okikiosibodu:

Brother, to start with, I am not claiming credit(s)before any of them.....it is an archive (crib) I choose to store jokes I can always come back to and read, if I get bored. So you are no hater (same goes with Imeeti). By the way, I am a die hard fan of yours. My Instagram handle is very domant. I only come there to watch your skits and Nedu's. It is an honour to have you here. My favourite skit of yours (though it is extremely hard to pick one cos all of them are terrific and dope) was the one you record when it was about raining.... Daytime was like night. You said and I quote, to those that use to "track" down ladies whenever it rains
God will track you down
I love you work bro, and I love you #NoHomo
It's an honour to have you here. Regards to "Bra" Segun

omo shepeteri

afoltundeseun:
omo shepeteri

Emmmmmm. You mind speaking English?

Me : Madam pls put 200 naira rice for Me inside nylon
Madam : And wot else?
Me : And tie it

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Once a Guy Buy a Car, Boom! Girls Automatically Become Beans, they will be like,
"BABY COME AND PICK ME".

Only Nigerians will come back home and meet no light and asks "when dem carry light" cos with that you can do dy/dx to know when next they are bringing the light

Diarrhea is like WiFi.when you approach the toilet,the signal become stronger and even before you unbutton the trouser the download is complete.


Are we pumping Ict knowledge here?

Copied
*_36 WORDS OF ELDERS_*

*1.* "Never fight a man under GRACE, because the GRACE he carries will DISGRACE you!"

*2.* "No African girl will choose Six packs over six Cars.. So my sons stop the gym and work hard!"

*3.* "Beware of the naked man who offers you clothes!"

*4.* “The death of a lion cannot be announced by a goat”.

*5.* “When one’s goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbor’s soup gets suspicious”.

*6.* “The future belongs to the Risk takers, Not the Comfort seekers!"

*7.* “The words of the elders do not lock all the doors, they leave the right door open”.

*8.* “A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple!"

*9.* “Coca-Cola only sold 25 bottles the first year but kept going. Never give up!"

*10.* “Let not what you cannot do tear you from what you can do”.

*11.* “A child who asks questions does not become a fool”.

*12.* “The first person you think of in the morning, or last person you think of at night, is either the cause of your happiness or your pain!"

*13.* “Be careful who you trust! Salt and Sugar are both white!"

*14.* “To Make A Difference In Life, You Don’t Have To Be Brilliant, Rich, Beautiful, Or Perfect. You Just Have To Care!"

*15.* “Kindness is like butter, it works best when you spread it around!"

*16.* “The walls don’t only have ears, they also see!"

*17.* “The leopard is beautiful, but has a bad heart!"

*18.* “Everybody is a nobody, trying to be somebody!"

*19.* “Fake hair, fake nails, fake eye lash, artificial face, and sometimes, fake behavior. Yet, a woman will say she needs a real man!"

*20.* “Never open the door for an Armed Robber. Let him break it, its part of his Job!"

*21.* “Sometimes, you have to play the role of a fool to fool the fools who think they are fooling you!"

*22.* “One Man’s food is every other man’s food. Just because one idiot refuses to eat it doesn’t make it a poison!"

*23.* “If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where her prayer has not already been!"

*24.* “The only person that reads the terms & conditions is the one who writes it!"

*25.* “The Chief who doesn’t know what to say, says that his friend has said what he would have said!"

*26.* “Just because you met them at the church doesn’t mean they’re holy. Demons go to church too!"

*27.* “A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful, when her lips are closed!"

*28.* “No matter how long the night, the day is sure to come!"

*29.* “A woman’s greatest perfume is the fragrance of her man’s success!"

*30.* “A wise person knows that there is something to learn from everyone!"

*31.* “It requires wisdom to understand wisdom. The music is nothing, if the audience is deaf”!

*32.* “No matter how rich you are, you cannot pay for your sins”!

*33.* “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win!"

*34.* “Give them a chair, if they can’t stand your success!"

*35.* “Be careful about the rumours you hear about a lady. It either comes from a man who can’t have her, or a lady who can’t compete with her”!

*36.* “None of us is as smart as all of us. Work together achieve more thank u

I can't laugh alone please

See a recent application letter from an applicant.

No.3 ekpetu street
P. O. Box 172,
Ijora, Lagos,
Nigeria.
9th May, 2017.
Dear Sir,

APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
I refer to the recent death of the Accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead Accountant.

Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so I quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying.

Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his obituary photograph as proof of vacancy.

You can't lie to me this time. GIVE ME THE JOB!

Thank you.
Yours faithfully,

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Aviation related

Glo well done o!.I have to sit at the edge of my bed,turn to the left a little and open my mouth before network will enter my phone.

At a burial yesterday, while I was there, my brother called me on phone to ask who killed the chicken at home,... the pastor that was preaching was saying "whoever that killed this man will confess today"....
.I tried to reply my brother in a low voice but he couldn't hear me because the place was noisy, so I shouted "Na Me Kill Am".
Brothers and Sisters, the next thing I can remember is that I woke up in a hospital this morning with a swollen face, 3teeth missing and a broken bone.....
Dey really rushed me.... Na them dey rush me

I invited you to come and eat fish, you're washing two hands, me that I now pay for it I should bathe abi?

How can u download game on a phone, skip all instructions then ask me how dae play it?
For Christ sake,which other job is delaying this thunder sef?

Jesus fed 5000 pple nd stil died a virgin. Ordinary meatpie nd ice cream u bought for a girl u want to take number..
Number kee u there

People who drink pap witout sugar ar d ones who
tell you “ e no far make we trek am” till you faint

Diarrhea is like WiFi.when you approach the toilet,the signal become stronger and even before you unbutton the trouser the download is complete.
Are we pumping Ict knowledge here

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What doctors write:~~~~~
What u see: ~~~~~
What chemist see: tetracycline with 6 injection 3days

Teacher: Name any animal that lives in water
Kelvin: Hippopotamus
Teacher: Amos your turn
Amos: Hippopokelvin
Teacher: Amos what's that?
Amos: Kelvin started it

Today I bought iron man from one street hawker when I played it on my dvd it was showing a man ironing his clothes... I just switched off the tv and cried for 2hours

Stupidity is when you have a LAND Rover + LAND Cruiser and you still have a LAND Lord... U deserve To Be LANDED a Dirty Slap.

MILITARY LOGIC
A General was visiting the troops at the battlefront.
As he walked along the battle line inspecting the soldiers, a sniper bullet whistled overhead.
"What the devil was that?" he roared.
"It's an enemy sniper, Sir", they answered.
"He's been shooting at us for about two weeks.We know exactly where he is."
"Well, why the hell don't you send someone out to kill him?"
"Sir, if we did that, they might replace him with someone who could shoot straight."

If I drink 5alive and I jump down from 3 storey building, I wouldn't die shebi my life still remain 4

My neighbor is planning to bring a witch doctor to the compound because of her stolen chicken, chicken that is not even sweet

Comment if your mum is still owing you the money visitors gave you when you were young
Mummy, pay us our pension!

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