I will love to mentor you. You need strong positive women in your life. Please go focus on building your career and empowering yourself. Find a man who will love you for you and accept you for you. A good man will make you a better version of yourself, he will not try to rob you of your identity and strip you of your self worth. Any man who tells you that you must be someone else before he can accept you , please RUN.

Date but your number one priority right now should be your career and empowering yourself. Don’t ever quit your job for any man ever again.

BukkyDan:
@chubhie... thanks so much, I'd try

@tabithababy... I pay my bills complete... thanks

@chii8...seriously I wasn't thinking at all, but it is all well

@missdee384...thanks so much, I'm grateful

@GHoJes thanks alot, you've helped... I had no one to share this with, I had to come up here cos I was suffocating

@Acidosis...#smiles
I was actually looking out for your comment, I respect you alot... thanks Man. I'm not using my mum's money, I'd never do that. I used mine cos I felt he'd mirror it, you know... I thought he would learn. I never thought he'd be controlling. That orgasm part? Hell no! I feared something like this was going to occur so I enforced a no-sex rule (I'm happy I did), we've argued over that, but thank God I was able to stand my ground.
But being a disgrace? oh well, but I think this is a great mistake on my side.

@skyfornia thanks so much, you've really helped, thanks

@OmoAlata1...My resignation was a mistake or more like a sacrifice. I try not to regret but I've learnt from it, you know... this is someone I've known for years... I guess much pressure pushed me into this. and No! this has nothing to do with sex. I'm a no-sex before marriage kinda person. thanks sis

@safiaa, thanks sis, you've done well

BukkyDan:


Hi... we are both not perfect... believe you me I am not looking for a way out. I just want this to work, how I can make it work.

I couldn't type somethings up there cos I don't want to appear perfect.
thanks all the same.

Y did you resigned in the first place. He is choking you just tell him you need a space biko. This is not how relationship should be. You are met to enjoy a relationship and not the other way round. Just my opinion though!

Break off from that guy, he's the devil incarnate. I can never be in a relationship where I will be crying every night and begging 24hours cos I didn't pick his call. I don't need such stressful man in my life.

Relationship is not meant to be endured in suffering. Don't allow this your boyfriend destroy you, cause u are actually towing that lane already.

BukkyDan:


@Acidosis...#smiles
I was actually looking out for your comment, I respect you alot... thanks Man. I'm not using my mum's money, I'd never do that. I used mine cos I felt he'd mirror it, you know... I thought he would learn. I never thought he'd be controlling. That orgasm part? Hell no! I feared something like this was going to occur so I enforced a no-sex rule (I'm happy I did), we've argued over that, but thank God I was able to stand my ground.
But being a disgrace? oh well, but I think this is a great mistake on my side.

First, I apologize for being too hard with my comment (na so I dey do on the Internet) Second, I think you're a good girl and obviously deserves better. Your first relationship shouldn't be this toxic, if you tarry for too long, he's going to twist your psychology to the extent you'll start seeing bad as normal.

The no-sex rule isn't out of place. In fact, sex with that man will bring out the worse in terms of trust and insecurity.

BukkyDan,
You're dating an insecure and controlling guy.It's right there in your face that he's not the best for you.Some girls have gone ahead only to find themselves in terrible situations.
You deserve better especially because it's your first relationship.Don't force it.
Relationships are meant to be enjoyed and DON'T EVER leave yourself in a relationship where you have NO SAY!

Concentrate on getting a job and developing a career for yourself.A man that is right for you works along with you,not stop your own progress for his interest.
I think you should slowly wind down from this relationship(it might be difficult for you to just cut him off).Stop answering his calls all the time.DON'T apologise when he starts to rant.Deliberately start to create space between you two.Don't fall for his emotional manipulations.
Cheers.

The first red flag is you succumbing to pressure from him and not actually that you really want to be in a relationship. Trust me, if you love him enough, you won't have to be pressured to date him at the first place.


Two, you resigned to be with him. I want to ask, are you guys married yet? What if it takes a while before you get another job? How long have you guys been committed that made you sacrifice something that big.

Three, it's written all on the wall, you guys will have to work extra hard to make this work. He had trust issues, that's not something you should deal with. The fact that he chased all your male friends away because of insecurity speaks volumes. He might never be able to trust you no matter how much you try.

Four, he doesn't give, run my dear, if not you will end up settling for something you won't be happy about. You will have to carry a lot of burden all by yourself. It will be too heavy on you and as time goes on, there will be too much pressure for you to even cope.

One thing I learnt is a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage and every relationship is a blessing of its own because even if it doesn't end well, you get to learn one or two. You'd make mistakes you won't have to make again.

The decision is yours to make but evaluate your relationship. Does the good outweigh the bad or otherwise? Does it make you happy. If happiness is gone from a cause, it no longer worth so much fight no more. Especially if it's just you fighting for it.

Acidosis:
You resigned to be with a control freak boyfriend? Despite not having a job, you still pour him gifts, of course with your mom's money and nysc savings. And what have you been getting in return apart from NOTHING? Orgasm?

You're a disgrace to every responsible parent striving day and night to see their daughters through school. A bad market to the campaign on girl child education.

This is so wrong. It's her first, mistakes are meant to be made. That's how we prevail in life. Tell me Mr/Miss perfect if you have never made a decision you regret later on. Please, let her make her own mistakes now in order for her to grow.

The resignation part in this Buhari era broke me.

chii8:
Hmmm....you resigned from a job to be with a boyfriend? what were you thinking? You need to create your own space and breathe fresh air, you also need to get something doing, there's still a reason why your mum believed you are still young.Please if you were to be my younger sister, I will advise you to cut that relationship and scold you for lleaving your job for a guy who you are not sure of spending the rest of your life with(which mature man who wants to settle down to start a family talks about ex this and that)

No job in the country, Imagine people that died during the immigration job 2 years back. This one dey leave job because of Prick !!! Anyway what's my business

JoannaSedley:
The resignation part in this Buhari era broke me.

Hi Boo Boo, would you resign just for me..Love can conquer all

cruchenutii:


Hi Boo Boo, would you resign just for me..Love can conquer all

yeah right boo.

tabithababy:
You resigned in this economic recession just to be with someone who might not marry you..

Asin ehhhh, d guy toast your brain komot sha!

My dear find the nearest exit in that relationship and find it fast! As a guy, I still take pictures with some girls I have relations with and am not necessarily dating. I still take some of them out etc but your so called ‘bf’ has done none of the things that would help you guys as a couple bond and relax; even if it’s just once sef.

Be careful though, breaking up might not be easy, he might be possessive, too possessive. Bottom line is, breaking up won’t be easy but that’s the best route now.

I’m a guy and I can comfortably tell you you’re being owned.

JoannaSedley:
yeah right boo.

lol habba, don't you believe in love? Nigerian ladies na wa o

Unfortunately you won't listen to sane advise, you will marry him and come back a few years later with tales of woes then he may have added domestic violence to the drama.

This is abuse it has nothing to do with submission.

Madam fixer, many women have gone into marriages hoping to fix damaged men and are lamenting all over

BukkyDan:
Note: this is really going to be a long gist, and I know I'm not supposed to bring this up here... but I really do need your advice, you know...your opinion, thanks?

I've been friends with Mr Jay for like... since 2013, and we started dating officially December 2017 (after much pressure from his side).
I'm in my early 20s and this is my first relationship, hey! not cos guys were not coming but mum still thinks I'm a child (different story).

When I and Jay got started, I was about to round up my service year. I got a job at my state of deployment, Jay asked me to resign and come back home so we can be together. I did, came home (we both reside in the same state) and I started looking out for a job. I was trying to be submissive cos one of the reasons my parents got separated was this issue of career and submission

It's five months into our relationship but then:

1) He talks about his exes and other female friends, how they want him et al all the time... #who cares anyways

2) He made me cut off all my male friends cos he believes they are threats. well?

3)I dare not miss his calls or I'd have to apologize for the next 24hrs #not exaggerating

4)He's never gotten me no gifts... yes I've done same countless times #flowers, chocolates, books and any kinda gift at all would go a long way.

5)We've never gone out on a date, no breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner dates. We don't even get to hang out. I tried to take him out a couple of times(bills on me) then I got accused of something else.

6) No Pictures of us together on either our phones... not anywhere

7) He always wants me coming to his house, so we get to see only at his house, then after every church service(so I don't get to relate with no-one,) and I dare not keep him waiting.

He calls me all the time, and I have to report my location and what I'm doing ATM.

I know we're both not perfect and I'm trying not to put pressure on him. I've never asked for material things, cash or kind, he's never offered and I'd definitely refuse if he had.

I really don't want to be the reason why this whole thing crashes, I tried to talk to him and he got all emotional asking me not to leave him et al...

It's exhausting, I feel myself drifting away. This is the first for me, but I can't count the number of times I've apologized, cried, had sleepless nights ...

please I need you all to talk to me... am I over-reacting? what do you think I should do?

Thanks for your time.

If these are true then i think you should leave him.

Dating a man for almost four years inspite of the fact that you have known him for years and yet the relationship seem to be retrogressing.

Your best bet is to dump him and move far away from him since he seems to know how to control your emotion.

If you don't move away from him other men will not come.

Hmmm...

I suspect Mr. Jay is light years older than you,right? Older guys and this control freak. He probably has another he shows the world, you are his side calm. Just leave already!

By the way,I don't mean all o

you shouldn't have resigned but the deed is already done.
A man who truly loves you will want to see you grow not sacrifice your future for him. Asking you to resign when he doesn't have an alternative is a major red flag from my point of view.. Deep red o...