DEGREE2466:



And you think raising another person's child will put her in a relaxed mood to conceive?

One thing I don't joke with is privacy and convenience. You cannot expect a young lady to bear the responsibility of another.

She can support the child from anywhere and take him in after she has given birth, but not without letting him know his real identity.

It is easier to advice people to do something but when the table is turned around.

No child wished to be in that situation

Anything can happen to somebody either by omission or by error and someone have to bail that person out

End of discussion

Guitarlife:

This is a difficult situation. I am sure the family is Yoruba.
I am Yoruba too tho.


A part of me still thinks that child is your husbands child.
All that court stuff is just bollocks.

.

frozen70:
There are certain sacrife one have to make for peace to rain in the family

If I were to be you, I will accept that child in, embrace that child as my child, use him as a point of contact for God to bless me to be a mother

You are yet to have your own child and you are not willing to live with a toddler you can nurture to be like your child, what impression are you creating

Even if the child will grow and look like the first child of the family, its just for your own children to bond with him when they start coming

What makes you think he will take the place of your first child, will your husband make him his next of kin or will you make him your next of kin

That child will grow to know you as his mother depending on the relationship you created with him, do you think he will forget you when he grows up?.

For the time that child will be leaving with you it will give you the opportunity to learn how to look after kids and even the family will careless about you not being pregnant for the time being

Tell him to arrange for that child to come over, when he comes teaxh him how to call you guys mummy and daddy simple

I'm surprised this is coming from a woman...I have a feeling you are not married yet.

She does not need the child as a point of contact for children, I'm sure her God has settled her already.
And must she take care of someone else's child because she wants her own children And why should the child of another man and woman come and be first born in her own home.

Lastly, she does not have a problem she needs a child to distract her in-laws from.

And the child should go and call his parents daddy and mummy, im sure emergency 'mummy' title no dey hungry the OP.

So many issues here:

Is the child's father willing to give up custody? What exactly is the court order about? Is it an injunction from the mother or or from the child?

The parents may be economically challenged now but if that changes in the future and they decide to fight for custody is that right for the child's mind?

It looks like you don't have much of a say.


If this is done right and if you were comfortable with adoption there is nothing bad about adopting a child, the birth right you are worried about these days it doesn't matter, kids find their own way, see Davido and Falz their parents built businesses, Falz even studied law to please his dad but made his own success on music and movies. Davido left his dad's businesses to do music. I am saying raise the kids to be achievers on their own with your support and not to be relying on birth right.


My only issue with this arrangement is if it is legal, it doesn't seem so. Your husband is trying to control a situation that may backfire

Hmmmmm!
Marriage na waya o!
What a mess!

OP, pele o!
Your matter pass advice matter!

Janelle08:
Please I need mature and reasonable advice from married couples on an issue that is seriously bothering me.


My husband and I got married barely a year ago. We haven't had any child yet. Hubby's younger sister had a child out of wedlock.

When we newly married, the family was trying to keep the secret from me including hubby. (For reasons best known to them) Though I managed to find out.

About a month ago, hubby sat me down and told me the story of how his sister got unwanted pregnancy (In my mind, I was glad for that moment that finally, he has considered me a part of the family.) But then, the happiness faded almost immediately when I realized that he was only telling me because he want to take in the little boy.

The family have decided to send their daughter far away from her boyfriend. They also want to take the little boy away so that the father doesn't have access to him.

Now, hubby want to bring in the little boy to our home and raise him like our child. According to him, the child must not know that we are not his parents.

This doesn't sit right with me. As much as I try to ignore the problems this might bring in my marriage and in future, I just couldn't accept it.

This is Africa, where every woman will like her son to get the birth right as the first son. How can I give that away? If it was to be my husband's illegitimate child, I would understand. But the situation is different.


Hubby brought the topic up again two nights ago, and we had a heated argument.

When the heat died down, we had discussions, I made him realized that I will not get in the way of him helping his family (Even if he wants to sponsor the child's education from childhood to adulthood) But I just can't accept him adopting the child.

I really need objective opinion and advice on how to handle the situation.

There are blinking red flags here. It is either:

1. Your husband is impotent and wants this child stuff to distract you;

2. The child is his and the mother is random;

3. The child is his and he pregnated his sister (God forbid);

4. Your husband knows you can't have kids.

If the discussion was just for him to live with you permanently, then the case is different.

To totally annihilate his history by you guys adopting him, it sounds fishy.

I do not know if you guys have been married for up to 28 months (2yrs and 4mths) because that is the only logical way to convince people who did not see you get married pregnant or with a kid in tow that you actually own that child. I think after adoption, the next move would be for him to convince you both to leave the area and start life afresh in another state/abroad.

If it were just to deceive potential suitors that the younger sister never had a child, the elder sister is actually the best bet.

Not to sound cliché like, you need prayers to know what is going on and the steps you need to take.

And when the boy is old and the real dad shows up with tears in his eyes and explain to the boy how his mum and her people kept him away from him(the dad) since he was small, all your efforts vanish in seconds. You can help the boy but don't adopt him.
Don't accept that nonsense.

Besides when the family was deciding that you and your hubby should adopt the boy, they should have invited you. Not taking decisions in something that affects you directly and expects you to accept is wholeheartedly.