A Nigerian view of London

I did not come to England to take pictures of Big Ben or tour
London Bridge. I just wanted to get paid and get even with those
colonials. With a name like Ogundele Kayode Omobrukutu, I could not even
buy a bus pass let alone open a bank account.

This is my story, , It took me 6 months to study the system,
but I still could not figure out my squares and circus's. I could not
travel from Leicester Circus to Oxford Square without getting lost.

I was a YMCA(Young Money Chasing African) when I joined the
FRAUD (Fine Rich Africans United in Deals). It took me 3 months to
attain my ACCA (Advanced Certificate for Criminal Africans) and I needed
an MBA (Major Bank Account) to do my first HND (Heavy Nigerian Deal). I
arranged to meet this guy at Animal and Something, I mean Elephant and
Castle. We were suppose to meet at 10.00am. I got there at 11.30am and
he turned up at 1.30pm. He pulled up in a Mercedes 500SL with a private
number plate - 419 ADE.

He was a definite Nigerian, he had it all - leather jacket in
summer, air condition on full blast
with his roof and windows down whilst smoking cigar and choking
on his smoke just to impress me. Being a fellow Nigerian I was more
than impressed. He introduced himself as Adepujo Kunle Babatunde and
asked me to call him Ade or Babs. He spoke with a strong Nigerian accent
but he messed the whole language up by slanging - he sounded like a
Canadian born Chinese living in Germany and studying French.

I had not been in the country for long but I could tell that Omo
(my man) was trying hard to be British. After hanging with Ade for
about 2 months I became an OBE (Opportunist Bank Employee) and
specialised in BBC (Breaking Bank Codes). Money was flowing and I wanted
more so I did my PhD (Passport Handling Degree) and became an FBI
(Fraudster Bringing Immigrants).

My status changed drastically, , I had a BMW 328i's
convertible and a Porsche 911 with a private plate - 911 OMO and living
in a council flat and signing on. I went to Moonlighting every Friday
and drank champagne and danced to music supplied by DJ Pace and Skills.
I became foolish - I remember one night I spent over a 1000 pounds on
just champagne at the club and had no money for petrol so I walked home.


My downfall, Greed and selfishness inevitably led to my
downfall - I got involved with a CIA (Cash Investing Agent) and we did a
couple of GMTs (Good Money Transfers) but he later turned out to be a
CID (Cop in Disguise). I was under surveillance and I did not even
know. I left the NHS (Nigerian Housing Scheme) early that morning with
about 12 different cheque books to go and do my business. They followed
me unto the high road and it was then it hit me that something was
wrong. I could not leave all that evidence in my car so I started
chewing my cheque books. I ate 8 before they pulled me over. They read
me my rights and all that crap and all I could say was - OGA, water
please!

that was really funny

Funny? I think it was in bad taste, ever heard of the heart of africa project dude? http://www.heartofafrica.com
Remember not only nigerians are gonna read the topic
Story like that only fuels the fire of exodus and the accompanying grandoise illusions

Wonder how much time invested developing those acronyms?
Channel your intellect aright pal

C'mon User, have a little sense of humour. Isn't it a very humorous way of depicting what our brothers do out there in UK. Not all of them yes, bet hey, we can still poke some harmless fun abi?

hi junegirl i egree with ur view but i'll like 2 chip n one orv 2 thigs

our brothers over thare work tiredless until they're weary,oly 4 hem 2 come here@home &lavish all the wealhthr've acq2uired 4 drcaces.what do uthink of this./is it noy stupidity &absolute lust 4 material things,just 2 shoe &prove 2 people dat they immigreted 2 d country.why can't we nigerians cutour coat accordin 2 our size rather than sewing an oversized thing,at least 4 once,ok?

Really Funny ,But try to make something postive next time,Kudos man.

ha ha ha this people will kill somebody o, naija no long thing o. you know my aunt came to london with fake passport, so she got suspected and they asked to see her papers she tears the entry clearance and start chewing it and messed everything up, so she had to return back to naija if she didn't mess it up she will get fined if she had no money she'll match to jail,

On one of the News nightly shows, there was this Nigerian guy calling himself barrister Micheal trying to scam the investigative reporter out of $200,000, not knowing he was live on T.V. Its was hilarious. this guy claimed to be 36 years old, he was asked when and where he got his law degree and this dumb criminal said 20 years ago in South Africa. he could remember the name of the university and he was representing a Wendy whom he did not know what she looked like.

The reporter said you must be realy smart to graduate law school at 16, but this crook still not catch on that he had lied himself into a corner, he kept stumbling and bumbling his way through the 419. Eventually it was revealed to him that he was on live T.V and his lies and criminality revealed. It turned out that there is a syndicate of fraudster who use internet cafes to perpetrate their criminal activity.

419 is practised by every citizen of the world but Nigerians are so maligned that no one trusts us. If you condone this type of behaviour all in the name of money, remember you are part of the problem.

A long time ago while I was a cab-driver and student, one Nigerian guy told me he had found a way of making quick money and he proceeded to tell me. I stopped him midway through and told him not to tell me anymore if he did not want to end up in jail. He thought I was kidding and I told him no such stuff, that I meant it. This guy stayed away from me. Later, a lot of them got caught and went to prison.

"Ojo gbogbo ni ti ole, ojo kan ni ti oni nkan" every criminal will eventually get caught! be different stay out of criminality.

Funny story, unfortunately so many diasporans choose a life similar to that

A lot of other African nationals contribute to giving naija a bad name too. There is this Ghanian dude who went to steal a TV set and got nabbed. As usual, he claimed to be a Nigerian. This time the police were smart and told him:

"No way, you cannot be a Nigerian and be stealing an ordinary £70 TV. Nigerians go for bigger things like credit cards, Bank infor and that sort of stuff"

IBEXY?
I don't get your point are you justifying their actions by them stealing on a more grand scale?

i like u sence of humour nigerians go for the jugular

JosBoy4Lif:

IBEXY?
I don't get your point are you justifying their actions by them stealing on a more grand scale?

Just trying to defend you and me bro. Most of the evil ascribed to Nigerians are actually carried out by Ghanians, Togolese and other people who look like us. The post is also a trial at being funny.

Guys, get a grip! This has been circulating round the internet for years, i actually saw this stuff in 2003. Even then, that's a humorous way of putting things. There are loads of other stuff Naijans perpetrate that's on display on site the average oyibo is far more likely to visit. check out www.419eater.com


So take a chill pill and regain your sense of humour!

Relax guys
We should see the funny side to the post

We should learn to have fun in life especially when we are learning the hard facts of reality, we are more likely to remember the lessons learnt
419 is a real problem affecting all Nigerians including those who have never been involved in it

I find it funny but it doesn't mean i condone it

Funny many guys are so tensed and poised to strike like an anaconda even at a light hearted joke like this. Who in his right senses would condon 419.
All these "holier than thou" people we dey for this forum make una take time o. Otherwise

@Tex

thanks have checked the website 419eaters, anyway na dem sabi, its not only nigerian that does it everyone does it including the eyinbos,pakis and indians.

back to the post very funny , love it

The wealth of the wicked must be transfered to the righteous   

Well sounds funny but had a lot of meaning. Nttt all are involved in that but sum want cool cash fast.

seriously!!! all wat ya'll writing is not funny is it?

@deejay1
Why is it not funny are u a fraudstar?
You have more Nigerians in UK prisons than anywhere else, visit Holloway prisons and you will know what am talking about. Let this be a light hearted warning to would be 419ers.

No comments. Repeated Edition

Seun i don´t understand why this post is in the front page to start with? I don´t see anything funny about the post. NADA!!! Can someone please tell me what´s funny about this post or is it that i lost my sense of humour? No!! i don´t think so.

How about you guys try to write something for once to paint Nigeria good and clean? Must we always write negative stuffs about us? Nigerians are not the only ones doing this stuffs but how come we are always listed first? because you will never hear other dem(other countries) bragging about it.

Dude seems you are a good writer.How about you convey it to something positive about Nigeria?

this ain't funny at all,it confirms the crime in nigeria and the idea of a typical nigerian guy about making it in a foreign land such as london.

Tornadoz
@deejay1
Why is it not funny are u a fraudstar?
grow up you!!1 wat a question. I anit a fruadstar man i just dont find it funny.i will leave it 2 u 2 go 2 holloway prison coz i gatta now biz to do there and every1 as gatta there own choice its a free world innit

How about you convey it to something positive about Nigeria? exactly swing4real that what i was trying 2 say and Tornadoz was askin mi if i am a fruadstar

I think ur stuff is funny but pls paint a better pix of naija next time. ; ;DD

hi all
nize essay , y are some ppl saying nigeria are d 419ers that not nize d white ppl are d one who introduce that stuff.u better go ask them, they will lie that is nigerian scam

you are a penis (patience enthrones nice investement sensibly), a pussy - (partially using sate security in yankee), a modernised idiot (in dire increase of tities).

swing4real:

Seun i don´t understand why this post is in the front page to start with? I don´t see anything funny about the post. NADA!!! Can someone please tell me what´s funny about this post or is it that i lost my sense of humour? No!! i don´t think so.

How about you guys try to write something for once to paint Nigeria good and clean? Must we always write negative stuffs about us? Nigerians are not the only ones doing this stuffs but how come we are always listed first? because you will never hear other them(other countries) bragging about it.

Dude seems you are a good writer.How about you convey it to something positive about Nigeria?

I support that. Lets create a better pic of Nigeria.

ONLY A POOR PERSON BITCH ABOUT MATERIAL THINGS.
I SUGGEST YOU GET UP UR ASS AND HUSTLE.

I DONT HAVE A HOUSE YET, AM STILL RENTING BUT I HAVE A $80,000 MERCEDES AND THAT SHIT MAKE ME HAPPY.

BACK TO THE ISSUE OF 419, ALL MAN DEY DO AM. OYIMBO EVEN DO AM PASS.
THEY JUST DEY VEX COS YOUNG BLACKS OR PEOPLE OF COLOUR IN GENERAL ARE MAKING MONEY AND ALSO FLASHING IT IN THEIR FACE.

THEM NO VEX WHEN THEY COLONIZE US AND THIEF ALL OUR STUFF.

THE TABLE HAS TURNED. I CALL IT JIHAD
BIAAAAAAAAATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!