Kalatium:
I’m not an attractive guy.
I’m not cool, I’m not suave, I’m not fun, I’m not exciting, and I’m definitely not the Man of her dreams.
I’m not any of these things. In fact, I’m not anything at all.
I’m not saying all this because I want your sympathy. I’m not saying all this because I think I’m worthless.
I’m saying it because I firmly believe that I’m not any of those things because I can never actually be any of these things .
All these labels are simply subjective judgements which are completely specific to the individual.
There is no objective measure of attractive. There is no objective measure of cool. There is no objective measure of fun. Sure, there are things that more people find attractive or fun, but there isn’t one thing that everyone agrees on.
For me to label myself objectively as any of these things is the height of arrogance. By doing so, I’m saying that I know what everyone else is thinking and I can read their minds.
Last time I checked, I could not read minds.
Yes, there are people who find me attractive, but I’m sure there are people who think I’m unattractive. There are people who think I’m cool as I’m sure there are also people who think I’m uncool.
They’re not some kind of objective mould that you can just squeeze yourself into. They’re totally subjective to the person making the judgement.
What is attractive?
Is it tall? Yes, for some.
Is it short? Yes, for others.
Is it skinny? Yes.
Is it curvy? Most definitely.
Is it Brunette? Of course.
Is it blond? Without a doubt.
It’s totally subjective.
In the Solomon Islands, girls over 100kg are considered attractive. If you took Adriana Lima and Miranda Kerr over there, the men would walk away in disgust.
How many times have you seen a girl who your mate thought was a HB10, and you weren’t really that intersted in?
What is cool?
Is it fun and outgoing? Yes.
Is it laidback and aloof? Yes.
Is it tough and strong? Yes.
Is it humble and meek? Yes.
It’s totally subjective.
I’m not cool, just in the same way that I’m not a dork. I’m not attractive in the same way I’m not unattractive. I’m not fun in the same way I’m not boring.
I’m not anything, and neither are you.
Putting these labels around yourself is a great way to cause yourself pain. If you label yourself as attractive then as soon as you encounter a situation where someone finds you unattractive, you’re going to feel shit.
But, if you don’t try and label yourself as attractive, then there’s no issue if she doesn’t find you unattractive. I’m not saying label yourself as unattractive so that you’ll never have a conflict.
I’m saying, don’t label yourself at all.
You don’t know if you’re attractive to her. You also don’t know if you’re unattractive to her. You don’t know anything. You cannot read her mind and you cannot read the minds of anyone else around you.
You know nothing other than how you feel and what you desire.
That’s it.
Nothing else.
So, stop pretending that you do and stop causing yourself unnecessary pain.
You’re not attractive in the same way that you’re not unattractive. You’re just a guy.
You’re not cool in the same way you’re not a dork. You’re just a guy. You’re not fun in the same way you’re not boring. You’re just a guy.
Stop focussing on things you can never, ever know, and start focussing your attention on the only things you can ever know – how you feel and what you want.
If you have a very limited amount of women in your life at the moment it doesn’t mean anything other than you have a very limited amount of women in your life.
You’re not a better or worse person than anyone. You’re just you. All you can ever know is how you feel and what you desire.
If you walk up to a woman and she ignores you, it doesn’t make you anything. It doesn’t make you good with women, it doesn’t make you bad with women. It just means that that particular woman wasn’t receptive to you at that point in time.
Nothing else.
All you can know is how you feel and what you desire.
They’re all subjective judgements.
Some people are going to want to be around you. Others aren’t. You can’t control that.
Sure, you could try and learn more popular things – but are you really willing to do something that you don’t want to just so that people will hang around with you?
And if you do, those kinds of things, do you think it’s going to make you happy?
All you can do is follow your desires and live the life you want. You can fill your life with the things that interest you and the things that fill your life with fun and passion.
If people want to be part of that, great. If people don’t, great to.
So live your life, do what you want, and let the chips fall where they may.
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