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Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... - Family - Nairaland

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Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by nahzyla: 11:40am On Sep 22, 2018
Shy away from providing for their wives?
I am always reading online different topics where men claim a woman should be self sufficient before getting married instead of expecting her husband to take care of her.
Why?
Men these days fail to realize its their primary responsibility to provide, even if the wife has millions, for the fact that you expect her to submit to your authority and cook for you and clean and cater for children means you as the head should provide and protect your family.

If she decides to spend on her own instead then its your luck but that doesnt mean providing for the family is her primary duty. It also doesnt mean you shouldnt buy things for her or give her money for upkeep.

Even the bible says a man who cant provide for his family is worse than an infidel abi are wives not part of the family again?

All these recent talk about women independence in marriage is baffling and unfair.
You cant expect to rule over another person without doing any type of provision for them.

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Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by cooldipo(m): 12:16pm On Sep 22, 2018
Cos they have no shame!

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Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by nahzyla: 3:13pm On Sep 22, 2018
cooldipo:
Cos they have no shame!
I agree.
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by Nobody: 8:39pm On Sep 22, 2018
Marriage is going extint soon. Cannot stand the test of time. In the biblical days women were not empowered to work unlike now dat we have many career and business women. Every thing shud be about compromise. Many successful women are over 30 and single cos only few guys are in thier league. Shud they continue to wait till 40 Or settle for less
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by Nobody: 7:08am On Sep 23, 2018
nahzyla:
Shy away from providing for their wives?
I am always reading online different topics where men claim a woman should be self sufficient before getting married instead of expecting her husband to take care of her.
Why?
Men these days fail to realize its their primary responsibility to provide, even if the wife has millions, for the fact that you expect her to submit to your authority and cook for you and clean and cater for children means you as the head should provide and protect your family.

If she decides to spend on her own instead then its your luck but that doesnt mean providing for the family is her primary duty. It also doesnt mean you shouldnt buy things for her or give her money for upkeep.

Even the bible says a man who cant provide for his family is worse than an infidel abi are wives not part of the family again?

All these recent talk about women independence in marriage is baffling and unfair.
You cant expect to rule over another person without doing any type of provision for them.
SIMPLY because Ladies want equal Rights.
So that means Equal Responsibilities as well.
That’s why many MEN now have potbellies because they need to measure up to their pregnant wives.

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Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by Gerrard59(m): 10:46am On Sep 23, 2018
Today's economy doesn't encourage a one breadwinner situation unless you are extremely rich as the man. As a result, men desire their partners to be contributing to the household, financially.

However, the hypocrisy is when these men expect the woman to display obsequiousness - which is not possible when one has financial powers. On the other hand, today's women desire equality in everything, what better way than asking them to contribute to the household financially?

Today's marriage institution cannot be same as yesterday's. Change will occur, APC-like, I don't know.

3 Likes

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by revolt(m): 11:07am On Sep 23, 2018
Truth is if any girl plays her game tight the average man will starve himself to pls her. Except he never liked her. On the other hand an abusive insolent saucy disrespectful chic will NVR get anything from a man. Same way a man that doesn't gve attention to a woman can't get love. Women have increasingly become very saucy and egotistical.

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Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by crackhaus: 4:38pm On Sep 23, 2018
revolt:
Truth is if any girl plays her game tight the average man will starve himself to pls her. Except he never liked her. On the other hand an abusive insolent saucy disrespectful chic will NVR get anything from a man. Same way a man that doesn't gve attention to a woman can't get love. Women have increasingly become very saucy and egotistical.
Most of them know this but will rather preach belligerence so they can amass more members into the 'unhappy & dissatisfied women's club'.

Misery loves company...as the saying goes.

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Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by nahzyla: 4:49pm On Sep 23, 2018
EVILFOREST:

SIMPLY because Ladies want equal Rights.
So that means Equal Responsibilities as well.
That’s why many MEN now have potbellies because they need to measure up to their pregnant wives.

If you want women to contribute equally to your house then also share cooking and cleaning and child care equally with her.

4 Likes

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by nahzyla: 4:51pm On Sep 23, 2018
crackhaus:

Most of them know this but will rather preach belligerence so they can amass more members into the 'unhappy & dissatisfied women's club'.

Misery loves company...as the saying goes.

What does playing her game right entail?

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Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by nahzyla: 4:57pm On Sep 23, 2018
revolt:
Truth is if any girl plays her game tight the average man will starve himself to pls her. Except he never liked her.

This isnt always the case.
Some men will not reciprocate kindness, they will keep demanding more and more when they see that the woman is eager to please them. Not becuase they never liked her but just so they can feel important/like big shots and feed their ego.

Some people are naturally ungrateful.

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Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by ImaIma1(f): 6:29pm On Sep 23, 2018
Just never act like a superwoman and handle all the bills. Most guys will just relax and allow you handle it while they use their money for other things.

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Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by crackhaus: 6:48pm On Sep 23, 2018
nahzyla:


What does playing her game right entail?
It really depends on the man, and I'm not quite in the mood for sharing how my personal mumu button works.

Just know your man.
As a matter of fact, know people. And when I say know people, I mean know how they tick.
It's not an exact science still, because some men will still end up fûcking up a good thing regardless what the woman does..but it won't hurt to try and try again. If you're tired of guessing, nothing wrong with asking the man to just release the game cheat.

3 Likes

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by crackhaus: 6:50pm On Sep 23, 2018
nahzyla:


This isnt always the case.
Some men will not reciprocate kindness, they will keep demanding more and more when they see that the woman is eager to please them. Not becuase they never liked her but just so they can feel important/like big shots and feed their ego.

Some people are naturally ungrateful.

This is why you must know who you're with, it's a crime not to.
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by revolt(m): 8:55pm On Sep 23, 2018
nahzyla:


This isnt always the case.
Some men will not reciprocate kindness, they will keep demanding more and more when they see that the woman is eager to please them. Not becuase they never liked her but just so they can feel important/like big ì and feed their ego.

Some people are naturally ungrateful.

nope then he never liked her. Truth is most chics dont evn know a guy tht likes them.

2 Likes

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by babyfaceafrica: 10:59pm On Sep 23, 2018
you are confused
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by Nobody: 3:34am On Sep 24, 2018
Economy is bad, guys are broke but still want to get married.

1 Like

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by ZIMDRILL(m): 3:35am On Sep 24, 2018
Gerrard59:
Today's economy doesn't encourage a one breadwinner situation unless you are extremely rich as the man. As a result, men desire their partners to be contributing to the household, financially.

However, the hypocrisy is when these men expect the woman to display obsolescence - which is not possible when one has financial powers. On the other hand, today's women desire equality in everything, what better way than asking them to contribute to the household financially?

Today's marriage institution cannot be same as yesterday's. Change will occur, APC-like, I don't know.

you nailed it

problem is people mix up with what used to be 100 year go and present day

most african women would say "can you look after me meaning she expect more to be look after than bring something on table too"

colonazation messed up out division of labour as family, before colonazation there was divison of labour in a family home, husband did the hunting looking after cattle etc and wives did the gathering for foods and vega etc, when the white came men and women were separated, man were forced to leave in a room intowns while wives were left in rural areas, it then becames sort of tradition way of living this went on for the rest of colonization periods. it become normal for husband working while wives were in rural areas, husband sending money and groceries etc hence the come phrase from our african women "i need an man who works and look after me" as during colonization men were forced into labour camps mines etc wives were not allowed etc

then independence came, economy failing things force man and woman to work but thats idea from women to be looked after hasnt left 95% of them, even when she is working and being capable of looking after herself, she still has the idea to look after instead of setting up a bar for men to say if you want to date me, you either meet my standard life that am maintaining with my own money, than most brokes girls who relay on boyfriends/sugar dadies

education of women has brought out sharp talent women to be good and bad wives i.e being educated women doesnt mean you disrespect your hubby and good wives provide for family than waiting for hubby only two salaries are always better than on unless if hubby is millionaire

my point is looking after wife, is wrong phrase unless if your are flithy rich if your are not then both hubby and wife should provide for family a comfortable life, wives dont seat and wait for husband no your meant both to provide for each other through your roles not wait just wanting to be looked after like brolier chicken

the same applies to men, if the wife is earning 20 times as you it doesnt mean your role to play your part as been removed no, you still play role

only a stupid man would not play his role to provide for family if you dont its either wife will find someone who does secretly which roughly means the wife might end up sleeping with your wife or your family will remain poor for generation

those who are well rich yes they can look after the wives, those who are not well back the old ways hubby and wife provide for their own home

1 Like

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by nahzyla: 9:48am On Sep 24, 2018
ZIMDRILL:


you nailed it

problem is people mix up with what used to be 100 year go and present day

most african women would say "can you look after me meaning she expect more to be look after than bring something on table too"

colonazation messed up out division of labour as family, before colonazation there was divison of labour in a family home, husband did the hunting looking after cattle etc and wives did the gathering for foods and vega etc, when the white came men and women were separated, man were forced to leave in a room intowns while wives were left in rural areas, it then becames sort of tradition way of living this went on for the rest of colonization periods. it become normal for husband working while wives were in rural areas, husband sending money and groceries etc hence the come phrase from our african women "i need an man who works and look after me" as during colonization men were forced into labour camps mines etc wives were not allowed etc


my point is looking after wife, is wrong phrase unless if your are flithy rich if your are not then both hubby and wife should provide for family a comfortable life, wives dont seat and wait for husband no your meant both to provide for each other through your roles not wait just wanting to be looked after like brolier chicken

So since women are now supposed to provide for the family instead of sitting like broiler chicken, do you also think men should cook for the family and wake up at night to care for baby like mothers do?
Do you think they should relinquish some of their authority to the wife since they are both co-providers?

3 Likes

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by ImaIma1(f): 11:48am On Sep 24, 2018
nahzyla:


So since women are now supposed to provide for the family instead of sitting like broiler chicken, do you also think men should cook for the family and wake up at night to care for baby like mothers do?
Do you think they should relinquish some of their authority to the wife since they are both co-providers?


Good question. Over to you zimdrill
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by GuntersChain(m): 12:02pm On Sep 24, 2018
Over to the feminist. A woman is suppose to be a help mate but nowadays some homes women are now becoming the bread winner of the family.
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by ZIMDRILL(m): 3:27pm On Sep 24, 2018
ImaIma1:


Good question. Over to you zimdrill

yea ask
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by ImaIma1(f): 3:34pm On Sep 24, 2018
nahzyla:


So since women are now supposed to provide for the family instead of sitting like broiler chicken, do you also think men should cook for the family and wake up at night to care for baby like mothers do?
Do you think they should relinquish some of their authority to the wife since they are both co-providers?


This question @ zimdrill
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by ZIMDRILL(m): 5:03pm On Sep 24, 2018
ImaIma1:


This question @ zimdrill

its not like women are now supposed to provide

there have been always supposed to provide just like men, but you need to check into history how colonisation messed up our ways, then look into how familys started to be run when men where now working for whites aka colonisers

men solely started to provide for the family as land had been taken away and no free movement for wives to gather food like before

so men took advantage of being the only family provider and women believe that he can provide everything and this made some women idle and wait for husband to be the only providers

at the same time men took advantage of be sole providers and abused women becoz he is the one who brings food on the table, the women cant leave the marriage as husband is the sole provider

to understand some of the problems we have nowadays you need to look into history how we used to do it, what made things change

its not a matter of reliquishing responsibilties its a matter of understand your situation as husband and wife and trying what works for you at the present time than trying to use what worked for your parents, circumstances change due to time and development of the human kind
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by ImaIma1(f): 5:21pm On Sep 24, 2018
ZIMDRILL:


its not like women are now supposed to provide

there have been always supposed to provide just like men, but you need to check into history how colonisation messed up our ways, then look into how familys started to be run when men where now working for whites aka colonisers

men solely started to provide for the family as land had been taken away and no free movement for wives to gather food like before

so men took advantage of being the only family provider and women believe that he can provide everything and this made some women idle and wait for husband to be the only providers

at the same time men took advantage of be sole providers and abused women becoz he is the one who brings food on the table, the women cant leave the marriage as husband is the sole provider

to understand some of the problems we have nowadays you need to look into history how we used to do it, what made things change

its not a matter of reliquishing responsibilties its a matter of understand your situation as husband and wife and trying what works for you at the present time than trying to use what worked for your parents, circumstances change due to time and development of the human kind


You have still not answered the question.

Now that women are supposed to work like men and provide for the family, should they also be solely responsible for the chores and caring for the children? Or the men should also share that responsibility

1 Like

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by nahzyla: 5:31pm On Sep 24, 2018
ImaIma1:


You have still not answered the question.

Now that women are supposed to work like men and provide for the family, should they also be solely responsible for the chores and caring for the children? Or the men should also share that responsibility
Also would he relinquish some authority to her since she is now doing his job with him.

Don't mind these men. They don't want to enter kitchen to cook, they don't want to scrub and clean house, wash clothes or go to market but they want women to be co-breadwinners.
scammers everywhere.

2 Likes

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by ImaIma1(f): 6:02pm On Sep 24, 2018
nahzyla:

Also would he relinquish some authority to her since she is now doing his job with him.

Don't mind these men. They don't want to enter kitchen to cook, they don't want to scrub and clean house, wash clothes or go to market but they want women to be co-breadwinners.
scammers everywhere.


Lol...they just love that authority and the submission aspect.

2 Likes

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by ZIMDRILL(m): 6:48pm On Sep 24, 2018
ImaIma1:


You have still not answered the question.

Now that women are supposed to work like men and provide for the family, should they also be solely responsible for the chores and caring for the children? Or the men should also share that responsibility

you are supposed to share responsibility to help each other

but remember when two people marry its two people coming from different backgrounds most would want his/her new house to be like how they got raised up aka picking things that worked for mum and daddy in their marriage, so many forced each other to adapt to how one was raised instead of working a new way that works for the two of you

so you find one who would say my wife should never work becoz his picked the idea from his father becoz his father was able to feed the family without the mother working, so he imposes on his wife too even with releasing that lifes are now different etc

so as acouple adjust to what works for you not to what your father and mother used to do


eg here in the west some jobs a a 12hr shift so meaning eg wife leaves home 6 am to start 7 and came back 8pm, should i seat down and wait for wife to bath kids, cook and eventaully sex that evening ? your wife would say no to sex becoz she is already tired, but if i had bathed kids cooked for her and then go for sex she wont say no becoz i have shared responsibilty and she feels loved becoz i have consider that she will tired from 12 hr shift. this is adjustment am talking about adjust to what works for the two of you not to what tradition says
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by nahzyla: 8:58pm On Sep 24, 2018
ZIMDRILL:


you are supposed to share responsibility to help each other

but remember when two people marry its two people coming from different backgrounds most would want his/her new house to be like how they got raised up aka picking things that worked for mum and daddy in their marriage, so many forced each other to adapt to how one was raised instead of working a new way that works for the two of you

so you find one who would say my wife should never work becoz his picked the idea from his father becoz his father was able to feed the family without the mother working, so he imposes on his wife too even with releasing that lifes are now different
What about relinquishing some authority to her if she now provides 50/50 like you.

Will you let her be the oga/leader of the house once in a while?

1 Like

Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by Wilfredpat22(f): 9:09pm On Sep 24, 2018
A man can only struggle and provide for his wife if he wifed her as a Virgin. What is the use going from pillar to post because of one 27 or 32 year old woman that has slept with countless (54) men

But when he knows he married a rare gem even if she has character of a devil. That is better because for her to stay pure shows she is trustworthy and such a man knows if he leaves her for 8 years he will meet her same way.

No man wants to sweat in vain because of a Bore hole he ‘Mistakely’ married because of society
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by addictiv(m): 1:43am On Sep 25, 2018
why get married if you are going to compete with your partner? as if we are in a mens rights vs womens rights warfare. The wife's comment shows that she got into the marriage with the wrong mindset, which is the same mindset 80% of those in or about entering into a union/relationship have. So they are bound to get disappointed, angry, feel cheated and discontent with their spouses..cos they jumped in with the wrong frame of mind.
Re: Why Do Men These Days Shy Away From ......... by Eketem: 3:29am On Sep 25, 2018
Because women are adults with hands, foot and a brain who should also provide for themselves.

If there is no man will a woman starve to death? Why the need to rely on a man for needs to be met?

The only group of people to be provided for are children who are to young to work and older people who are too weak.

A grown woman will make herself so helpless begging for food, ice cream and recharge card. If she doesn't have a boyfriend she will beg from random men, if she has a husband who looses his job she will turn beggar online. If she becomes a widow she will be sleeping with men to eat. All these because she has been told somewhere that it is a man's job to feed a grown woman. This is why they will spend all their lives trying to trap a man with pregnancy juju etc instead of working hard to make their own money

Everybody else should provide for themselves. Same way men should cook and clean after themselves. Money doesn't come with a pen-is

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