Oluwaferanmi90:

And I see no reason why any man will be spending on a lady without getting anything in return in this economy.

lefulefu:
Even James Hardley Chase in Trusted Like the Fox said,' Nobody is kind these days except he got iron in the fire'. Na nigeria we dey oo. Any man dat start putting a young lady on regular allowance its either he wants to marry dat girl or maybe roll in the sack with her. In migeria there's this general believe that when u as a man has dat financial power on a woman she falls under yur control. Why do u think some men wen dem know dat d girl wey dem dey eye..d babe guy is not well off they start using money to hit on her.

LordAdam16:


True most men spend on ladies to get something, but many guys don't spend much (or at all) and get something too.

The issue is the trust factor. Ladies get money from several sources and would likely not be open about all of them. Don't ask me why.

However, the idea that every guy spends to get something is fallacious. Maybe he is bidding his time or maybe he doesn't care about your girl's vj because he regularly gets more than he can handle (yh, there r some of us like that).

Now the next line is not gender-specific. A person who'd cheat on you would cheat on you; they wouldn't have to be paid to do so.

-Lord

pocohantas:


Yes, I believe the rubbish I typed. If you weren't in so much a hurry to attack, you would have seen I am speaking of generally. Not OP's peculiar situation.

I know most men would never help a woman without wanting to sleep with her. That's why even after taking a lady on a date, they don't understand why she won't wanna follow them home to rumble under the sheets. There are still men that don't act that way, if this man is one of them, I can't be so sure, but they exist.

The fact that it's men arguing and countering this is cool. Hopefully if tomorrow I say no man would ever help a woman tremendously without having other motives, no one will call me a feminist. I will just refer them to this thread .

pocohantas:


I still maintain there are men, who don't act that way.

Why do you guys even think men are always the predators?

Do you know there are men who just go about doing good and the girl would be the one trying to compensate/trap them with sex?

lefulefu:
why is it na always a young beautiful dem always wan help? Why not dat needy old woman or dat child who just lost im parents. Ppl plenty wey need help na. And talking of help of course once u can just help that person who really needs help..nothing to dat. But for man to just start spending for one girl..buying her phones,buying her a car,renting for her and giving her monthly allowance... Haba dat man get intention. I am not saying having an intention is bad ooo. Cos a guy might just genuienly fall for a girl and start using money to make her like him. But when a guy just dey insist im no get anything in mind but jus dey splash money on d girl then such a girl should be wary of such a man. If i had a younger sister and one strange man is just using money to try to entice her i had tell her to be careful of such a man.

Next2Bezee:


Help? Spending hundreds of thousands on the regular allowance, phones, and whatever a girl wants is now being called " helping a woman"? Lol. That's not even a story for the Gods; it's poor damage control.

What you have described up there - guys taking girls out and expecting the girl's cupcake on the same night - is quite different from the OP's tale.

When you refer others to your posts, my replies, and your counter-replies, they'll see that you unexpectedly support girls who live off lavish financial pampering from other men, while lying to their boyfriends... for 2 years!

Do not speak up for the wrong. If your partner lived off another woman for 2 years while gracing your inquiries with lies, I bet you'd have taken a leaf from the OP's book and dumped that partner.

pocohantas:


They help needy old women too. I don't know where you are from, but in my village, I see young guys that have carried the problems of widows and abandoned old people.

This argument is giving me headache already, I am very lazy for this in recent times . My post isn't about OP's case, just speaking generally. Let's stick to our individual opinions.

Next2Bezee:


Help? Spending hundreds of thousands on the regular allowance, phones, and whatever a girl wants is now being called " helping a woman"? Lol. That's not even a story for the Gods; it's poor damage control.

What you have described up there - guys taking girls out and expecting the girl's cupcake on the same night - is quite different from the OP's tale.

When you refer others to your posts, my replies, and your counter-replies, they'll see that you unexpectedly support girls who live off lavish financial pampering from other men, while lying to their boyfriends... for 2 years!

Do not speak up for the wrong. If your partner lived off another woman for 2 years while gracing your inquiries with lies, I bet you'd have taken a leaf from the OP's book and dumped that partner.

duduade:
Your girlfriend is not contented with what she has...


Stop wasting your time

lefulefu:
there are even some men sef..dem go dey secretly dey send money and gift to a married woman. And if the woman is an irresponsible woman she will be secretly be recieiving d gift behind d husband's back. Most times when d husband find out ddat will be enuf to break up the marriage.

LordAdam16:


Irresponsible ke? You have no idea how loose the average person's morals can be if they think they need that cash and can get away with taking it.

Your statement only makes sense for newly weds and financially stable marriages. In older marriages and marriages with rocky financials, it's a whole different ball game. You have no idea how terrible it is for lots of "married" women out there. Dem neva collect because dem neva c who go give them.

It's easy to be critical when things r okay at ur end.

-Lord

Oluwaferanmi90:
My gf met a man some years back, while we were both undergraduates. He bought her two phones within a year worth over 100k altogether and he gives her money "most times" she ask. She hid all these from me for over 2 years and even claimed it was her dad who got her the phone, when I asked. I am not the type of guy who doesn't provide or take care of his gf/her bills even if am not all that rich. I give her money and gifts, we go on dates as well.
We once had an issue sometimes last year, when she was always hanging out with an ex and after she turned down his advances. The guy came to attack me and sent cultists after me cos he felt I was the reason why she was collecting his money without giving him what he wanted. Makes me wonder after such experience why she keeps collecting money from a man she claims to have nothing with and doesn't intend to.
Broke up with her afterwards cos I love my life.
And I see no reason why any man will be spending on a lady without getting anything in return in this economy.
She's been calling, crying and pleading for a while and sometimes makes me feel I'm heartless or just wanted to break up with her cos she feels it's a minor issue. She can stop contacting the man if I want etc.
But with countless stories flying around of what men does with ladies(not necessarily sleep with them) to get whatever they want without the lady knowing esp for money
So what if there is more to what the man is doing than we both know
Cos she claims the man has never asked her out or demanded anything from her, he is even a pastor in a neighboring state so they haven't seen since he completed the burial he came for when they met and he went back(about 2 years ago) but if she should ask him money tomorrow and he has he'll still send to her
Though she's been a loving, caring and very supportive gf, and I love her so much even everyone around me and family knows her but I can't trust her on this
She said if I think she is lying she is ready to do anything I request even swear by whatever I want to prove her innocence and claims it's a different issue compared to her ex issue back then and if I had truly forgiven her I won't relate it together
But I see no difference here, have I overreacted?

lefulefu:
so what stops the wife after taking the money from the man and telling her husband that so so and so man gave her money for both of them. I am talking about wives who secretly collect money and gifts from men. If such men demand sex frm them u tink dey will be able to refuse such men?.

victorian:











So true!

The man will even end up marrying her.

He's protecting his investment and school boyfriend is still asking questions.

My friend has similar story as well.. She ended up marrying the other guy who's spending more on her, immediately after her youth service.
Her school boyfriend almost went crazy with the breakup, after call up letter to service. But shes now married to the other guy. He even owns a house in lekki, shes now a landlady at age 23. Well taken care of, her husband dotes on her .. While the school bf is done with youth service searching for job In his mum's house.
You can see the difference. And moreover she's on the big side, then also looks older than her age. Maybe that's why she chose to marry immediately and discard school love.

She had to choose the available over I love you. They both love her anyways

So op, just move on Biko..
If she ends up bn yours? Thank God .. But if not? Move on.

pocohantas:

Moukandjo:

So your friend left her guy just like that because she feel say she don see person wey go "secure" her future? Nawa o!
I just hope she's happy within her sha & not just the outward happiness you see!

LordAdam16:


Both of them?!

You're very funny. Do you have an idea of the percentage of married women in Nigeria who have a private stash of money that their husbands are not aware of? Seriously, leave this echo chamber you're in. It's not easy out there for many married women.

I'm talking about seeing enough money to feed, pay bills, give the kids an education, support subs and other family members; and you're talking about demanding sex... Most people do not like to be dependent on someone else. As some say, na condition make crayfish bend?

-Lord

victorian:







Sighs such is life.
And she's truly happy.. She's my bestie. She has heart of gold to all her female friends.
When am short of cash, and I need a project to execute? she doles out to me
Trust me she's happy. She had better not loose her husband. He's God sent!
The man dey try and he's also humble.
Do you know what it means to be financially and emotionally secured at such young age?
I bet you don't.
Mehn, when I was her age, 20naira sef I no get.. I was jobless, dating one ungrateful broke asszed guy, who didn't appreciate all my efforts of loving and standing by him. If not for my mum! God bless her soul, I wouldnt be the Boss I am right now.

Moukandjo:

So your friend left her guy just like that because she feel say she don see person wey go "secure" her future? Nawa o!
I just hope she's happy within her sha & not just the outward happiness you see!

lefulefu:
look, i know there are husbands who love-vendor out their wives for other men to sleep with. There are some men who sponsor their wives to italy and dubai to prostutute. That one no be new thing guy. Things dey happen for naija. There are even wives who work in brothels when they travel out to other cities..some dey do coded olosho work when husband dey work. I am not arguing over dat one.and about saying na condition make crayfish bend... Hope u know there are girls from rich homes who engage in high class runz and dhier are female bank staffs who are well paid who sleep with rich customers. So forget about dat general believe dat na condition dey make crayfish bend. Let me ask u a question. If you found your fiancee or wife was busy collecting secret gifts from different men or a particular would just ignore such a behaviour or will u siddon and discuss d issue with her?

victorian:







Sighs such is life.
And she's truly happy.. She's my bestie. She has heart of gold to all her female friends.
When am short of cash, and I need a project to execute? she doles out to me
Trust me she's happy. She had better not loose her husband. He's God sent!
The man dey try and he's also humble.
Do you know what it means to be financially and emotionally secured at such young age?
I bet you don't.
Mehn, when I was her age, 20naira sef I no get.. I was jobless, dating one ungrateful broke asszed guy, who didn't appreciate all my efforts of loving and standing by him. If not for my mum! God bless her soul, I wouldnt be the Boss I am right now.

lefulefu:
dont be so confident oo.it could be d lady is secretly meeting the guy she broke up with behind her husband's back.she no go tell u. One of my guy told me one of the ladies he had a hot fling with while in school of recent was about getting married to another man. My guy said the girl travelled over to his place and was begging him for one last sex b4 she married her man. Though my guy said he refused her request i dont believe him. I know for sure he smash d girl cos d guy like snail like anything. There are some girls they will break up with their long term boyfriend to marry another man cos of his financial stability but when dem don marry dem go still dey secretly meet their ex boyfriend for hot sex.it happens all d time. I feel pity for such husbands sha.

LordAdam16:


Do you know if the husband is doing plumbing somewhere else? Could be karma or unplanned open relationship.

It all jives with the idea that whoever will cheat will cheat. Jay cheated on Bey, Nicki cheated on Safaree with Meek. Money, looks, s*x (the trinity of often used cheating excuses) certainly weren't to blame.

-Lord

LordAdam16:


My reaction is irrelevant because I am not representative of what is ideal. For the same reason that many guys wouldn't be down with cuckolding.

When it comes to relationships; it's per head. That's why I took an issue with your sweeping generalization.

-Lord

insperyadyou:
i was thinking the guy you later went on to date was the nice and caring type

lefulefu:
dont be so confident oo.it could be d lady is secretly meeting the guy she broke up with behind her husband's back.she no go tell u. One of my guy told me one of the ladies he had a hot fling with while in school of recent was about getting married to another man. My guy said the girl travelled over to his place and was begging him for one last sex b4 she married her man. Though my guy said he refused her request i dont believe him. I know for sure he smash d girl cos d guy like snail like anything. There are some girls they will break up with their long term boyfriend to marry another man cos of his financial stability but when dem don marry dem go still dey secretly meet their ex boyfriend for hot sex.it happens all d time. I feel pity for such husbands sha.

victorian:












Lefulefu, you and your mindset about women
I taya for you

Well I trust her and so far she hasn't displayed any form of Infidelity. Not every lady still goes back to their school boyfriend after marriage. Some are faithful, even if u don't believe it

She knows I will be highly dissapointed in her if she dares cheat on her husband with any man, be it school bf or ex. Infact, that will be the end of our relationship. I don't condone cheating and unfaithful ways. Nah I don't.
And so far, I believe she's faithful and focused on her husband.
She had better be, anyways.. It's for her own good.

lefulefu:
check out many of these cheating wives the men they hang out with.its mostly their ex nau. Maybe d guy dat was dating her in 200 level ..b4 she now met her her husband when she was in her finals. Cheating wives mostly prefer having affairs with their ex..they feel its safer..unlike a cheating husband that can just nack any random girl he comes across with. I dont know abt ur friend sha but there are ladies that can marry a man they dont like as long as the man is financially stable. They get their emotional and sexual fulfillment from their ex. The Ex factor.

victorian:








Am talking about my best friend, FEMALE.. not male.. Am not a lesbian.

Or don't ladies have female friends anymore?