JoshVI:
im not being savage please, y’all adviced I leave the said lady, But the way the lady I quoted up there posted her reply. It’s not supposed to be like that. What has calling me useless and demonic got to do with she advising me? I bet you Oyindidi can’t take that. It’s not necessary. I’m human like y’all and not what she should be venting her anger on. I came here to learn something and which I’m learning.

I understand now. She called you demon? some Nairalanders sef

Oga no vex o. Just think of me as your sister that sees that you are about to enter fire that will destroy you and she is trying to talk some sense into you before you allow love and tight toto to cloud your judge. No vex.

JoshVI:
im not being savage please, y’all adviced I leave the said lady, But the way the lady I quoted up there posted her reply. It’s not supposed to be like that. What has calling me useless and demonic got to do with she advising me? I bet you Oyindidi can’t take that. It’s not necessary. I’m human like y’all and not what she should be venting her anger on. I came here to learn something and which I’m learning.

JoshVI:
Good morning everyone, kinda long writings but please ensure to read and understand.

Been dating this beautiful stubborn lady for close to four years now. Sure there’s up and downs in the relationship but we always find our way around it.

The issue is, she’s unapologetic, she hardly gets remorseful. She hardly say “I’m sorry”. When things go wrong from her end, even when she’s at fault she always has a way to twist it and make it seem I’m the one at fault. Most times she knows she’s at fault but she’ll ridicule me and make it seem as if I’m saying trash. She sees nothing wrong in most of her wrong acts, I’m always the one at fault.

Immediately I’m at fault, I hardly wait three seconds to apologize. I do it immediately and let peace rein.

When we have issues, let’s say we gone into little or even a very heated argument, it doesn’t stop me from caring, or checking on her, after quarrels, few hours later I pick up my phone, call her or visit her and talk as if nothing happened before, but she can keep malice on this same issue for close to 3 to 4 days. Giving me cold answers whenever we talking during those period. Until I playfully tease her, maybe a hot romance or sex, will calm her down and brighten her up. At times I deliberately give her the space to get over it on her own.

But when there’s no issues between us, it seems as if we are in heaven on earth. Too much sweetness! Despite all these we don’t threaten breakup. The love we have for each other goes deep by the day.

But the issue here is I’m very HOT TEMPERED! On few occasions I end up beating her!! Other times slap her. But she doesn’t just sit or stand for me to slap her, she do retaliate.

I fear if we end up together and she continues being stubborn!! I’m really trying hard to always calm myself down when pushed to the limit. I’m the most caring and sweetest guy ever when it comes to handling my woman, (she praises me with this, so are other ladies I was involved with) even my close pals sometimes tells me they want to become a girl so they can date me and enjoy the treats I give my woman!

And again the only issue is when the fuse in my head burns, I just can’t take it. Not as if I do get my woman angry, I don’t even dare it, but when she’s the one at fault and she doesn’t see this and still claim rights over me, this is what burns my fuse. I just can’t control it, to make it worse, she’ll say words that will hurt me and make me seem less a man! At times she say she’s right because she’s a lady. Or when she’s wrong, she’ll carefully wait for me to say something bad to her and then turn the table around. I WAS AT FAULT.


I need help, I really love this girl and want a life time with her, several times I promised never to lay my hands on her, I end up doing it again. Because of this I’m scared of getting married, to her especially!


The physical abuse with my woman started at the very year we started dating. And it didn’t happen on every argument we had, it happened maybe once or twice in a year, it just happens when I can’t take it from her, I respect my woman a lot, and I also demand respect from her, I carefully pick things I say just not to annoy her.

In all this, we are still good, she just can’t get enough of me, she always want to be around me and if she could wrap herself around me and hung there while I’m going about my daily activities, she’ll.

I’m planning on settling down with her soon, VERY SOON, but how can I solve this? I seem not to be able to help myself, there are few times I expected her to say she can’t marry an abusive husband and bow out. Instead she keep asking me to reassure her I’ll marry her.

we aren’t living together yet, when we get married and live together, I fear for us. I need help.

OP please expand on this issue so we can better advise you. What causes the fights? You are almost 40 and have been together 4 years, why havent you guys married yet? any financial issues or infidelity?

From the little I see here it seems this is a purely lustful relationship.

genq:



OP please expand on this issue so we can better advise you. What causes the fights? You are almost 40 and have been together 4 years, why havent you guys married yet? any financial issues or infidelity?

From the little I see here it seems this is a purely lustful relationship.

no financial issues and no infidelity. If these were the case I wouldn’t have been here to seek advice.

genq:



OP please expand on this issue so we can better advise you. What causes the fights? You are almost 40 and have been together 4 years, why havent you guys married yet? any financial issues or infidelity?

From the little I see here it seems this is a purely lustful relationship.

Also she’s a student and wants us to get married even now but I told her to wait till when she’s done with school. Her home and school is like 10min drive from me. So we do see almost everyday.

JoshVI:
Also she’s a student and wants us to get married even now but I told her to wait till when she’s done with school. Her home and school is like 10min drive from me. So we do see almost everyday.

Dr. I know exactly who you are.

Is this post is about your short, egocentric, fair complexioned wife who has no friends because of her disgustingly prideful attitude?

Have you twisted the story slightly to hide ur identity? Claiming that you've  been dating for 4 years when in fact you are married with a child.

Is the reason for ur latest fight because she snooped on ur phone and found that you've been flirting around?

Is it true that your mother has decided to be careful with her ever since the day you took her home and she ordered your father to switch on the fan "because she is hot".. I mean why won't she have such boldnes when you literally lick her a**!

Is it true that the relationship with one of your closest family members has been strained because she continuously disrespected him and you turned a blind eye?

Is it true that you are madly in LUST with her especially because of her skin tone and 'beauty' and thats why you continously post corny epistles online celebrating her whilst secretly wishing her attitude will change for the better?

You are free to deny what we both know

Josh we are waiting o

genq:



Dr. I know exactly who you are.

Is this post is about your short, egocentric, fair complexioned wife who has no friends because of her disgustingly prideful attitude?

Have you twisted the story slightly to hide ur identity? Claiming that you've  been dating for 4 years when in fact you are married with a child.

Is the reason for ur latest fight because she snooped on ur phone and found that you've been flirting around?

Is it true that your mother has decided to be careful with her ever since the day you took her home and she ordered your father to switch on the fan "because she is hot".. I mean why won't she have such boldnes when you literally lick her a**!

Is it true that the relationship with one of your closest family members has been strained because she continuously disrespected him and you turned a blind eye?

Is it true that you are madly in LUST with her especially because of her skin tone and 'beauty' and thats why you continously post corny epistles online celebrating her whilst secretly wishing her attitude will change for the better?

You are free to deny what we both know

Two cholerics want to meet in holy matrimony.....ok
My opinion: after the wedding, you will eventually get over her beauty
She can never change.
Will you be comfortable if later in life,she emotionally or verbally abuses your friends or family?
You dated for 4years but you will be surprised if you cannot be able to survive the first six months after wedding
You saw the red sign but you can as well choose to act now or not.
I feel you're not really in love, you are just deeply attracted to her beauty.
Have you ever considered her parent's relationship?
Thanks

genq:



Dr. I know exactly who you are.

I threw a bait and you fell hook line and sinker!

Is this post is about your short, egocentric, fair complexioned wife who has no friends because of her disgustingly prideful attitude?

Have you twisted the story slightly to hide ur identity? Claiming that you've  been dating for 4 years when in fact you are married with a child.

Is the reason for ur latest fight because she snooped on ur phone and found that you've been flirting around?

Is it true that your mother has decided to be careful with her ever since the day you took her home and she ordered your father to switch on the fan "because she is hot".. I mean why won't she have such boldnes when you literally lick her a**!

Is it true that the relationship with one of your closest family members has been strained because she continuously disrespected him and you turned a blind eye?

Is it true that you are madly in LUST with her especially because of her skin tone and 'beauty' and thats why you continously post corny epistles online celebrating her whilst secretly wishing her attitude will change for the better?

You are free to deny what we both know

im lost! Where is all this coming from? Seems you wanted to post this reply on another thread!

OmoAlata1:


Josh we are waiting o

not sure he or she wanted to post that in this thread!

JoshVI:
im lost! Where is all this coming from? Seems you wanted to post this reply on another thread!

JoshVI:
not sure he or she wanted to post that in this thread!

Oh yes Dr. I am talking to you. Seems you wanna push me to get nasty but I refuse to reveal your identity on this site. You are loved by many but your wife is merely tolerated because of your strange obsession with her.
Wish you all the best and hope you get good advice on this site. I'm out!

chii8:
Two cholerics want to meet in holy matrimony.....ok
My opinion: after the wedding, you will eventually get over her beauty
She can never change.
Will you be comfortable if later in life,she emotionally or verbally abuses your friends or family?
You dated for 4years but you will be surprised if you cannot be able to survive the first six months after wedding
You saw the red sign but you can as well choose to act now or not.
I feel you're not really in love, you are just deeply attracted to her beauty.
Have you ever considered her parent's relationship?
Thanks

certainly not because of her beauty. Have dated ladies more beautiful and endowed than her. Her parents lived a happy life. She always recount sweet memories of her late dad. Her mom is a sweet woman too!

genq:





Oh yes Dr. I am talking to you. Seems you wanna push me to get nasty but I refuse to reveal your identity on this site. You are loved by many but your wife is merely tolerated because of your strange obsession with her.
Wish you all the best and hope you get good advice on this site. I'm out!

i still don’t understand what you saying! You are certainly mistaking me for someone else. Dr. Of what? Certainly won’t be writing this poorly if I was a doctor or Dr.

genq:





Oh yes Dr. I am talking to you. Seems you wanna push me to get nasty but I refuse to reveal your identity on this site. You are loved by many but your wife is merely tolerated because of your strange obsession with her.
Wish you all the best and hope you get good advice on this site. I'm out!

oh now I know where this young man is coming from!! Dr Gilbert, THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING. Stop stalking me and my woman on every social media. Not after I caught in right inside her house at 10pm while your wife and kids are left suffering in London. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Hmmmm...fire! Your story would have been perfect but for the physical abuse and fuse touchings in between. I recommend you stay shag mates until further notice.

genq:





Oh yes Dr. I am talking to you. Seems you wanna push me to get nasty but I refuse to reveal your identity on this site. You are loved by many but your wife is merely tolerated because of your strange obsession with her.
Wish you all the best and hope you get good advice on this site. I'm out!

you can never have my woman. Even the car you bought for her to lure her is rotting away in my house in Nigeria. When we get back to that Nigeria we will hunt you and disgrace you. Don’t joke with me

Oh dear! It's getting dramatic!

Table don finally break o

JoshVI:
you can never have my woman. Even the car you bought for her to lure her is rotting away in my house in Nigeria. When we get back to that Nigeria we will hunt you and disgrace you. Don’t joke with me

genq:





Oh yes Dr. I am talking to you. Seems you wanna push me to get nasty but I refuse to reveal your identity on this site. You are loved by many but your wife is merely tolerated because of your strange obsession with her.
Wish you all the best and hope you get good advice on this site. I'm out!

Oh
The both of you registered to start throwing jabs?

Pls post with your known usernames

London men
Hian

kai!!!!

I fear London men. I don’t know why women deal with them.

Dyt:




Oh
The both of you registered to start throwing jabs?

Pls post with your known usernames

London men
Hian

What's happening
These accusations started like joke, now it has turned to something else

OmoAlata1:
I fear London men. I don’t know why women deal with them.

Let these two sha come and open dia nyansh

As a man, you will design your wife to your taste, know that two of you are from different background. how you people prayer life check it out?

Dr Gilbert, I have all evidence of your lustful chat with my woman, if you dare me or provoke me, I’ll send them to your wife and kids. Just dare me and see! What an ingrate, after all I did for you? You came to London because of me, you had no where to stay and I housed you and fed you for years. I paid the first rent for the house you and your family are living currently, remember? You went to Nigeria and started saying all sorts of evils and trash against me. I know what your problem is, jealousy, you can never get my woman and can never dine with me. If not for your beautiful kids, I would have gotten your wife fired and sent packing to Nigeria. Ingrate!

genq:





Oh yes Dr. I am talking to you. Seems you wanna push me to get nasty but I refuse to reveal your identity on this site. You are loved by many but your wife is merely tolerated because of your strange obsession with her.
Wish you all the best and hope you get good advice on this site. I'm out!

Dr Gilbert, I have all evidence of your lustful chat with my woman, if you dare me or provoke me, I’ll send them to your wife and kids. Just dare me and see! What an ingrate, after all I did for you? You came to London because of me, you had no where to stay and I housed you and fed you for years. I paid the first rent for the house you and your family are living currently, remember? You went to Nigeria and started saying all sorts of evils and trash against me. I know what your problem is, jealousy, you can never get my woman and can never dine with me. If not for your beautiful kids, I would have gotten your wife fired and sent packing to Nigeria. Ingrate!

Wow, this is serious. He actually brought the stalking of you online. Please if he is still based in London, go report him to police ASAP. He is a psycho.

JoshVI:
Dr Gilbert, I have all evidence of your lustful chat with my woman, if you dare me or provoke me, I’ll send them to your wife and kids. Just dare me and see! What an ingrate, after all I did for you? You came to London because of me, you had no where to stay and I housed you and fed you for years. I paid the first rent for the house you and your family are living currently, remember? You went to Nigeria and started saying all sorts of evils and trash against me. I know what your problem is, jealousy, you can never get my woman and can never dine with me. If not for your beautiful kids, I would have gotten your wife fired and sent packing to Nigeria. Ingrate!

A real man does not beat a woman or physically abuse her, no matter what.

This pattern and behavior between the two of you will continue after marriage....sadly enough, after marriage it will get worse..

Your relationship right now is an abusive relationship.Face it.

If you go ahead and marry her with your eyes wide open

Your children will be born into a dysfunctional family, an abusive family where the parents take it out on each other.

Then, the eldest child will start abusing his siblings, copying the abusive pattern of their parents.

How can you say you love her and occasionally, you hit her?

The Bible says, husband should love their wives as their own bodies. So have you beaten yourself before ?

If you love your wife or girl, no matter how bad she offends you, you can't beat her. If you cant beat yourself, don't raise your hand on your wife or girlfriend.

She has to change now....if she does not improve her personality b4 marriage, don't expect her to change after marriage.

If she fights back now, after marriage, she will fight you constantly because that is who she is.

Marriage and relationship are two different things......my Broda.

You never see anything....

I can't tell you not to go ahead.....but mark my words....

Your foundation for a happy married life with this girl is already faulty

You have anger issues

she is rude or unapologetic

Add the two together .....and you see war ahead...

That is a girl that can kill you in retaliation if you attack her out if anger

This is the formulae for a happy home:

Hot + cool
Cool+ Hot

Not
Hot + hot
Hot + stubborn

The fact that you have anger issues is enough to think twice about your happiness with a senseless girl that does not know how to
apologize,
say I am sorry
or even calm you
or pet you.

O boy.....you are not in love...you are in a dream......just make sure you don't wake up in marriage.

If you believe you really love her, here is my advice :

take her out and show her this post made on nairaland

let her read it

and ask her how she feels about it

then ask her this question:

na so we go dey dey?
is she happy with the relationship?
If we get married is this how things will be?
Ask her...if the method of settling querels and dispute, currently practiced is the best!

If she says no, ask her what is the best method?

Let her recommend.....
After that ask her...why she does practice it
two of you should grow up and practice what you want to happen in your married life tomorrow, today.

But if she is not willing to discuss your happiness with her, then, I think, you have a big problem.She should be willing to change for the better, just as you should be ready to stop beating her. If she is not ready to work on herself now, to improve herself to bring happiness to your relationship now, she won't do it in the future after marriage.

If she values you, and truelly loves you, well she got to make sacrifices for you bro. If she does not and will not, then she nor love you men.

If her mother is still alive, go meet her and confide in her .

Tell her mom to help you work on her, because you want to marry her

If her mom talks to her, she go calm down bro

Read the Bible together especially the book of Ephesians chapter 6.

the two if you should visit a well respected elderly Christian couple in ur church for counselling.

u will see changes if both if u are willing.

JoshVI:
Dr Gilbert, I have all evidence of your lustful chat with my woman, if you dare me or provoke me, I’ll send them to your wife and kids. Just dare me and see! What an ingrate, after all I did for you? You came to London because of me, you had no where to stay and I housed you and fed you for years. I paid the first rent for the house you and your family are living currently, remember? You went to Nigeria and started saying all sorts of evils and trash against me. I know what your problem is, jealousy, you can never get my woman and can never dine with me. If not for your beautiful kids, I would have gotten your wife fired and sent packing to Nigeria. Ingrate!

Hmmmm
How did he know you will be on NL?
And infact
How does he know it's you


Some kind of games?

London men ehhhhhh

NA SLAP DE SOLVE THAT KAIN PROBLEM OO, SOME LADIES ARE LIKE THAT. SHE WILL NEVER SUBMIT WITOUT A HOT SLAP. I DATED ONE BACK IN SCHOOL, EVEN NOW SHE REFUSE TO FORGET ME,

JoshVI:
im not being savage please, y’all adviced I leave the said lady, But the way the lady I quoted up there posted her reply. It’s not supposed to be like that. What has calling me and my lady useless and demonic got to do with she advising me? I bet you Oyindidi can’t take that. It’s not necessary. I’m human like y’all and not what she should be venting her anger on. I came here to learn something and which I’m learning.

I am not writing to demonize or sound sanctimonious because we all have our bad behaviors, consequently, no one has the moral justification to judge you. That being said, you have a lot to work to do on yourself before you get married to this woman or any woman for that matter.

Firstly, you must stop being too emotional as that is the reason you are in this situation in the first place. Be pragmatic for once and consider the advice you sought for in the first place. Have you laid hands on women in your previous relationships? or is this the first time? If this woman is the first time, then I would advice you walk away from this relationship because it is perfect definition of a "toxic relationship", however, if hitting women has been a historical behavior with you, then I would also suggest you not only leave the lady but more importantly work on yourself before you kill another man's daughter and end up in jail.

When you get married and hit her, she will not forgive you and while she may still love you, she will find ways to hurt you really bad and I don't mean physically. The test of love is not about the fun times, its how you both handle challenges and bad moments. Sometimes, incompatible partners are able to thrive, however, they must be honest about their situation and know when to withdraw and that does not seem like the case in this situation. She seems like the type that holds grudges. A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets, be wise before you ruin yourself completely in the name of love.