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How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? - Family - Nairaland

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How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by delampy(f): 4:59pm On Jul 08, 2010
Hello NL,
I can't believe I will be sharing this here but I've been stunned since yesterday. I have a neighbour and in the course of three years we have become quite close as our children can even sleep over and we leave our kids in each others care when there is an out of town trip. The closeness is the kind of husband to husband(football fanatics) and wifey to wifey kind.

They have been down on their luck of recent such that hubby and I pooled resources together and gave the wife some soft loan to start up again because she was oftentimes sad and it shows in her countenance. This is not for show off but to show the level of closeness we had. Then something funny happened yesterday!

I got home and in my bid to UnCloth,my maid came in asking to see me and anytime she kneels down I get ready for a dramatic tale or I-want-to-go-home request. Out came the story, Neighbour hubby came in and said he and the maid should be shacking up. He even went further to rub his hands all over her body while she was ironing. She said she beat his hands aside and stood up and he took the cue and tried to leave. By the door,he begged her not to tell as he had heard that she had told me when my driver tried something like that with her before.

I was shocked beyond words and i can't seem to look him in the face since then. This is is the early morning prayer kind of family,midweek attendance,night vigil and all that! The wife is so beautiful,my maid can't hold a candle to her. How can I handle this without spilling the beans?
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by Acidosis(m): 5:43pm On Jul 08, 2010
This Is Complicated.
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by denitro(m): 5:43pm On Jul 08, 2010
TALK TO HIM - MAN TO MAN.
Since he is your close friend, handle it the same way you will handle a brother doing the same.
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by coolier(f): 7:25pm On Jul 08, 2010
If he could stoop that low, don't gratify him with a discussion on the subject. When next you see him just warn him point blank to stay away from your maid.
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by ice234: 7:38am On Jul 09, 2010
comfirm her story first. she might be lying. may be she ried seducing the man and he refused so she decided to spoil his name
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by delampy(f): 9:55am On Jul 09, 2010
@ denitro,
I've told my husband and gave hints for him to do the talking. He tinks we should let it pass unless he does something that rash again. I asked my maid if anything ensued yesterday,she said all he did was to ask if she told Mummy or not and she said she didn't.

I've caught her in lies but I don't think she lied about this one. He seems the strict looking no-nonsense type which makes it more surprising
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by Nobody: 10:02am On Jul 09, 2010
^^^ Funny how you'd chose to take the word of a confirmed liar (your house help) agains that of a decent and upstanding man!

I think like someone said, you need to confirm first if she tried seducing him in any way. Maybe she gave him the green light and when he tried sth, she came running to you . .

I've had experience with lying househels, helps who sleep with their oga and all that, and I tell you, ther is always another side to the story!

If you can confirm her story, then I think you should openly confront him and tell him to stay away!

1 Like

Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by Nobody: 6:37pm On Jul 09, 2010
@ poster, I wonder why your maid lied to the man about reporting to you.
What was her mission exactly?
To encourage him to still try his luck or what? You need to really confirm her story before taking any action.
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by Nobody: 6:52pm On Jul 09, 2010
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by Akwasi(m): 7:00pm On Jul 09, 2010
I believe what the maid is saying but then make sure you don't rash in your final action.

Why not confront the man with your husband and know what comes up?

Again make sure you don't spoil the man's marriage because as you already said, he is already down financially.

I guess he is approaching your maid because of lack of self confidence as a result of his recent state of affairs. Speak to him but again don't try to judge him if you really like the family as you claim.
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by yme1(f): 7:08pm On Jul 09, 2010
ice234:

comfirm her story first. she might be lying. may be she ried seducing the man and he refused so she decided to spoil his name
first step. . . .

coolier:

If he could stoop that low, don't gratify him with a discussion on the subject. When next you see him just warn him point blank to stay away from your maid.
second step and a final full stop
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by Outstrip(f): 8:33pm On Jul 09, 2010
If you confront the man he will lie about it. You just have to get more evidence somehow. You also have to let your maid understand that you are solidly behind her. That will give her the confidence to tell the man to respect his old age the next time he tries to touch her
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by Sissy3(f): 12:15am On Jul 10, 2010
Outstrip:

If you confront the man he will lie about it. You just have to get more evidence somehow. You also have to let your maid understand that you are solidly behind her. That will give her the confidence to tell the man to respect his old age the next time he tries to touch her


i agree.
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by manmustwac(m): 1:11am On Jul 10, 2010
He begged her not to tell madam coz he heard that she reported the druver when he tried the same thing and he has the bloody nerves to try her even though he knows she reported the driver.
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by prittigrrr(f): 1:03pm On Jul 10, 2010
When it comes to sexual matters, people lie.  What does being a 'fine upstanding man' have to do with anything.  We all have known men who have been the very image of propriety and when it came to the underside of a woman's skirt, they would do whatever they could for a taste. 

Outstrip:

If you confront the man he will lie about it. You just have to get more evidence somehow. You also have to let your maid understand that you are solidly behind her. That will give her the confidence to tell the man to respect his old age the next time he tries to touch her

I totally agree you should let her know you are behind her but how do you get more evidence?  He may never do it again but in my experience, men who do these types of things are clever.  They ensure no one sees or hears them except for the person they desire to spoil.

chaircover:

I know this goes against all reasonable logic but my womanly intuition and gut feeling tells me that the maid is telling the truth.

Me too.

tkjoke:

@ poster, I wonder why your maid lied to the man about reporting to you.
What was her mission exactly?
To encourage him to still try his luck or what? You need to really confirm her story before taking any action.


The maid is in a position of weakness as an employe and not a household member.  Thank God she trusts u enough to tell you.  She does not know what may happen with this man if she angers him.  She does not have the security of having a father or brother or uncle to be her covering.  I would have lied to him too in order to protect myself in case he reacted badly.

@OP, This is very tricky.  I would still try to gently encourage hubby to take action but I would not want to anger him or make him feel I was nagging or controlling him.  You know that men may not agree with what other men do, but they have a strong "no snitch and mnd your own business" code of ethics with one another.  I would probably keep quiet for now but give him stern looks and not be so friendly when he comes over.  Nothing rude, but enough to show my feelings for him have cooled a bit.  He will get the message.  If it happenens again, go to hubby first but, if he does not confront him the next time, then you will be forced to tell him hands off!
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by leuelliot(m): 1:08pm On Jul 10, 2010
all those who say you should get evidence are very correct. cus if i were him, and you come to me with such a claim and no proof, ill just deny it and say the girl is jealous of me and my wify. tongue
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by TeeJay6(m): 1:17pm On Jul 10, 2010
i dont understand why people find it implausible that the man might actually be trying to get one over the girl, this thing hapens especially in a society like ours where the weak/poor are always vulnerable and at the mercy of the rich and powerful.
Getting any evidence can be hard esecially now that the girl has made it clear to the man that you are aware, my suggestion is that you keep a close eye on the man and sooner or later his priapismic nature will lead to his downfall;
poster better act now before she ends up pregnant,
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by jidobaba(m): 1:48pm On Jul 10, 2010
:-x
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by tEsLim(m): 12:46pm On Jul 12, 2010
And better still keep him away from all female in the house ; your daughters and wife
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by amyliajane(f): 2:06pm On Jul 12, 2010
i quite agree with what outstrip and tee-jay said, get more evidence to be double sure that the maid is telling the truth and keep a closer eye on the man anytime he comes around and u r around as well.
Re: How Do I Handle A Close Family Friend Trying To Sleep With My Maid? by sayso(m): 5:43pm On Jul 12, 2010
Men can do anything for what is between women legs,someone said he had a beautiful wife,that is nonsence,sleeping with a maid is nothing to such people.

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