I was essentially the outcast of the family. During this period, my mom and some elders in our family gave out my sisters hand in marriage.

The couple had a trad/white wedding. Bride price was paid, all the customs of our people were followed save for one: the consent or knowledge of the first son. I wouldn't get to hear about this marriage until six months later. That night, I cried because their action proved that I was nobody, a nothing to my mom and siblings.

Anyways, I kept on working hard and soon became comfortable. I mended fences with everyone in my family, but even at that, no one offered an explanation why things unfolded the way it did or an apology. I didn't make any noise, I just picked up myself and moved on after committing the lessons learned to mind.

Six years and two children later, my sisters marriage has hit the rocks.

Now they're asking me as the first born to mediate and talk to the man.

I REFUSED.

The man (sister's husband) won't speak to my mom or the other elders he had been dealing with regarding a possible reconciliation. My family know me to be a good mediator and peace maker and they are not wrong.

I refused because there is no point mediating in a marriage that was done over my head.

As it stands now, I have no interest in playing head of house or anything of such nature. I send money, I help make connections, I foot bills for everyone in the family but I leave their decision making to them since they discounted me right from the very beginning. I have no interest whatsoever in becoming a leader in that family.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

KOPT33:


This would have been great counsel, but unfortunately, I am not a Christian.

I am a traditionalist, and in keeping with the ethos of my belief, I am on the right course.

KOPT33:


I am an absolutist: as far as I am concerned, there was no marriage. I have satisfied my conscience though.

evavista:
its not an Ibadan adage and the correct statement is 'to ere is human, to forgive is divine'

Pdizzle:


There's nothing wrong with relishing that moment, he should take his time. Family should stick together, but they showed him he didn't matter because he had no money. Those people will forget him in minutes if he goes broke today and deny all he has done for them. Let him enjoy his revenge.

Coldfeets:


Two wrongs don't make a right.

PDJT:


-Let me have your sister’s contact. I will help her myself. Most of this marriage issues are mostly environment and financial issues. She has kids to support. I don’t know where you come from, in Igboland we say: When a man grows, he waits for others.

KOPT33:
I am the first son of my father who is now late.

When my father died some 11 years ago, I relocated to Lagos to finish my schooling. I lived with my aunt then but I had to leave their home because I was being abused. Upon leaving my aunt's house, things became so difficult for me but I persevered with my education till I finished my bachelors.

During my lean years, I fell out with most of my family members. My mom refused to speak to me for three years, I was essentially the outcast of the family. During this period, my mom and some elders in our family gave out my sisters hand in marriage.

The couple had a trad/white wedding. Bride price was paid, all the customs of our people were followed save for one: the consent or knowledge of the first son. I wouldn't get to hear about this marriage until six months later. That night, I cried because their action proved that I was nobody, a nothing to my mom and siblings.

Anyways, I kept on working hard and soon became comfortable. I mended fences with everyone in my family, but even at that, no one offered an explanation why things unfolded the way it did or an apology. I didn't make any noise, I just picked up myself and moved on after committing the lessons learned to mind.

Six years and two children later, my sisters marriage has hit the rocks.

Now they're asking me as the first born to mediate and talk to the man.

I REFUSED.

The man (sister's husband) won't speak to my mom or the other elders he had been dealing with regarding a possible reconciliation. My family know me to be a good mediator and peace maker and they are not wrong.

I refused because there is no point mediating in a marriage that was done over my head.

As it stands now, I have no interest in playing head of house or anything of such nature. I send money, I help make connections, I foot bills for everyone in the family but I leave their decision making to them since they discounted me right from the very beginning. I have no interest whatsoever in becoming a leader in that family.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

KOPT33:
I am the first son of my father who is now late.

When my father died some 11 years ago, I relocated to Lagos to finish my schooling. I lived with my aunt then but I had to leave their home because I was being abused. Upon leaving my aunt's house, things became so difficult for me but I persevered with my education till I finished my bachelors.

During my lean years, I fell out with most of my family members. My mom refused to speak to me for three years, I was essentially the outcast of the family. During this period, my mom and some elders in our family gave out my sisters hand in marriage.

The couple had a trad/white wedding. Bride price was paid, all the customs of our people were followed save for one: the consent or knowledge of the first son. I wouldn't get to hear about this marriage until six months later. That night, I cried because their action proved that I was nobody, a nothing to my mom and siblings.

Anyways, I kept on working hard and soon became comfortable. I mended fences with everyone in my family, but even at that, no one offered an explanation why things unfolded the way it did or an apology. I didn't make any noise, I just picked up myself and moved on after committing the lessons learned to mind.

Six years and two children later, my sisters marriage has hit the rocks.

Now they're asking me as the first born to mediate and talk to the man.

I REFUSED.

The man (sister's husband) won't speak to my mom or the other elders he had been dealing with regarding a possible reconciliation. My family know me to be a good mediator and peace maker and they are not wrong.

I refused because there is no point mediating in a marriage that was done over my head.

As it stands now, I have no interest in playing head of house or anything of such nature. I send money, I help make connections, I foot bills for everyone in the family but I leave their decision making to them since they discounted me right from the very beginning. I have no interest whatsoever in becoming a leader in that family.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

ochukwuma15:



There was a marriage bro. There was a valid marriage!!!

I don't know the tribe you hail from, but as the first son of the family, you're supposed to represent your late father in the traditional marriage rites okay . Now if the family can get someone that will be there instead of your to represent your father (in this case, a brother to your late father or an uncle to your late father), then the traditional marriage is valid.M,sorry to say this u re not an igbo man how can u replace the place of a first son who in every ramification Is replacing the late father in the immediate family with an uncle.

Now coming to the white marriage, your consent is not needed, the consent of the people needed are : the bride, the groom and the marriage sponsors. Once four of them are present in church, the officiating priest goes on with the wedding.

I wrote this writeup to explain to you and any other proud person that might be reading this that the first son of a family has no significant role to play in marriage rites especially in igbo context.

Now , what a good son will do is to wish her sister good in her marriage, though it will pain him that his dear sister got married in his absence, now that the marriage hit the rocks, he will do everything humanly possible to unite her sister back to her marriage knowing fully well that marriage is the happiness of every woman and also knowing fully well that if her sister is happy in her husband's house, then the first son has one less mouth to feed and take care of.

What will an evil son do?
Exactly what you're doing now!

I pray my writeup meets you in good faith. Always be there for your siblings no matter what.

Do have a lovely weekend.

GoldenJAT:
Bro....mk sure u suit urself 1st...allow d hurt 2 touch and overwhelm u a bit.u can't b JESUS CHRIST...d only perfect being i know of.i have a simple philosophy in life..no1 has d monopoly 2hurt another.if u werent there when d going was tough...u definitely have no business with me,when d going takes a softer stance.REFUSE THEIR ENTREATIES..AND LET THEM CLEAR THEIR MESS...let them know u r d 1st son 4 reason.

TheLordIsGr8:


Marriage took place without his knowledge or consent, Not in his absence.

Of course he has a significant role to play. He is the head of the house and has not given out his *daughter* in marriage.

Acidosis:

Your mom has some explanations to make. Until that is done, do nothing.

Two statements that destroy people:

(1) Leave everything to God (yeah, leave everything to god including your commonsense)

(2) Forgive and forget (oh, what about correct, forgive and forget?)