Hello familylanders,


So I stumbled upon this while browsing through Instagram and I wanted to know your opinion on how true it is


I would have taken it to the romance section but I want to hear the opinion of mature nairalanders who are either married or mature enough to get hitched.

Please I would appreciate you not only give one word answers but tell us about your personal experience or that of someone you know.

In addition to what the guy said I would like to add having kids

So in essence does it mean Nigerian men only get married because they want someone to cook, clean and have kids for them without dealing with babymama drama?


Toks2008
Stagger
Ishilove
Chiefswetus
Cruchenutti
queenfav
Explorers


Mynd44, lalasticlala , seun

Well sad is the case but that's the truth. Many homes, and marriages are formed with that believe. Once the lady is approaching 30 there's a pressure from friends, families and loved ones to settle down. Due to the gender imbalance in the country ,and women are seen as the lower gender to be under the men she's wired into that. Having babies, cleaning, cooking, she has to do it to keep her home.

The man too goes into the marriage pressure when he's above 30 and he has a good job, can fend for himself then he has to bring a woman home. Mama has to carry her grandchild. The believe is that the woman handles the home while the husband handles putting food on the table and paying the bills.

Though the matured ones sees starting a home as raising a family and putting hands together to make it work. Getting a balanced life, supporting each other goals, aims and wishes and being a blessing to the community

I doubt that's the case. A man can enjoy all that without getting married.. Before I met hubby, he dated a babe that was cooking correct edikainkong with all the necessary obstructions, she washes even curtain and cleans his house life a paid help. Did he marry her? No!
I believe a man decides to marry when he meets an unforgettable woman, one he can't imagine walking away from.
Besides, babymama drama is better than some wives drama o,that's a 24/7 subscription.So i really doubt that's the case. In my experience, my hubby married me for companionship. Having kids is secondary.. I am so sure of that, because if he needed an in-house chef and Cleaner, he wouldn't have married me,he had an overdose with his ex.

does it mean girls only get married to have kids,have a sexmate,bodyguard and someone who can give her the comfort she wants in life?.. if you can answer this sincerely, I will answer yours..thank you

queenfav:
I doubt that's the case. A man can enjoy all that without getting married.. Before I met hubby, he dated a babe that was cooking correct edikainkong with all the necessary obstructions, she washes even curtain and cleans his house life a paid help. Did he marry her? No!
I believe a man decides to marry when he meets an unforgettable woman, one he can't imagine walking away from.
Besides, babymama drama is better than some wives drama o,that's a 24/7 subscription.So i really doubt that's the case. In my experience, my hubby married me for majorly companionship. Having kids is secondary.. I am so sure of that, because if he needed an in-house chef and Cleaner, he wouldn't have married me,he had an overdose with his ex.

I mean no disrespect, but there is a not so subtle smirking and gloating tone discernible in your post towards the “house-help” that your husband did not marry, why? I honestly don't want to know why though, used that to emphasize how much your post rubbed me the wrong way. I hope it is all in my mind, if so, my bad.
I understand how you want to feel you are all that and more where your husband is concerned, but in doing so, you threw another woman under the bus. Besides it could be that your husband could not handle ALL that the almost help is, and settled for safe and easy to manage. I do get carried away! But I had to defend that who cannot defend herself here, lol. And I am out!

generationz:
Hello familylanders,


So I stumbled upon this while browsing through Instagram and I wanted to know your opinion on how true it is


I would have taken it to the romance section but I want to hear the opinion of mature nairalanders who are either married or mature enough to get hitched.

Please I would appreciate you not only give one word answers but tell us about your personal experience or that of someone you know.

In addition to what the guy said I would like to add having kids

So in essence does it mean Nigerian men only get married because they want someone to cook, clean and have kids for them without dealing with babymama drama?


Toks2008
Stagger
Ishilove
Chiefswetus
Cruchenutti
queenfav
Explorers


Mynd44, lalasticlala , seun

I can't agree or disagree with this post.

The sad truth is many Nigerian men marry just to have kids and not really love, the cooking part -by now you'd have known that it was how they were brought up to believe Men aren't meant to cook. My Uncle has 3 children, two are girls, The boy and the first girl are grown up but all house chores are placed on the girl alone, she's the one who washes a 19 year old boy's clothes because the family believes a boy shouldn't do those.

Nigerian women know the real intentions of most men but because of pressures to get married, running out of time to find someone to heep financial problems on they still rush into marriage.

Both genders are at fault here because both men and women are self centered and are fighting for their own survival or interests.

merahki:



I mean no disrespect, but there is a not so subtle smirking and gloating tone discernible in your post towards the almost help that your husband did not marry, why? I honestly don't want to know why though, used that to emphasize how much your post rubbed me the wrong way. I hope it is all in my mind, if so, my bad.
I understand how you want to feel you are all that and more where your husband is concerned, but in doing so, you threw another woman under the bus. Besides it could be that your husband could not handle ALL that the almost help is, and settled for safe and easy to manage. I do get carried away! But I had to defend that who cannot defend herself here, lol. And I am out!

lolz.. I laughed after reading the end. Calm down Oga, i didn't throw anyone under any bus o. According to him, she was the "perfect wife material" in the eyes of his family and friends, but he just didn't feel a deep connection, nor loved her enough to marry her. He had "the talk" with her and they parted ways before we met..She even is married now so it was all for the best. That goes to show that it's not about cooking and cleaning for a man. The heart wants who it wants, it's just something no one can comprehend. So, uncle.. It was all in your mind.

queenfav:
I doubt that's the case. A man can enjoy all that without getting married.. Before I met hubby, he dated a babe that was cooking correct edikainkong with all the necessary obstructions, she washes even curtain and cleans his house life a paid help. Did he marry her? No!
I believe a man decides to marry when he meets an unforgettable woman, one he can't imagine walking away from.
Besides, babymama drama is better than some wives drama o,that's a 24/7 subscription.So i really doubt that's the case. In my experience, my hubby married me for majorly companionship. Having kids is secondary.. I am so sure of that, because if he needed an in-house chef and Cleaner, he wouldn't have married me,he had an overdose with his ex.

thank you very much

when I saw that post on instagram it was as if some sort of reality just hit me but I didn't want to conclude that was why I brought it here onto nairaland. it was a bit scary for me because if that was the case I can just imagine being in a mechanical marriage simply because 'we have to' not 'we want to'

I saw your wedding pics on Instagram and your hubby looks mature ,its a breath of fresh air that a mature man like that (I presume in his early 30's ) wasn't forced into marriage based on the expectations of society but chose his heart's desire.

generationz:



thank you very much

when I saw that post on instagram it was as if some sort of reality just hit me but I didn't want to conclude that was why I brought it here onto nairaland. it was a bit scary for me because if that was the case I can just imagine being in a mechanical marriage simply because 'we have to' not 'we want to'

I saw your wedding pics on Instagram and your hubby looks mature ,its a breath of fresh air that a mature man like that (I presume in his early 30's ) wasn't forced into marriage based on the expectations of society but chose his heart's desire.

Please don't let instagram and Twitter standards give u cause to worry.Marriage isn't something you tick off, like an item on your grocery shopping list. I have always known that whoever i will marry has to be a man whose presence is way better than my solitude (which i love by the way). Having that knowledge, i was never under any pressure, even when family and friends wanted me to. It's ideal to marry because you both want to be with each other for the long haul and can't imagine life apart from your partner.

For marriage, there is no surefire way to it . Just pray for a man that genuinely loves you, has the fear of God (that's the only way he can be the husband you desire) and is happy to see you happy. Shikena!

Marriage isn't a play play something. What would keep the couple going is that love, mutual respect and friendship they share. If that's absent, it's hell on earth o. That's why choosing your heart's desire is better than just settling for anyone because time is ticking fast.

queenfav:
Please don't let instagram and Twitter standards give u cause to worry.Marriage isn't something you tick off, like an item on your grocery shopping list. I have always known that whoever i will marry has to be a man whose presence is way better than my solitude (which i love by the way). Having that knowledge, i was never under any pressure, even when family and friends wanted me to. It's ideal to marry because you both want to be with each other for the long haul and can't imagine life apart from your partner.

For marriage, there is no surefire way to it . Just pray for a man that genuinely loves you, has the fear of God (that's the only way he can be the husband you desire) and is happy to see you happy. Shikena!

Marriage isn't a play play something. What would keep the couple going is that love, mutual respect and friendship they share. If that's absent, it's hell on earth o. That's why choosing your heart's desire is better than just settling for anyone because time is ticking fast.

true , sadly its not always like that for everyone and they just have to make do with who's available and ready .

I pray I never fall into that category in Jesus name

thanks once more and have a good night.

Hanseel1:



I can't agree or disagree with this post.

The sad truth is many Nigerian men marry just to have kids and not really love, the cooking part -by now you'd have known that it was how they were brought up to believe Men aren't meant to cook. My Uncle has 3 children, two are girls, The boy and the first girl are grown up but all house chores are placed on the girl alone, she's the one who washes a 19 year old boy's clothes because the family believes a boy shouldn't do those.

Nigerian women know the real intentions of most men but because of pressures to get married, running out of time to find someone to heep financial problems on they still rush into marriage.

Both genders are at fault here because both men and women are self centered and are fighting for their own survival or interests.

thanks.

when you say ' most men' are you reffering to guys below 30 who are comfortable and want to settle down ?

are you single or married ?

if you are single have you come to the point where pressure is being mounted on you to marry ? are you with the love of your life or contemplating just settling down with the next homely girl who is also interested in marriage ?


if you are married, was it to the love of your life?
or to a lady who was available at the time ?( even if you both have learnt to love each other or not)

merahki:



I mean no disrespect, but there is a not so subtle smirking and gloating tone discernible in your post towards the almost help that your husband did not marry, why? I honestly don't want to know why though, used that to emphasize how much your post rubbed me the wrong way. I hope it is all in my mind, if so, my bad.
I understand how you want to feel you are all that and more where your husband is concerned, but in doing so, you threw another woman under the bus. Besides it could be that your husband could not handle ALL that the almost help is, and settled for safe and easy to manage. I do get carried away! But I had to defend that who cannot defend herself here, lol. And I am out!

ERM Mr merhaki thanks for defending the defenseless * runs out of thread*


*waltzs in*

do you have any personal experiences that relates to the topic which you would lime to share?

generationz:


thanks.

when you say ' most men' are you reffering to guys below 30 who are comfortable and want to settle down ?

are you single or married ?

if you are single have you come to the point where pressure is being mounted on you to marry ? are you with the love of your life or contemplating just settling down with the next homely girl who is also interested in marriage ?


if you are married, was it to the love of your life?
or to a lady who was available at the time ?( even if you both have learnt to love each other or not)

I'm referring to Nigerian men in general not above 30 only.

I'm not single neither am I married, but since I'm living with my fiance if asked I respond "married".

I wasn't and not being pressured to do anything, you can only be pressured if you allow your parents or any other individual to pressure you.

babyfaceafrica:
does it mean girls only get married to have kids,have a sexmate,bodyguard and someone who can give her the comfort she wants in life?.. if you can answer this sincerely, I will answer yours..thank you

kids :yes this is because no woman wants to have kids out of wedlock . Those who you find around are either victims of circumstance ( unwanted pregnancy ) or they made the choice due to the age factor.

for the other factors it depends on the lady, her age and what she desires in a man. All the others change depending on the circumstance the lady finds herself in.
so please kindly share your own experience in relation to the topic.

generationz:


true , sadly its not always like that for everyone and they just have to make do with who's available and ready .

I pray I never fall into that category in Jesus name

thanks once more and have a good night.

Lol... Goodnight sis.

Hanseel1:


I'm referring to Nigerian men in general not above 30 only.

I'm not single neither am I married, but since I'm living with my fiance if I asked I respond "married".

I wasn't and not being pressured to do anything, you can only be pressured if you allow your parents or any other individual to pressure you.

hmm good.

Its also good to know that despite the fact that you are cohabiting with your soon-to-be wife you face no form of pressure even from her which is usually the case with a lot of Nigerian ladies who feel their 'clock' is ticking.

generationz:


hmm good.

Its also good to know that despite the fact that you are cohabiting with your soon-to-be wife you face no form of pressure even from her which is usually the case with a lot of Nigerian ladies who feel their 'clock' is ticking.

All Nigerian ladies don't share the same orientation.

Clock isn't ticking to anywhere time is still much and marriage isn't an achievement or a must for everyone.
I read about a US billionaire who engaged his fiance about 40years ago but still not married and they have 2children together so it's not a rushing matter.
Like someone said marriage isn't play play stuff, no need rushing into it.

Hanseel1:


All Nigerian ladies don't share the same orientation.

Clock isn't ticking to anywhere time is still much and marriage isn't an achievement or a must for everyone.
I read about a US billionaire who engaged his fiance about 40years ago but still not married and they have 2children together so it's not a rushing matter.
Like someone said marriage isn't play play stuff, no need rushing into it.

well true . But the white people are more flexible compared to Nigerians on the issue of marriage.

for example if a man has kids with a woman from the east ,the children belong to the girls father until the man marries her traditionally. In case the lady dies untimely , the man has no right over the dead body until he performs certain right which include marrying the dead woman .

Also most churches frown at having kids out of wedlock .

generationz:


well true . But the white people are more flexible compared to Nigerians on the issue of marriage.

for example if a man has kids with a woman from the east ,the children belong to the girls father until the man marries her traditionally. In case the lady dies untimely , the man has no right over the dead body until he performs certain right which include marrying the dead woman .

Also most churches frown at having kids out of wedlock .

Sarcasm.. Is the father the owner of the lady's life?

Everybody has a say -Abraham Lincoln.

I don't think any family in the east can say that nonsense to me.

Goodnight anyway.

It is not about getting a woman who cooks and cleans or for a woman approaching or crossing 30.

People marry for many reasons. I got married because we were tired of saying "bye" EVERY NIGHT. We wanted to be together forever.

I can boast of my cooking anywhere but sadly, my husband is a better cook. Infact, the late night chef is in the kitchen as i type this.

Besides, it depends on how a man sees a woman. Some men think that a wife is a personalized or customized maid with extra functions


People like to lump things together but really, reasons for marrying differ just like every marriage is different.

queenfav:
lolz.. I laughed after reading the end. Calm down Oga, i didn't throw anyone under any bus o. According to him, she was the "perfect wife material" in the eyes of his family and friends, but he just didn't feel a deep connection, nor loved her enough to marry her. He had "the talk" with her and they parted ways before we met ..She even is married now so it was all for the best. That goes to show that it's not about cooking and cleaning for a man. The heart wants who it wants, it's just something no one can comprehend. So, uncle.. It was all in your mind.

He had "the talk" with her and they parted way... hmmmm... interresting. Someone made it seems like it was an easy breakup

I had been dumped before. And my ex can say we had "the talk" and we parted way. But the truth is for weeks I cried like a baby. For weeks I was buried in an agony. For weeks I kept asking why. Anyway, I am now blessed with a wife and 5 kids.

Breaking up always seem easy under the perception of the dumper.

merahki, I see your point

generationz:


hmm good.

Its also good to know that despite the fact that you are cohabiting with your soon-to-be wife you face no form of pressure even from her which is usually the case with a lot of Nigerian ladies who feel their 'clock' is ticking.

So you think it's good? no matter the age. any reasonable lady cohabiting with a man will definitely long to be married to that man.
besides is cohabiting part of courtship? wrong concept anywhere

ImaIma1:
It is not about getting a woman who cooks and cleans or for a woman approaching or crossing 30.

People marry for many reasons. I got married because we were tired of saying "bye" EVERY NIGHT. We wanted to be together forever.

I can boast of my cooking anywhere but sadly, my husband is a better cook. Infact, the late night chef is in the kitchen as i type this.

Besides, it depends on how a man sees a woman. Some men think that a wife is a personalized or customized maid with extra functions


People like to lump things together but really, reasons for marrying differ just like every marriage is different.

''Got tired of saying bye every night '' so inspiring. that's the very point where we are suppose to start thinking of marriage.

missdivineprove:
So you think it's good? no matter the age. any reasonable lady cohabiting with a man will definitely long to be married to that man.
besides is cohabiting part of courtship? wrong concept anywhere

No i don't support cohabiting in any form . Re-read my comment please. what I said was it was quite rare to see a man cohabiting with a woman in Africa and not being pressured into marriage.
The man is a grown adult and his responsible for his decisions . I can never force my own down anybody's throat. Also, I created the thread for peoples opinions whether good or bad not to force mine on anybody.

have a lovely day ahead

generationz:


No i don't support cohabiting in any form . Re-read my comment please. what I said was it was quite rare to see a man cohabiting with a woman in Africa and not being pressured into marriage.
The man is a grown adult and his responsible for his decisions . I can never force my own down anybody's throat. Also, I created the thread for peoples opinions whether good or bad not to force mine on anybody.

have a lovely day ahead

Ok dear. thanks

ImaIma1:
It is not about getting a woman who cooks and cleans or for a woman approaching or crossing 30.

People marry for many reasons. I got married because we were tired of saying "bye" EVERY NIGHT. We wanted to be together forever.

I can boast of my cooking anywhere but sadly, my husband is a better cook. Infact, the late night chef is in the kitchen as i type this.

Besides, it depends on how a man sees a woman. Some men think that a wife is a personalized or customized maid with extra functions


People like to lump things together but really, reasons for marrying differ just like every marriage is different.

are you and your spouse above 30? was there any kind of societal pressure?

yes it depends on how a man sees a woman. if he sees as a customized maid when he 20 that will be his reasons for wanting marriage and nothing more.

generationz:


kids :yes this is because no woman wants to have kids out of wedlock . Those who you find around are either victims of circumstance ( unwanted pregnancy ) or they made the choice due to the age factor.

for the other factors it depends on the lady, her age and what she desires in a man. All the others change depending on the circumstance the lady finds herself in.
so please kindly share your own experience in relation to the topic.

I do not agree verbatim with the assertion in the post.... most men do not just marry for ur washing and cooking skills...they marry due to these factors:

parental factors
when the see someone that is loyal and totally honest
when someone mistakenly gets pregnant for them
out of pity


most Nigerian men marry due to the above is
reasons....even if you are the best chef and can wash the whole cloths for Africa.... most men don't care about that....some men can cook themselves and most buy mama put even after marriage so please who your cooking prowess help and to the washing part....there are plethora of washing appliances around from 35k upwards so there is nothing special about washing

in my honest opinion,men just want a woman who can good them peace of mind(no drama/nagging),honest( some women are too secretive),respectful (especially outside,never downgrade a man) and give them good sex


in conclusion, marriage is fast loosing its value,as babymama is taking over..many men now see marriages like bondages...I how it changes

babyfaceafrica:
I do not agree verbatim with the assertion in the post.... most men do not just marry for ur washing and cooking skills...they marry due to these factors:

parental factors
when the see someone that is loyal and totally honest
when someone mistakenly gets pregnant for them
out of pity


most Nigerian men marry due to the above is
reasons....even if you are the best chef and can wash the whole cloths for Africa.... most men don't care about that....some men can cook themselves and most buy mama put even after marriage so please who your cooking prowess help and to the washing part....there are plethora of washing appliances around from 35k upwards so there is nothing special about washing

in my honest opinion,men just want a woman who can good them peace of mind(no drama/nagging),honest( some women are too secretive),respectful (especially outside,never downgrade a man) and give them good sex


in conclusion, marriage is fast loosing its value,as babymama is taking over..many men now see marriages like bondages...I how it changes

I like the points you gave but are these points you gave from personal experience?



what if the lady you intend who gives you comfort and is a companion can't cook and clean ?

generationz:


I like the points you gave but are these points you gave from personal experience?



what if the lady you intend who gives you comfort and is a companion can't cook and clean ?

to the first question affirmative...to the second,lolz...can't cook and clean?...well that's bad.. but no problem...but when you mean she cannot cook...do you mean


cannot boil rice/beans
can not boil yam
cannot make EBA/amala
cannot make stew/egusi
cannot boil/fry meat and fish

I can do the all of the above and I still don't claim I can cook .. so if you mean she cannot at least do three of the above..then she needs to learn ,we cant be eating out for the rest of our life and I can teach her or she can go to catering school


also washing machine can help in washing..but do you also mean she cannot sweep the floor of her room because even a five year old can do that!!...does she want to learn or she wants a maid..if she wants to learn we are good..because I am not collecting any maid even if I am giving free

her attitude to some of these things matter..am not too foody nor do I parade myself has an hygienic person..but at least she has to want to learn...

missdivineprove:
So you think it's good? no matter the age. any reasonable lady cohabiting with a man will definitely long to be married to that man.
besides is cohabiting part of courtship? wrong concept anywhere

Have you ever been in a relationship because of the fun of it or just straight marriage in mind?

There are people who date because of the privileges that come with it, the fun or they just want to date.

Every relationship mustn't lead the marriage.

TheCongo2:


He had "the talk" with her and they parted way... hmmmm... interresting. Someone made it seems like it was an easy breakup

I had been dumped before. And my ex can say we had "the talk" and we parted way. But the truth is for weeks I cried like a baby. For weeks I was buried in an agony. For weeks I kept asking why. Anyway, I am now blessed with a wife and 5 kids.

Breaking up always seem easy under the perception of the dumper.

merahki, I see your point

I honestly do see his point too, It would be not be surprising to know he could broken up due to very intangible reasons such as outlook appearance/being the less beautiful bride in front of friends, having a lesser educational status etc As people breakup for most irrelevant things you can ever think of.

Even most times, people who break up with their spouse later realised that they've made a mistake but cannot go back, so they play the narrative of everything is fine.