Pls, I don't no what to do, and I don't want to offend her non myself.

My mother in-law, do comes around after delivery, but she can't do anything for you as assistant, but it really painful, cox it reminds me of my late mother, that if I have a mother, all dis will not have happened to me.

When I have my 1st child when she came, all she will do is to tell me to arrange baby bath, then back her after bath, I will be d 1 to wash, cook, go to market even wen it not convenient, but am strong in my 1st child delivery.

In my 2nd delivery, its not convenient @all like 1st, cox am too weak, can't do most work, but I will still try, while she back d baby, and later lay her down and sleep beside her. My leg will be checking on ground, even my eyes blunt and weakness over d body joint, to d extend dat neighbor and friends told me am stressing myself too much dat I need rest...

I have to explained dis to my hubby, and my hubby called her to be doing dis and dat for me, but what my mother in-law use to do is, until u called her to do dis b4 she can do it, if u don't, she will leave it for u, and I can't be calling her to do any work except she pick it up herself. Even mid-9t, she slept while d baby and I is on vigil...

Now, I don't want to offend her, myself and my hubby(cox he help wen he's around, so caring in all area, even before he goes to work, he sweep everywhere, bath his 1st child sometimes. But if I tell him again, he will tell me to call her), but I don't no what to do Advice needed...

Perhaps you have some unrealistic expectations of the woman.

She is primarily there to help care for the baby not do your chores. Some in-laws are able to add chores to caring for newborn but not all.

Why not make arrangements for someone -maid for eg to do the chores? Or plan yourself so that you're not stressed?

Very simple, tell her not to come when you deliver.

Well
Your mother in law is not a slave
She might decide to come and not come.
She came to take care of her grand child.
I wouldnt tell my mum to sweep.cook or go to market as a man.
Pls take care of your home

Have you considered the fact that she might not even want to be there in the first place?

She might be doing it just to fulfill all righteousness..

Take care of your kids please.. She did not ask for what you were trying to impose on her.. assuming she wasn't alive, won't you take care of your kids?

I'm not trying to upset you the more but there are two sides to every coin.

bujebudanu1:
Well
Your mother in law is not slave
She might decide come and not come
She came to take care of her grand child.
I wouldnt tell my mum to sweep.cook.go to market as a man.
Pls take care of your home and check for d grammars up there

No, bros, try and understand me. Am not a lazy type, but am not too strong and it really bothered me. Also, she do comes around even I deliver or not, and I do my right chores myself, but as a woman, she should no the period I am, am not strong to do anything. Am not talking about going to market for me, I can easily send my neighbor. Is just dat I don't no how to handle her @ least to be helping, e.g to bath her 1st child, even to wash her new baby cloth is not too much, cox if I sud wash just plate, all my fingers will be aching me... u just need to understand.

KennyAyodeji:



No, bros, try and understand me. Am not a lazy type, but am not too strong and it really bothered me. Also, she do comes around even I deliver or not, and I do my right chores myself, but as a woman, she should no the period I am, am not strong to do anything. Am not talking about going to market for me, I can easily send my neighbor. Is just dat I don't no how to handle her @ least to be helping, e.g to bath her 1st child, even to wash her new baby cloth is not too much, cox if I sud wash just plate, all my fingers will be aching me... u just need to understand.

I get u but u know all mothers are not the same.

We quarrel with my mum cos of this work thing. My mum can work for morning till night. She's retired and she's old. Not too old
So we tell her always not to work or do anything.


Just get urself a maid so u won't put urself in some crazy family problem

Richy4:
Have you considered the fact that she might not even want to be there in the first place?

She might be doing it just to fulfill all righteousness..

Take care of your kids please.. She did not ask for what you were trying to impose on her.. assuming she wasn't alive, won't you take care of your kids?

I'm not trying to upset you the more but there are two sides to every coin.

Noooo, u won't understand me. She always comes around. As I delivered now, she will spend 3/4 months b4 she leave, & apart from baby delivery, she do comes arnd. And even b4 shes arnd, der s a woman bathing d baby, but when she came, d woman bath d baby d 2nd day she came, so d 3rd day I z grndma, let's bath d baby, she z she tink d same woman will continue bathing her! ... Try and get me, am not imposing anything on her.

I understand how and wat u feel, it cld be really painful but just understand that pple differ. Can i ask u a que, did u at anytime make her feel that she didn't carry out a chore the way u wld hv done, just anytin that has to do with criticism?

mikky4764:
I understand how and wat u feel, it cld be really painful but just understand that pple differ. Can i ask u a que, did u at anytime make her feel that she didn't carry out a chore the way u wld hv done, just anytin that has to do with criticism?

Nooo, cox I gave her all respect as mother in law, and I felled somehow to tell her, but I told my hubby, and my hubby z i sud call and tell her... And I don't want her to feel somehow, cox she have only my hubby as child

wen ur baby start crying take her to ur MIL,go into ur room & sleep i am sure she will take care of her,since dat is y she came around she should do d vigil not u, ur own is to breastfeed d baby but wat if ur MIL is unavailable wont u take care of ur home since ur hubby helps u,u shouldnt complain to him again OR u can get a maid to help

Preetiex:
wen ur baby start crying take her to ur MIL,go into ur room & sleep i am sure she will take care of her,since dat is y she came around she should do d vigil not u, ur own is to breastfeed d baby but wat if ur MIL is unavailable wont u take care of ur home since ur hubby helps u,u shouldnt complain to him again OR u can get a maid to help

Not everyday my hubby give helping hand cox of d nature of his job. But before my MIL cm arnd, my hubby can assist me more Dan now, even we can both came back from work, still be d 1 to cook cox of my condition, but since wen MIL is arnd, he don't do all dat again.
If I should give d baby to MIL, she will just hold d baby crying, saying stop crying, while not pampering, and I will be force to carry d baby and care for.

Is just dat u don't understand, HV fdup b4 I voice out. But tanx for d advice, I will look 4 maid or try myself.

Some wives and the kind of expectations they want from their mother in law.. Get this fact... Nobody can ever be like your mother.. That said.
If she isn't around won't you do all your work by yourself.. She is even trying by helping you to bath and cuddle him to sleep... Look for a maid and If you can't afford it, ask your younger ones to come and stay with you pending when you would be healthy enough to take care of your home.. Lastly, let your husband assist you too..

I will advise you get someone to come in and do the chores for you. Could be someone you pay, a sibling or a trusted friend to avoid unnecessary issues between you, hubby and mother in law .
Mama may not be strong enough for any work, when I had my baby, my mother in law was around but couldn't do much for me.

My dear sis pls get a good maid and let the woman be. I really understand your plight , u shouldn't be d one to direct her ion what to do, she should know as a mother her self ,she just wanna be lazy for you so manage her and get a nice maid that send d right message to her senses if she get any sef.(sorry I hit d table so hard).and fyi next time u born pikin(u self 2 pikins aff do Abi?)ask hubby never to call her , u sure do not Need her at such periods

Do you know I was once in your shoe?....Mil was deliberately making my home unbearable... I had to do all the cooking,wash my hubby cloth including my own the baby and even my MIL own,soon my husband brother joined us and he couldn't do anything too except wash his own cloth..I do all the house chores like Tommorrow no dey,
If am cooking and my baby cry,I will leave whatever am doing to breastfeed my baby,instead of me been taking care since it was just 5 days of childbirth I was the taking care of them...my husband understand and was trying to assist me but my MIL gave him some attitude that he is a sissy(woman wrapper)and my husband withdrew..
You know what I did.....I called my husband in the middle of the night and explain heart to heart discussion with him..I told him I need to start taking care of my baby and take care of myself too.he understood and told me he knows what to do..
To cut the long story short...I endure this for complete one month when I already knew my baby is stronger and jokingly Mil was trying to tease us she will be leaving...My husband gladly told her he will be dropping her off to the garage..I pretended I wasn't happy for her leaving but she said my hubby didn't want her maybe she was eating too much.
Believe me MIL Can eat more than 5 times and I have to do the Cooking,I was getting skinny my MIL was getting fat despite that she will still chose the food she want like. Iyawo( can I get amala with egusi soup? You know I ate rice in the morning)...Be patient with her because of her saying all sort of bad things about you if you give her attitude... At worst she might spend 6month with you guys..This is why most celebrities marriages don't last because they can't endure most of these things.....MY piece of advice.

KennyAyodeji:


Nooo, cox I gave her all respect as mother in law, and I felled somehow to tell her, but I told my hubby, and my hubby z i sud call and tell her... And I don't want her to feel somehow, cox she have only my hubby as child

Ok, just start counting the calendar cos any mistake cld be disastrous.

Just try and plead with ur Neigbour,if any u r close with to assist u. I understand ur plight. Most mil are just dis way. Ignore her and do ur best. When u r tired, rest. If ur baby cries at night, by day time when he sleeps, join him too. If d workload is much, just do d ones u can and leave d rest. If u can not cook, buy mama put and eat. As for me, that was what I did because hubby don't want a house help nor any member of my family but only his siblings and parents. Since dey are many in d house but won't help, I had to survive. Thank God I had a good caring Neigbour that always have enough food in her freezer. I sleep during d day when d baby sleep too cos d babies would cry throughout d night.. Mine would say she can't bath baby, light d gas and so many drama. But I was always patient and calm and calculative. So I left d kitchen affairs and d cleaning of d house to attend to my babies and myself. So try and stop doing those stuffs dat makes u tired to avoid killing yaself. Peace

gidjah:
My dear sis pls get a good maid and let the woman be. I really understand your plight , u shouldn't be d one to direct her ion what to do, she should know as a mother her self ,she just wanna be lazy for you so manage her and get a nice maid that send d right message to her senses if she get any sef.(sorry I hit d table so hard).and fyi next time u born pikin(u self 2 pikins aff do Abi?)ask hubby never to call her , u sure do not Need her at such periods

Thank you bros, it seem u understand me far better.

MIL was d one telling me not to worry, she will do like mother to me whenever she c me talking about my mother. She nos wats right from d wrong, I no what am saying. But most people here tot am just talking against her. Honestly, I tuk her as my mother, whatever I can give my mother I gv her, dats d only aspect I don't like about her, and dat does not stop my love towards her. But its always painful whenever she's doing dis... Tanx for ur understanding.

bujebudanu1:
Well Your mother in law is not slave She might decide come and not come She came to take care of her grand child. I wouldnt tell my mum to sweep.cook.go to market as a man. Pls take care of your home and check for d grammars up there

Pot calling kettle black. See your own grammar.

Bellarod05:
Do you know I was once in your shoe?....Mil was deliberately making my home unbearable... I had to do all the cooking,wash my hubby cloth including my own the baby and even my MIL own,soon my husband brother joined us and he couldn't do anything too except wash his own cloth..I do all the house chores like Tommorrow no dey,
If am cooking and my baby cry,I will leave whatever am doing to breastfeed my baby,instead of me been taking care since it was just 5 days of childbirth I was the taking care of them...my husband understand and was trying to assist me but my MIL gave him some attitude that he is a sissy(woman wrapper)and my husband withdrew..
You know what I did.....I called my husband in the middle of the night and explain heart to heart discussion with him..I told him I need to start taking care of my baby and take care of myself too.he understood and told me he knows what to do..
To cut the long story short...I endure this for complete one month when I already knew my baby is stronger and jokingly Mil was trying to tease us she will be leaving...My husband gladly told her he will be dropping her off to the garage..I pretended I wasn't happy for her leaving but she said my hubby didn't want her maybe she was eating too much.
Believe me MIL Can eat more than 5 times and I have to do the Cooking,I was getting skinny my MIL was getting fat despite that she will still chose the food she want like. Iyawo( can I get amala with egusi soup? You know I ate rice in the morning)...Be patient with her because of her saying all sort of bad things about you if you give her attitude... At worst she might spend 6month with you guys..This is why most celebrities marriages don't last because they can't endure most of these things.....MY piece of advice.

Wao! Tank u so much Sisterly, u are in my shoe. I will continue enduring as usual. Ur advice is helpful. Tanx ma

adontcare:
Just try and plead with ur Neigbour,if any u r close with to assist u. I understand ur plight. Most mil are just dis way. Ignore her and do ur best. When u r tired, rest. If ur baby cries at night, by day time when he sleeps, join him too. If d workload is much, just do d ones u can and leave d rest. If u can not cook, buy mama put and eat. As for me, that was what I did because hubby don't want a house help nor any member of my family but only his siblings and parents. Since dey are many in d house but won't help, I had to survive. Thank God I had a good caring Neigbour that always have enough food in her freezer. I sleep during d day when d baby sleep too cos d babies would cry throughout d night.. Mine would say she can't bath baby, light d gas and so many drama. But I was always patient and calm and calculative. So I left d kitchen affairs and d cleaning of d house to attend to my babies and myself. So try and stop doing those stuffs dat makes u tired to avoid killing yaself. Peace

Yes, hubby does not want house help also, and am d last born of d family, no junior for me, and my cousin dat can help, hubby dnt really support him to come around except his own cousin and mother, and does neighbor and friends dat help me in 1st week have left. MIL too can't lit gas too, but can back baby, but once d baby wake and crying, nothing like pampering, I have to leave whateva am doing to attend to d baby, and lata continue. Upon all, I tank God for my life, wtout telling me, I no am not d lazy type, which my hubby no's, I can work from morning till evening even wtout food, its just d period I am dat make me voice out. Tanx for ur advc.

You most welcome...its a pleasure

KennyAyodeji:


Wao! Tank u so much Sisterly, u are in my shoe. I will continue enduring as usual. Ur advice is helpful. Tanx ma

[quote author=KennyAyodeji post=6699337
It is well sister, i am a man and have a mother and also very much understand tje roles mothers should be playing for their daughters when they give birth and more specially when the wife isnt strong.you guve out your best ad b d syrenght to tje wife untill she gets back herstrenght .if she were your mum , you would hqve d right to ask her to do anything for u but alas no be she born u ...so u must be very courteous else u ignite serious familly war on you.your honey must also understand that u cant tell her to do things for u at will except ifbhim sef no dey think ...only him can oder her to do some more and infact it has limit before she begins to think u r responsible for all the ......just manage her till she leaves o..you should get.more stronger for your kids.once honey alows u to get either a full or partial maid then that solves it .abi if you are a career person u might wanna bring in a very young sister of yours.All d same It shall be well wit your home . Thank you bros, it seem u understand me far better.

MIL was d one telling me not to worry, she will do like mother to me whenever she c me talking about my mother. She nos wats right from d wrong, I no what am saying. But most people here tot am just talking against her. Honestly, I tuk her as my mother, whatever I can give my mother I gv her, dats d only aspect I don't like about her, and dat does not stop my love towards her. But its always painful whenever she's doing dis... Tanx for ur understanding.[/quote]

ireneidiva:

Pot calling kettle black. See your own grammar.

Who's this one ni to ri oloun

she's part of the Lazy Nigeria Youth Buhari talked about.

I wonder why mother in laws are like that. My neighbour's mother in law almost killed her when she delivered. It was so bad that she even prepare the woman's bathing water, and wash her cloth and bath baby herself. The woman only put the baby at her back. My mother in law is nice , but she won't help with house chores either . I gently called my husband to psyche her not to come. My mother helped a great deal. When mum left mother in law said she wanted to come. I said mama don't worry I can bathe baby myself. She got the message and stayed back. Whenever she comes for weekend , men I'm dead. I cook and cook and cook. Mother in law shouldn't come for omugwo they tend to be lazy but want everything done for them


To be fair to her , my mother in law is nice to a fault,she isn't just good with chores so I do them. @ op do what you can do and leave what you can't .

bujebudanu1:

Who's this one ni to ri oloun

? ? ? ?

Kuku get a maid or invite your mom too. I can imagine her caring more if you were her daughter. Whew! MIL been creating enmity since the days of Methuselah!

Sister I understand the area you are driving at but please stop complaining, some mum are like that, they have passed through lots of stress in their lives that they see omugwo as an avenue to go and rest.
My mum is like that too so do your normal house choirs as if she is not around. Complaining will lead to problem. May God strengthen you.

Employ someone that will help you do your chores, and let your husband allow his mother go back to her own home

ireneidiva:

? ? ? ?

I'm just too tired for anything this night. I will reply some other day