Sooo I have been seeing this guy for awhile now. Im generally a quiet and passive person. Even he acknowledged that at the beginning. But now he tells me to “stop speaking” quite often. I don’t think I’m talking too much, but I still try to remain quiet to avoid an argument. After about 5-10 mins of sitting there silently he will asks me “what’s wrong?” Then on top of that if I reply and tell him it’s because he asked me to he’ll usually say “well you’re talking now so clearly you don’t listen.” He told me it’s because Nigerian men like a nice quiet woman.

In the beginning he’d say he’d never lay his hands significant other, yet when he was annoyed with me for waking him up(he asked me to make sure he got up because he had a plane to catch)he slapped me in the face. It wasn’t hard... but I was shocked nonetheless. Then he proceeded to tell me to get away from him or he’s going to put me out of his house. When confronted he said it was a cultural thing and that a woman needs discipline when she’s wrong.

My friends are concerned by his attitude and think he might end up being abusive in the future But I’ve read on a few forums that this stuff is somewhat normal.

Any tips on how to please a Nigerian man? Do I try to talk less or fight back?

Slap him back na..shuo..

.

dingbang:
Well most times the answer I give to people on such issues is this, would you do the same thing if the tables were turned? You had a flight to board and you missed it cuz he forgot to wake you up? How would you react to it?

What nonsense are you saying? Did you even bother to read the post before typing out this garbage.


@ Poster Ellekonrad , I am a bit confused here. I'll assume you are German since your location says Germany. I live in Germany also and I have never known German women to be so docile unless they are mud******.

Anyway, to your post. There is nothing cultural in everything you wrote there. And honestly, these are precedents for disaster.

My ex once deliberately watched me sleep enough to miss my flight to Dortmund, and I don't remember having to slap or discipline her like your man said it is culturally done.

Where did you read that this stuff is normal?

dingbang:
Well most times the answer I give to people on such issues is this, would you do the same thing if the tables were turned? You had a flight to board and you missed it cuz he forgot to wake you up? How would you react to it?

Maybe you are confused. He told me to stay up to wake him for his flight by any means. I stayed up and tried to wake him up because he asked me to.

Mille:


What nonsense are you saying? Did you even bother to read the post before typing out this garbage.


@ Poster Ellekonrad , I am a bit confused here. I'll assume you are German since your location says Germany. I live in Germany also and I have never known German women to be so docile unless they are mud******.

Anyway, to your post. There is nothing cultural in everything you wrote there. And honestly, these are precedents for disaster.

My ex once deliberately watched me sleep enough to miss my flight to Dortmund, and I don't remember having to slap or discipline her like your man said it is culturally done.


Where did you read that this stuff is normal?

I grew up in a conservative family and I lived between Germany and the US. My friends are all more aggressive than I am. And I have read Articles + on This website.

Ellekonrad:


I grew up in a conservative family and I lived between Germany and the US. My friends are all more aggressive than I am. And I have read Articles + on This website.

Please, don't use the articles and comments on this website to judge an entire country. The wicked ones have a way of overshadowing the good ones and they abound in this section. Disregard their comments. There are good men on this website and Nigeria at large.

There's nothing normal about his actions, to normal Nigerians.
You should be getting out, not seeking ways to please him.

Nigerian Man or not, I think you deserve better.
Culture or no culture, is the way he treats you how you want to be treated? That should be your worry and not some cultural excuses.


Btw,That dude is taking advantage of your gentle nature, believe me he wouldn't try those things you listed with his fellow Nigerian woman. Culture my foot

Weird as it may sound, I love them girls that are not easily controlled.. I like them challenging their men on some issues..Unfortunately, u op has allowed ur bf to enslave you

He's giving excuses. It's not a Nigerian thing and it's not a cultural thing. He is buttering u up to get ready for some serious abuse. Better run for your life

My dear any man dat slap u during courtship wil definitely beat u up wen married.

IFEOLUWAKRIZ:
Weird as it may sound, I love them girls that are not easily controlled.. I like them challenging their men on some issues..Unfortunately, u op has allowed ur bf to enslave you

At the beginning I was not. It took him awhile to get in good with me. When I began to like him that changed. If I do call him on his bad behavior he just acts like I don’t exist and I don’t want to have to keep going through that.

atilla:
He's giving excuses. It's not a Nigerian thing and it's not a cultural thing. He is buttering u up to get ready for some serious abuse. Better run for your life

I just want to believe that because I woke him up he was just annoyed. It wasn’t a hard slap at all.

Ellekonrad:
Sooo I have been seeing this guy for awhile now. Im generally a quiet and passive person. Even he acknowledged that at the beginning. But now he tells me to “stop speaking” quite often. I don’t think I’m talking too much, but I still try to remain quiet to avoid an argument. After about 5-10 mins of sitting there silently he will asks me “what’s wrong?” Then on top of that if I reply and tell him it’s because he asked me to he’ll usually say “well you’re talking now so clearly you don’t listen.” He told me it’s because Nigerian men like a nice quiet woman.

In the beginning he’d say he’d never lay his hands significant other, yet when he was annoyed with me for waking him up(he asked me to make sure he got up because he had a plane to catch)he slapped me in the face. It wasn’t hard... but I was shocked nonetheless. Then he proceeded to tell me to get away from him or he’s going to put me out of his house. When confronted he said it was a cultural thing and that a woman needs discipline when she’s wrong.

My friends are concerned by his attitude and think he might end up being abusive in the future But I’ve read on a few forums that this stuff is somewhat normal.

Any tips on how to please a Nigerian man? Do I try to talk less or fight back?

Well love is blind sometimes

He slaped you over nothing

Which such people marrying him would be mistake, they think they got more right to physicaly discpline when are married

Well its upto you to marry or date someone who thinks a woman should be disciplined.

A woman is level headed as a man, talk thing out, slaping is for kids

Ellekonrad:


At the beginning I was not. It took him awhile to get in good with me. When I began to like him that changed. If I do call him on his bad behavior he just acts like I don’t exist and I don’t want to have to keep going through that.

You had better not allow him over control you..Don't be over docile.

He is playing mind games. Has anybody else done same to u for that same reason? . The thng about these relationships is u will need to learn yourself the hard way. Enjoy your relationship and don't come back later saying men are evil cause u are seeing the signs now and asking stupid questions and giving excuses.

The truth is that most girls who claim Porsche, those ladies who rant offline and online about not taking bullshit from their boyfriends/husbands actually do suffer gravely in the hands of men.

Even in nairaland, most of these ranters we have here who form might behind the scenes being manhandled and mismanaged by men.

Women are meant to be adored and taken care of. If your boyfriend puts you down either through physical or emotional abuse, please quit and look for who go treat you like a goddess( that's if you have any other thing to offer, not just a banging body, cleaning or cooking)

You are with a sick Nigerian man who needs help immediately.

I can't wrap my head around someone with such attitude. men slap ooo. haba even my mama no dey slap talk less of somebody I just met while a'm full grown person.

my sister you don't have to endure all this kind of torture or domestic violence if I may say, to show you are submissive and all that. this your guy is dangerous now (presently) think about your future with him.

go for someone who love and respect you for who you are. please save yourself before you ran out of time.

Ellekonrad:


At the beginning I was not. It took him awhile to get in good with me. When I began to like him that changed. If I do call him on his bad behavior he just acts like I don’t exist and I don’t want to have to keep going through that.

Look my Dear, fvck this trash about Nigerian men or trying to please any man. either Nigerian or an alfa male.

There are 2 kinds of men in these world.

The first one is the one that makes you feel that you are someone in their world.

And the second is the one that makes you feel you are the wold to them.

Under no circumstance should you accept or tolerate the first kind of men.

We need a history with some people before we can conclude who they are, we need a repetitive pattern before we come to make a decision.

But you don't necessarily need to go thru a nasty experience before you realize what you have brought your self into. Luckily for us God has given us something called {INSTINCTS}.

Your instinct is what that can save you alot of trouble you don't need to experience.

You should listen to what your instinct is telling you and fvck what anyone is saying.

Don't for once think that if you leave the other will suffer, it's misdirected sympathy. If you are not happy where you are, you are not helping either the person you are with or yourself.

It's your life,
Your happiness comes first.

This Lady is a sheep.


Not even a goat because a goat will bleat incessantly when bundled up or threatened or abused.

pryme:


Look my Dear, fvck this trash about Nigerian men or trying to please any man. either Nigerian or an alfa male.

There are 2 kinds of men in these world.

The first one is the one that makes you feel that you are someone in their world.

And the second is the one that makes you feel you are the wold to them.

Under no circumstance should you accept or tolerate the first kind of men.

We need a history with some people before we can conclude who they are, we need a repetitive pattern before we come to make a decision.

But you don't necessarily need to go thru a nasty experience before you realize what you have brought your self into. Luckily for us God has given us something called {INSTINCTS}.

Your instinct is what that can save you alot of trouble you don't need to experience.

You should listen to what your instinct is telling you and fvck what anyone is saying.

Don't for once think that if you leave the other will suffer, it's misdirected sympathy. If you are not happy where you are, you are not helping either the person you are with or yourself.

It's your life,
Your happiness comes first.

Thank you. I appreciate how in depth you went and how understanding this post was